Yay.For.Me

Month: February
Day:3
Year: 2003 heh...I havent updated in a while. I changed the look of the site...well most pages..i'm still not done yet. I really like the look of it now! It's different then what i'm use to. Well I guess thats all...I've been writing alot lately..in many different journals and talking to more people about my problems...wich isn't something I normaly do. I feel alot better though...just getting advice back. I don't really have any one to talk to... Ok let me refraze that...GUYS SUCK AT GIVING ADVICE. All I have are basically guy friends here...I mean there a great comfort...but when it comes to feelings yeah...they suck. Well any ways...woo hoo back to the site!

wow...an OLD WRITING I DiD!!
It's kinda funny...sitting there at the mall all alone on a bench, watching every one pass by. You begin to wonder...each one of these people individually all have problems, drama and cherishable memories. If you take one of these people and put them in a croud of alot of other people...soon all of there memories, feelings, problems and happyness doesn't mean so much. Prolly kuz theres so many of them!! I'm sure thats how my journal is too. To me, and mabye a few close friends it means something beyond words. To you or someone else i don't really know thats all it is, just words. Plus theres so many people out there with the same problems as me...yet as a person i guess we all like to think were the only ones going threw all of this. blah...i'm not really sure what the point of my rambling is. just a pointless observation.
Month: January
Day:12
Year: 2003 If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:

57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christians
30 would be Christians
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from the United States
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death;
1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer.

Month: January
Day:12
Year: 2003 I feel like complaining. so your listening. ha~ like you have a choice. well...you could always just leave the page...any ways..
98 days til my b-day...
Ok fine...=\ I really don't know where to start!! XD. he's addicting.

My hate list:
~I hate boyfriends, and I hate it more when there x-boyfriends.
~I hate bandaids...jenny says i need to 'experience' the world of bandaids...w/e. haha
~I hate when one of your closest friends hurts you..me.
~I hate it when I feel forgotten
~I hate it when a guy forces himself on you then afterwards begs you not to hate him. well I do hate you. =)
I think a part of my always will...
~I hate marajuana. it's pointless...ok well i don't hate it...=)
~I hate it when you won't talk to me. Actually I think you hate me.
~I hate how I could never hate you. =( I want to so bad, but I can't feel that way.
~I hate how Scott loves me so much
~I hate how my contact is being anoying
~I hate my family.

I hate...Ok lets move on, too much hate. what about love?
~I love pizza crust ^^
~I love the arcade
~I love music
~I love Scott** theres more to this, but i don't want to talk about it right know.
~I love to travel
~I love mountaindew~
~I love to sleep
~I love ...i think i'm running out of things that i love....my ps2?? heh...

any ways.....i think this is out of boredom...any ways, see ya~
Month: January
Day:9
Year: 2003 Love hate relationship
The first thing I did when I saw Scott after school was start hitting him with my folder. He just sat there. Then I gave him a big hug and a kiss. I was kinda angry that he ditched me all lunch and I couldn't find him any where. Then some wierd guy came up to me and was like are you mad at scott? i was like...no...so I guess he thought i was mad at him or something. So I just hung out with Sooman all lunch.
It's really wierd...theres this guy thats Kurtish, some country located in the middle east somewhere...any ways, he thinks i'm chinese. haha. He also said americans are stupid. he doesn't really speak all that good of english. I'm like...as american as they get.
Other than that...I hope every thing goes well this year so I get to travel. woo hoo. I got all the plans so far...I just hope every thing goes as planned.
well i guess thats all. just thought i'd work on the site alittle bit more. see ya~
Month: January
Day:4
Year: 2003 Today was great. Me and Scott went to the mall, I wanted to get a cd. I got the 'jimmy eat world' cd, ^^ Then we went to the arcade. I played dance freaks, I tryed all three games on wild (hard) and my average was a B. that's pretty good~ Then played tekken, and one song on ddr. then we went to Applebees and had an appitizer then a piece of three layer fudge chocolate cake. mmmmmmmmm. It was a pretty fun night. And I only spent a dollar! hah~ oh yeah, Scott bought me a ring. o.O
Month: January
Day:1
Year: 2003 Ok first off. happy new year! Then yea, still messing with the back grounds -.-
Theres sooo much on my mind and so much that has happend. Ok there are 2 things really...
1) Last night.
It was amazing! I spent the night with scott. Not just half the night...The whole night! We stayed up til almost 5 this morning then fell asleep. Heh...I kinda drank alittle to much wine last night -^.^- I was the first one to wake up, so I kissed him on the lips (peck) then rubbed his hair til he woke up. We spent the whole day hanging out, w/e. Then went to black angus, mmmmmm. We ordered this chocolate cake thing, woa, it was huge! i couldn't eat it all. so scott and his little sister helped.
Thing on my mind #2
How many people would you say you loved in your life? well this person could answer with about 7 people easily. Me? yeah we'll just say 1. You were always the person I went to when I needed help. gave me advice, I cryed on the phone. now what? I don't get it. I am verry confused. yes. I don't know how to put into words how hurt I am. I heard this and broke down. I'm better now. I was told I should go to the source of the problem before I do any thing. ;akjdf;laksjf fjljfjr
Month: December
Day:27
Year: 2002 This is the last friday of the year. Good bye year~
"why is Scott still here? any normal guy would of left by now...I should know kuz he already left" ha~ yes, up to my usual shit of trying to push Scott away. Doesn't seem to be working though. He still says he won't leave me for any thing and that he loves me more than life it'self. It's wierd when someone tells you that. You want to believe it...although it's hard to believe. It's a nice feeling...I just wish I felt the same for him too.
well i'm not sure what I want to do with this site any more. bored with the lay out...bored bored bored.
Christmas was fun. I guess....I got a new digital camera...and a bunch of other crap i'm not going to mention on here. =)
Hour glass!
well i'm outa here...going to update more of the site. see ya~

