Chapter 1

She sat in the car, staring at the front door of the house, too scared and nervous to move.

Just get up and do it. They’ll find you here eventually if you don’t, and then what will you say? They’ll think you’re stalking them or something. I’ve missed him, both of them, so much. I can do this.

She got out of the car and repeated that last thought over and over in her head as she made her way to the door. Her finger hovered over the doorbell for a minute or two before she finally had the guts to push it. The sound of little feet pounding towards her could be heard, as well as a young male voice yelling, “I got it, Dad!”

The door opened and she thought her heart stopped. The last time she had seen her little boy, he was only a little over three feet tall. He obviously recognized her. She could tell by the look of shock and disbelief on his face.

“Mom?” he asked her softly.

“Hi, baby,” she said with a little relief. But that relief quickly faded when he turned and ran up the stairs, away from her.

“Josh? Who’s at the door?” she heard the familiar voice call out to their son as he walked towards the entranceway.

When he saw her, his heart broke all over again. “Alexia?” he asked her when he reached the doorway she still stood in.

“Hi, Justin,” she replied quietly. Her gaze was settled on the floor, because she couldn’t bear to look at him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see my son,” she looked up, despite her fears, at the cold tone of his voice.

“You didn’t honestly think he would welcome you with open arms, did you?”

“I…Well, I…”

“You left us, Alexia! You disappeared! Just because you didn’t win custody, you didn’t gain any right to just leave him, us, like that. Neither of us deserved that. But you were so selfish that you only thought about you, and your pain. Well, what about Josh? What about his pain? Having to grow up without his mother, because SHE didn’t feel like dealing with anything. That wasn’t right, and he knows that. So if you thought that you could just waltz back into his life, then you were more screwed up in the head than I thought you were.”

“You took him from me.”

“If I remember correctly, joint custody was awarded. You were allowed visitation rights. YOU disappeared, so you can’t even blame me.”

I thought coming back here was a good idea. Maybe I was wrong. I’ll book a plane ticket to my parents’ house for tomorrow afternoon. If you need me, I’ll be staying at the Ramada. But I won’t be expecting your call. Good bye, Justin.”

He watched as she walked back to her car. Away from the door, away from the house, away from their son, and away from him, again.

Later That Day

“So she just showed up at your door?” JC inquired, from his place on Justin’s couch. Josh was playing video games with his “Uncle” Chris and “Uncle” Joey. Lance and JC sat on the couch in Justin’s living room, watching him pace and fidget in a frustrated manner.

“Yeah. Josh answered the door. I guess he took one look at her, recognized who it was, and just ran off. I came to the door, and we got in an argument. I guess some things never change.”

“How did he recognize her?” Lance asked.

“I used to keep this old picture of her on my dresser. I caught Josh looking at it a few times, so I gave it to him.”

“So she hasn’t changed at all?”

“She grew her hair out. Now it’s a little past shoulder length. She lost a little weight. She looks a little older. She had glasses on, instead of her contacts,” he paused a moment, as if remembering something. “I always liked her better with her glasses,” he smiled a sad, half smile.

“You should call her,” JC suggested.

“What?! Why? She abandoned me…I mean, us.”

“Alexia obviously wants to be a part of Josh’s life again; make up for all the mistakes she’s made,” Lance took a guess at her motives.

“She should’ve thought about that before she left. I’m not sure yet if I should let her be a part of his life. I don’t know if he even wants her to be in his life. He was so hurt when she left him. He cried every night for weeks because he missed her.”

“Justin, we’re your best friends, and we’d only tell you the truth. You know that, right?” Chris asked him.

“Of course.”

“I don’t think you were talking about Josh. I think you need to figure out whose life you don’ t want her to be a part of. His, or yours,” JC laid it all out for him.

“That’s ridiculous! I’m thinking of Josh here, not myself. He’s the important one.”

“He hardly knew her. You, on the other hand, were with her for almost five years. It was expected that you would be heartbroken when she left, and upset if she came back. Well, she’s back, and you’re upset. She could be good for him. She was a pretty good mother in the beginning.”

“Alexia left him, she left us, she left me alone to take care of him. She is NOT a good mother for that.”

“That is harsh. Alexia tried just as hard as you to work out your problems.”

“She RAN. That’s what she did. She ran away from us. I will not give her that chance to run again.”

“And we finally get to the root of all this!"

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’ll tell you what I’m talking about. You are so scared that she’s gonna leave you again. So you don’t want to give her the chance to get close to you. You’re a wuss. She was the best thing to ever happen to you, at least, until she left.”

“She was not the best thing to happen to me. She only gave me the best thing to happen to me. For that, I owe her my life, but that’s all.”

