Life sucks. Lonely doesn't enter into it, despite living in a house containing one partner and 4 kids.
Basically we've fallen out and I think, after 7 years it could be terminal. My choice, I could "give in" and be trampled over again but I'm not inclined to do that this time, enough is enough.
What it's over doesn't really matter. I don't think there's anyone else involved but I don't feel that I can trust her. She's always had this sort of "secret" life, I only get to know what she chooses to tell me and it's basically getting worse. I can't live like that anymore.
It'll be a shame if it all goes bad. Not good for another set of kids,(already left one marriage and two kids, who I do see regularly) but it's better that than them living in the kind of atmosphere that currently pervades the house and has done so for ages. The 4 year old is already learning to spot the warning signs and keeps looking for comforting hugs and kisses, especially from me, her Dad.
I just don't think I love her any more, my partner I mean. I never expected the first flush to last forever, it's not like I haven't been around the block already but I didn't expect either to feel this miserable.
I'll update later, shouldn't be doing this from work really