Hello. I hope you get this letter. The last 20 years I've written you they haven't seemed to reach you. Or else I'm VERY bad, because I don't ever get presents. I want to ask for only a few things. Please, don't skip by my house this year. Thank you.

I would like a girlfriend for Moe. He gets lonely and I'm sick of him always trying to hump my leg.

15 forks and 15 knives to go with these spoons some girl keeps giving me.

I would REALLY appreciate it more than anything if you could maybe get the other guys to like me. I try and I wish for it on my birthday and when I see shooting stars and everything and nothing seems to work. Help me out!

Could you also make it possible for the No Authority CD to go platinum? We are top priority on Maverick label, but not even that sells enough CDs.

That's more than I could ask for. Thanks so much Santa. I love you!

Ricky G.