Chapter Thirty-Eight



You will have to take it easy, and I mean no concerts, nothing for the next three to four months, and I am serious about this, if you don’t take my advice, you will be in the hospital again and again. Your body needs time to rest and heal and you are pushing it too hard.

Nick had the doctor’s words go through his mind over and over for the last two weeks. He felt fine, he didn’t feel as if he was tired more than usual. He felt as if Jessica was watching him a little too closely, but other than that, he felt alright.

Nick picked up the remote control on the coffee table and clicked on the television. After scanning through the stations, he stopped on MTV. He set the remote down and got out of the chair to go into the kitchen for a glass of icewater. Nick stopped short of getting into the kitchen when he heard a reporter on MTV:

Sources have reported that Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter was being seen in an outpatient facility for his prescription drug addition. Carter was seriously injured in an automobile accident in June of this year and had been under a doctors care since that time for numerous surgeries and a suicide attempt. Carter is allegedly abusing vallium and restoril. The group was to have finished their Millenium tour by this date, but due to Carter’s collapse onstage at their November 2nd concert in Orlando, the tour has never been able to get off the ground. It appears that because of Carter’s illnesses, that the group is breaking up and the other members are doing their own projects. We will keep you updated as the details are released.

Nick couldn’t believe what he had heard. They are all lies, how could anyone start these types of rumors? Nick thought angrily. His mind was racing. He desperately needed to do something or the group would be through and it would be his fault. Nick’s mind started racing thinking of what he should do. He picked up the phone and called the first person he could think of.

Nick hastily dialed Brian’s phone number. It seemed to take forever before Brian actually answered the phone.

“Hello?” Brian was quiet when he answered. He had forgot to turn his answering machine back on and was always leary about answering the telephone because he got too many calls from fans that would figure out his phone number.

“Hey, Brian, it’s Nick.” Nick waited for Brian’s answer.

“Hey Nick, how are ya doing?” Brian replied happily.

“Did you see MTV a few minutes ago?” Nick just jumped into the question, he didn’t want to make small talk.

“No, I didn’t have the tv on, why, something wrong?” Brian could sense the tension in Nick’s voice.

“Yeah, they said we were breaking up.” Nick said, his voice was thick with emotion.

“Who’s breaking up? You and Jess?” Brian was confused.

“No, not me and Jess, they were talking about us. They said you guys decided to disband the group because of me. Oh, Bri, they were saying that I was a junkie, strung out on prescription drugs and that I was hurting the group and that you guys were going to do your own projects.” Nick was getting upset. The tears were stinging his eyes.

Brian was starting to feel his temper flare. It irritated him to think that they would do such careless reporting. “Easy there, Nick, you know that isn’t true.”

“Well, I know it, you and the guys know it, but what about the fans, other people, they are gonna think that I just held you guys back and that I am a suicidal junkie.” Nick replied bitterly.

“Now, Nick, you can’t let this stuff get to you. Let me call Nikki and see if she can get this stuff straightened out.” Brian was hoping that by calling their publicist it would make Nick feel a little more comfortable.

“Oh, yeah, like Nikki could convince them that this insn’t true.” Nick was certain that this was the one rumor that would damage any chances for the group. “Nick, don’t be so negative, let’s try this and see what happens. I will call you back in a few minutes, okay?” Brian waited for Nick’s reply.

“Yeah, okay.” Nick hung the phone up. He started thinking over the rumors and how could he ever get rid of them, they were plaguing him and he seemed to get the feeling he was looking over his shoulder constantly when he was going anywhere, including a doctor’s office.

As Nick sat the phone down, he noticed how much his hands were shaking. He was so upset that he was shaking. Without thinking, he grabbed the bottle of vallium and took two of them. It was an automatic reaction. He was taking it when he needed to calm down, it was no big deal to Nick, just a natural reflex.

Nick decided to surf the internet while he waited for Brian’s call back. He went into a Backstreet Boys chatroom to see what the fans were talking about. Nick never went online with his own name, he always came up with odd names.

