Justin pulled away suddenly, wondering what he was doing. I… I just kissed her… Why the… What… What am I doing?
Alexia opened her eyes to meet his. Staring at each other, breathing heavily, they both tried to figure out what was going on.
“I… I think we’ve talked enough. I think I’m gonna go back to bed now,” Alexia stuttered, pulling herself from underneath him.
Justin watched her walk out of his room, then continued to stare at his closed bedroom door for a good 5 minutes after she’d left.
“What the HELL just happened?” Justin thought out loud.
~ The Next Day ~
“We’re gonna go get something to eat,” Joey said to Justin and JC, “Are y’all coming?”
“Not me, I got something here I gotta finish,” JC answered.
“I’ll stay and help out C,” Justin added.
“Ok, we’ll see you guys in about an hour,” Chris said as he walked out the studio door with Lance and Joey.
“You didn’t have to –" JC started before Justin cut him off.
“I almost lost Josh yesterday.”
“What?” JC exclaimed.
“Alexia and I brought him to the park yesterday. We went on a walk, and Josh ran away from us when we started to get into a fight.”
JC stayed silent as Justin spoke.
“We searched everywhere for him for what seemed like forever. I’ve never been so terrified in my life than I was at the moment I realized that I didn’t have any idea of where he was. I finally found him hiding in some area of a jungle gym or something. Alexia rushed over and… We asked him why he ran away from us like that. And do you know what he said?”
JC remained quiet, assuming the question was rhetorical. It appeared he assumed correctly when Justin continued.
“He said he ran away because he didn’t want to hear us fight anymore… We’d been fighting over the fact that I haven’t been home lately. She says I’m neglecting Josh. Do you think I’m ignoring him, JC?”
“You’ve been busy…”
“And that’s what I told her. But she said that I should make time for him, because he’s my son. I told her I would NEVER ignore Josh. He’s the most important thing in my life.” Justin took a deep breath before he continued. “Last night, after we put Josh to bed, Alexia came into my room to talk to me. You know what’s funny. The first thing I noticed when she walked into my room was how absolutely gorgeous she looked. And it wasn’t just because she looked really good in the lavender satin nightgown she was wearing. It was because the look on her face was one of worry for our son. But back to what I was saying. She wanted to talk to me about what Josh had said. So we were talking, and out of nowhere, she just says, ‘That was one reason I left.’ I was in shock at first. We haven’t really talked about that since she came back. She said she left partially because she knew the fighting wouldn’t stop and she didn’t want to put Josh through that. She had no faith in me, or us, at all. I wanted more than anything to work out everything between us, and I was more than willing to stick around and do so, because I loved her so much. But Alexia must not have loved me as much as she said she did, if it was that easy for her to just run away like she did.” Tears began to form in Justin’s eyes, but he fought to push them back.
“So, what happened?” JC asked, after waiting a few moments for his friend to go on.
Justin laughed an ironic kind of laugh, “I kissed her. A lot. I kissed her like I’ve never kissed anyone else in my entire life… You know, I haven’t kissed a woman in five years, not since she left.”
“That’s… not normal.”
“I couldn’t. I knew I would never feel that spark, that electricity, that indescribable feeling with anyone other than her.”
“Justin, do you have any idea what you’re doing?”
“No.”
“You’re messing with Alexia’s head, for one, while you’re trying to decide what it is you want from her.”
Justin stopped him. “I don’t want anything from her. I told you, I’m not letting her get close to me again. She’ll only leave, run away, like before.”
“Then why did you kiss her?”
“I… I couldn’t stop myself.”
“And why haven’t you dated anyone since she left?”
“I’ve been busy with the group, and Josh.”
“That’s bull. All of us find time to date, or spend time with our girlfriends.”
“Well… I…”
“And why, after five years, do you still have that engagement ring?”
“It’s a reminder… to keep myself from making the mistake of falling for her again…”
Justin noticed that JC wasn’t looking at him anymore, but he was looking past him. Justin turned and saw Alexia standing at the door, with Josh at her side. He watched as the tears filled her eyes, and she spun around and ran the other way.
“Fuck,” he muttered as he got up quickly and chased after her.
“Looks like it didn’t work too well, because you’ve already fallen again. That’s if you even stop loving her to begin with,” JC thought out loud while he went to retrieve a confused Josh that still stood in the doorway, watching his parents.
Justin followed her to the elevator. “Alex, wait!”
“Come on, come on. Stupid elevators! Too damn slow,” she mumbled to herself while she waited for the elevator to reach her floor. She looked behind her and noticed that Justin was getting closer.
“Screw this,” she changed direction and headed for the stairs.
Justin reached them not long after the door had shut behind her. He flung it open and listened for her footsteps, praying she hadn’t gone onto another floor already. Sure enough, he heard hurried footsteps above his head, and began following her again. Eventually, Justin caught up to her on the roof.
“Alexia, wait.”
“Why?” she cried, “Haven’t I heard enough?”
“What did you hear?”
“Just that I was a mistake, but that was plenty for me!”
“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“Naw. Really, Justin? I thought after you were done telling JC that, you were gonna just rush home and scream it at me. After all, that’s all you’ve been doing lately. I can’t do anything right. Of course, I don’t want to say anything out of line, because there’s always the fact that Josh is the only thing keeping me at that house. Isn’t that what you keep saying? Did I get it exactly right, Justin?”
“I…”
“And now… now I find out that I, loving me, was just a mistake you made. Was Josh a mistake too? Was, our son, a, mistake, Justin? Is he why you even bothered to stay with me so long, even after we couldn’t stop fighting?”
“No, I…”
“Ya know what? I don’t even want to hear it.” Alexia made a dash for the door, and Justin made no move to go after her. He simply watched her go. It seemed like that’s all he’d been watching her do lately, run away from him, just like before.
That’s why I’m not going to break my promise to myself.