With sweat beading on his forehead, Nick approached the automatic doors to the Publix grocery store. He was amazed that he managed to walk the three miles to get to the store without being stopped by anyone asking him for an autograph or a picture. He loved practical jokes, this one, he decided, seemed to be a little too weird for his tastes.
Although he was hungry, Nick needed to find out exactly what Brian's address was so he could confront him on the doorstep to his fake home. Standing in line at the courtesy desk, his mouth dropped open when he noticed the man behind the counter looked identical to Howie Dorough.
"No fricken way," Nick muttered as he approached the counter.
The Latino moved from the cash register to the front of the counter. "May I help you?"
Nick's eyes went from the kind brown eyes to the white Publix name tag pinned to the front of the man's white shirt. HOWIE D.
"Howie?"
Howie gave a blank stare, raising an eyebrow. "Yes? May I help you?"
"D....it's me.....knock it off."
"Have we met before?"
"Awe c'mon, this joke is going way too far, knock it off!"
"How much did Brian pay you to go along with this joke? I know you hate doing these things!"
"Sir, please---"
Nick rolled his eyes as he decided to play along with the game. "Its Nick."
Howie placed his hands on the countertop, palms down. "Alright Nick, if you need something please tell me, I have other customers waiting behind you."
"Do you have a phone book?"
Howie narrowed his eyes. "A phone book? This is a courtesy desk, I'm sure you can find a phone book in a phone booth!"
Nick leaned toward Howie. "Listen, there aren't any phone books anywhere and I need to know where Brian has set himself up at because he won't let me call him!"
"Probably because he knows you're a psychopath, now if I can't get you something you actually want to purchase, I need to ask you to leave. This is for customers only."
In desperation to get to a phone book, Nick scanned the courtesy area. "Okay a pack of Marlboro Reds and an instant lottery ticket and a phone book."
"Which instant lottery ticket do you want?"
"I don't give a shit, pick one out that looks pretty or something," Nick growled.
"Sir, there is no need to get snotty with me."
Howie pulled a random lottery ticket and the pack of cigarettes Nick asked for. "I need to see your ID."
"What the hell for?"
"To see if you're over eighteen."
"C'mon D, you know how old I am."
"No ID no cigarettes or lottery ticket," Howie replied, face void of expression.
Reaching into his back pocket, Nick produced his wallet and pulled out his Florida license.
Howie took the license and glanced at it and then at Nick. "Thank you," he stated as he handed the object back. "That will be six fifty."
"What about the phone book?"
Howie sighed as he reached under the counter, pulling out the thick Bradenton area phone book. "Six fifty please?"
Pulling a ten dollar bill from the wallet, Nick handed it to Howie. "I can't believe how you are taking this practical joke thing this far."
"Fifty makes seven.....eight....nine.....and ten."
"Oh for chrissake," Nick muttered, wadding the money up and shoving it into his front pocket, grabbing the phone book as he moved away from the counter.
"Sir, don't forget to take your things," Howie called out.
"Just a sec," Nick growled as he flipped through the residental phone numbers section until he came to Brian's name and address. Not trusting himself in trying to memorize what he needed, Nick tore the page out of the phone book. Shoving the book back at Howie, he grabbed the pack of smokes and the lottery ticket. "Thanks D, you've been a real help."
It wasn't until he was outside of the grocery store did Nick look at the address on sheet of paper. He had no clue as to where the street was and decided the best way to get there would be to call a taxi. Patting his pockets, Nick realized he only had fifty cents. There was no way he'd go back into the grocery store with evil Howie D giving him grief in this eleborate prank. Looking across the parking lot, he spied a McDonald's in walking distance.
His mouth was watering as he entered the busy restaurant. He was still blown away at the fact no one paid any attention to him walking to McDonald's and that no one stopped him once he entered the restaurant. Faces he met were void of any recognition.
Nick approached a high school aged girl standing behind the counter.
"Hi, may I take your order?"
"Yeah, I guess I want a Quarter Pounder with cheese, no onion, large fries and a large coke," Nick recited as he reached for his wallet.
"Will that be here or to go?"
"Here."
"Six nineteen please."
Looking at the contents of the wallet, Nick decided he needed to break a larger bill for the cab so he handed the girl a crisp fifty. She immediately went into overdrive calling for her manager.
"Kevin, I need change please!"
'Kevin......what would be the odds?' Nick thought to himself.
A tall man hurried around the corner. "Who asked for change?"
"Me!"
Nick did a double take when he recognized the man in the offical McDonalds manager shirt and tie as non other than Kevin Richardson.
"You seriously gotta be kidding me," he mumbled.
Kevin looked at Nick. "Excuse me?"
"Kevy, c'mon jokes over."
Kevin wrinkled his brow in confusion. "Sorry, what joke?"
"You guys are playing one hellofva joke on me and its time to stop now."
"Guys?"
Nick rolled his eyes. "You know....Brian, Howie, AJ....the guys."
"Who?"
Nick rolled his eyes. "I'm sick of playing this joke!"
Kevin counted the change back from the fifty. "I don't follow you....here's your order, have a nice day."
Taking the brown tray of food that shoved toward him, Nick carried it to the seating area and sat in booth so he could watch Kevin behind the counter.
Munching absently on a french fry, Nick thought about the things that had been happening to him ever since he woke up this morning: he wakes up in someplace other than his hotel room at the Radisson Hotel; Brian picks him up for work at Tropicana in a junked out Geo Metro; AJ, Brian and he worked at the Tropicana factory; he gets paid $7.25 an hour; gets suspended for a week without pay; Howie is a manager at Publix; and now finally - Kevin is a McDonald's manager!
This joke was getting weirder and weirder by the minute!