Rated: PG
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~Chapter 1~ Right now, she was more enraged then she ever thought she could be. She
couldn't believe what she had just seen. Her boyfriend, Nick Carter, had
kissed another girl. After everything they had shared together, he had to go
and do that. She had to confront him with what she saw.
"What in the hell do you think you were doing?" she yelled.
"I..I..I was just, umm, Allie! Calm down. It was a kiss, nothing more. We
need to talk." Nick said.
"Nick. I can't say anything to you right now. I don't ever want to see you
again. You betrayed my trust. You broke my heart. You did something, in one
simple action, that will change your life forever. I won't be here. I never
will be here. NEVER. You betrayed me. I don't ever wanna see your face again.
I don't wanna hear your music again. I want nothing to do with you, and
believe me, I can achieve it. I have lost a lot of things, you know that. You
won't be a first. I can deal with loss. Right now, I am thinking you can't
really lose something you never had. I never had you. I couldn't have had
you. If I did, you wouldn't have gone off and did that. Don't ever talk to me
again. I don't want to see you."
"Allie. No! Please, no! You can't do this to me. You promised me you would
always be here. You would always be there for me."
"Yeah. You promised me you wouldn't break my heart. But you did. So I guess
promises are meant to be broken." After saying that, she walked over to him,
and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Forget me." She said. "You couldn't have
really loved me, if you had to go to someone else to get what you wanted. You
made a mistake, you lost me. Pay the consequences. Goodbye."
"NO!! You can't go. I can't live without you. No!" He yelled this, then fell
to his knees, as if he were going to start begging her.
Before he had the chance to say anthing, she began to slowly walk away,
singing a song to him. "'Goodbye my friend. I know you're gone, you said
you're gone, but I can still feel you here. It's not the end. Gotta keep it
strong before the pain turns into fear….' " Turning, she yelled one last
thing to him, over the small distance she had created between them. "Nick, I
can't sing the last line. We didn't make it. We never will. And time never
will change it. I gave you my trust, and you lost it. I am sorry. I will
always love you. I will never forget you. You will always be the one. The one
I wish I hadn't given up. But then, when I remember the pain I am feeling
right now, I will always be glad I made this choice. Goodbye."
"No……." Nick couldn't finish what he was about to say. He just fell closer
to the floor and started shaking uncontrollably, crying. "No, Allie, no."
"Goodbye. Gone. Forever."
Allie whispered these last words, and Nick could barely hear them. She walked
away. Nick never saw her for a long time. Little did he know, that his very
own best friend would. ~Chapter 2~
Allie walked away from Nick with silent tears flowing down her cheeks. She
got into her car, and drove home. She didn’t know why she had said all those
things to Nick. She didn’t mean them all. She couldn’t help it. When she
gets upset, she lets everything come out. She doesn’t regret not saying
anything, except the opposite usually happens. She says stuff she doesn’t
want to say.
Allie drove around aimlessly, until she ended up at the park. She started
walking around, thinking of all the good times she had shared with Nick. They
had been going out since she was 17, which would make it 2 years now. She
thought of all the bad times she had shared with him. All the times when she
just wanted to hold him, and of when he wasn’t there, when he was on tour.
She thought of everything. She was so deep in thought, she ran right into
someone. It just happened to be Brian, one of Nick’s best friends, one of her
best friends. She looked into Brian’s eyes, and burst out sobbing.
“Allie!! What is wrong? Did you have a fight with Nick? It’ll be okay,
sweetie, he’ll get over it, and everything will be just fine.” Brian tried
his best at comforting her, which didn’t work, since she was so upset.
“Oh Brian. I was going to Nick’s house to go, to surprise him, and I saw
some girl standing outside. He was kissing her. Not like a peck on the lips
kind of thing. Like ‘I want you bad’ kind of kiss. Of course he didn’t see
me. I hid as soon as I saw an unfamiliar car in the driveway. But after she
left, I ran up to him, and started yelling at him. It was awful. I said the
most awful things.” She told him the whole story, how she sang to him, how
she told him she couldn’t sing the last words. She told him everything. He
sat there and listened. Brian was good that way, he was probably the best
listener there was.
“Allie, I have to tell you something. I know why Nick was kissing that girl.
