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HERE I SIT
Here I sit
by candlelight,
thinking of you,
I've dreamt of
you every night,
and all we could
be and do.
Here I sit,
alone with sorrow
thinking of only you,
Waiting till tomorrow
till again I will see you.
Here I sit knowing that
I have lost my chance,
No feelings will be growing
and here In lost in trance.
Here I sit feeling,
inside my heart is crying,
My emotions and
thoughts wheeling,
inside my heart is dying
For here I sit knowing,
It wasn't just a shallow crush,
And now my tears are flowing,
cause I've cared for you so much.
Maybe I shouldn't have shared
my feelings
, maybe thing would be
Different and I wouldn't
be involved
in these dealings
And my heart wouldn't
have been lifted.
But here I sit alone,
dreaming of passion
And to my friends I cry,
it's become my usual fashion.
Here I sit not fully coping
Wishing we could make something start.
Here I sit hoping,
For a change in you heart.
Here I sit knowing,
of the love that we'd share,
It would continue growing,
into your eyes I'd stare.
I haven't felt so strongly,
in such a long time.
It all comes so strangely,
these twisted feelings of mine.
I think I could forgive you for anything,
just as long as you smiled.
I know Id love you for everything,
these feelings are no longer mild.
Tears are building in my eyes,
yet I will hold them back,
Only the weak ones cry,
but strength I sometimes lack.
Or it's you,
Its you I miss,
it's you that doesn't come,
It's you I will not kiss,
It caused my heart to ache some.
Don't feel pressured,
I'm not asking for a commitment,
Just always be assured,
that for you my feeling will not relent,
I know you heart is directed other ways,
and my feelings at this point
Don't matter.
But still,
thinking of you I spend my days,
and i will continually grow Sadder.
MY HERO MY HERO
theres a tear in my eye
that wont go away
a pain in my heart
i hope it will leave someday
someone is missing
from all of my life
i miss him that
much it cuts like a knife
my hero my hero
i need him here
hes the only one
that can remove
this tear
MY PAIN
Why does everything
seeem to go wrong?
I try to keep a good face,
I do my best to stay strong.
It's just so hard
when you're constantly feeling
like you have to lie.
About your life
and about the times you cry.
I feel like I should hide
all my pain and everything
I keep buried in my soul.
Do you know how exactly this feels?
I've never felt something this cold.
You might say,
"I know exactly how you feel."
But you never will,
at least not for real.
You'll never have the pain
I hide deep within me.
Not until you look through
my eyes and see what they see.
My heart just feels
so empty and so full of pain,
and even sometimes
my fear hurts and loneliness
builds up and makes the anger
towards myself hard to mantain.
MIXED EMOTIONS
Temptation where you are caught
in the middle of desires
I think is the hardest part.
Not being able to chose is
destroying my life and
breaking my heart.
What's wrong?
What's right?
What am I feeling?
Is it love,
is it lust,
or is it something
I like based only on sight?
It's something
you'll never know inless
you share your thoughts
and let what's truely inside
of you begin to show.
This is something
I learned the hard way.
I kept my feelings bottled up
never saying what
i thought I should say.
How this hurt me
I don't know where to start,
but all I can say is that
it ripped a huge hole in my heart.
I don't want this to happen to you.
Life is to short to be wasted
and to sweet not to be tasted.
The best advice I can give
to you while you're feeling
mixed emotions is follow your
heart it will tell you what to do.
DEEP IN MY HEART
Deep in my heart, there is a name,
A name of a person I'd like to see.
We've been apart for quite some time,
But he'll always be here with me.
He'll always be here with me,
Always in my heart.
I keep him there because he's special,
We are, but we aren't apart.
We are but we aren't apart,
It's a little hard to decide.
I don't want to say he's gone forever,
A part of him will always stay inside.
I really do miss him,
Somewhere deep in my heart.
Why did things happen the way they did?
I wish we had never separated and drifted apart.
FALLING FOR YOU
A kiss from your lips,
A warm sensuous touch,
A display of devotion,
I want it so much.
When we cuddle,
I feel so complete,
What glorious fortune it was,
For you and me to meet.
You are so special,
Comparable to few,
I think you should know,
I think I'm falling for you.
All I want is to
Steal your heart,
And for us to be together,
To never be apart.
I promise my soul
Will always be true,
If only you allow
Me to love you.
GOODBYE
Tears rolling down my cheek
As I say goodbye
I see you leave
As I start to cry
I don't even ask or wonder
Because sooner or later I know you'd leave
And the skies would darken up
My smiles will fade again
For my love can only hurt me
And my hatred can only scar others
But I'll love you near or far
When you're here the skies lighten up
And my worries gone
But now I can only watch you leave
As I say goodbye.
TRY TO FORGET
Try to forget the love
that we had,
Try to forget all
the stuff I miss so bad,
Try to forget
how you rubbed my face,
Try to forget
how we went every place.
Try to forget
how you whispered in my ears,
Try to forget
how you wipped away my tears.