After a few minutes in the room, Nick was beginning to see what a terrible mistake he had made going in there. The fans were talking about how much Nick Carter was destroying the group with his problems, and then they started making remarks about his looks saying he was fat and he was going to drag the group down if he got any heavier.

Upset, Nick got offline quickly. Ge walked into the kitchen and got a beer out of the refridgerator. He opened the beer and sat down on the couch. This definately was not his day.

The cold beer tasted good to Nick. Without a second thought, Nick grabbed another beer and drank that down quickly. Nick rarely drank, but he was upset with the television report and the comments in the chatroom didn’t help matters much more.

When the phone rang, Nick reached out to grab it and knocked it off the coffee table. The combination of the vallium and beer had hit him hard. By the fifth ring, Nick finally answered the phone.

“Yeah.” Was all that he could manage.

“Nick?” Brian wasn’t sure if he had dialed the right number.

“Yeah.” Nick’s voice was loud.

“Ah, I got a hold of Nikki and told her what was going on. She thinks she can persuade the press to release an official statement. Does that sound okay to you?” Brian waited for Nick’s answer.

“Yeah.” Nick didn’t want to say anymore, he knew he couldn’t.

“Hey, buddy, are you okay?” Brian was starting to worry.

“Yeah.” Nick replied.

“Alright, something’s up with you. Tell me what’s going on.” Brian was beyond worry, he was now panicking.

“I’m fine,” Nick’s speech was slurred, almost to the point of being incoherrent. He sounded very tired to Brian.

“Hey buddy, what are you on?” Brian tried not to let the worry show in his voice.

“Huh?” Nick was growing tired. The mixture of the vallium and beer was taking a hold on his system. His head started to drop and the phone fell to the floor.

Brian wasn’t sure what to do. He was two hours away from Nick’s house. He waited to see if Nick would pick the phone up. Brian wasn’t sure what was wrong with Nick. He would hate to call the paramedics if he were simply drunk, but would also hate to not call if it was something seriously wrong with Nick.

Brian started to yell into the phone, “NICK ARE YOU THERE. PICK UP THE PHONE.”

There wasn’t any response from Nick. Brian picked up his cell phone and dialed Jess’s phone number. It seemed to take forever before Jess answered the phone.

“Hello?” Jess was out of breath after running up the basement stairs.

“Hey, Jess, it’s me, Brian, I need you to do something for me right now, okay? Brian’s voice was loud and he spoke very quickly.

“Whoa, wait, what’s wrong?” Jess tried to get Brian to calm down.

“Jess, I need you to go to Nick’s, I think there is a problem, I’m not sure what it is.” Brian ran the words together again.

“Oh, no, I’ll go right now.” Jess grabbed her keys and ran out the door. The drive to Nick’s house would take about twenty minutes. She desperately wanted to drive faster, but the traffic wouldn’t allow it.

After Jess hung up the phone, Brian listened back onto the phone to see if he could hear Nick. The only sounds were background noises of the television set.

“NICK, WAKE UP BUDDY, ANSWER ME, PLEASE.” Brian pleaded into the phone, he was hoping to get some type of reply from Nick.

Brian kept his end of the conversation up while he waited to hear Jessica walk into the house. Nick was not reponding to Brian at all and he was worried.

Brian finally heard sounds of a door opening and Jess calling out Nick’s name.

Jess walked into the living room and found Nick laying face down on the couch. His arm was draped over the side and the telephone was laying on the floor beside his hand. She struggled to turn Nick over as he was dead weight and was having a hard time turning him.

After she got him onto his side, Nick gasped for air. The noise startled Jess and she started to shake. She picked up the phone.

“Brian, I am here. Nick looks like he was passed out on the couch. I don’t know what to do.” Jess was scared, she never dealt with anything like this before.

“Shit, I’m not sure either, shake him and see if you can wake him up.” Brian suggested.

Jess grabbed a hold of both of Nick’s shoulders and started to push them vigorously. “NICK, WAKE UP.” Jess yelled at him.

Nick’s only response was a soft moan. “Nothing Brian, he just moaned really quiet and that was it. What now?” Jess was panicky.

