[03.01.02]
New Fragrance: "DESPARATION" by Pathetic Men: after work, Mistress and I went to dinner and had a couple of drinks. being buzzed at dinner we decided to go to Happy Hour. WORST mistake ever!! it was a total sausage feast... normally i would think that is great, but not last night. I think we must have been giving off a pheromones that attracted the men like dogs yesterday. they were just flocking all around. Hoping to see some Grade-A prime beefcakes, but instead we ended up stuck with below Grade-F rejected clinggy meat. the night was not moving fast enough for me... lets just say even if i was drunk off my ass i would still have been pretty skeezed out by the guys there... we were two seemingly helpless females surrounded by a bunch of sad men. Thank you to all my male friends that helped me get rid of the "cling-on" guys.
~i guess being hit-on is somewhat of an art form, i would have to say and most men there last night were tryin real hard to have game, but all it made me do was laugh.
~i told my man about the guys that attempted to hit on me and he thought it was amusing. he said that i should have been flattered... i would have been flattered if they have been even mildly attractive, but no such luck...
[03.04.02]
beddy bye: it 11:15AM, im sitting at work but im soo sleepy... feel like my head might just hit my keyboard any minute now...
~had girls nite out over the weekend at the XO party. went there to support tracy in the bikini fashion show... too bad it wasnt a competition, cuz im sure she would have won. the rest of us all got a lil buzzed and got a bit crazy, but i think thats just what happens when all five of us are together. in five seconds flat, a hoard of men surrounded us and were gwacking at the "entertainment". overall, a pretty fun night... miss my girlies
~i think i busted my arm on sunday, either it was cuz i slept on that arm too much or maybe it was cuz i fell off the bed. either way it hurts when i move it... =*( i think its all attributed to the fact that im getting "old", im counting down the days (which is four more days) until another year is added onto my life.
[03.06.02]
Busy as a Bee: its been a hectic day, i actually had work to do, so its a good thing. its like 3:30PM right now... so tired...
~heard an interesting story from on of my sisters today and it made my day. apparently you should really be careful of closing doors on trains, cuz it closed on her coat. she was supposed to get off the train at the next stop around 59th street but she waited and waited for her door to open but it didnt open again until she had made her way up to the bronx. *key-note to self* wear short coats or dont go on crowded trains...
[03.07.02]
Bootieful day =): its soo nice outside, been a long while since its been warm. wish i was frolicking in the warmth than stuck in this office. maybe i`ll just have a nice LONG lunch break.
~well this weekend (actually tomorrow) i`m turning 23, and everything just seems so over whelming. been planning to move out with my girlie Mistress, so i might be on my own soon, which is kinda exciting but scary at the same time. not sure if i canafford to move out, but i guess its just a chance to prove to myself that i can do this. also i think my mother would like me to stay at home longer... she offered me a trip to China for April (which im gonna go on) with her. i think its a bribe since i mentioned earlier this week that i wanted to move out... well we`ll see what happens when we go look at the apartment this weekend.
~had dinner with Kim (my boston lil) yesterday, talked about boys, life and the sorority, made me miss the simplier things in life, like school and hanging out. maybe this is just me feeling "old" haha
~was talking to my friend Kong today and i remembered that i saw him on TV on tuesday. he was an extra on Darma and Greg this past tuesday. He did have any lines, but he had a decent part. He was the only asian guy there selling sneakers in the shoe store. it was pretty entertaining.
[03.08.02]
Happy Birthday To Me! =): so im offically one year older now... Happy Bday to me i guess... why do i feel so blah? everyone sez that i should be happy, but whats there really to feel great about when you turn a year older... not to sound depressive, but being a year old just makes me feel more pressured to really "grow-up". if i had it my way i think i would stay eternally 21... so maybe today i should tell everyone that i`m celebrating my 21st bday (so that i can pretend for a whole 356 days that im still young), cuz i`ll be "21" again next year =)
[03.11.02]
time flies: had a great time this weekend. had my friends come out to No.9 to chill out and celebrate my bday. it was a fun night... *thanks to those that came out* i didnt get drunk just had a nice buzz. had dinner at Vice Versa, but that was aiites... i think little italy would have been better italien food. spent the rest of the weekend just doing R&R with my man.
[03.13.02]
random thoughts: its raining outside and its absolutely dreary, but in some ways i find it reassuring and calming. Rain reminds me of my childhood summers. as a lil kid, you probably hated the rain, cuz that meant you couldnt play outside, but i loved when it rained. i would sit at my window and watch it rain, and the smell of wet asphalt nowadays always reminds me of when i was a kid, when life was simpler, no worries just endless days ahead. now life is more hectic, always choices to make and places to go. life isnt as simple as it was and i think i just like revisiting my childhood on rainy days.