And when our love
has long been dead,
When we've moved
on to the road ahead,
And I'm
laying wide awake in bed,
The memory
of us will be in my head
DEEP INSIDE
Please don't judge
me by my face
By my friends
or what you hear.
Please don't laugh
at what I wear
Or how I look
or do my hair.
Please look deep inside of me.
And although
you may not see it
I have a lot to hide.
Behind my clothes,
the secrets lie
Behind my smile,
I softly cry.
Please look deep inside,
And maybe you will find
The lonely girl that lives in me.
Please listen carefully to her
She'll show that she is insecure.
Please try to be a friend to her
And maybe you will see,
That if you just look
deep enough
You'll find the real me.
INSIDE OF ME
I may seem happy but im not
Im frowning on the inside
I may seem ugly but im not
Im beatuiful on the inside
I may seem chearful but im not
Im cryin on the inside
I may seem lively but im not
Im nuthin but dead on the inside!
NO SUNSHINE
I run so fast,
I run so far,
I run just to get away.
I try so hard just to hide,
I feel this day after day.
Get away from the dark,
Now there is no sunshine.
Ever since you tore my heart,
There has been no sunshine.
Everyone thinks I'm okay,
They think I glow so bright.
But never will they ever know,
There is no sunshine,
there is no light.
I never thought
it'd be so dark,
Lonely, rejected,
depressed, and empty.
You took the sunshine with you
And now darkness?
I have plenty
ACID TEARS
I cry, acid tears
They burn my cheaks
The emotion runs so deep
Straight from my heart
~
But you ignored me and my tears
You never wanted to even care for me
You dispise my very creation
And hate my whole being
~
You could never stand me
And all the oppertunies I had
So you have to fake to me
Just to make me seem bad
~
I cut myself to try
and find a release
From always trying
to find away to please you
But everything I ever do
Always seems to anger you
~
But now as my life
falls apart
around me
And I call out,
plea for help
I turn and see you
watching me where I fell
But then you disapear
You have left me.
WHERE ARE YOU?
i need you more than
i have ever needed you before
it seems like an eternity
since i last saw you
it feels like years
have past since we last talked
i sit and stare at your pictures
wanting you to
tell me you love me
and that you care
i want you to reach out
and hold me
what i would give to
just feel your arms around me
i try so hard
to think of all the good times
we've had
everything that made us
laugh and smile
but that night
it keeps playing over
and over in my head
i try to change it
but i know
it's only wishful thinking
i want you here with me
loving me, holding me
i love you with all my heart
and soul
IVE BEEN HERE BEFORE
i'm falling again
into that familiar darkness
i've seen this place before
felt it's freezing emptiness
lived in it's black nothingness
and i pray
for the strenth to pull through
to survive
to make it out once again
but i'm screaming as i fall
because what if this time
i don't esape?
DAVID
Dave said
"things could get better"
Dave said
don't worry about it"
dave said
alot of things
Including
"I love you
but don't shout it."
Dave had his mind made up
From the moment of the start
He decided he was too good for me
In the bottom of his heart
But he lied to himself
and I
And convinced us both untrue
When I realized dave
knew he was too good
I didn't know what to do
I thought maybe he wouldn't notice
I cried out in need of help
But Dave heard and never came
Only caring about himself
Dave said that it was over
Then he told me
a million more lies
And then dave
walked away from me
And didn't even bother
to cry.
WHAT YOU CANT
SEE KILLS ME
Watching a child,
watching the fights,
Crying my sleep
during the screams of the night.
Nestled in pillows
overtaken by tears,
She'd never realize
this would effect
her over the years.
So afraid of this monster,
one that I hate,
It comes from the anger
so the pain it makes.
If only a mirror
could save it to see,
This child is hurting,
This child is me.
So scared to fall in love,
but tired of being alone,
I remember all those tears,
And the pain they have shone.
Now no longer with youth,
But old enough to say,
I can't ignore these
memories I live with,
I live with then everyday
CHILD ABUSE
Pitied man.
I held you once
In such a high regard
And waited on a fathers pride,
A single guiding word.
But drunken fits
And angry shouts
Filled places meant for warmth,
Slowly killing all respect
And turning love to loathe.
A child cannot understand
The power of the brew,
The undeserved striking hand,
The emptiness in you.
Passing time dulls the ache
And clears the eye to see.
The problems that you
had back then
Belonged to you
Not me.
RAPE
-------
A joke
a game
a score for him
turned my life
changing me forever.
maybe I wouldn't
have stayed pure
but his deceit
was a dose of the devil
that spread through me
and not easily cured.
His hot sweaty body
muscular and heavy
weighed mine down
and blurred
my already drunk vision.
Telling me "hold tight"
taming my whimpers and squirms,
I closed my eyes in pain.
He took my innocence away
and who's to say
he regrets this day.
He was rewarded
congratulated
for a piece of my life.
I may be bruised inside,
but growing strong
angels
life me above
his poverty in spirit.
Alone I now find
a jewel so clear inside
that never really was taken.
