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This is me, My name is Patricia... but my friends call me Trish.
I am 16 years old starting September 5th of 2002, I am in the 11th grade and I have a long life story that I could tell you about. There is so much to be said by this one person that I could tell you about. So many things you could never understand or even begin to understand about me. Not even my best friends could understand my whole life and what it's like for me. I have gone through alot as a child, I think I grew up too fast for my own good. I was forced to become an adult at an age that I wasn't ready to become. I didn't love myself, in fact I hated myself... I couldn't figure out why I wasn't happy, but I wanted and NEEDED to find happiness. Now to this day I am thankful that I have the friends that I do. They are one of a kind and I wouldn't ask for any different.
As a child I was very shy and timid. I never had any really close friends and I stayed by myself. My parents I guess tried to be there for me but inside something just wouldn't let me open up to them. My Grandma on my mom's side tells me when I was a little girl I would go and hide sometimes and just whimper, not crying aloud, and she never knew what I was crying about.
My parents used to fight alot and weren't too happy with each other at all. My dad worked at a Metal company and one day at work (I was only about 4 or 5 yrs old) a piece of steel metal fell onto his back and made one of his vertabre discs disentegrate, he still can walk but he is in pain to this day. He also has skin ulcers all over his body and we still haven't figured out what the cause of them are. It hurts me inside that I can't help him, that there is nothing I can do to take that pain away. And my mom had to leave school; she always wanted to be a coroner for some reason and was studying to become one but when that happened to my dad she was forced to leave school to provide for 3 children by working at a National Steel Corporation as a Spectrometer Operator. It isn't the best place for her to work because people get hurt each day but she does it so that we can food, shelter and life. She loves us enough to do that. In and out my mom's life is a routine go to work, come home eat and then sleep not even having time to spend a day with us. She works swing shift which also means she'll probably never have a good night's sleep for the rest of her life. She's irritable and moody a lot of times but I can understand why. If only she knew how much i loved her and cared about her and my dad. I try and try but it's hard sometimes.
At times I feel like running away because inside I hurt so much and no one understands why. I don't even know why. Maybe it's because I look at other people's lives and can't stand seeing how much pain they must be going through just to get by. Maybe it's because I've been takin advantage of so many times just because I'm nice and kind to people. Many guys have told me they love me but only few have proved true to their word and the two u see below are one of them, Lex and Matt. I'm very outgoing at times but majority I keep to myself and you can ask any of the friends I have... They barely know me except for the few times I've talked with them. I'm the type of person who doesn't know what it means to hate, I just love... Maybe I love too much. Do you think so?
My Best Friends
from the day matt and I met 4 yrs ago we have liked each other... we would always play around and have fun and he treated me like a lil sis, best friend, and a lover.... weird as it sounds I treated him the same way... we love each other in a bond kind of way because there is something significant that makes us alike... almost unreal... and I have ALWAYS wanted matt to give me a chance and fall in love with me because I KNEW he was in love with me... I knew we were meant for each other it was just how it was suppost to be... and I got SICK of seeing him get hurt over these stupid girls who would take advantage of him... and hurt him.. went girl after girl, Tiff, Jenni, Marla, and now Janine... Matt was even there when I dug myself in a hole that I wasn't about to get out of... I still had somewhat of a dark side that i needed to get rid of, but then I met Lex... there was something about him that just made me happy and smile each time we talked... something that made a light shine inside of me... Matt made me think about life and why I need to keep it. He stayed with me even though he got in trouble with his grandfather and I will forever be thankful for him being my friend and meeting him. Matt I will ALWAYS be here for you when you need me as well. I love you hun always will. And I hope you find out what you want in life.
This is the man who made me feel brand new. Made me want to love someone new, want to be with someone and MAKE THINGS work... no matter how hard I tried... but it wasn't when i first met him that i KNEW he was the one... it was that night i was crying to him and his mother came in and he told her some things "She needs me right now and I'm going to be there for her! because I love her more than anything in this world" that is when it hit me and when in my mind I only wanted him and only wanted to be with him... He was there for me when I needed him most.
Although he did hurt me at one time I forgave him and I still care about him and know that he would never do it again. He only did it because he was jealous because I told him one time that I loved matt more than I loved him. I didn't even think about how he would feel. How much it would hurt him inside. LOL jk.. Love you hun always will be there for you.
- This is Kaitlyn, someone who is like a mother or an aunt to me.. She's been there for me through hard times and good.. A great friend and I plan on staying with her after I graduate to help her get through the sickness and hard times she has to overcome. I love ya girl and don't ever change!!!!
these are my best friends in school... Don and Jamie are in the first one. Their cool heh heh ;) and Jing Jing is in the second one, in the third one from left to right is matt, brandon, and kelly, and i am the one sitting on Brandon's lap... That is not a very safe place to be if u know what i mean....4th pic is one of Sammy on the left,and Malorie on the right.
We watched the ambulance come.. and people came in with a stretcher with them. They all picked Brandi up and put her on that. I had never been so scared in my life until that day. I asked her if there was anything she needed with a shaky voice and she had told me she wanted her stuffed animal bunny rabbit, so I went downstairs into the basement and got it for her, I saw the paramedics putting an I.V. in her arm and I had to go to my room and cry, I thought in my mind "Oh no, it's happening all over again she'll have to go back to the hospital, what if I never see her again?" I came back out after they had left, my mom had to leave work for the first time to go with my sister to the hospital. Joe and I had to stay at home.
Since then she has been fine and well I haven't been as close to her. I don't look up to her anymore because I get so mad at her all the time. Before I used to be inseprable from her but now it's like she doesn't even care and she treats me like dirt and I get sick of it. It makes me sad and angry that she could say whatever to me and say such hurtful things to me. Although she has been there for me alot of the times and she does care bout me I know she has a hard way of showing it so I keep my patience level and try to think of why she would say mean things. Even though I know I have said some cruel things to her as well. I don't think she'll ever even begin to comprehend how much she really does mean to me. She's stopped me from killing myself before and well I don't regret her telling my mother about the time when I overdosed purposely on Zoloft to commit suicide. I should have never thought about that and regret doing it... but that is another long story I'll tell you about another time. But anyway Brandi if you ever read this I need you to know that I love you and will always be there for you when we get older if you ever need a shoulder to cry on I'll be right there in a second even if I have to fly across the country in a plane I'll do it for you. I love you!... *eyes water a little*
this is my lil bro joe all though he is a lot taller than me lol he's 12 yrs old now so this is an old pic of him. Me and him have always stayed tight. He has a lot of caring and feeling in him but he just shows it a little too much lol. He's always there for me when I need him and people say I shouldn't talk to a 12 yr old cuz he's not old enough to understand but I think my brother is wise beyond his years sometimes moreso then myself wise. If I needed help with anything he would be the one to go to. Joe and me rarely EVER get into arguments or fights. He's the type who also keeps to himself like me but he's really an outgoing person inside. It just takes him a little to let loose. He's unlike any lil brother I've ever met because he's soo... well soo.. ummm how should I put it... really really close, wants to be a part in everything. He encourages me through trials in life and I'd help him out if he ever had a problem. He's even going to start homeschooling this year, you wanna know why? It's because he doesn't like the swearing and the bad association at school HAH!.. imagine he wants to spend time at home? NOT ME... I love the teachers, the school i love the everything..... AAHHHHHH The horror the horror! Spending every day at home with ur parents doing work!!!
