“Brian, I thought you were nuts before, but this time I’m convinced you’ve gone off your rocker” A.J. said shaking his head
“Oh come on man! It’ll be fun, three days in the woods where no fans are, peace and quite. Nick and Kevin are coming, all we need are you and Howie!” Brian pleaded. A.J. continued to shake his head
“No way. I am not spending three days in the woods with you guys. Besides, I’m not into camping, I’m gonna stay in the bus with Howie. Aren’t we D?” He asked turning towards Howie
"Actually. ..camping in the woods sounds like fun to me” Howie said
“Oh man, not you too!” A.J. said
“A.J., I promise, it’ll be fun” Brian said
“Yeah, there’s nothing like a weekend of wilderness and fresh air” Kevin said, coming to Brian’s side
“I swear, I thought you two were past that hick stage” A.J. muttered. Nick came up from behind and whacked him with the Pringles can
“don’t talk about your friends that way”
“Hey, don’t hit me with your chips” A.J. said grabbing Brian’s hand and smacking Nick upside the head with it
“hey!” A.J. grinned
“sorry Nicky, I like revenge” he said Cartman style. Nick grinned
"Screw you A.J." he replied, also Cartman style.
"Oh no," Howie muttered, "not the South Park stuff again!" He thought quickly before Brian joined in on the fun and the three of them drove him and Kevin nuts "so A.J., your camping with us?" A.J. stopped mid-sentence, then sighed
"yeah you guys won't leave me alone till I do"
"We've only been walking for about five minutes"
"exactly. Aren't we far enough out? I mean, I don't want to be too far from civilization" Kevin rolled his eyes and kept going. About 10 minutes later they reached a beautiful cleared out spot by the stream.
"Wow, this is beautiful" Nick said loking around. The rest of the guy nodded in agreement.
"Let's set up camp here" Howie suggested. A.J. seconded the motion, and the rest of the guys agreed.
"Nick's a good thief" Kevin (who was on A.J.'s left, where the marshmellows were) joked.
"Uh huh. Well, Kevin, tell Nick that he's pretty good if he reaches across the fire and doesn't burn himself to hand me the marshmellows" Brian said "I'd like to learn that trick, Nick, how'd you do that?" Nick laughed
"I've got super powers!!"
"Right" A.J. said in a Dr. Evil impression, glancing at Kevin. Kevin forged innocence
"Are you saying I did it?"
"Give it up man, your busted" A.J. said.
'Craaack!' The boys jumped
"What the hell?!" Nick exclaimed.
"Uh, guys, where's Howie?" Kevin asked
"right here" he said, walking back in from the woods, the guys jumped
"jeez D, you scared us half to death!" Nick exclaimed, running his hands through his hair.
"Sorry, I had to pee. I saw you guys jump. I accidently stepped on a branch. Didn't mean to scare you"
"It's ok." Kevin said, "come have a marshmellow!" the guys laughed as they walked back to the fire.
"OH MY GOD!" He yelled, bolting out of the bag and out the door of the tent, waking everyone else, who also came running out, boxer clad (except for Kevin, he had on pajama pants)
"What happened?" They were asking. Brian, who had recoved, replied
"I think something had the runs on my pillow" he said, glaring at Tyke.
"Eww. That's sick!" Howie exclaimed. Nick burst out laughing.
"Oh, you think it's funny Nick?!" Brian exclaimed. Nick kept laughing
"Man, it wasn't Tyke!"
"Nick, if it was you, I'll make you cry, then I'll kill you"
"No, it was this!" Nick said, holding up his fake green slime.
"Nick!" Kevin exclaimed, "that's sick!"
"Better than pooping in a sock" A.J. muttered. Nick glared at him.
"Hey, hey hey. Let's just get some sleep" Howie broke in.
"Good idea" A.J. said, walking back to the tent. "Night guys"
Howie was the first awake. He noticed the peaceful quitness of the woods, the running of the nearby stream. A.J. and Kevin, fast asleep. He smiled, getting up and pulling on his pants and a shirt. He decided he film the woods, and how pretty they were. As he walked out the door, he turned the camera towards A.J. and Kevin "and as you can see, they're fast asleep" he walked out the door, zipping it up behind him. "and out here we have our peaceful, Arkansas woods. It was Brian's idea to come camping out here." He panned around. "and now I'll show you the little stream we're camping by." he started walking towards the stream. About halfway there he heard Nick's voice singing "and you can hear Nick, I have no clue what he's doing, but you can hear him." Howie continued to walk towards the stream, untill he came to it. "and this is that cute little stream" he said, panning towards the left "there's a big rock, and Nick, and-" he stopped mid-sentence, and went back to Nick, who was naked in the river. "Nick! What in the world are you doing!" he exclaimed. Nick jumped, then ducked down into the water, till it was halfway up his chest.