CHILD ABUSE 2
I was only eight
when it began
Late at night,
when I was alone.
You preyed on my
innocence and my trust.
How did I know
that it was wrong?
You did things
so horrible to me,
My soul and body
were bared.
What you did to
that little girl
Left me feeling alone
and scared.
You said it was to show
your love
By taking my body for
your use.
But now I know that what
happened to me
Wasn't love; it was abuse.
All the dirty things
you did to me
Won't wash away
with rain.
Nothing on earth
will rid my heart
Of this neverending
pain.
I hope that you hurt
as much as I do,
Or do you even remember
what you did?
Nothing will make up
for the pain you caused
When I was just a kid.
The physical scars
you put on my body
Have since healed
with time.
But my pain still
shows on the outside
Whenever the child
inside of me starts
to cry.
That little eight
year old girl
Had to grow up
way too soon.
And all of the hurt
and pain that you have caused
Will always be remembered,
like a flower that
forever blooms
CONFESSION OF
A CUTTER
Silence
Only tears
As I press the blade
Against my pale skin
Red
The blood flows
From the wounds
Echoing my inner pain
Satisfaction
As I feel the knife
Slicing into me
I only deserve pain
Anguish
As I realize what
I've done
I feel
accomplishment
As I gaze at
the marks
upon my skin
Stares
People are
horrified
Don't understand
why
Neither do I
SAD NIGHT
It was a sad
and quiet night,
with words as
my shade,
I wrote this
poem to you,
hoping that the
pain would fade.
Hoping that the
pain would fade,
the pain I feel in me,
as each day passes by,
the time might set me
free.
It was a sad and
quiet night,
when I faced the hardest part,
cause I was all
by myself,
with a broken
heart.
It was a sad and
quiet night,
with my head
in hand,
when I learned
to accept,
and how to
understand.
Now I do
understand,
that reality
is pain,
which brought
me tears,
and left me in
the rain.
It was a sad and
quiet night,
as my dreams
went through,
I realize my
mistake,
it was wrong
to love you
IM TO BIG TO CRY
I never stopped to realize
How lonely I would be
I never thought the day would come
When you'd grow tired of me
Your voice was never sweeter
Than the day you said goodbye
You'll never know how much it hurt
Because I'm too big to cry
If I knew then what I know now
You'd still be kissing me
Instead there's someone else's lips
Where mine used to be
I say hello and wish you well
Each time I pass you by
But you'll never know
how much it hurt
Because
I'm too big to cry
You never looked
so wonderful
As the day you
walked away
I used to say,
"I love you"
But that I
could not say
I can't forget
you darlin'
No matter how much
I try
You'll never know
how much it hurt
Because
I'm too big to cry
MISSING YOU
My love for you
is so strong.
My nights are
long
Since you have
been gone.
I miss our love
we use to share.
My heart's not
the same since you
have gone.
I lay awake at night
thinking of all the
love we shared.
I miss you oh so
very much.
I pray that you will come back
I miss you.
as the days go by
Without you here
I realize
Just what you
mean to me
And how much
I love you.
You are my life,
my world,
my everything.
I miss you
DREAMS SHATTERED
The glass shatters
My dreams break
Nothing else matters
I don't want to wake
You cut me with the glass
You hurt me once more
Will this hurt ever pass?
What's this life for?
All that I achieved
Has been swept away
Everything I believed
Is not here today.
ESCAPE HIS LOVE
Her head hung low,
her heart beat fast.
But when he walked out
of the room,
She raised her
head high.
Maybe she'll get
over him,
Maybe she
wont cry.
It's been a long time now,
People say she should move on,
But she just can't get over him.
They talk about the time,
When they shared all that love,
But nobody understands,
Why she's still in love.
She falls to the ground,
And try's to get back up,
But the fear keeps pushing
her down.
Will she ever escape
the memory of his love?
DO YOU EVEN CARE?
I just don't know
how to feel,
If I should just
give up,
Store away all
emotion
And chalk it up
as never meant to be.
I put away what I feel
And try to forget you.
But then you smile at me,
Or brush against me,
And I fall in love
all over again.
Then you'll forget me
For awhile, pretend
I'm not there.
I cry and wonder,
Do you even care
at all?
CRUSHED
You tore my heart
into two,
My hopes,
wilted and
shattered,
You said I
just won't do,
To you,
that's all that
mattered.
Didn't you give
me a chance,
To prove
we're made
for each other,
Let me show
it you just once,
But in my heart,
I know you'll never...
Maybe I've started
writing poems
too late,
'Cause my heart's
all blistered,
And so full of
hate.
WHAT ELSE
CAN I SAY?
I said I loved you,
Darling,
And gave you
all my heart.
Yet you chose to
leave our love behind,
You chose for us to part.
What else can I say,
My Love?
I know this language
well.
Was it the words of
love I spoke?
Or was it the words
I didn't tell?
For if that's the way
I failed,
And you chose to
leave that day --
I'm sorry,
My Love . . .
What else can I say?
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