I Try, I Pray, I Know, I Guess
I
try my very best,
To pretend that I am ok,
Silently, I paint this fake
smile,
Upon my face.
I pray that the world,
Will never really see,
All this pain, I've been forced to endure,
And this lonliness that is
killing me.
I know they'd all be shocked to learn,
Just how broken I
really am,
And I wonder if they could ever really say,
That they truely
understand.
For, I once used to Live my life
With a passion that burned
so deep,
But, that was before I was told,
That my kids, I could not
keep.
With out any justification, from them,
And surely no remorse
or shame,
Their Lives go on, as mine slip away,
And now I know that
things will never again, be the same.
I some times have alright days,
But, mostly I just want to die,
To go on living with out my kids,
I
merely ask, 'But Why? '
I guess they got what they wanted,
But, may
the Lord have mercy, upon their souls.
'Cause judgement day will come,
And we'll see what for them, it beholds.
written June
06,2004
JESSICA LYNN HEPNER
LETTING GO
I sat staring out the window, searching for some
understanding,
Some peace of mind.
Oh, how I long for the comfort I once
felt, the feeling of belonging,
And the tranquility in life, that I now
cannot find.
I feel empty inside,
Like a part of me is missing, or maybe
has even died,
And with this anguish burning from deep with in my Soul,
It's these bitter, angry tears, that I cry.
The sudden realization,
that there is nothing I can do, ever,
Pounds in my head, chanting the song
of a loser, an involent.
The ties that once held me to my Hope are now
tangled around my throat,
And their choking me with nothing but pure
resentment.
Oh, if only I would have known,
Such torment I could have
saved this poor old heart from.
If only I would have listened to what all
the others had said,
Long before all this mass destruction, was done.
But, I am a fool of all fools,
And I deserve only what I get,
And staring out across what is now just The Ruins,
I know this I shall
Never forget.
I took a chance,
Then I watched it all come tumbling down,
Shattering into a million pieces of What Might Have Been,
Upon the
ground.
JESSICA LYNN HEPNER
My Last Words
I believe, -
That the time has come for me
to move on,
My breath shall no longer blow,
My heart shall no longer
beat strong.
My physical body, I shall leave behind,
But, my Soul,
will finally be free.
There will be no more pain, and no more tears,
And
no one again, will ever hurt me.
Sadly, I leave behind, what's always
meant the most,
Only because I know I am not what they need.
They
deserve to be happy, not what me suffer,
So you see, their better off,
indeed.
So as I prepare for my long journey Home,
I finally begin to
feel some peace of mind.
Soon all this suffering will be long forgotten,
And true happiness, I too, shall find.
Written December
29,1997
JESSICA LYNN HEPNER
MYSTIC MOONLIGHT ENCHANTMENT
Out into the mystical moonlight,
Lurking amongst the half dead trees,
My biggest fears have come to pass,
And their bringing me to my knees.
The not so silent echoes,
Fill
the damp and dreary air,
I can hear the sounds of tortured cries,
That
seem to be coming from out of nowhere.
There are shadows upon the
ground,
Which decieve what little I can see.
I thought I smelt
recognition,
But, my imagination has once again forsaken me.
I continue
to wander, alone but in silence,
Moving, but not really going anywhere.
All because I have been unjustifiably forbidden to ever move on,
This
Burden, I Alone, must now bear.
I guess I will never know,
All the
secrets this old soul has with held.
Their long forgotten, erased by pain,
Empty empathy, so viciously impelled.
I beg and I plead, just to be set
free.
Released somewhere in the evening mist,
Where I can put this all
behind me and pretend,
This pain never really did exist.
Written
June 21 1999 @ 6: 40 pm
JESSICA LYNN HEPNER
Oh Daddy
This coming June,
It will have been one year,
Since you passed away,
And left me here.
I miss you so much,
And
it's almost unbearable at times.
I feel so empty and alone,
This Misery
is about all I can call mine.
I like to imagine that you're up there in
Heaven,
Looking down over me.
Some how it makes me feel closer to you,
Since with you I can no longer be.
Oh Daddy,
How will I ever go on?
I dont think I'm going to make it with out you,
Unlike you, I am weak, I
am not that strong.
Daddy, can you hear me,
Please, Dont Leave.
I need you now, more than ever,
Please sat with me.
Oh Daddy, I Love
You,
And you are The Greatest Man I Ever Knew,
I miss you, and I forever
will,
And hopefully, I'll see you soon.
written may 01,2003 @9: 23
pm
JESSICA LYNN HEPNER
The Greatest Man
Just the other day,
I lost the Greatest
Man I ever knew,
The man who gave me life,
And whose heart was always
true.
He taught me to be strong,
And to stand up for what I believe.
He taught me about honor,
And showed me how a good man is supposed to
be.
He never, once hit,
Nor did he ever lie.
But, at times he
could be so brutely honest,
He'd unintentionally, make me cry.
He always
stood beside me,
Through all the thick and the thin,
And I know if he
had the chance,
He'd do it all over again.
He adopted me with out
hesitation,
And he gave me the Hepner name.
And I know going on living
with out him here,
I will never again be the same.
My Grandpa, - My
Daddy,
He is all the same to me.
He truely was the Greatest Man I Ever
Knew,
And in my heart, and in my Soul, he will forever be.
I Love
you Daddy, Where ever you are.
JESSICA LYNN HEPNER
http://www.poemhunter.com/
6/22/2004 