She wasn’t even a person he knew. A fan. He was so scared. He loved you so
much, more than life itself, and it scared him. He had to see if his love for
you was true, real, complete. I don’t know how this kiss changed him, if it
did, but from what you tell me, it sounds like it didn’t do a thing for him.
Nick isn’t scared of very many real things, Allie. Sure, he tells magazines
he’s afraid of gremlins eating his toes in the night, but that isn’t real
stuff. He is really scared of showing himself completely to someone, letting
them know every little aspect of his life, letting himself them with his
heart and soul, and not having them love him back. You probably scared the
shit out of him. I think you need to talk to him.” Brian said this with a
calm and controlled voice, but on the inside it was killing him. He hated
lying to Allie. Yeah, Nick was scared of all those things about love
happening. But Brian had no idea why he was kissing that girl. When he said
that, the only thing he thought of was saving his best friend’s relationship.
He just hoped he wouldn’t pay for all the lying.
“NO! Brian! No! It can’t be. I ruined everything. I can’t talk to him. I
can’t. Maybe someday, but not now. I don’t see it happening anytime in the
near future. Brian, are you sure that is why he kissed that girl? If he was
feeling so insecure, why didn’t he talk to me first? Why couldn’t we talk?
Why? We were always so open about everything before. Everything. Whenever we
had problems, we talked. I thought he knew the only way a relationship works
is if you are honest. See, Brian, it wasn’t working anyway. He couldn’t talk
to me. What do I do now?” Allie whispered the last few words, with silent
tears. She hated crying, and only did when something hurt her terribly.
Brian knew that he was in trouble now. He didn’t know they told each other
everything. Well, he did, he just didn’t register it in his mind when he
started talking. He was in deep shit now. “Hey, let’s take you home. I want
to talk to Mel anyway. Then you can talk to her, and see what she says about
all this. Okay, sweetie?”
Allie shared a house with her friend Melissa. They had known each other
forever, and were really close. Mel was going out with Brian. They had been
going out for about a year now, after Nick and Allie set them up.
Brian took Allie home, and while Lori prepared for bed, Brian spoke to Mel.
She didn’t know what to tell him, other then she would talk to her. Allie
came down then, and they decided they wanted to watch a sad and romantic
movie. They decided to watch “Romeo and Juliet”. After it was finished, with
both the girls crying, Brian decided to leave. Brian kissed Mel goodbye, then
gave Allie a big hug.
The girls stayed up talking about everything that night. The talked about
Nick, Brian, what Brian had told Allie. They talked about what Allie was
feeling. They talked about everything. Allie was so glad that she had Mel
there for her. She was like a sister to her, the one she never had.
~Chapter 3~
This whole time, Nick sat in his driveway, crying to himself. He didn't know
what to do. He had just lost the love of his life. All because of some stupid
kiss. It wasn't even a big deal. All he was doing was saying goodbye to his
sister BJ's friend, when the dumb chick basically started making out with
him. What was he to do? All he tried to do was give her a hug, when she made
it more. And the worst thing was, when he tried to explain it to Lori, she
walked off and sang to him. Not that he minded the singing part, she had a
beautiful voice. But he couldn't get out what he wanted to say to her. He was
in so much pain now.
He didn't know how long he sat there and thought, but soon headlights were
coming up his driveway. It must've been one of the guys, because all his
family was home, and they were the only other people who knew the pass code
to open up his gate. He stood up, with tears still streaking his face.
The car door opened, and to his relief, it was Brian. He walked towards him,
with his head down low.
"Hey Frick. What's up?" Nick said carefully, with no emotion at all in his
voice. He tried not to reveal all the pain he was feeling, he didn't know if
Brian had spoke with Allie. They were really close, after all, and she
usually liked to talk after a bad experience. At least he hoped it was bad
enough for her to want to talk to Bri, because he wanted her to regret all
the things she said. To come back to him, and be happy again.
"Hey man, I talked to Allie. She isn't doing good. She won't talk to you. She
is really mad. But I think she is in a lot of pain at the same time. I don't
know what to tell you. Oh yeah, I hope you don't kill me, bro, but I kinda
said something to her. When she said that you kissed another girl, I had to
make up something for you quick." Brian told Nick what he had said, and how
Allie had reacted.
