.01.06.01. | .02:29:45.pm.

"so where'd you go? how was your vacation home? well obviously you were busy, too busy for me. so this is how you leave me..."

well here i am again, hungry like a wolf. school has gone on for a week now, and i don't know what to tell ya.. it's all pretty much the same b.s. as last quarter and the quarter before that and so on. this whole process is starting to make me laugh, because i feel like i'm going nowhere. and i am; i am going nowhere. i've always told myself to take it easy, live without worries, without boundaries.. all that crap. but right now, i want some direction. some big sign that's telling me what is the best thing for me to do in my situation. i've been walking the suck road for way too long now, and i know that it is slowly and indiscernably killing me inside.. but i digress. oh, a touch of the melancholy from me. i'm going to go random mode now... i got tony hawk 2 for xmas. safe to say that my winter quarter is completely shot to hell now.. but DAMN is this a great game. dennis has hell week for his frat now; he expects me and scott and simon and whoever to sneak him some cheeseburgers or something.. ha, good luck. i'm not about to get MY ass paddled. i'm listening to jimmy eat world again. i don't know if that's a good thing or a terrible thing, seeing as though right now i'm on that brink of being all down and depressed again.. and if you know me, i can get DEPRESSED. i tend to dwell on my shortcomings and misgivings. but it's amazing how one single instance can completely change a person, you know? like a smile from across a room can make a teary-eyed kid stop crying; or a fucking racist comment can turn the most amiable person into a hate-monger. things like that grab my attention. you know what i was wondering the other day? i was smoking outside of south park mall in strongsville up in cleveland new year's eve with rudy. he was describing everything going on around us and said, "this is it. reality. fuck." or something to the lines of that, i don't quite remember. then a snowflake landed on my smoker gloves and i just stared at it. a little six-sided miracle. it looked so perfect just sitting in my hand. each and every one of them are unique, you know? just like us.. more so than us even if you think about it. and it's safe to say that there's a lot more snowflakes out there than humans. but isn't the number six the sign of imperfection ("7" being the perfect number and "666" the mark of the beast, a.k.a. the devil.. Catholic dogma speaking)? think about it.. the most unique and perfect natural formation this world offers in my eyes is by nature imperfect; a hoax. one big fascade. and it's true.. it's not real. the moment i touch it, the second my fingers attempt to grace what i perceive as perfect, the snowflake disappears, melts away. how fucking perfect. it's just like life sometimes, though, isn't it? you find something so amazingly perfect, but it's abstract because when you get close to it, it melts away. i don't know.. rudy called this "stream of consciousness" or something. ah well.. i think too much. and i'm still hungry. i drank myself stupid last night, sobered up rather quickly, then halfway through a 40oz. i got sick as hell. thank you judy for telling me to eat crackers though, because as of now, physically, i feel like ten bucks. and there, my friends, is an optimistic note. laterz.

"...i'm broken hearted on the floor, my tears seep through the crack under my door where i am locked in, shut down, i'm so tired of picking myself up off the ground."
:: alkaline trio. { enjoy your day }

back, back, backwards motion...