“Try slapping his face, go ahead, slap him hard.” Brian wasn’t sure if Jess would do it.

“I don’t know if I can.” Jess was scared to.

“You have to, just do it.” Brian almost yelled at Jess out of frustration.

Jess slapped his face hard on both cheeks. While she slapped him, she yelled Nick’s name over and over again.

Finally, Nick started to respond to the hitting. He put his arms up to the sides of his head. His eyes were still closed.

“NICK YOU SON OF A BITCH, WAKE UP, ANSWER ME NOW.” Jess was getting angrier by the minute. How could Nick possibly have done something to himself again, he knew how everyone felt the last time he was stupid and did something desperate.

Nick’s eyes opened. He looked at Jess and it appeared that he was looking through her. He looked around the room. His eyes looked wild.

“What are you on? What did you take?” Jess asked him, hoping he would say.

Nick just stared at her blankly. He could not remember what he did before Jess started hitting him.

Jess picked up the phone again to talk to Brian. “He is not talking to me yet, he looks like he doesn’t know where he is right now. What should I do now?” Jess was still worried.

“Have him drink some coffee for you, or do you think you can get him to get up and walk with you?” Brian asked.

Jess looked at Nick laying on the couch. There was no way she would be able to move him herself, she would have to have Nick help her.

“Um, Nick, I need you to get up and take a walk with me, can you?” Jess asked him.

Nick just stared at Jess.

“Hey, I need you to do this for me, you have to do this. Come on, help me.” Jess pleaded with Nick.

Jess pulled at Nick. Nick was not very cooperative he made it harder for her to pull him up off of the couch. She dropped his arm and talked to Brian on the phone again.

“He is not helping me at all, it’s as if he can’t move.” Jess was growing more worried by the minute.

“Won’t or can’t?” Brian asked her.

“I don’t know, he doesn’t seem to want to cooperate with me at all. What else can I do, I am not that strong. I wish there were someone that could come in here and help me move him.” Jess was getting more and more frustrated by the minute. Nick was not helping her at all.

“Make him some coffee and see if he will take that from you.” Brian suggested.

“You realize, by the time I do all of this, you could have been down here by now?” Jess remarked as she walked with the phone into the kitchen. “I do see some empty beer cans, but there are only two of them, and that is hardly enough to do anything to someone like the way Nick is acting, I wonder if he took something without thinking about the beer, but what did he take?” Jess was wondering outloud as she got the coffee started.

“What kind of stuff does Nick have around the house that he would take? Look on the counters and in the livingroom.” Brian suggested to Jess.

Jess walked around the kitchen, the countertops did not have any particular item that was out of place. She walked into the livingroom and looked at every endtable and didn’t see anything sitting out ontop of it.

“There’s nothing laying out here, Brian, I don’t know what he took.” Jess sighed.

“Hey, check his pockets, maybe he put it in his pockets.” Brian was trying to think of where Nick would have put something.

Jess felt Nick’s shirt pockets and they were empty. When she reached into his left front pants pocket, she felt a bottle in it. Pulling the bottle out, it was a prescription bottle. She was almost too afraid to look and see what was in the vial.

“Um, I found it, it looks like he took vallium. I can’t imagine why though, he hates taking pills and he was totally disgusted in the hospital when they made him take the stuff.” Jess said as she was reading the bottle.

She walked into the kitchen and taking out a coffee mug from the cupboard, she filled the mug up with strong coffee and took it into the livingroom for Nick to drink.

“Here, drink this.” She held the mug out for Nick to take it. He looked at Jess, but his eyes did not focus on her, it looked as if he was looking through her.

Just as she was about ready to give up, there was a knock on the front door. Setting the cup down on the table, Jess went to answer the door, she still had the phone with her.

She was relieved to see AJ standing on the front porch.

“Oh, thank god, someone I could use right now.” Jess was so happy to see AJ, that she hugged him.

“Hey, I should come over here more often.” AJ laughed.

“I’ve got a problem with Nick and I need you to help me with him. I think he took some vallium and he was drinking too, AJ he is really out of it. I can’t do anything with him.” Jess barely got the words I’ve got a problem with Nick out and AJ rushed past her into the livingroom towards Nick.