Nick didn't know how to react to that. He did the only thing he could think
of. He punched Brian in the jaw and said, "I don't know how you could let me
down like that. You knew I told her everything. You knew. Now things are more
screwed then before, and I still don't know what to do. Don't talk to me now.
I am sorry for punching you, man, but you know you deserved it. Just leave
me. I need to think. Goodbye. I will talk to you tomorrow, when I have
figured something out.
With that, Nick turned and walked into the house, up to his room. On the way,
he stopped in his mother's room and told her that he needed to be alone. Then
he sat in his room. He was staring into space, when a song came into mind. A
new song. He started singing, grabbing a piece of paper to write the lyrics
down, as soon as they came to him..
"Time repairs the hour glass,
The days go and all I do is think of you and wonder,
Where you are at night.
Oh, I remember everything,
Every smile,
Even all the reasons why you say,
I pushed you out of my life.
Baby you send me
Baby you send me
Set adrift on memory bliss of you
Baby you send me Set adrift on memory bliss
Destiny is everything,
Realities replaced you with,
The biggest empty void I've ever had in life.
(Ever had in life)
Oh, I bet you say that I don't care.
I'll bet you say that I don't even think of you,
But God knows how wrong you are.
Baby will you be there when the morning comes?
(Baby will you be there?)
Just give me time,
(Just give me time)
To fix my life baby.
(To fix my life, baby)
Baby will you be there when I open my eyes?
After all the time I spent, wishing you.
Baby you send me
Baby you send me
Set adrift on memory bliss of you
Baby you send me
Set adrift on memory bliss
Sadness that overwhelms me,
My mind flies carelessly,
Imagines that you're happy with your life right now, oh.
I guess that's just the way it goes.
Forever's gone,
So now I must place you,
With all the things,
That I can never have.
Baby you send me
Baby you send me
Set adrift on memory bliss of you
Baby you send me
Set adrift on memory bliss"
Nick stared at the words he just wrote. All the emotion he was feeling was
inside those words. He still loved her. With all his heart and soul. All he
wanted right now was to hold her in his arms, and tell her that everything
would be all right. Tell her the story. Tell her all the reasons he couldn't
tell her what he was feeling. It scared him to death, the thought of someone
knowing him completely. Knowing every little detail in his life. And she was
so close to that, it freaked him out.
He would always keep this song near to him. To remind him that he needs to be
open with the one he loves. So he wouldn't just have memories, but have
someone to make memories with. He wanted someone to grow old with. To love
for time and all eternity. He wanted Allie. He knew the next day, he was
going to have to go and speak with her. The only problem was getting her to
listen. ~Chapter 4~
After talking to Mel, Allie couldn't sleep. All she could think of was how
much she was hurting. How much she had to be hurting Nick. And she did hope
he was hurting. She wanted him to feel all the pain in the world. As much
pain as she was feeling right now. She decided to write him a letter,
explaining all she felt to him. She would give the letter to Brian, who would
give it to him. At least, if she had the courage to give it to him. She could
say a lot of stuff to a person's face, where she could see how they were
going to react. But when it was something else, like writing, she got really
scared, because she couldn't see how they would react.
She grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, and wrote down every thing she was
thinking.
My dearest Nick,
I don't know what to say to you. The only thing I can think of right now is
pain. My pain, and the pain I hope you are feeling. I want you to feel hurt.
I want you to feel like you are ready to die, and the only thing that is
holding you on is the love we used to share. I use 'used to' as a key phrase
here. I want you to feel this pain. You know why? Because it is exactly what
I am feeling right now.
I don't think you love me anymore, Nick. And I don't know what to do about
it. It makes me feel so hurt, so much pain. I love you so much. But I don't
think I can trust you. I know the kiss wasn't a big deal. Brian told me why.
This isn't about that. It is about trust. Being completely open with one
another. I thought we could tell each other everything. I thought we could be
completely open with each other! I guess I was wrong.
Nick. I still love you. I don't think I will ever stop. But I don't think we
can be together anymore. I don't think that I can trust you. You betrayed me
with a kiss…..and with words. Words you never spoke. I will always love you
Nick. Remember that. Maybe someday we can be together as one again. But not
now. Goodbye, my love. Love Always and forever, Allie.
She cried when she signed her name. She didn't want to cut him off forever.
