You Go, I Go

You Go, I Go - Part Four

I woke up when I heard the familiar rattle of the blood draw tech’s cart. I
wanted to fake sleeping in hopes that she would bi-pass my room but I knew
I was just kidding myself.


“Hi, my name’s Leah and I need to get some blood this morning.”


I looked at Leah and I knew she could tell I was dissatisfied by the thought
of getting more blood taken from me, I was sick of feeling like a pincushion.


After a few minutes of her poking around on my arm, she sighed and reached
over towards the light switch.


“I’m really sorry,” Leah apologized as she turned on the over head lights, “I
just am having a hard time finding a good vein this morning.”


I groaned as the lights flickered on, hurting my eyes. I wanted to tell her it
was okay, but I didn’t trust any words that would come out of my mouth.
With my luck lately, I would end up calling her a bitch or something and get
slapped for it.


Leah quickly drew the blood from my arm and shut the lights off once she
placed the vial back into her cart. She cheerfully thanked me and left the
room. I laid awake in the dim lighting, listening to the noises of the world
outside my door.


I finally was distracted from the noises in the hallway by a fly buzzing by my
face. I laughed at the irony of a fly living in ICU. I decided to call the fly
AJ. It was a perfect name for the fly because it reminded me of AJ, always
buzzing around quickly, never staying in one spot for long. The fly must have
realized I was mentally thinking about it because it landed on my cheek. Out
of reflex, I brushed the fly from my cheek.


Brushed my cheek?


I looked at my hand in front of my face. I hadn’t been able to control any
movements that I wanted to since I came out of this damn coma. The meds
they were giving me were working! I wanted to shout out to the doctor that
it was working, god, I needed to tell someone. Wait, did that mean I could
talk too? I decided to chance it and I cleared my throat. I was hoping to say
‘Hi how are you today’ but the only words that came out were the same
jumbled up mess that I had been saying before.


That was bad, no improvement there. I tried to keep myself up and reminded
myself that I could move my hand. It was only the one hand, but hell, one
was better than none.


A nurse came into my room with another IV bad and a syringe. I watched her
hang the new bag on the pole and then she uncapped the syring with her
mouth - I was thinking how professional - and looked at her watch as she
pushed the mediation into the IV line.


Feeling that familiar burn into my arm as the mediation was entering my
bloodstream, I closed my eyes and let the sleep wash over me.


*~*~*~*~*


“Lizz? Honey, come on, please I need you to wake up to sign some forms.”


Lizz opened her eyes to see one of her nurses standing over her bed with a
clipboard. She started to stretch but the pain caused her to stop and take a
sharp breath inward.


“Forms? What kind of forms?” Lizz whispered as she struggled to get into a
half way decent sitting position in her bed. The nurse hurried and placed the
pillows behind her back for support.


“They found a donor for you and I need you to sign the concent forms,” the
nurse cheerfully stated.


Lizz’s eyes shifted back and forth as she tried to grasp the reality of the
situation.


“They found one so quickly,” Lizz gasped.


“You’re very lucky to have gotten it,” the nurse explained.


“But if they found one so quickly, that meant I was on the critical list,
doesn’t it?”


“That doesn’t matter now, what matters is we need to get you prepped to be
shipped off.”


Lizz hesitated signing when she heard the nurse say that.


“Shipped off? Where?”


“Not too far, just to Tulsa, there is a surgical team waiting for you there.”


Lizz’s heart sank. To go to Tulsa would mean that she would be leaving this
hospital and leaving Nick. “But I need to be here,” Lizz weakly protested.


The nurse took the clipboard from her hands. “Honey, it’s for your own
good.”


Lizz could feel herself panick. “Kyung... Where’s Kyung... I need her! I need
Brian!”

~*~*~*~*~

"Well, I‘m afraid we have some good news and some rather disturbing news."

Brian, Kyung, and Lizz’s doctor were sitting in a small conference room. Upon hearing those words, Kyung took a sharp breath in. She wasn’t sure she could handle any more bad news. Brian saw this and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

"We’ll start with the good news." Dr. Saxton smiled. "We have a kidney for Lizz."

Kyung gasped at the same time Brian exclaimed, "Thank God!"

"B…but how? What about the waiting list? Even being listed as critical can still take months!" Kyung stammered, her shock evident.

Dr. Saxton’s face grew grim. "Well, I’m afraid that’s the bad news." Brian and Kyung exchanged glances as the doctor continued. "I’m sure you both aware of the recent addition of the National Enquiror that featured an article on Nick and Lizz."

Kyung felt a lump form in her throat. This wasn’t going to be good. She barely saw Brain nod out of the corner of her eye.

"Unfortunately a young girl took the words in the article as truth." Dr. Saxton said.

"Words? What words?" Kyung shook her head.

"Where it said that Nick had suffered from brain damage and would never walk or speak or be able to take care of himself. One of his fans, an 18 year old girl, became very distraught over it and…took her life." Dr. Saxton finished gravely.

"Oh god!" Brian cried hoarsely.

Kyung covered her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Her mother and father said she became very distraught after she found out. She became withdrawn and depressed, barely talking to anyone." Dr. Saxton continued.

"But how…?" Kyung whispered.

Dr. Saxton seemed to understand what Kyung was trying to ask. "Her parents are devastated, naturally. Surprisingly they harbor no feelings of blame. Instead they want some good to come from this. They want their daughter’s kidneys to go to Lizz."

"Does Lizz know?" Brian asked suddenly.

"They should be prepping her to be transported right now, but she doesn’t know who the donor is." Dr. Saxton replied.

"Shit, Brian, I don’t know what this is going to do to her!" Kyung said urgently.

Brian nodded. Then he raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what do you mean, transported?" Brian asked.

"There will be a surgical team waiting in Tulsa for her." Dr. Saxton said.

"Tulsa?!" Kyung still seemed like she was in shock.

"What about Nick? Does he know any of this?" Brian continued to question the doctor frantically.

"Not to my knowledge."

"Oh boy." Brian muttered. This was starting to get overwhelming.

Suddenly Kyung snapped her head down to her pager. "It’s Lizz’s room."

Brian glanced at Dr. Saxton. "Have me paged when all the paper work is signed so we can get Lizz to Tulsa as soon as possible." The doctor said as he shook Brian’s hand.

