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Chapter Nineteen

Brian walked into Nick’s room and found Nick sitting up in bed with a tray of food sitting on the stand in front of him. As of yet, he hadn’t touched his plate.

“Hey buddy, how’s it going?” Brian asked Nick cheerfully.

Nick barely glanced up at Brian, he didn’t smile and seemed to be off in thought someplace else. “Okay, I guess.” Nick mumbled.

Brian looked up at the television to see what Nick was watching. As usual, MTV was on. “Don’t let me stop you from eating.” Brian suggested.

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry anyway.” Nick said as his shoved the tray back.

“Nick, if you don’t eat, you’ll never leave this place.” Brian commented.

“Does it look like I would be going anyplace anyway?” Nick answered back sarcastically.

“Comeon, Nick. Why are you doing this to yourself? You’ve already pushed Jess out of the way, are you going for each of us one by one? We want to help you but we can’t if you don’t let us.” Brian tried to reach to Nick.

Tears started to well up in Nick’s eyes. “Why should I try, Brian? I can’t do a damn thing on my own, I can’t get up and walk across the room to the door, I can’t put my clothes on by stepping into them, I have to squirm like some damn animal. I am sick of this shit.”

“Nick, it takes time.” Brian said.

“Yeah, we’ll I’m running out of time.” Nick snapped back.

Brian had an thought that would possible reinforce the fact that Nick’s fans didn’t care if he was walking or not, they cared about him.

“Come on, I want to show you something.” Brian motioned for Nick to get into the wheelchair.

Nick got out of bed and into the chair in almost a quick sweeping motion. Brian was going to comment on how well his friend was doing in that aspect, but decided against it.

Nick rolled the chair himself, he already hated it when someone would push the chair for him. He felt more like an invalid when they did that. He went out open door that Brian held for him.

As they approached a small lobby that was encased in windows on one side, Brian walked over to the windows and looked down on the hospital grounds. He saw the large mass of about 150 people standing on the ground holding up signs every so often conveying greetings to Nick.

“Nick, I want you to come over here and look out. There is something you need to see.” Brian pointed to the window.

When Nick looked out the window, he was shocked to see the number of people standing on the lawn.

“Nick, they’ve been here since the accident. There has always been a crowd of people. They care about you Nick. I’m sure that they don’t care that you can’t walk right now or if you had lost an eye or an arm. They care about you and that you are alive. They want you to come back. Nick, we don’t need you to run onstage. You don’t have to dance, just sing. They love you for your voice. They love you for you. You helped others forget about their problems when they listen to you sing. If you never sing again, you would take that away from them.”

Nick listened to Brian as he looked out the window. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks. Nick quickly wiped them away.

“Yeah, but Bri, don’t you think it would look stupid for me to be onstage? What would I do for an encore, pop wheelies?” Nick asked bitterly.

“Nick, you’re not listening to me. I said it doesn’t matter to the fans, they want to see you.” Brian said.

He looked down at the lawn and noticed that some of the people on the lawn were pointing up towards the window. The group started going wild and the signs were popping up. The only words that could be made out on some of the signs was Nick’s name and we miss you.

“Hey, they’ve spotted you, why don’t you waive to the crowd?” Brian asked.

“Because I would feel like a dork.” Nick replied.

“Comeon Nick, let them know you know they’re there.” Brian encouraged.

Nick lifted his arm and gave a half-hearted waive. The crowd below started to waive back and go wild.

“See pal, you still have it even from the sixth floor.” Brian commented.

Brian had an idea. “How would you feel about seeing a few fans?”

“Where? Here?” Nick asked.

“Yeah, just a few. I think it would be a good idea.” Brian suggested.

“Oh, I don’t know...” Nick’s voice trailed off.

“Let me ask your doctor and see what he says.” Brian said.

“The psych doc?” Nick asked in a sarcastic tone.

“Hey, don’t snap at me, you’re the one who was selfish and tried to kill yourself, not me. You brought this doctor on yourself.” Brian snapped back.

“I’m going back to my room, if it’s alright with you.” Nick turned his chair around.

“Hey, Nick, if you don’t get your attitude in better form, they’ll keep you here even longer. Try to work with us, will you?” Brian called out to his friend. Nick’s response was a waive. He never turned back.

Brian walked down to the nurses station and asked about Nick’s psychologist. The nurse gave Brian the phone number to his office. Brian took the number she had written on the pink slip of paper and thanked her. Brian was wondering if he even needed to consult with Nick’s doctor about having some fans come in and see him. He decided against having the doctor involved in it since he probably would say yes and then charge Nick a $90 fee for consultation.

