A wisp of air blew gently across the plain of snow-covered grass and pine trees that seemed to have been dancing with the wind as the snow softly fell flat on everything that was in sight. Sounds of cheerful noise from every house, all covered with Christmas decorations as the Christmas lights shone brightly and proudly, can be heard as the tunes of Christmas songs were played as families and friends gathered together joyously sharing hugs and kisses, while the kids searched underneath their Christmas trees searching for any gifts that had their names on it.

Nick made one swift movements underneath his covers as he reached his arm out seemingly to be searching for someone to be lying beside him. When he found no one there, he quickly got up and roamed the room with his eyes. He quickly got up out of his bed, with a smile on his face, as he reached for his robe to shelter his body from the cold air of Christmas morning. Running his fingers through his bed head hair, he made his way out of his bedroom and down the stairs that ultimately led him to a living room occupied by a 7 feet high fresh Christmas tree, carefully and beautifully decorated, as it was filled with presents on top of presents. Beside the tree stood a window that gave access to seeing the outside world. Nick glanced out and enjoyed the sight of a white Christmas.

He quickly made his way to the stereo system on the other side of the room and played the reminiscent sound of Kenny G’s saxophone as it played a gentle rendition of “Have Yourself A Merry Christmas” then turned his focus back outside, enjoying the beauty that the falling snow created while all that he could see was white snow that seemed to have stretched into eternity, somehow he knew that it would be a Christmas sure to remember.

“Hey,” a voice of a woman called out from behind him

Nick turned his body around, still with a smile on his face, “Hey you! What time did you get out of bed?”

“I’ve been up for quite some time now,” she said while walking to the couch and settled herself on the couch in the room, all dressed up, all that was missing was her shoes.

“You should have wakened me up!” Nick grinned at her, not moving from where he astutely stood.

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Why do you look so glum? It’s Christmas…no wait, not just any Christmas, it’s a white Christmas and it’s our first Christmas together. You look like someone just died or something!” Nick kidded while crossing his arms and exchanging his soft smile with a sly grin.

“Come here, I have to talk to you about something”

Nick sensing the seriousness in his girlfriend’s voice erased the grin off of his face and made his way to sit beside her on the couch. “What’s wrong?” he said in a comforting voice

“I have to go,” she informed sadly as she broke the eye contact Nick had given to her by looking down at her fingers that were fidgeting with each other.

“What?” Nick asked, confused

“I just have to go,” she said, forcing her own self not to cry and trying to avoid any chance of seeing the look on Nick’s face. She knew she was breaking his heart.

“I thought you loved me?” Nick said as his voice was filled with the tone of sadness. “You said you loved me, so why are you leaving me?”

“I do love you Nick,” she informed, finally having the guts to look back up at the man whose heart she had just torn into a million pieces. “I love you more than anything in this world!” she reached into his face whose happy expressions was suddenly filled with such gloom and dissatisfaction

“You’re not making any sense at all”

“I love you so much that I can’t let you fool yourself into believing that we’re the one for each other. I’m not the one for you; you belong to someone else who would treat you the way that you deserved. I can’t give you what you deserve, I wish I could but I can’t!”

Nick moved his face away from her soft touch that he loved so much, as he stood himself up, “How do you know all that? You’re the one that completes me! I’m happy being with you!”

“No Nick, that’s not true, I know it and so do you! I just hope you would understand!” she explained as tears streamed down her face as pain targeted her heart, making her feel the sensation of her tearing her own heart and at the same time, the sadness she felt for breaking the heart of the man she loved more than anything in the world.

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I’ll always stay with you
But baby that’s not me

You need someone willing
To give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever
That’s not something I can’t do
I could say that I’ll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I’d only hurt you
I know I’d only make you cry
I’m not the one you’re needing
I love you, goodbye

“How could you do this to me?” he whispered under his breath, as he was unable to hold the tears of pain he felt overtake his entirety that he had imposed on him. He turned to her and face her as their eyes met: He wanted to hate her, he wanted to shake some sense into her, but he couldn’t, all he could do was grab her into his arms, wishing so hard his arms could convince her to stay with him.