~*~*~*~*~

The nurse left to go take the forms out. I, on the other hand, was freaking out. I was fighting the urge to panic with everything that was in me. And by this point, that wasn’t much. Who was my donor?! Why did the nurse beat around the bush when I tried to ask? I couldn’t leave Nick now, there was no way. Especially now that he was hopefully going to start getting better. It was my fault that this had happened and I sure as hell wasn’t going to bail on him now. Then a sudden thought occurred to me. What if the donor was Nick?! What if something happened?!"So much for control. I started breathing rapidly and choked back a sob. I couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to Nick. This was all my fault!I pushed the sheets back roughly and tried to push myself off of the pillows. Sharp pains coursed through me and I let out a cry. I was beginning to get frantic. "Please…" I moaned. After struggling for a few more minutes my whole body was trembling and I was gasping for air. At that moment, the door flew open.

"Lizz!" Kyung rushed over to me. I was struggling to remain sitting and gave in to her outstretched arms.

"Nick! Oh god! He’s…" I cried as I held a death grip on her.

"Lizz, Lizz! He’s fine. Nick’s fine!" Kyung tried to get my attention.

"You mean…he’s not…" I sagged against her. She leaned me back onto my pillows and then began messing with the oxygen levels. Brian sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You thought he was your donor?" He asked softly.

I nodded shakily. I could feel the oxygen flow was stronger and tried to take it in. "I can’t leave." I choked out.

"There isn’t a choice. You need to get this transplant." Brian reasoned.

I shook my head. "Then I have to wait until Nick is better enough to go too." I said stubbornly. My voice was all breathy. Why wasn’t I getting enough air?

"Lizz…" Brian started.

Another thought occurred to me. If Nick wasn’t my donor, then who was it? I knew how transplant lists worked. I nearly was on one many years ago. Something must have happened in order for me to get a kidney so fast. "Where is this kidney coming from?" I whispered.

Brian and Kyung glanced at each other. I could tell that they didn’t want to tell me the answer to that. At that moment, I was scarcely aware of how hard it was to breathe nor the searing pain that threatened to knock me out. I only sat and waited, an icy fear enveloping my heart.



“Lizz, that’s not important to know right now,” Kyung quietly stated. Brian
slightly nodded his head in agreement.


“Like hell,” Lizz whispered.


Hearing the heart monitor start to pick up pace with Lizz’s agitation, Brian
gave in and decided to tell Lizz a little about the donor.


“Lizz, it’s from an 18 year old girl from St. Louis, Missouri,” Brian started
out.


“And?” Lizz sharply whispered.


Brian’s shoulder’s sank. “You aren’t just gonna leave it at that, are you?”


Lizz narrowed her eyes at Brian.


A slight smile played on his lips. “Guess not. She is a fiesty one.”


Kyung nodded. “Can’t help it, stubborness and bitchiness is in her character.”


Lizz continued to stare at Brian and Kyung.


He took a deep breath in. “Okay...... well, she just happened to be a BSB fan
and her parents read about what was going on with how you tried to help
Nick and their hearts went out to you and they felt that if their daughter’s
kidneys matched your genetic profiles, they wanted them to go to you, they
felt it would be the right thing to do with them.”


Brian tried his best to look Lizz in the face. He wasn’t actually lying about
the details, he was just skipping a few details. He hoped Lizz would never
want to know the full details but he knew eventually she would be asking or
hearing about it.


Satisfied with Brian’s explaination, Lizz closed her eyes. The nurses finished
up with the final preparations of her transport to Tulsa. Suddenly, Lizz’s
eyes popped open.


“Does Nick know anything about this yet?”


Kyung smoothed the blankets up by Lizz’s neck. “No, not yet.”


“I want to see him before I go,” Lizz insisted.


An ambulance attendant entered the room. “Okay, ready to go to Tulsa?”


“No, not until I see Nick,” Lizz continued her protest.


“Sweetie, there isn’t time, you have to go now,” Kyung gently argued. “I will
make sure either Brian or myself tell him what’s going on and keep him
informed, okay? You don’t have a choice in this.”


~*~*~*~*~


“Good Morning, are you ready for breakfast?”


Startled, I opened my eyes to see Nicole, a day nurse enter my room with a
tray in her hand. I was so damned used the routine by now, she brings in the
tray, helps me to sit up and then she feeds me. I was about to give into the
all familiar chain of events when I remembered I could use my left hand. I
was right handed, but hell I could use my left hand!I shook my head
“no” and held up my left hand and opened and closed it.


“You can use your hand? Gosh, it’s not charted but hey, I’m happy for you,”
Nicole said as she placed the tray on the stand and proceeded to set it up.


I nodded and was anxious to try my new skills out. I didn’t want her to sit
and watch me though. I managed a “friendly” glare at her so that she would
understand my intentions.


“You want me to leave?”


I shook my head yes.


“Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry but I can’t,” Nicole replied. She must have noticed
the bewildered look I was giving her, not understanding why she had to stand
there and watch me eat. “You could start to choke.”


Shrugging my shoulders, I knew she was going to stand beside my bed no
matter what. I carefully grasped the spoon and plunged it into the steaming
bowl of oatmeal. Instead of smooth, flowing movements, my hand acted as if
were detached from my body as it slammed into the bowl, almost knocking it
over.


“It’s okay, just relax,” Nicole coached.


Fishing around in the bowl with the spoon, I finally managed to scoop some
oatmeal onto the spoon. As I slowly moved the spoon up towards my mouth,
the contents were starting to fall off as they were guided by my shaky
movements. When the spoon finally met up with my mouth, instead of a
mouthful of warm cereal, I closed my mouth around a spoon that contained a
miniscule amount of oatmeal and a drop of milk.


“That’s good..... great,” Nicole coached.


I dropped the spoon onto the tray. “Bitch, dammit,” I shouted in frustration.


Nicole was desensitized by my words. I’m sure she had heard it all, but still,
it was embarrassing that I couldn’t control what I was saying either.


“Hey Nick! Breakfast?”


I saw Brian enter the room and I felt relief wash over me.


“He’s trying to eat breakfast by himself,” Nicole cheerfully pointed out.


Brian’s face brightened, I could see he was just as pleased as I was about
the development. He caught my look of disapproval about Nicole being in the
room while I ate.


“Thank God, that’s wonderful. Hey, I can take it from here, I mean, as long
as it’s okay with you,” Brian smiled as he approached the bed.