“I think I’ll have to have Jessica’s help for this.” Brian thought to himself. There would be no way that he could go to the crowd and select a few fans to accompany him to Nick’s room.

Brian decided to drive over to Jess’ house and see if she would help. He managed to escape the crowd by walking out the door with a group of people and he kept farther away from the drive where the crowd would see him. He knew that it would be impossible for him to approach the group to ask them anything.

Brian found Jessica at home reading. She greeted him with a hug. “How’s Nicky doing?” Jess asked anxiously. She had not been back at the hospital since the day Nick was taken to ICU for the suicide attempt. She stayed away because she didn’t want to aggrivate him any further. He was having so many violent outbursts that it scared her.

“A little better, he’s still so depressed.” Brian replied.

“Oh. They’re still working with him though, aren’t they?” Jess wondered.

“Yeah. They’ve got him on a few things now. I hope that doesn’t go on for long though.” Brian hated the thought of anyone having to be on mind enhancing drugs. They put Nick on prozac and vallium. It seemed to even out his temper a little, but he was still quite moody but not so violent.

“I had an idea this morning when I was at the hospital and I was wondering if you could help me on this one?” Brian asked.

“Sure, anything.” Jess sounded excited. She wanted so desperately to help Nick.

“Okay, Nick has been down about the use of his legs. He feels worthless and that no one would want him the way he is.”

“Yes, still?” Jess was hoping Nick would get out of that feeling.

“Yes, but I have a thought. I tried to convince Nick that the fans don’t care if he is dancing or not. They love him for him and his singing. It wouldn’t matter if he was in a wheelchair or not.” Brian continued.

“Go, on.” Jess waited for him to finish.

“Well, you know all of the fans on the front lawn at the hospital, I was wondering if we got maybe ten or twelve of them and had them come up to Nick’s room for pictures and autographs...”

“Wait, what did Nick say about this?” Jess asked.

“He didn’t say much of anything. He got mad when I said I would talk to his doctor first. I think it would be a good thing for Nick.” Brian was psyched. He was hoping that Jess would agree.

“Ten or twelve fans? How would we go about finding some calm girls?” Jess was still considering the idea. “I would hate to have some psycho come into his room and hurt him. Don’t you think this could be dangerous?”

“Aww, I think it would be safe. We would have to devise a plan to pick out some girls that would be okay.” Brian said.

“Oh yeah, that’s gonna be easy, Hey anyone want to see Nick Carter, follow me, but I can only take about ten of you. I can see the mayhem unfold already. Jess said uneasily.

“Quit being so negative. Comeon, we’ll think of a plan on our way back.” Brian said as he turned towards the door.

“Wait a minute, I need to get cleaned up before I go. I don’t have any make up on and my hair looks like crap.” Jess pleaded with Brian.

“You look fine to me.” Brian answered. “Ha, ha, you can sit down and wait a few minutes. Nick is depressed right now, I don’t want to depress him any further.” Jess pushed Brian by the shoulders back into his seat on the couch. “Watch some tv or something, entertain yourself, I won’t be that long.” Jess hollered back at Brian as she ran back to her room.

Brian reluctantly sat back and turned the television on.

While Jess showered, she tried to devise a plan on how to get a group of fans to come with them to Nick’s room. She had an idea, and knew if they or rather she approached the crowd in the right way, they would get only a few people.

Brian scanned the stations and stopped on MTV. They were counting down the top ten videos of the week. The one that was on was not his particular favorite. It was Britney Spears, “Sometimes I Run.” He rolled his eyes while he watched her attempt to dance.

“Awh, man this is so lame.” Brian said outloud. Most groups didn’t get on his nerves, but this girl was so competetive that once when the groups were at Disney, she whined because she was going onstage last.

“Jess, I hope you’re almost done, I can’t take much more of this.” Brian yelled towards the bathroom. He starting singing along with the video in a high pitched voice, mocking Britney.

MTV news in brief came on after the video. Brian turned the volume up:

Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys is still in Tampa Bay Hospital recovering after an alledged sucide attempt on Wednesday. He has remained hospitalized since a car accident in Florida on June 20th.

“I am so glad that they share everything with everybody. Poor Nick, now he has this thing hanging over his head.” Brian thought outloud.

Jess came out into the living room and sat on the couch as she towel dried her hair. The music video that was starting was the newest Backstreet Boys. Jess watched Nick intently through the video.

“Brian, I hope this nightmare ends soon and things get back to normal.” Jess sighed.

“Me too, Jess, me too.” Brian agreed.

Chapter 20

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