Leah's lounge

Hey. Thanks for visiting my site. I decided to create a site that chronicles my struggle with both anorexia and bulimia and to hopefully help others understand more about what an eating disorder is realyl all about. My goal is to be completely honest. I want everyone to see that eating disorders are not glamourous, they are painful, and that they affect every aspect of our lives. I know many girls,and guys too, that suffer from various eating disorders. Girls and guys, this is for you. My heart goes out to you and I am with you every step of the way. Together we can break free from the bondage of eating disorders.


I would like to begin by breifing you on my own personal history. I began suffering from distorted thinking and negative body image at the tender age of 8. I was very involved in things that required people to look at the body. I also set extremely high expectations for myself. I would set these virtually unattainable goals and always fall short of reaching them. By the time I was 10 years old I had begun to restrict my eating. Being a very active child no one seemed concerned about my weight loss. I wish they had. As i entered high school it became increasingly difficult to hide the fact that I wasn't eating and I was losing weight. So, after talking with a friend of mine who also suffered, i began to throw up my food. I could eat what I wanted and get rid of it without anyone even knowing. I thought I had just won the gold medal in the olympics of dieting. Boy was I wrong. After being diagnosed with depression and being put on medication I gained weight faster than a kenyan can run a race. As my weight increased so did my unhappiness with my body and therefore I began purging even more. When i was 15 years old I decided to go to the Renfrew center for eating disorders. I thought I was ready to get help but i think I was just fooling myself. I did seem to take a turn for the better after going. I was able to accept food and feel somewhat comfortable with myself as well. My victory was shortlived. I continued to ride the roller coaster of ups and downs until the summer after I graduated. Thats when i really took a turn for the worst. I lost a large amount of weight in a very short time period. I didn't really realize how bad i was until my nutritionist asked me to make a choice. She said, "Leah, you have a choice. You can have your food through your mouth or down your nose." I didn't want either at the time so I stopped going to see her. I should have stuck with it. I have tried and tried to free myself and failed but I will not quit. How many times did Albert Einstein fail before he finally succeeded. If i quit trying to get better then the eating disorder wins. It will not beat me. And I don't want it to beat anyone else. I firmly believe that there needs to be a drastic increase in the awareness of eating disorders. Instead of television shows glamourizing them or writing unrealistic situations into movies, people need to be sharing their real and personal accounts. We need to be teaching people about the dangers.. For once, maybe someone needs to make a movie where the girl or guy dies in the end. Maybe then we could end this neverending fight for body and food freedom. I used to love to watch movies about eating disorders and still do but i am continually annoyed at how the inflicted person gets sick, loses lots of weight, then gets better miraculousy. That is not how it goes most of the time. That is the reason I would like to chronicle my journey through hell...and hopefully back. I love you all!

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Email: gapchickk03@aol.com