“Um... sure, I guess it would be,” Nicole hesitantly replied. “If you need
anything Nick, use the call button, okay?”


I nodded yes quickly, trying to get her out of the room. I tried struggling
with the spoon again. I noticed Brian’s face matched the feelings of
frustration I was feeling.


“It’s okay Nick, I’m sure this will be getting better and better as each hour
passes, I mean look, you weren’t even able to move your hand yesterday,”
Brian pointed out.


I shurgged my shoulders. God, how does Brian alwaysknow the right
words to say to people?


I could tell it was tearing him apart watching me try to eat and look like a
two year old in the process. I managed to get a half a bowl of oatmeal down
me before I got tired of the whole deal and gave up. I was still hungry but I
didn’t care.


“Lizz?”


“She’s fine,” Brian lied.


“See Lizz?”


I was hoping Brian would agree to my request, it was a long shot, but I tried
it everytime I saw either him or Kyung.


Brian shook his head no. “You can’t and you know that Nick, why do you
always ask?”


I managed to smile. Hell a guy can try.


Nicole entered the room. “Kyung wanted me to tell you that she was going to
drive to Tulsa and she would call you as soon as the surgery was overwith.”


My mind raced with questions, Brian had been hiding something and I knew
it, now it was confirmed. The guilty look on his face said it all. He didn’t want
to look me in the eyes as he quitely thanked Nicole for the information. I
clamped my left hand on his arm, I felt him body tense up. He turned and
faced me.


“Spill,” I slowly said.


Just as Brian opened his mouth to reply, AJ burst through the door.


“Nickolas! my boy, how the fuck are you doing?”


I narrowed my eyes at AJ. He always had the persona of picking the wrong
place, wrong time, wrong choice of words.


AJ looked at my face and then at Brian’s. “Not good?”


“Spill,” I asked Brian again, trying to ignore AJ at the moment.


Brian sighed. “Lizz is being sent to Tulsa, but Nick it’s good news, they found
a kidney for her and she’s getting a transplant! Trust me, she wasn’t very
happy about being separated from you but this is where the surgical team
was and she had no other choice.”


I was happy to hear the news, but for some reason I felt that Brian was
hiding something from me, after all, he would have mentioned something
when he first came in the room but instead he chose to be secretive about
the whole situation. I decided to accept his explanation for now.


~*~*~*~*~


Lizz looked around the operating room, fear in her eyes. Thoughts played in
her head. Her worry about Nick, her fear about what if she didn’t make it
through surgery, her fear of her body rejecting the dontated kidney.


“Okay honey, we’re all set, are you ready?” the anesthesiologist softly asked.


“No, but I guess I don’t have any choice,” Lizz whispered.


“Sorry, afraid not, besides, doctor prefers his patients asleep during
surgery,” the doctor winked.


Before Lizz could respond, she felt the burn in her arm and the funny taste
in her mouth..... then it was dark.

~*~*~*~*~

Kyung paced back and forth around the surgical waiting room in Tulsa. A familiar sensation of de ja vú filled her and she sighed. It was the waiting that was the worst. Well, that and the “what-ifs?” Kyung tried to force herself not to even go there. Lizz wasgoing to be okay. Finally, out of sheer boredom she sat down on one of the hard, plastic couches and tried to watch some TV. How boring, the news.

~*~*~*~*~

“Nick, would it be okay if AJ and I went down to the cafeteria for a little bit?” Brian asked.

Nick nodded and even smiled a little. He was so worried about Brian. Nick knew Brian was totally exhausted, but was too determined to stay by his best friend’s side than take care of himself. If going to the cafeteria meant getting some food into him, then Nick was all for it. He concentrated on making his next word come out right. “Eat!”

Brian chuckled. “I will don’t worry.” He looked pleased that Nick was getting better at expressing his thoughts.

“You looklike you need to eat something. How are you even standing?” AJ stared at Brian.

Brian just shrugged. “No choice in the matter.” He turned his attention back to Nick. “Have your nurse page me if you need anything, okay bud?”

Nick nodded at the TV. “Watch TV, go eat!” He ordered with a grin. Okay, so maybe it didn’t come out crystal clear, but he was definitely getting better.

AJ glanced up at Nick’s TV. “Yeah, news, how exciting.” He muttered. Then he grinned. “Isn’t Jerry Springer on?”

Brian groaned. “Let’s go.” They both walked out and headed for the cafeteria.

“Okay, what did I just miss? Why did he just look upset?” AJ asked.

“As usual, when he saw me, he asked if he could go see Lizz...” Brian started.

“Lizz?” AJ interrupted.

“The girl that Nick talked to right before he took those pills. She drank that medicine and nearly died!” Brian exclaimed, exasperated.

“Sorry! I forgot her name that’s all.” AJ held up his hands.

“Anyway, they finally got a kidney for her. Only...” Brian paused.

“Only...” AJ prompted. He could tell whatever this was, it wasn’t good.

“The kidney is coming from a girl that killed herself after reading what was in the Enquiror.” Brian said quietly.

“Holy shit.” AJ murmured. “That’s bad.”
Brian nodded. “Lizz was asking who the donor was. I told her everything except for how she died. Nick doesn’t know either. I’m afraid of how they are going to react when they find out. They both blame themselves for this and thismight set either one of them or both of them over the edge.”

AJ shook his head sadly.

~*~*~*~*~

Kyung barely paid attention to the newscaster explaining the increase in gas prices. She ignored the latest from the White House. When the weather came on, she felt her heart tug. She knew how fascinated with weather Lizz was. She would watch The Weather Channel for fun, claiming that she couldn’t turn it because “the local forecast was coming up.” And if it had to do with thunderstorms or tornadoes, Lizz would be glued to the screen. That was, of course, if she wasn’t out chasing them. She was so full of life. And just plain full of it too. Always getting into some kind of trouble. Kyung shook her head of the thoughts. She was notgoing to start crying. Again.

“Breaking news from the Backstreet Tragedy!”

Kyung’s attention immediately snapped to the TV screen.

“The horror continues to unfold as a young girl’s life ends.” The newscaster stated gravely, yet with a trace of excitement.

~*~*~*~*~

“It has been reported that a girl in St. Louis, Missouri has taken her life after hearing that her favorite Backstreet Boy will no longer be the same.”

Nick stared in horror at the screen. He had almost changed the station from the boring grey-weathered forecast, when this new bulletin had come on.

