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Hey fool! This is Mr. T, here with another episode of the Llama Dating Game. Now, I ain't got no time for the jibba-jabba. So let's meet our lovely lady, Lisa.

Hi. My name is Lisa. I love our local scene. I love going out to watch Killer Llama shows. Basically, I'm just looking for someone with similar interests... someone who'll go out with me to shows to watch the bands. I'm really easy to get along with. It's like my momma always sa-

Hold up, hold up! Don't be talkin' 'bout your momma! She ain't here right now. And if it wasn't fo' her, YOU wouldn't be here right now!

But Mr. T, I was just-

I got no time fo' this! Let's meet our three bachelors.

Hi, I'm Bachelor #1. I hate covers. I hate cover bands. I hate bars that allow cover bands to play. I hate Spank the Monkey. I hate covers. I hate your band. Hell, I hate my band. I hate covers. I hate Killer Llama. I hate Baton Rouge. I hate covers. If you get with me, you can be sure that you'll have an original guy.

Hi, I'm Bachelor #2. I'm in a band. You can check us out at www.mybandrulz.com. I can hook you up with a demo. We can stay up all night and talk about my band. Cause really, that's all I like to talk about. I won't waste your time with politics or weather. Only my band. You want a shirt? You should meet my drummer. That dude's nuts. Here, have a sticker. Oh, we have a show tomorrow night. And we're releasing a CD next month. Then the tour. Yeah, pick me.

Hi, I'm Bachelor #3. I'm in a frat! Gamma Rho Phi, BABY! I LOVE to drink. And party! With my frat brothers. Sometimes... we get NAKED! I really don't care about this whole Llama thing. But sometimes, I'll be drinking at Rotolo's and watch the bands that are playing. Llama bands really aren't my style though. I LOVE cover bands! And drinking! Gamma Rho Phi!!

OK. Now, Lisa will ask questions until she believes she is ready to make a choice. I pity the fool who don't get picked!

Alright. My favorite song to make-out to is "Give Me Something to Believe In" by Poison. Bachelors, what's your favorite make-out song?

Shut up, bitch. I hate that song. Why don't you write your own damn song to make-out to??

Yeah, like our singer, he wrote this totally cool make-out song. It's on our CD. You can buy one, or I can burn you one, if you want...

Oh, baby... let me see... Well, I like Track 5 on the Creed CD. Oh, and that old Bon Jovi song. And "Freebird"!!

You make-out to "Freebird"??

No, not really. Usually I just yell it. FREE-BIIIIIIIIIRD!! Like that. Cool, huh?

Yeah... Um... Well who sings that song anyway?

Dude, I don't even know.

That song is shit anyway.

No, dude, it's not so bad. My band plays this version of it where we rock out the solo for like 9 minutes! Our lead-guitarist is like the next Steve Vai, man!

I swear, I'll kick your ass right now if you don't shut-up about covers.

Boys, boys... calm down. Forget it... Let's just move on. Bachelor #3, what would you do with me if I told you you could do anything you wanted?

Oh baby, first, I'd ask you to chug a beer with me. Maybe even two! Then, I'd take you back to the house and let you meet all of my brothers. Then, I'd take you up to my room, make sure my roommate wasn't there, and rip back the covers-

I swear! If you say that word again, we're STEPPING OUTSIDE MAN!!

What word??

COVERS! I can't take it! Can't you people write your own songs??

We do. You should check out our new CD.

I was talking about bed sheets!

It doesn't matter! I just can't take the sound of the word itself! It sets off a signal in my brain that makes me get all enraged and childish and stupid!

Dude, we have a song called "Enraged and Childish and Stupid," but we didn't put it on the CD, cause our bass player-

Guys! Remember me?? OK, look. I'm asking one more question... If you could change one thing about the Baton Rouge scene, what would it be?

That's easy. I'd BAN all cover bands from ever buying equipment. Also, any promoter that would book a band that plays so much as 1 cover, should never be allowed to book another show again! Finally, there should be "Covers Security" at every bar in town. As soon as a band starts to play a cover, then Security beats some ass.

Well, I think my band should play more gigs. I mean, I know we're gonna make it big someday. We just need a chance. Did you want to sign up for our mailing list?

Lisa, let me tell you. I've thought long and hard about this. What we need around here is more beer! Oh, and some more chicks.

Really... anything else?

Yep, one thing. We need some MORE... DAMN... COVERS!!!!!

That's it, bitch! You're going down!

Bring it on, Cover Nazi! I got my brothers backstage!

Boys! I'm ready to decide. OK, here's the deal. You're all losers and you take yourselves way too seriously. Unfortunately, they made me sign a contract agreeing to pick someone. So... I choose... Mr. T!

Well, well, well... the ladies do like the jewelry. What the hell's a cover, anyway? Well, that's all fo' today's show. We'll see you next week. For now, remember 1 thing... dial 1-800-COLLECT! Fool.

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