She slowly pulled away from him, as she silently bid her final farewell to the hug that made her feel safe, the scent that only she could smell when her arms were wrapped around her body.

“I’m going to go now”

Nick grabbed her arm to stop her from taking a step away from him, “Please, just tell me the reason why?”

She reached her arms out to him caressing his soft face as she felt the tiny stubbles of his facial hair.

“I love you”

“The reason, please?” he begged

“That is the reason,” she cried

Nick grabbed her hand that was caressing his face and placed it on his chest. “Do you feel that?” he asked

“Nick, please don’t make this harder than it already is”

“Can you feel my heart?” he asked. “That’s the same heart you once promised that you would never break…”

“Nick, please,” she continued to plead as tears upon tears fell out of her red eyes

Nick did not paid heed at her plea and continued, “Do you remember that? It was the first time we had ever said ‘I love you’ to each other and you looked at me in the eye and said ‘I promise you that I will always take care of your heart and never break it’ do you remember that? Because I do! I believed you; I believed every word you ever said to me, so why are you doing this to me now? Why?” the gentle tone in his voice vanished as it was replaced by anger and pain.

She wanted to find some salvation, not for her, but for him to ease his pain away, but she knew there was none for in that moment; she was killing his heart, his hope and his dream.

I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand
I’m only doing this for you
I don’t really want to go
But deep in my heart I know
This is the kindest thing to do
You’ll find someone
who will be the one that I could never be
who will give you something better
Than the love you’ll find with me
Oh I could say that I’ll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I’d only hurt you
I know I’d only make you cry
I’m not the one you’re needing
I love you, goodbye

“Someday you’ll understand that I did keep my promise to you,” she said as she released her hand out of his grip and away from his heart. It was the last bit of her that remained in his heart and she took it away. She made her way down the corridor that ultimately led her out of the house that Nick had given to shelter her physicality, but the sadness of that walk laid solely on the fact that she was walking the path that will ultimately led her out of the arms that belonged to the man whose her world she wanted to revolve around with.

She could feel Nick’s presence walking right behind her. He didn’t bother stopping her. Deep inside, he wanted to believe that she would not be able to walk out that door. He wanted to find something that will convince him that all this was a big joke on him that he was playing on her.

“If you walk out that door,” he uttered out as he swallowed a lump he felt in his throat. “If you walk out that door, don’t come back!” he said, as his hopes clinched on the idea that she would not be able to go away with the knowledge that she can never come back. In his ideal world, she would turn around, run back into his arms and let him wipe her tears away as they continue their story of love for one another.

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

She turned to Nick and gave him one last look as she whispered, “I’m sorry,” and turned her back around as she reached for the knob of the front door, as she faced the world alone and walked out as she closed the door behind her one last time.

“I love you, goodbye,” she whispered wishing that Nick would be able to someday understand she did it all for him.

She stepped down on the ground, as the snow that once fell gently on ground harshly came down and made her way across the street where a cab was waiting for her. She opened the door of the car while giving one last glance at the house where she knew inside stood the man she loved whose heart she broke but save all at the same time. It was bittersweet for her. It truly was a Christmas never to be forgotten, not for her and not for Nick: not ever!

Oh I don’t want to leave you
It tears me up inside
But I’ll never be the one you’re needing
I love you, goodbye

She got settled inside the cab as she signalled the driver to go on with their way, and within seconds, she was gone. Nick opened up the front door, hoping to find her standing in front of him, but all he saw was white, the same whiteness he saw that same morning, except that time around, it no longer provided a peaceful and magical feeling, but an empty feeling as his heart broke in pain.

“I love you, goodbye,” he whispered as his head dropped low, a sign of defeat and walked back inside his house, up to his room and back into his bed, shutting the whole world away.

As the whole world celebrated, there were the few that dwell in emptiness and sadness. Christmas may have been a time to celebrate, but for some, it has become a sheer reminder of the scarred emptiness that one individual has left deep within, never really gone away for good.