“To recap, Nick Carter, of the world famous pop group, the Backstreet Boys, attempted to take his life only a couple short weeks ago. He was reportedly on the internet at the time and told an online friend over aol that he didn’t want to live. Out of desperation, the girl, Lizz Hulford, threatened to drink a bottle of medication in order to stop Carter. Her efforts proved futile when both ended up in a hospital in Oklahoma City, in critical condition. After several seizures and even a stroke, Carter is in little more than a vegetative state. Only recently has he regained minimal motor and speech skills. Hulford lost her kidneys and needed a transplant in order to live.”

~*~*~*~*~

Brian and AJ stared at the TV in the cafeteria. It had been fairly noisy in there, but as soon as this broadcast came on, it had quieted down. It was becoming rather well-known that both Nick and previously Lizz were being treated here.

“Where the hell did they get all this information?!” Demanded Brian angrily.

AJ gave Brian a look as if to say, “you really have to ask?” Nearly every detail of their lives were thrust into the public eye.

“The National Enquiror recently printed an article on the subject. A fan, who’s name we cannot disclose at this time, was devastated and has taken her life.” The report continued.

“Oh god!” Brian jumped up. “What if Nick is watching this?!”

Simultaneously AJ and Brian took off in a sprint towards the elevators.

~*~*~*~*~

Nick’s heart was pounding and he started to feel sick. First Lizz, now this girl. Her life was over because of him! He started to shake and he barely noticed the tears streaming out of his eyes. He tried to will his body to move, but it wouldn’t obey him. He couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t take it. He needed Brian. He started to push the call button, but he was stopped by the sudden lack of air that he was experiencing. His whole body was trembling now and he couldn’t seem to get any air. The panic was overwhelming him.

~*~*~*~*~

Kyung sat glued to the TV. She couldn’t believe she was watching this. Immediately she was concerned that there was a remote possibility that Nick could be seeing this. She thanked God that Lizz wasn’t. Kyung knew that it would be really bad if either Lizz or Nick found out about the suicide. She wanted to call Brian, but couldn’t tear herself away from the TV. She remained glued to it, unaware of the sudden emergency in the operating room.




~*~*~*~


Brian and AJ rushed into the hospital room to find Nick gasping for air.


“SHIT,” Brian yelled as he slapped the code button on the wall. A team of
people in scrubs rushed into the room pushing AJ and Brian aside. The two
stood off to one side the room and could do nothing but watch as the people
worked frantically around Nick.


“His sats are 68!” A voice barked out.


“Intubate?” Another voice questioned.


“Prep him,” someone directed.


I could only lay there, trying to keep awake and struggle to breathe. ‘What
the hell was happening to me? It felt like I was breathing through a straw
after running a mile. When one doctor said intubate I panicked. God, they
can’t do that to me! Just let me die, please anything but this!’


~*~*~*~


“Doctor her sats and BP are dipping,” a nurse observed.


“Her lungs are shot! Shit, why didn’t anyone adress this? Why the hell are
we putting a kidney into her when her lungs are in this shape?” the doctor
yelled. “Call the organ procurement center, stat!”


As the doctor worked frantically on Lizz to keep her alive, a nurse had
received the call back from the organ procurement center.


“Doctor Robinson here, I have Elizabeth Hurlford on the table. Donor kidney
ready to transplant. Do you still have the host?”


The only noise in the OR was the machines and the respirator, forcing
oxygen into Lizz’s taxed lungs.


“Great, can you send the lungs STAT......how long.......okay we are on standby.”


Hanging up the phone, the doctor walked back to the table and looked at
Lizz’s face behind the draped sheets. “Hang in there honey, help is coming.”


~*~*~*~*~


“What the hell caused that episode?” AJ asked as he stared down at a
sedated Nick laying in his bed.


“I’m not sure, it was flukey,” the young resident doctor replied.


“Flukey?” AJ narrowed his eyes. “A man’s oxygen level goes from a 96 to a
68? He’s not even asthmatic!”


“His body has gone through some trauma with the overdosed medications,
your guess is as good as mine,” the resident replied. He checked the
machines surrounding the bedside again. “His levels are going back up, so see,
there’s nothing to get worked up over.”


AJ glared at the young resident. He hated his carefree attitude about
Nick’s condition.


~*~*~*~*~


Kyung woke up when the surgeon touched her lightly on the shoulder. She
was shocked to think that she had fallen asleep. It took her a few moments
to orientate her to where she was.


“Hi, my name’s Dr. Richards, Lizz is already out of surgery and back into
ICU.”


Kyung looked at her watch. “Oh my god, she’s been on the table for nine
hours?”


“There were some complications during the surgery, her lungs were starting
to fail her, however, we were lucky that the donor of her kidney was also a
suitable donor for lungs and we were able to request them before they were
shipped elsewhere.”


Kyung gasped at the thought of a lung transplant. Lizz had been in and out of
hospitals most of her life because of her lungs, at one time she had been on
a critical waiting list.


“H..how is she?” Kyung stammered, almost afriad to ask.


“She is doing okay, holding her own. I feel that she will have a full recovery
and with the new lungs, she will have a new lease on life,” the doctor
explained.


“Can I go see her?” Kyung asked as she stood up.


“I don’t see why not,” Dr. Richards replied.


“Thank you doctor, thanks for everything,” Kyung said as she pumped the
doctor’s hand up and down.


~*~*~*~*~

Kyung hesitantly pushed open the door to Lizz's room in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit. The lighting was dim and the hiss of the ventilator could be heard, along with the steady beeps of the heart monitor. Kyung pulled a chair close to the side of the bed and sank into it. Lizz still hadn't woken up yet and other than the tube that was in her mouth, she looked peaceful.

As she watched Lizz sleep, Kyung’s thoughts drifted to what had happened in the past weeks. How unbelievable it all was. She couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen now. Everyone’s lives had changed so much because of all this. What would all of this do to the Backstreet Boys? Especially Nick. Kyung felt encouraged that he was expected to make a full recovery, but she also knew it would take time. Not to mention he would always have to take seizure medications, according to that doctor. What concerned her the most, however, was the psychological damage that all this might have on Nick. How was he going to react when he found out about the girl that donated Lizz’s kidney and now lungs?