~disappointment: one of my greatest fears is "will i disappoint?" most of my life has been lived on the fear of disappointing someone, not even myself...when it comes to me i can give myself a break, but when it comes to others, i can`t see myself being that lenient.
my mom taught me to value my friendships and basically try to help others.. but sometimes at my own sacrifice? *happiness is relative* having others happy would in turn also make me happy right??
being there for everyone can be hard. most of my friends tell me that im too nice to people, even to people that dont deserve my generosity (meaning somehow they`ve d*cked me over before). my boyfriend tells me that i should be more selfish sometimes. Too nice? is there such a thing?? my reasons are unexplainable... capable of being a biatch? maybe...at times
[03.14.02]
"untitled": i love the rain, but i love the sun too. feels like spring ;D should have called in sick this morning, so that i can stay out allday.. but money is money eh?
~on another note, i found out that AA actually restricts language content. wrote the "B" word on my personal message yesterday. low-and-behold, when saved, the text came out as /bleep/ instead of the actual word. I would have to applaud AA for the censorship of "bad" words, its good to know that they are tryin to keep these web pages PG-13.
~thinking back to yesterday`s comment on rain, i think i was brainwashed as a kid to love the rain. in kindergarden i had to preform a dance recital the the song "Singing in the Rain". i also can remember fun moments after school when it rained how the playground had this one really big puddle of water. it was like a mini-pool.. i remember how much my friends and i would want to swim in it during the summers. sick huh? hahaha... the wierd things of childhood that sick with you
[03.20.02]
the stuff that dreams are made of: i sometimes wonder what dreams mean. there are a million books that cover dream interpretations, but most of the time you can just figure it out for yourself. recently, ive been having vividdreams... i think your subconscious dreams about things that you havent dealt with in real life. i`ve awoken from dreams feeling sad, betrayal, happiness or confused. dreams are made of all kinda of things, i guess... sometimes the people that are in your dreams are representative of some issues in your life. like for instance, i dreamt that i was on a search for water. i think the water is symbolic, that im still searching for something in my life right now. i dont really think i know consciously what it is, but maybe deep down inside i do. or maybe it wasnt that deep... it could have been cuz i was really really thirsty that night (plus a lil hung-over).
[03.22.02]
a rock and a hard place: life can throw some curve balls at you. went out last night with my girlies and drama occured. *sigh* =( "players club" play the men, they DON`T play each other. some things can be fixed, some can`t. blah! i hate being stuck in the middle. like my man said, i should just stay out of it, but how do you choose?
~had a conversation with Boxer Boy once about love, true love and relationships (i wish i had saved that conversation). he had some really good points about relationship and such. it makes methink now about true love. is it all worth it? to give up everything you know for something that might not last. i wonder sometimes about true love and love at first sight, maybe its cuz im not the kind that falls too fast. but to be swept away that would be idea. but what happens after when it falls through how do you cope?
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. - Henry David Thoreau
~thanks Boxer Boy for enlighten quote.. i think honesty and truth is all that peoplecan ask for in life. never lie to yourself, and never lie to others, it`ll only come to bite you in the butt
[03.26.02]
playing grown-up: growing up means being an adult. it might sound like it sucks... but it takes alot to be an adult it means facing reality; taking responsibility for yourself (for all your actions or mistakes) and being able to be mature.
~through the years, i`ve seen my friends and i all mature and grow to be who we are now... being there to experience these events with each other are how memories and friendships are made. it amazed me how people can go through similar experiences and draw from that different points of view.
~i watch as the circle of friendship has been ripped at the seams... being stuck in the middle sucks. both are each handling the situation that has occured. both havemade a decision and as a friend im supposed to respect that, right? i dunno. how do you choose between people that you care about, it affects you one way or another.
~been pondering the meaning of friendship. To me- it means that you are there for them: giving advice, being a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a voice of reason...you are honest, loyal, caring, considerate, supportive...besides being a fun person to be around... but is there more to being a good friend than that?
[03.28.02]
out of sight, out of mind: i really dislike the fact that some people are really inconsiderate of others. to their face(s) they act caring and thoughtful but when they are gone, they dont even have a second though about you. supposedly if two people share a connection, aren`t they supposed to respect each other and think of them or their feelings even then they are not around? is that asking too much?? often, i think people only like to think of themselves...how selfish is that?! how can two peoples ay they care about one another yet lack the conviction to care when the other person isnt currently present in their mists.
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On to April 2002
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