"man, what are you doing! Get that camera off me! I'm trying to take a bath!"
"no problem!" Howie said, turning and hightailing it back to camp.
"ok, guys, we've played guitars, sang, talked, read, wrote, played a little game of football, and now I'm bored to death" A.J. said, laying on his back, staring up at the vast blue sky. Fianlly he stood up "I'm going fdor a walk, anyone wanna come?"
"I will" Nick said, standing up from where he was drawing, "just let me put these away". A.J. looked around at the rest of the guys
"anyone else?" The rest of the guys shook their heads. Nick emerged from the tent, with his backpack. "what's in there?" A.J. asked.
"4 bottles of water and a little bit of food, some matches, and my unbrella"
"Why are you taking that?" Nick shrugged, walking towards the left. A.J. shook his head, following him.
"See you guys later"
"Uh. . . A.J.?" Nick asked, looking around
"Yeah?" A.J. said, taking a swig from one of the watter bottles Nick had brought.
"I don't remember coming through here, do you?" A.J. looked around,
"you know, I think your right" he finally said, "what time is it?" Nick glanced down at his watch
"about 6:00"
"When does the sun set?"
"um. . .around 6:30, I think"
"6:30!!" A.J. yelled "There is no way in hell we can make it back by 6:30!! We don't even know where the hell we are!!!"
"You think I don't know that!" Nick said
"Well how the hell are we gonna get back? Huh Nick? Tell me, HOW THE HELL DO WE GET BACK!"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Nick yelled, throwing his arms up "I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL WE ARE AND HOW TO GET THE FUCK BACK TO CAMP, I DON'T KNOW, OK?!?!?!"
"YOU DON'T KNOW. GREAT, JUST GREAT!" A.J. yelled. "DAMMIT!" he said, his voice echoing "NICK, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU KNEW WHERE WE WERE!" He screamed
"Don't scream at me dammit" Nick muttered, looking around.
"WHAT?" A.J. said, looking at Nick.
"I SAID DON'T SCREAM AT ME!" Nick yelled, trying to think sensibly. "Look, we can't make it back before dark, so lets just camp here."
"On what? I don't know about you Nick, but I don't have a tent in my back pocket" A.J. said scarcastically
"Neither do I, but I have that blanket" Nick said, glancing A.J.'s direction. A.J. looked at him,
"Well, we're screwed till the morning, why the hell not."
"I think your right" Brian said, he'd been worried about them for sometime now. "Maybe we should go look for them"
"Oh no" Kevin said "it's to dark, then we'll get lost, and that won't be good"
"Kevin's right" Howie said. Brian nodded
"Yeah, I know. What if we look for them first thing in the morning?"
"They may not even be lost," Howie pointed out, "They may have realized it was to dark to try to keep going, and stopped so they wouldn't get lost, they may be back tomorrow"
"So let's just sleep" Kevin said
"and worry about it tomorrow" Brian finished.
"Aauugghh!!" Nick screamed, jumping off the blanket. A.J. sat straight up
"What the- Man, what's wrong with you?" He said, looking at Nick, who was running his hands over his body, panting and sweating. "Bad dream?" he guessed. Nick nodded
"I was being chased, and I got caught, and she started eating me, and the rest of the guys, and you were trying to kill her, but you couldn't, and she ate my house, and my dogs, and my Nirvana collection, and my beanie babies, and-"
"Basically everything?" A.J. questioned. Nick nodded
"that's not the worst of it, she was 800 pounds and butt-ass naked!"
"Oh my God, Nick, are you aure she wasn't that one waitress at the bar the other night?" Nick glared at him, "peace" A.J. said, holding up his hands in surrender and apology. Nick stood up, running his hands through his hair,
"man, I gotta piss!" he said, walking behind a tree, A.J. reasoned this was a good idea, and walked opposite of Nick to a nearby tree. Minutes later they were back where they had slept. They ate a "breakfast" that consisted of a bottle of water, half a candy bar, and a lifesaver. When they finished they decided to start finding a way back to camp once more.