Kyung’s attention shifted to Lizz. Lizz was a strong person, but this was more than she had ever had to deal with before. Her life was going to be changed drastically in more ways than one. She in the world’s spotlight as The Girl Who Followed Nick Carter’s Suicide Attempt. There were still all kinds of different speculations as to why she did it. It was anywhere from Lizz being an obsessive fan to a torrid affair with Nick. This might be something that could follow her wherever she goes. In addition to all that, providing her body didn’t reject her new organs, Lizz now had a new lease on life. She now could think about having a family, a solid career, even retiring someday without that little doubt in the back of her head. Lizz had always remained positive and confident that she would reach an old age, much for the benefit of those around her as well as for her own sake. Kyung, being her best friend, knew that she had days where she felt discouraged, but she always managed to push it away. Lizz often told Kyung that God put her on this earth for a reason. She was going to live up to it. Now she was going to be able to do it without the burden of compromised health. If she could get through this...

Kyung sighed. It was amazing to her how much Lizz and Nick were alike. And not all of it was complimentary. They were both ornery and stubborn as hell. They made reckless decisions without bothering to think about themselves. Kyung didn’t even want to think about Lizz going to see Nick on her own and ending up tearing her stitches. Nor did she want to remember Nick going to see Lizz and then having a seizure right then and there. But on the other hand, it wasn’t all bad. They were both two of the most sensitive people she had ever known. The entire time that they had both been in the hospital, they didn’t seem to give much of a damn about what was going on with themselves. Instead they were always asking about each other or Brian or herself. She knew Lizz would have given anything to make everything okay, no matter the cost. She knew Nick would have done the same.

Kyung’s thoughts drifted back to what was going on in OKC. She was a little concerned about leaving Brian. He still hadn’t been sleeping or eating enough and she didn’t want him to pass out again. She smiled sardonically when she realized that she wasn’t doing a whole lot better herself. She hadn’t eaten since sometime yesterday morning. And that was just a banana and a half a glass of orange juice. She slipped her hand through Lizz’s and continued to worry.

~*~*~*~*~

Nick opened his eyes and shifted them around the room slowly, finally landing on AJ and then Brian. They had both been waiting by his bed anxiously to wake up. The resident had left not even ten minutes ago.

“Nick, how ya feeling?” Brian asked softly.

“Yeah, man, you scared the hell out of us.” AJ added.

“What...?” Nick whispered. The sedation hadn’t completely worn off and he still looked pretty out of it.

Brian glanced at AJ uncomfortably, not sure how to answer Nick. He didn’t want to say that he had a panic attack and then Nick want to know why. But what was the use in trying to hide it? Nick would have to know sooner or later.

“You had a panic attack.” AJ said quietly.

Nick’s eyes widened. The expression on his face changed from one of confusion to despair.

Brian’s heart fell. “You saw the news huh?” He asked quietly.

Nick nodded, the tears coming.

“Nick...” Brian started. Nick just shook his head miserably. “No, Nick, listen to me. You cannotlet this tear you apart. Do you hear me? You have come too far in this. You’ve just started getting better. The doctor’s say you are going to make a full recovery. You can’t give up now.” Brian said emphatically.

“But Lizz...and her...” Nick whispered.

“It’s awful that that happened, but you can’t dwell on that. You have to learn from it. By giving up you won’t help anyone. There are too many people that need you.” AJ said.

Nick shook his head. “No one...” His voice was barely audible.

Brian stopped him. “Yes they do! You family needs you, your fans need you, the Backstreet Boys need you. I need you, Nick. And what about Lizz? She needs you. You two have barely been able to talk to each other since this happened, but you have been helping each other more than you know. You haveto keep fighting.”

Nick nodded. He didn’t look totally convinced, but he did look a little better. He scrunched up his face in concentration. After a moment he asked quietly, “Lizz?”

“She’s in Tulsa getting the transplant, remember? The surgery was supposed to last just a few hours so she should be out...” Brian stopped and checked his watch. His jaw dropped. “Crap.” He turned to AJ and spoke softly. “She should have been out hours ago and Kyung promised to call as soon as she was out!”

“Don’t fret yet, maybe Kyung forgot. I’m sure it’s kind of crazy down there.” AJ tried to calm the urgency in Brian’s voice.

Nick watched the exchange nervously. They were speaking too softly for him to hear what they were saying, but he knew it was bad when he saw the look on Brian’s face. “What?!” He demanded loudly.

Brian glanced at Nick. “Ah, nothing. I’m going to page Kyung to call me back. We can find out how she is.” He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the numbers. They waited quietly for a few minutes. Nick was getting worried. He didn’t know how long he was out for, but it seemed like Lizz had left many hours ago. A kidney transplant shouldn’t have taken this long should it?

“I hope everything is going smoothly there. Kyung was telling me that they knew a lot of people in Tulsa and she hoped it wouldn’t be a chaotic mess like it was here. She did say that Lizz wanted to come here after the surgery. She was pissed that she didn’t get to say bye to you, Nick.” Brian said.

“Will they transfer her back here?” AJ asked.

Brian shrugged. Nick looked like he was ready to say something, but then Brian’s cell chirped.



AJ and Nick’s attention was totally focused on Brian as he answered his cell
phone. Although they hung on every word on Brian’s end of the conversation,
neither were able to decipher what was happening with Lizz.


“Lizz is out of surgery and in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit,” Brian said as
he closed his cell phone up.


“And?” AJ pressed for more information.


“And so far it appears that the transplants were successful,” Brian replied.


Nick slowly formed the words to his question. “Is....she.....awake?”


Brian shook his head no. “I’m afraid not yet, they have her pretty sedated
and she’s on a ventilator.”


Nick started shaking his head, his eyes filling with tears.


“Nick, it’s probably common after surgery. They said they were able to give
Lizz new lungs from the same body so I’m assuming they put people on a
ventilator after a lung transplant,” Brian suggested.


“It’s all my fault,” Nick said quietly.


“No it’s not,” Brian replied, rubbing Nick’s shoulder.


“My fault,” Nick mumbled quietly. Deep down he felt that there was nothing
that Brian or AJ could say or do that would make him change his mind about
shouldering the blame for what happened to Lizz.


~*~*~*~*~


Lizz’s eyes fluttered open as she quickly scanned the unfamiliar room. Her
eyes fell on Kyung, curled up in a chair next to her bed. There were so many
questions that Lizz wanted to ask. She slowly reached up and touched the
vent tubing, she knew she had no other choice but to wait for Kyung to wake
up.


