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In the days since my drunken escapade, I haven’t touched any type of alcohol. Boy, did I ever want to just get wasted and forget about it all. I couldn’t believe what I had done. It made me sick, just thinking about it. How could I have let it happen? Was that I desperate for attention? What in the world did I think it would get me? Love? Ha! That was far from it. The only thing that came from it was more heartache.
Every day, I’ve been thinking about: how I got into this mess, How did I let it go so far ? What was going to happen now?
I knew what was going to happen. I was going to lose my best friend. Brian, I couldn’t even look at him the same way. He probably wouldn’t talk to me again anyway,and Nick, well, who knows. Would Charlie tell him? If she did, what would he do? Would it even hurt? God knows I am.
Just the realization that I had cheated on him, made me no worse than him. It unnerved me. He was the reason why I went over there in the first place. I was hoping to find out what was going on, hoping that I was wrong in believing that he was cheating on me, and to see what I could possibly do to make Nick come back to me. Instead in the end, I had cheated on him with his best friend!
I was a total wreck. I was all tied in knots over what to do. I didn’t know where Charlie was staying, even if I had to guts to face her and beg her for forgiveness. I hoped she was okay. What good friend would have an affair with her own best friend’s boyfriend? God, I was pathetic. Maybe, I deserve to be alone...
Looking into the bathroom mirror, the face staring back, wasn’t me. My pale face was drawn with dark circles under my eyes. Why was I letting this happen? I shouldn’t be feeling this bad, considering what he was putting me through. For a mere second, I thought it served him right, but then, no one deserved to be cheated on. I knew first hand, what it felt like. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But it WAS HIS fault that I even felt the need to go over there in the first place! Damn him, for getting to me and damn myself for letting him in.