"Nick, I swear, If I hear you sing that damn Journey song one more time, I'll punch the living daylights out of you!" A.J. said.
"Oh, and like I'm not sick of you singing that damn Myriah Carey song, why the hell are you singing that anyway?"
"So I don't have to hear you!"
"Is it really worth singing Myriah?" A.J. thought about it for a minute,
"ok, compromise, we both either, a: sing the same song, b: don't sing at all, or c: only I sing"
"I'll take d, none of the above" Nick said with a grin.
"Guys, they aren't back yet, it's 5:35" Howie said, looking at his watch. Brian stood up
"that's it, let's go look for them!"
"What happens if we get lost?" Kevin asked
"we won't, I have the map" Brian said, pulling it out. Kevin sighed,
"I guess your right. . .ok, let's do it" he said standing up. Howie stood up
"I'll pack the small tent." About ten minutes later, camp was packed, and they were off to find Nick and A.J.
"Nick, look, isn't that the stream!!!" A.J. said excitedly as they came over a hill. Nick looked at it
"Oh my God! It is! We're almost there!" A.J. slung his arm around Nick
"Are we gonna have one hell of a story to tell the guys, race ya!" They raced down the hill, and followed the stream to the left. They came to the place where camp was and stopped. a small circle of stones and ashes marked where the fire had been, but there were no tents, and no guys. A.J. and Nick looked at each other
"they're gone" Nick said.
"I have to agree with Howie" Kevin said
"Yeah," Brian said, "but we can't send only one of us out in the woods" Kevin nodded
"True. . . .what if one of us stays at camp?"
"Are you volunteering?" asked Brian
"Yes" Kevin said, "I'll take the small tent and go back, have your cell on, in case I need you" At the mention of a cell phone Howie smacked his forehead
"boy are we idiots!" Brian and Kevin looked at him
"and we are idiots because. . .?" Brian said. Howie grinned
"Nick has his cell phone!" Howie barely finished his sentence when Brian was in his backpack, fishing around. Moments later he triumphantly held it up. Kevin grabbed it and quickly dialed Nick's number
"it's ringing. . . one. . . "
"what?" A.J. asked, "did he hang up?" Nick shook his head,
"The battery's dead." Nick and A.J. by this time were hungry, tired, cold, and ready to see the guys.
"Fuck Nick! We're stuck out here another night?!" yelled A.J. Nick nodded slowly.
"looks like we are" A.J. couldn't take it anymore, and lunged at Nick
"Dammit, get the hell off me!" Nick yelled, trying to wrestle a pissed A.J. off him. "Your hurting me!"
"Fuck you, we're fucked!" A.J. yelled back "I wanted to be home today! I don't want to die out here!" A.J. was starting to cry out of anger and frustration. Nick flipped A.J. and pinned him
"We're not gonna die A.J.! We're not gonna die!" he said, crying also. Feeling A.J. give he rolled over on his back on the cold ground and stared at the now darkening sky. "We're not gonna die" he whispered.
"Guys, look, we aren't very far, it's getting dark, lets just go back to camp" Howie said.
"They're at ca-" Kevin said "that was the last thing Nick said, I think his battery went dead, but the last thing he said was, 'we're at ca-'" Realization dawned on Kevin "Camp!" he yelled, "they're back at camp!" he turned and started dashing back the way they came, followed closely by Brian and Howie.
"Nick, I hope you know this is the last fucking time I go camnping" A.J. said with a little laugh. Nick nodded in agreement. With a sigh he reached in his pocket and pulled out dinner. A Lifesaver and half a bottle of water. Sitting up he broke the Life saver in half, but in attempt it shattered into peices.
"shit" he muttered. A.J. glanced over
"Let me guess, that was dinner?" Nick nodded.
"A.J.! Nick!" A.J. sat up, and stared at Nick
"did you hear that?"
"NICK!" Nick's eyes went wide
"I think. . .that's Brian!" he said, jumping up
"A.J.!!!"
"Here, we're here!" A.J. yelled, Nick joined in
"HOWIE! BRIAN! KEVIN! WE'RE HERE, AT CAMP!" moments later Brian, Howie, and Kevin came barreling through the trees.
"FRICK!" Nick screamed
"FRACK!" Brian screamed
"HOWIE, KEVIN!" screamed A.J., they all ran straight into a big hug. Brian and Kevin started to cry "damn good to see ya!" A.J. said "now can we go home?" The guys laughed. Brian turned on a flashlight, and they headed towards the car.
2000 Sparkie
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