AJ wasted no time in grabbing Nick by the arms and pulling him up. Nick’s head dropped backwards and then in bobbed to the front. AJ pulled Nick up off the couch, “Jess, go on the other side of him and put his arm around your shoulder, I need to try and get him to walk.”

Jess ran over to the other side of Nick. She put his arm around her and it just hung over her shoulder.

As AJ attempted to get him to walk, Nick’s legs dragged behind him. There was no walking with Nick, he was lifeless and did not respond to any commands.

“Let’s get him into the shower.” AJ told Jess as they dragged Nick towards the bathroom. AJ pulled Nick into the shower and turned the cold water on. They stood there fully clothed with the water beating down on Nick. AJ then started to slap Nick’s face and yell. “COME ON NICK, SNAP OUT OF IT, DAMMIT, DON’T PULL THIS ON ME. COME ON, WAKE UP NICK.” As AJ repeated the phrase over and over he kept slapping Nick’s face.

Finally, what seemed to take forever, Nick started to come around. Nick stood in the shower and started crying loud, almost painful sobs.

“Hey, it’s okay, Nick, we’re here.” AJ tried to comfort Nick. He knew he was scared about what was going on as well as being confused.

“Nick, it’s gonna be alright, okay” Jess talked to him in a soothing voice.

Nick’s only response was looking at them while he continued to cry. His legs gave out on him twice, and AJ was there to hold him back up so he wouldn’t fall down to the shower floor.

“Nick, what did you take?” AJ asked with his face in Nick’s face.

Crying, Nick stammered, “I, um, I..I..dddon’t rremembber.”

“Come on, you have to remember, what was it?” AJ tried to persue the issue.

Nick’s teeth were chattering from the cold water. Jessica noticed that his lips were turning blue.

“Vvvallium.” Nick replied. It was barely audible.

“Yeah, how much?” AJ demanded.

“I, um, I, I, think two.” Nick said.

“Two? Are you sure about that? I can’t imagine two would do this to you!” AJ was in Nick’s face again.

“It was two! I swear!” Nick yelled back at AJ, he was starting to get agitated.

“Come on, I know that two of them wouldn’t get you messed up like you are, what did you have with it?” AJ yelled back at Nick.

“I drank some beer, not much, I know, I was dumb.” Nick finally admitted what he had with the tranquilizers.

“You’re damn right that was dumb, it was stupid.” AJ said as he turned the water off.

Both Nick and AJ were dripping wet. Jessica grabbed a couple of towels and handed them to AJ and Nick.

“AJ, I’m gonna give you a pair of Nick’s sweats to put on, I’ll throw your clothes in the dryer.” Jess called back over her shoulder as she went into Nick’s room.

“Thanks.” AJ replied as he was toweling off and looked at Nick. “Just what the hell were you doing there, Nick?” AJ appeared upset with Nick.

“I forgot I had taken the vallium, I was getting mad at the report on the tv and I decided to have a beer. The first one I drank tasted good, so I went ahead and got another one. I had called Brian before I drank the beer and I guess my mind slipped.” Nick ran his sentenances together without a pause.

“Yeah, your mind slipped alright. Why did you take the vallium in the first place?” AJ asked.

“I was upset with the tv report and when I got off the phone with Brian, my hands were shaking. I usually will take them to calm down. I have in the past, no big deal.” Nick tried to shrug it off. “No big deal? Boy, you sure take stupid things lightly. Do you realize what could have happened to you? Tranquilzers are not things to play around with, do you understand?” AJ was in Nick’s face again. “I’m sorry, okay? Just leave it at that.” Nick was starting to get annoyed at AJ, he was becoming too demanding.

“Just remember what I said Nick, alright?” AJ was hoping he was getting through to him.

“Yeah, I’ll never forget.” Nick barely said the words to AJ. He was getting sick and tired of people trying to run his life for him.

“You better not, do you understand?” AJ was persistant.

“I said yes!” Nick was cold and wanted to get out of the shower.