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Rants
People who eat fast food are stupid
Atlantis movie
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I'm sure that if you're reading this, you're familiar with the new Disney/AOL/CBS/Time-Warner conglomerate movie Atlantis, right? Well as part of the promotion for the movie they aired a special about the lost continent on CBS starring, of all historian-looking actors, Melissa-Joan Hart. She introduced commercials basically, a job well fit for her mashed-potato-storing wobbly-thing most people would call her head. That's neither here nor there though, the main reason this pissed me off is because they started off with the myth of Atlantis. All of these authors who devote their literary careers to writing historical accounts about a continent whose even existence is skeptical narrated the tale. I don't know who's reading this and whether or not you know about the myth of Atlantis, so just in case you don't I'll sum it up for you. Basically, the Atlanteans were really advanced for their time and had a perfect society set up. After a while they got lazy or something and that made god mad, like most things did in the old testament. So to show their asses what was up, he threw a tsunami and a volcano at them, effectively submerging their 900 sq. mile island underwater. Now bear in mind that all of our information about this comes from Plato, a 2500 year old Greek philosopher/writer. If you don't already know, Plato liked to theorize about perfect governments (just read the Republic). To me the story all sounds like one big parable warning civilizations that no matter how great your society is, god can still chew your ass up like a cupcake if he doesn't like you, or something along those lines. Thomas More wrote about the almost exact same thing in Utopia except for the fall from grace, and do you see retards looking for Utopia or writing books about it? NO, of course not, because More wrote his book in the 1500's, so he realized people are inherently dumb and added disclaimers thorugh out the book like countries called Nolandia. Plato wrote this way before Jesus was born which effectively dumbed down the world with tales of walking on water and then turning it into wine and swimming back up to heaven on the shoulders of a paraplegic dolphin-man, so of course he wouldn't think to add some sort of disclaimer or giveaway to tell people it is just a story. What I really don't get though is what constitutes a believable fairy tale? How come ABC didn't air a special called Big Bones for a Big Boy: The search for Paul Bunyon's skeleton? What causes people to believe that a 900 sq. mile island is lying somewhere under the ocean, hidden for thousands of years and not that Larry Bird is really a hell spawn out to eat the souls of puppies and small children? It's because the average life sucks, so people have to believe stupid shit like this. If you were content with life you wouldn't believe some island the size of New Jersey is hiding underneath the ocean where even robots that can go to almost the center of the Earth and catch prehistoric sharks can't find it. One of the "historians" even went so far as to say that we couldn't find Atlantis because it didn't want to be found. How the hell does an inanimate island "not want to be found", and why would it not want to be found? Did the other continents beat it when it was younger, or is it just really good at playing hide and go seek? My biology 2 teacher told us earlier in the year when we were discussing
evolution and continental drift that she once heard a lecturer say that
Atlantis's volcano eruption buried the continent and set continental drift
into effect. Now, where in the hell do these people get these ideas? That
makes no sense whatsoever. A volcano explodes, buries one continent and
sets all the rest on a course away from it? How exactly does that work?
And assuming it is true, that measn that Atlantis was part of Pangea,
so wouldn't it be a land mass instead of an island. You know what, people
are stupid, and this includes you. I swear that before I die I will make
a time capsule claiming the Backstreet boys are a council of dieties that
sit high atop Mount Jive which i shall claim is constucted entirely out
of the skeletons of other dieties that the backstreet boys crushed in
bloody battles. That will be my immortal gift to the World, the curse
of another religion invented by someone who realizes people will follow
anyone no matter how ludicrous their ideas are as long as they are charismatic.
Now all I need is some charisma... |