“Good morning Lizz, glad to see you’re awake,” a nurse cheerily stated to Lizz
as she breezed into the room.


Kyung jumped, startled by the nurses voice.


“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were still here,” the nurse apologised.


Kyung stretched. “It’s okay, I really don’t want to be sleeping when Lizz is
awake. Hi honey, how are you feeling?”


Lizz managed to roll her eyes in reply to Kyung.


“That bad, eh? Felt like you were run over by a Mac Truck?”


Lizz blinked her eyes twice for yes, it was the system her and Kyung were
accustomed to from the last time she was on a vent.


Kyung laughed. “I figured as much.”


As she set about adjusting Lizz’s pillows and blankets to make her feel more
comfortable she sighed deeply when her eyes met up with Lizz’s.


“Oh god, Lizz, can’t you just worry about getting yourself stronger right
now? I think you’re pretty important and I don’t like seeing you run yourself
down by worrying about Nick.”


Lizz’s frown didn’t fade.


“I just talked to Brian to update him on how you were and I told him you
were doing good, but would need rest.” Kyung sighed again. “Oh honestly Lizz,
I didn’t ask how Nick was but I’m sure he’s doing better.”


Lizz continued to stare at Kyung. She knew that eventually her wishes would
be figured out. Kyung and she had shared that type of bond, each knowing
what the other was thinking.


“But you can’t talk to him silly, you’re on a vent....alright, alright, I’m dialing
him right now, you are so stubborn.”


Lizz let her body relax a bit. Her mission was accomplished. She dismissed
the intense pain she was feeling from the incisions and was silently praying
that the nurse would hold off injecting the morphine into her IV line just a
little longer until after she got to hear Nick’s voice.


“Hi Brian, it’s Kyung again. Are you still with Nick?”


“Yup, haven’t left his room yet,” Brian replied.


“Is he still awake?”


“For right now he is, why?”


“Would he feel up to talking to Lizz, she can’t answer him, but she is
insisting that she at least hear his voice.”


Brian looked at Nick laying in bed with tear filled eyes. On one hand, it would
be a good thing for him to at least talk to Lizz but on the other hand, Brian
wondered if this would make his guilt increase knowing she’s on the
ventilator and can’t answer him.


“Um, I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not,” Brian started to reply.


“Let me talk to her,” Nick quietly insisted.


“She can’t talk back to you,” Brian replied.


“I don’t care,” Nick snapped back. “Give me the phone.”

~*~*~*~*~

I watched Kyung as she talked to Brian and prayed that it would work out. I just needed to hear Nick’s voice, that’s all.

“Okay...okay...” Kyung was smiling now. She looked at me. “You have a couple minutes, but then you need to get your pain meds.”

I blinked twice indicating that I would be satisfied with that. I was hurting something fierce, but right now that was not priority. Kyung leaned over and positioned the phone to my ear.

“Hello? Lizz?” Nick asked quietly. “I know...you can’t talk back...” He spoke slowly. “I’ve been worried bout you.”

My eyes filled with tears. It felt so good to hear him talking.

“I, uh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry...that you have to go through this...” His voice broke.

I shut my eyes, the tears streaming down my cheeks. God, there was so much I wanted to say to him. That this was my fault, not his. That he shouldn’t say that, shouldn’t beat himself up for this. I should have been able to stop this from happening. I didn’t blame him in the slightest. I just wanted him to keep fighting and not ever give up. To be strong for me.

“As soon as I can...Lizz, I am going to be there. Okay?” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Lizz, I need to give you your medication now.” My nurse told me. I started to shake my head, but stopped when it sent shooting pains all through me. I threw a pleading look at Kyung, but she wasn’t much help either. Damn it, I didn’t care how bad I was hurting, I wanted to keep talking to Nick. Well, listening anyway.

“Lizz, I heard your nurse. I’ll talk to you soon okay? Be strong for me. Keep the faith.” Nick encouraged softly. More tears filled my eyes. Be strong for me.I nodded into the phone.

Kyung reached over and took the phone back. “Nick?...Oh okay...” She glanced at Lizz, who was watching her with tear-filled eyes. “Yeah, she’s fine. A little teary, but I think it helped her. How’s Nick?...The news, why? Oh shit, he saw it didn’t he?” Kyung murmured. She looked at Lizz again to see if she had heard, but she was starting to nod off. “I can imagine. I’m afraid to tell Lizz. I don't know how she is going to take it. Especially now. I know she will try to put the blame on herself. The way they are both trying shoulder all the blame isn’t healthy...I kinda get the idea that Lizz thinks that if she takes all the blame it will somehow be easier on Nick. I bet he is doing the same thing...i know. Hey, I need to make a few phone calls. Will you let me know if there is any change?...Okay, bye Brian.” Kyung finally asked as she looked at the clock on the wall. Lizz was asleep now so she decided to see if she could catch a few moments herself.

~*~*~*~*~

As soon as Nick said his good-bye to Lizz, he handed the phone back to Brian. Then he covered his eyes and tried unsuccessfully to keep from crying. AJ rubbed his shoulder, while watching Brian.

“No, it’s Brian.” He said into the phone. “Is she okay?...” Brian shifted his gaze to Nick. “He’s the same I think. Oh, I would recommend keeping Lizz from watching the news.” Brian stated carefully, keeping his voice very soft. He didn’t want Nick to hear what he was talking about. He wanted to avoid that whole subject. “...Yeah, unfortunately. It was pretty bad...I know. Neither one of them will listen to any of us either....I think you are right, but they need to let go of it before it totally consumes them....Yeah, same with you....Bye Kyung.” Brian flipped his phone shut and turned back to AJ and Nick.

“Bri, can I use your laptop?” Nick asked as soon as Brian had hung up.

“Uh...I don’t think so.” Brian shook his head.

“C’mon, like I would do that to yours!” Nick exclaimed.

Brian pondered it a moment. He never let Nick use his computer because out of anger, Nick had thrown his own across the room a few months ago. The poor thing was never the same. Brian didn’t want his laptop to meet the same demise. However when he looked at Nick’s pleading eyes, he caved.

“Yeah, I guess so, but why? What’s wrong with yours?” He asked hesitantly.

“I have an idea.” Nick started. He glanced at AJ. “I have a huge favor to ask of you.”

“What?” AJ asked warily.