She wanted to love him, to hold him. To forgive him. But her mind wouldn't
let her heart do it. She was always taught to think with her mind, and never
listen to anything else. That is why this hurt her so much. Because she
wasn't really doing what she wanted to do.
~Chapter 5~
Brian just gave Nick the letter. Nick had asked him to leave, so he could
have his privacy while he read it.
"My dearest Nick…..". Nick was sitting in his closet as he read this. He
didn't want anyone to come in and ask him what it was. So far, he had failed
to tell his parents or his sisters and brother what had happened with Allie.
He didn't want to. Not after this letter.
He sat down on the ground and thought about what this letter said. He knows
that she doesn't want to talk to him. She made that clear enough. But she
also said that she still loved him. How could this all be so confusing? How
could she still love him, and not want to be with him? He wanted to get all
his feelings out. He decided to write another letter back to her, and have
Brian be the message boy once again.
My Allie,
I say 'my' as a key word here. I will never stop loving you. I will never
forget you. In my eyes, you will always be mine. I started writing this to
tell you of all the rage I feel inside. But I can't say the words that I know
will cause you pain. All I want is for you to be happy. Now I write in hopes
that you will forgive me.
Allie, Brian lied. I didn't kiss that girl because she was a fan. She was one
of BJ's friends. Nothing more than that. I was showing her to the door, when
she pulled me out with her, and started kissing me. Then you saw, and you
know the rest.
I tried to tell you that when you started to sing, but I couldn't. I am so
sorry. Please forgive me, darling, I know I can't live my life without you.
Please, if you forgive me, will you meet me at Brian's apartment? At 9:30? We
need to talk. Please. I love you.
Yours Forever and Always,
Nick
p.s. This is a thought I want you to think about. "Love bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
Believe me when I tell you that I love you. Believe me that I am scared right
now. So scared of losing you forever. Please. Allie, please.
Nick reread what he had written, then folded it, and went to find Brian to
give it to him. He just hoped that she would show. He watched Brian walk
away, then went up to his room. He needed to figure out what he was going to
say to her. He didn't want to hurt her. He only wanted to show her the love
he had.
He also had a little surprise in store for her. If she showed, that is.
~Chapter 6~
Allie read the letter again. And again. And again. She couldn't take her eyes
off of it. He was scared? Of what? She thought she knew him, but she must
not. She was going to have to meet with him. She was going to have to go
against her mind was telling her, and follow her heart.
She quickly hurried and got dressed. She didn't do to much with herself. She
didn't think that she had anyone to impress.
She quickly drove to Brian's house, and let herself in. She looked around,
and found Nick sitting in the family room.
Their eyes met, until she looked away.
"Allie. Please hear me out. Just let me tell you, without any interruptions.
Please."
"Whatever. You have about 10 minutes before I am leaving. I can't spend my
life wishing I was with you. I have to move on, and to do that, I don't think
I should be talking to you. Maybe after a while, but not now. Talk quickly,
so I can be on my way." Allie tried so carefully to take all emotion out of
her voice.
"OK. This is very hard for me to do. I still love you. I want you to know
that, I want that to be perfectly clear to you. I will never forget you,
don't forget me. Please." Nick was trying so hard to say all the emotions he
was feeling, but the only thing he could get out was pleas for her to stay.
He decided to just sing to her.
That was the one way he could get all his feelings out, without being
interrupted with worries of what to say.
"Nick! Do I have all day here?" She knew she was being bitchy, but the longer
she was around him, the more she just wanted to take him into her arms and
hold him.
Nick got up and stood about three feet in front of her.
"Time repairs the hour glass, the days go and all I do is think of you and
wonder where you are at night Oh, I remember everything, every smile and even
all the reasons why you say I pushed you out of my life………"
He sang the song with all he had. He let all his feelings show, and by the
time he was done, he had silent tears flowing freely down his cheeks.
"Oh Nick……." Allie couldn't say anything, nothing at all.
She got up from her position on the couch, and gave him the biggest hug. He
turned her face upwards toward his, and gently bent down and kissed her.
Everything was okay now. They were as one as they always should be. They were
in love. Hell, they were love. They were everything when they were put
together. They were the world. They were the universe.
They were love. And love is forever. Love is eternal and never ending. Love
never forgets its roots, and they had roots in love.