“If you would give her you life for her giving you Josh, why would you not give her a second chance?”

“Whose side are you on here? You saw how she hurt me, and Josh. How can you sit here and tell me to give her another chance to leave us.”

“I’m on your side, because I saw how you were around her, and we just want you to be happy again.”

“I am perfectly happy with just Josh and I. We don’t want her.”

“But you need her. It’s as simple as that.”

“I don’t need her. And I don’t have to listen to this. I need to get Josh some dinner, so I’ll see you guys later. I think you know the way out,” Justin got up from the couch to go to the kitchen.

“He’ll crack, and he’ll crack fast,” Joey predicted as he walked out with his friends.

Justin laid in bed that night, restless, his mind not allowing him to sleep. He couldn’t get the memories out of his head. From the night they met, to the day they became a couple, to the night they conceived Josh, to the day he was born, to the day of the hearing. His mind wouldn’t let him forget, or was that his heart. He flopped over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. “No. Josh is the only one I need. He’s the only one that matters.”

Then why do you want to call her?

The Next Morning

“Josh, buddy, wake up. You need to get ready. We have somewhere to go, and we don’t have a lot of time to get there. So I need you to get ready quickly. Ok?” Justin roused his son from his bed.

“Ok, Dad,” Josh replied sleepily, stumbling toward his bathroom.

Justin walked briskly to the front desk, his son in his arms. “Hi. Can I find out what room Alexia Jamison is in?”

“Just a minute, sir,” the clerk began typing something on his computer, “She’s in room 318. Would you like for me to call up there?”

“No, that’s ok. Thank you for your help,” Justin spoke as he already began to move towards the elevator. He punched the up button a few times and waited impatiently for the elevator. “Hurry, hurry, before she leaves,” he mumbled to himself.

“Dad, why are we here?” Josh asked his father as they stepped into the elevator.

“We’re here to…visit someone,” he answered his son, hitting the button for the third floor. The elevator was quiet as it rode to their destination. They walked into the hallway when the doors opened.

Justin stopped in front of the door that read 318, Josh at his side. He raised his hand to knock on the door, then let it fall to his side again. He repeated this action a few times, hesitant to see her again.

Josh watched his father, continuously attempt to knock on the door. He didn’t know who was inside the room, but he decided to make the decision for him. Josh raised his small hand and knocked loudly. Justin’s gaze immediately snapped down to his son.

“I knocked for you, Dad, since you couldn’t seem to remember how,” Josh said, innocently looking up at his father.

“Josh-“ Justin started, but was interrupted by the opening of the door.

“J-Justin?” Alexia was shocked to see the man standing in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

“Mommy?” a voice asked from closer to the floor. She looked at her son.

“Josh?”

“Mommy,” he reached his hands up to hug her.

Quickly, she reached down and picked him up in a hug, despite the fact that he was seven years old. “Oh, God, baby. I missed you so much!” the tears started to roll down her cheeks as she clung to the boy.

“I missed you too, Mommy,” his own tears falling. Justin watched his ex-girlfriend, the mother of his child, reunite with their son.

“Mommy, I’m still tired. Dad woke me up early this morning,” Josh complained, adding a yawn for effect.

“Do you wanna take a nap for a little while?” Alexia offered, carrying him into the room, Justin following behind them.

“Yes.”

“Ok, you take off your shoes and climb into that bed and go to sleep.”

“Alright, Mommy.” Josh did as he was told and fell asleep almost the minute his head hit the pillow.

Alexia sat next to him for the first few moments of his slumber, stroking his hair, then turned to Justin.

“Thank you so much for bringing him,” she said. Tears filling her eyes once again.

“He…I figured he deserved at least a goodbye this time,” Justin replied lamely.

“Yeah,” she agreed quietly. She turned the television on and set it at a low volume. They watched TV for an hour, in silence, while their son slept.

Alexia heard something stir behind her and she turned to watch Josh as he awoke. He sat up slowly, rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes. He looked up at the woman who sat next to him on the bed.

“Hi, Mommy,” he mumbled, still not fully awake.

“Hey, sweetie. Did you have a nice nap?”

“Yes,” his eyes wandered around the room, and landed on a packed suitcase. “Are you leaving?”

“I…uh…well, you see…”

“Don’t leave, Mommy. You just got here,” Josh pleaded with his mother.

She didn’t know what to say. Here was her son, looking at her with teary eyes and his bottom lip quivering, ready to cry. And across the room was her ex-boyfriend, his father, telling her that he didn’t want or need her around.

“You can stay with me, at my house,” he tried to persuade her.

Her gaze turned to Justin briefly, before turning back to Josh. “It’s up to your father, not me.”

“Daddy, please. Please!” Josh begged.