“I need you to take my laptop to Lizz. Just until she can come back here again. So we can keep talking.” Nick explained.

“All the way to Tulsa?!” AJ didn’t look thrilled at the idea.

“Please AJ? This is really important. It’s only a two hour drive.” Nick pleaded.

AJ sighed in defeat. “You owe me big, man.”

Nick smiled. “Brian, will you call Kyung back?”

Brian nodded, inwardly pleased that Nick’s spirits seemed to have improved. He would do anything to help Nick. He dialed the phone. After a quick conversation Brian hung up and told Nick and AJ the plan. Kyung had agreed to meet AJ in Stroud which was about halfway between OKC and Tulsa. About a half hour after that, the plan was in motion.

~*~*~*~*~

I had the back of my bed elevated a little so I could see Nick’s laptop. When I woke up I was thrilled when Kyung told me about Nick’s idea. I didn’t even mind being alone for a few hours so Kyung could meet AJ to pick it up. I wasn’t sure what time it was when I talked to Nick, but I knew it was pretty early in the day. It was dark now, but it wasn’t too late. Just an hour ago they had taken out the vent, much to my relief. I was on oxygen now and my throat hurt like a bitch, but anything to have that tube out of me. Kyung had just set up the laptop for me and positioned it so I could see it easily. It hurt to sit up this much (and I was barely even sitting up), but I didn’t dare complain. I was too happy to get to talk to Nick.

“All set babe?” She asked as she keyed in the password to sign it onto the internet.

I nodded impatiently, but smiled at her. She was an angel.

As soon as it said I was connected I signed on to aol instant messenger. I paused for a moment before choosing a name. I definitely wouldn’t use the one I had before. I never wanted to see that one again. I chose another. Then something occurred to me. How would he know I was on? I had his computer which had his buddy lists, which had all my screen names on them. I decided to just start putting in names that I knew of his. Finally, after four tries, I found him.

Oceans My Mirror:hey!!

Nick Cartman:lizz!

Oceans My Mirror:how are you doin?

Nick Cartman:doin better. how are you?

I wasn’t about to tell him how much pain I was in, but to tell ya the truth, that was actually of little significance right now. I was finally talking to Nick and that was what mattered.

Oceans My Mirror:doin pretty good, considering lol. it was so good to hear your voice earlier. I was gonna ask you to sing for me, but I decided to be nice and let ya off the hook this time.

Nick Cartman:lol thanks

Nick Cartman:I’m not sure I can even remember all the words yet. my brain is still screwed up

Oceans My Mirror:it’ll come back to ya. so how are you reallydoing?

Nick Cartman:its hard. I cant even think about that girl.

That girl? What did he mean? Terri?

Oceans My Mirror:what do you mean?

Nick Cartman:I don’t know how to handle it. first you, now this girl commits suicide.

My jaw dropped. Suicide?!Oh god, my donor. She killed herself. Oh god. My fault too. Oh god.

Nick Cartman:it’s gonna take some time for us to get over this, ya
know? i mean with that girl killing herself and stuff i really do blame myself
but i guess we have to look at the good that came from this, right?


I hit enter and waited for Lizz to reply. It seemed to be taking her forever
to respond but I figured it was because she was weak. A few minutes went
by and nothing was returned.


Nick Cartman:Lizz? are ye alive?


I was starting to wonder if the AOL messenger was messed up. That was
always a typical thing. I rebooted the messenger and tried again.


Nick Cartman:yo! Lizzard....hello???


I looked up as Brian entered the room, smiling from ear to ear. “So, Nick,
how’s the chat going?”


“She’s not answering, something’s wrong,” I replied, staring at the screen.
“Something’s very wrong. Call Kyung!”


“Nick, calm down, she’s using yourlaptop, remember? Maybe it finally
died, I mean those things aren’t made to be thrown across rooms,” Brian
observed.


I shook my head. “No, something’s really wrong Brian, call her now!”


“Okay, okay, just calm down,” Brian said as he opened his cell phone and
started to punch the numbers in.


I managed to watch Brian’s face and look at the laptop screen
simultaneously. I could see worry start to spread across his face.


As the cell phone kept ringing, Brian grew worried. This was not like Kyung,
she usually picked up by the second ring.


“What’s wrong? Something’s happened, oh god,” I moaned. I knew something
was definately wrong now by the look on Brian’s face.


“It’s busy,” Brian lied as he disconnected the number. He punched in a new
set of numbers. “I’ll just try her pager, she should be calling me within a few
minutes.”


I nodded as I continued to stare at the screen, waiting for Lizz to answer
me.


~*~*~*~*~


Kyung jumped from her seat when she saw the oxygen sats drop down to
91%. This was not a normal reading for someone that is on continuous oxygen.


“Breathe Lizz, come on, what’s wrong!”


Kyung grabbed her friend by the shoulders and shook her, trying to
stimulate her into breathing. When nothing happened, she dashed into the
bathroom filling a small cup with icewater. She returned to Lizz and
splashed the water into her face, causing Lizz to errupt into gasping breaths
of air. Her sats climbed back up to 99%.


“What’s wrong?”


Lizz just continued to stare at the screen, pointing a finger at it.


Kyung turned the laptop towards her and read the conversation. She gasped.
She suddenly realized that she and Brian’s plan had one small flaw in it, they
forgot to tell Nick that Lizz was unaware about the suicide of her organ
doner.


“Shit, Lizz, I’m sorry you had to hear about it like that,” Kyung said as she
placed a comforting arm around her best friend. “But you have to understand
that this girl didn’t kill herself because of Nick’s suicide attempt, she did it
after reading all of the false information that was printed in that paper.
She was devestated to think that Nick would never be able to walk, talk or
sing again. Sweetheart, you have to remember that although she took away
God’s gift of life she returned it by giving you a new chance in life, you can’t
blame yourself, understand me?”


Lizz managed to weakly shake her head yes. She wanted to believe Kyung’s
words about blame, but she knew she would never be able to. If she had
stopped Nick, the story would have never been printed.


Before Kyung could continue, her cell phone that was sitting on the table
across the room started ringing. She ignored it and hugged Lizz, trying to
comfort her. When her pager started to vibrate, she looked down at the
message bar.


“Oh my god, type something in, quick! Let them know you’re okay!”


Lizz nodded.


Oceans My Mirror:Sorry about that, I had my nurse in here.


Nick Cartman:Thank god! I was beginning to worry! Are you okay?


