01. No one ever lends money to a man with a sense of humor.
02. Beware of trees, they're tricky.
03. Stories are funnier when someone else tells it.
04. You're never too old to close with the Matrix.
05. Always read a contract before you sign it.
06. Be kind to Gramma. Always make sure she has a funnel cake.
07. Overlook your friends' failures and tolerate their successes.
08. If you're short, the only way to have clothes that fit is to start your own clothing line.
09. Randomness can inspire people.
10. Nobody appreciates you until you do a striptease.
11. Vicky is oh so icky.
12. Make fun of yourself. Wear and say things that encourage others to make fun of you.
13. Eat eat eat...in your neighborhood!
14. There's nothing wrong with a little pot belly.
15. The craziest men create the most beautiful songs.
16. Never underestimate the power of a Universal Studios doo-wop show.
17. Protect yourself. Yell out, "Don't touch me!"
18. Being in your thirties is not old. If it is, your life is over at age 18.
19. Shiny teeth are awesome. Brush, gargle, rinse.
20. A high voice does not equal effeminate.
21. Glasses and turtlenecks are sexy.
22. Your clothes don't always have to match.
23. Problems are not easily solved just by saying you're the oldest and wisest.
24. Do whatever you want with your hair. It doesn't matter what other people think.
25. You can be hyper even if you haven't consumed pixie sticks.
26. You ride the big ostriches, hold the baby ostriches, and eat the slow ostriches.
27. Sometimes it's a matter of circumstance that makes you forget to bring the water.
29. The game is really called Tiddly Winks (but Stinky Winks sounded so much cooler!)
30. You never really have to grow up.
31. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.
32. Nobody appreciates you until you start a pop group; but even after your group becomes uber successful, some still don't appreciate you...
...BUT I DO! Thank you for starting it all, and changing our lives. It's an honor for me to share a birthday with you. In the words of *Lucky, "COME BACK!" I miss you, and the randomness and laughter that never fails to make me smile. :)