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Since thoughs times I've sort of moved on. I no longer try to contact her because I'd be too worried of how she'd feel. I mean, it HAS been 7 years. To her maybe our relationship was just a high school flame gone bad. The last thing I want is to cause her anymore misery. So I've just kept my distance.

I still think about her though. Every now and again a song will come on the radio or I'll be talking to someone about my high school years and her beautiful face will pop into my head. I try to fend off those memorys as best I can because I don't want to get those old emotions back. I mean yeah, picturing her sitting there on her couch smiling and laughing isn't a bad thing at all but there's all that pain too. No one likes to revisit bad times in there mind. So I try not to think about it very much. Do you know how much it sucks to be tried and convicted with out getting a trial?? That's how it feels when I look back. No one really wanted to listen to me back when it happened. I can't blame them though. Her parents were just out for her wellbeing and I guess she had better things to do. Anyway, it would have been nice to sit down with her once or twice and just get all of it out. To be able to explain why it all went wrong and how bad I felt about doing it. Even if she didn't take me back it would have atleast settled something between us. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

So I move on. I move day to day living my life. I'm 22 years old. I've had a few long term relationships since Anne and yet I'm still thinking about her. Why?!?! What makes her so speical that I could make up this little cheesy webpage for her?? Honestly, I don't know. There's just something that makes me hang on to her memory. It's like no matter how HARD I flippin' try I can't totally run away from her. I don't think of her everyday anymore. Not even once a week. Just every now and again. Like I said before, something just reminds me of her and it just pulls me back in time. That's why I did this. I went to crownpoinths.org and started looking around and before I know it I'm looking up email address of all my old friends. I clicked on class of 99 hoping to find one of my old friends emails and WHAM...she pops in my mind. I started day dreaming about her again so I decided "Hey, maybe if I express how I feel it'll help me deal with it". So I did this webpage. It's not so much something to "get her back" or something to draw attention too. It's just something for me. I put a guest book and my email at the bottom of the page just incase some freak comes in here and wants to call me a fucking loser or something..lol. It isn't like no one else is gonna see it.

About Anne though,I look at her as the one that got away. If only I would have been the man that I am now, things would have been perfect. I would have shown her the world. Taken her everywhere and shown her everything. We would have been happy together. I know this because I know how much I loved this girl and how much I would have taken care of her. I'll never find another love like that one....well atleast I haven't yet.

If there's one thing I can take away from all this it's...don't take things for granted and charish the people you love. I charished Anne but I didn't realize that being with her meant working to be the best man I could be and making her happy. I just thought hey, she's mine and she aint going anywhere. Maybe it was my upbringing, I don't know. What I DO know is that I've learned so much since then. I guess that's true for everyone though. Most people can say they've learned allot between the ages of 16 and 22 but how many can honestly say that the things they didn't know in high school may have ruined they're lives FOREVER. There's probably a few people with thoughs stories but I'd say most, if not all had something to do with drugs and not love.

You can't change time. You can't change what you've done. All you can do is change what you WILL do and this is one of those things. I WILL make my future bright or atleast as bright as it can be. The mistakes I made with Anne will not be carried on to the next person and the next and the next. I've grown up and matured into everything I wish I would have been back then. Which is a loving,caring,understanding young man that will put everything of his behind the needs of his girl.

I just wish Anne could meet me now and see how far I'm come. Maybe go out for coffie or pizza or something and just talk, talk for hours. Nothing more. I think if there's one thing on this earth I'd like to do before one of us die, it would be just to have a long conversation with her. I never understood why that couldn't happen. She must have her own personal reasons though, so I'll respect them and let it go. Writting letters and caller her house didn't get me anywhere. I was trying to force her to talk to me and you just can't do that. You've gotta respect peoples wishes and ignore your own selfish intentions. It's the only way. It's the right way.

Some times I'll have dreams. Dreams where we're hugging and laughing and she awlays seems so happy and I always know just what to say and when to say it. I'll wake up and realize it was only a dream and be pissed at myself for fucking up something so beautiful. I long for those dreams, I think because I know that'll be the only way I'll ever talk to her again, in my dreams. If only we could meet NOW. If only...

But I know she won't let it happen. So I'll let it go. Keeping those beautiful memorys of her smile in my mind...and thoughts of love in my heart*

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