Oceans My Mirror:Nick, if you don’t mind, I feel sleepy and I think I
need to rest.


Nick Cartman:it’s okay Lizz, talk to you tomorrow, love ya bye


Oceans My Mirror:Love you too, bye


As Kyung disconnected the internet and closed the laptop, Lizz settled back
into the pillows and closed her eyes.


~*~*~*~*~


I stood in the doorway to Lizz’s hospital room, I knew I was shaking, my legs
were still not used to supporting me. She was sleeping and I didn’t want to
wake her up. Brian stood behind me, his hand holding onto the stupid belt
they made me wear when I was up and about, ready to catch me if I fell.


“Come on Nick, this is all I’ve been hearing out of your mouth for the past
three weeks was how you couldn’t wait to see her,” Brian whispered.


As I set my jaw, I hesitantly took a step towards the threshold into Lizz’s
private room. My knees buckled, almost sending me crashing to the floor, but
thankfully, Brian had a grip on the belt and groaned as he braced himself and
jerked me back into a better position. The noise, unfortunately, woke Lizz
up.


Lizz’s eyes focused on Nick standing at the foot of her bed, a big smile on
his face. She rubbed her eyes, chalking the vision up to her not being fully
awake or the medications she was taking.


I laughed at the confused look on her face. God, she was so sweet and
innocent looking! I really appreciated her as a friend.


“Hey there lazy girl!” I teased.


“Oh my god, Nick! Wait a minute, you punk! You never told me they were
letting you out!” Lizz folded her arms across her chest. “I’m mad at you!”


I looked at her and tried to give her my best face with a hurt look on it. I
smiled when I saw the smile spread across her face and watched in awe as
she slowly pulled the covers off her legs and gently raised herself out of her
bed. Her steps were almost as slow and shaky as mine, but her legs were
stronger, I glanced back at Brian, standing behind me. He looked a little
nervous.


Lizz wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into the tighest hug I’ve
ever gotten in my life.


“You really are tall.”


Brian raised an eyebrow to that remark. He was expecting something a little
different from her mouth.


Looking down at the top of her head, I could only think of one remark, “And
you’re definately short, much shorter than I ever expected.”


“Sit down, I’ll climb back into bed, we have lots to talk about,” Lizz directed
as she walked back towards her bed and slowly sat down. As she watched
Nick struggle to walk towards the chair, her heart sank, she felt a pang a
guilt, still feeling that this was something she could have prevented.


“I made arrangements to have my physical therapy here so I could come and
visit you until you were better,” I stated, looking into her eyes to see if she
was pleased with the idea.


“Oh, Nick, that’s wonderful. You know I worry about you too much, don’t
you?”


I shook my head yes. “Probably as much as I worry about you.”

~*~*~*~*~

I shook my head. I couldn’t believe he was here.

“What?” Nick asked me.

I grinned at him. “Just you being here. You look great.”

He smiled back. “I’m feeling a lot better. Still the slow days, but ya know how it is.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I still can’t get used to the idea of new lungs. I’m not 100% yet, but still, it blows my mind. Plus, now I have a cool looking battle scar.” I nodded down to where the incision traveled halfway down my chest.

Brian raised an eyebrow. “Cool looking?” That wasn’t what he had expected to hear either.

I laughed. “Ya know...”

At that moment Kyung walked in. I had totally forgotten that she went to the cafeteria. Her eyes lit up when she saw Brian and Nick. “I take you made it here okay?”

I shot her an accusing glare. “You were in on this too?”

She smirked at me. “Yeah, what are ya gonna do about it?”

“Body slam you.”

Nick cracked up. “You and your threats of body slamming! Have you followed through on one of those threats yet?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Want to be the first?”

He laughed harder.

Brian watched us all, shaking his head. I saw that he was trying to keep from laughing.

“You think that’s funny?! Step in line!” I tossed at him.

That did it. We were all laughing. Finally Brian stood up, giving Kyung pointed looks, and announced that he was going to take a walk. Kyung hastily agreed and they left Nick and I alone.

“Wow, I know we have talked about everyday, but you being here is just...wow. An awesome surprise.” I finished. I couldn’t stop smiling.

“That’s the idea.” He replied. “So where’s your parents?”

My parents had finally found out about two and a half weeks ago. They saw it on the news. Believe it or not. All of Kyung attempts to get ahold of them and then they see it on the news. They were in a mild state of shock when they got here. I was relieved that I had had the surgery a couple of days before so I was looking better. We had some long talks and since then, they had been up here as much as possible.

“They went to get something to eat.”

“You mean they left??” Nick kidded. He was well aware of how I was starting to go a little crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I was more than happy that they were here, but I was starting to feel suffocated.

“No joke.” I rolled my eyes.

There was a moment of quiet. Then Nick spoke, his voice quiet. “Do you ever just sit back and think about the whole thing? About why the things happened the way they did or what would have happened if it didn’t happen that way?”

I nodded. “Constantly. If I hadn’t signed on when I did. Terri and that damned tabloid. If that girl hadn’t read that, she wouldn’t have...and I probably wouldn’t be here. I don’t know what to think about that. If none of this would have happened, I wouldn’t have new lungs. But you wouldn’t have had to go through all this. I would never want you to go through this, even if that did mean dying younger than I would now. But if this had never happened, there might have been another time ya know? Another time that you might have tried something and what if no one was there that time? But now after all this, so much as changed...Am I making any sense?”

Nick nodded. “Complete sense. I hate that I have affected so many people because of what I did. But like you said, it might have happened again. But now, after seeing what the consequences are, I would never go down that road again.” He stopped and bowed his head. “But why did this have to be such an expensive lesson?” He whispered.

I reached over and put my hand on his. “Because those are the ones that are the most well-learned. Nick, you aren’t the only one who learned something. Everyone affected did. We’re stronger because of this. You know that right?”

He looked up at me and nodded.

“We’ve still got a way’s to go. And not just physically. The world is going to remember this for awhile. We can’t let what people say, get to us. We’ll get through this, all the way.”

Nick showed a hint of a smile. “Damn Lizz, you sound like Brian.”

I grinned. “Thanks.” My eyelids starting feeling heavy, but I fought it. I was so happy to see Nick, I didn’t want to go to sleep now. But Nick noticed.

“Lizz, you need to rest.”

I shook my head, feeling more and more drowsy.