Month: December
Day:25
Year: 2002
Merry Christmas
Month: December
Day:12
Year: 2002
I think working on my site will help relax me. I feel to uptight tonight. I have so much to worry about. STRESS. yeah, I have a big project due tomorrow and one the day after. I'm almost done with both of them, but i'm still worried, something always seems to happen and every thing seems to be all messed up. I really don't want to fail my classes again. My mums a bitch when it comes to my grades, she never grounds me she just tells me how stupid I am and then compares me to her friends daughters and how they get 4.0's. yeah, well I did pretty DAMN GOOD this time. a, b, b, c, c, and a d-ish ;-;. ok the last one was bad, but thats pretty good. no failing grades, although I worry now that I might Have one failing grade.
I'm not happy here.
Month: December
Day:16
Year: 2002
Nothing is forever
I want to have my wedding in the snow...mabye in Alaska or something. It's going to be outside, my wedding dress is going to be white, and fuzzy..you know it's going to be cold kuz of the snow. There will also be a ska band there...because ska is happy. Of course only the official wedding part (the 'you may now kiss the bride' thing) will be out side, but every thing else will be inside. Well sounds fun. I think i'll only want to get married for the wedding. I mean, a SKA BAND!! whats more fun than that?

well my interest in guys is dropping. or mabye it's this whole relationship thing in general. It's not that I'm looking for any one thats not Scott, it's just I find it all a waste of time. ha~ I wouldn't be suprised if Jenny thought I was bi.

~My life~
woo. I'm not talking to Kyle any more. I wrote a journal entry in my deadjournal that I wanted him to read, sure enough he read it. I didn't intend for the entry to sound mean...but I think it came out that way. I just don't think talking to him right know is the best...not counting extremely confusing. oh well. I feel really imature about how all of that went...the fact that I couldn't tell him all that my self. I knew i would of ended up screwing up and just be making a total nut case out of my self. I think the whole tone of it just came out wrong. Oh well I guess the point of that entry was that what he did effected me ALOT and it hurt ALOT a year has past and i'm still hurting from it. I also wanted him to know how I felt...I don't care if he didn't felt the same or even if he believed me. just thought you should know. I'm over it now. But it doesn't mean I can forget every thing that happend.

Scott dissapoints me sometimes...but thats just because I expect to much from him. Like him making decent grades. He's not stupid, not at all. He's already been offered 2 schollerships since i've known him, it's his high test scores. On the sat9 testing last year he only missed 10 problems, wich is really good. He just doesn't do his homework. his average in biology was 109% on tests...but a 0 on home work. =\

~*Dreams~*~
I had the wierdest dream that I was soo high! HA~ Scott was there too. wasted. woo. In reality, Scotts mean when he's high. But that was just a cool dream. ^^
Month: December
Day:12
Year: 2002
Life is busy at times...slow or stoped at others. Not realy much I can say about it. I plan on expanding the site...mabye adding a few more sections...but i'm clueless as to what I should add. Any suggestions? (e-mail: chaosnotx@aol.com or my sn: Dream Paranoid.) Any thing would be most appriciated. Wholey cow. i've been with scott for along time. Well...we havent "officially" been going out that long, but we just count that we've been together since our first kiss...because since then we've always been together. Bout 10months now..(in a week). I didn't want a boyfriend when I first met him..but now i'm glad he's mine. Speaking of boyfriends..er x-boyfriends, Kyle imed me. =\ I'm convinced it's purely out of boredom. #)(*%%(*@$&@^#%^@*^ yeah. thats all I have to say about that. So I went to the doctors yesterday, here's my stats: height: 5"3 weight: 106 yeah I guess thats all...I lost weight. =\ GOD I need something to do here...like...work on my homework slower or something. yeah. oh yes, I did my first picture on photoshop today~ wee. |lick| I suck. I think i'm going to make an sr-71 page. o.O thats all.
Month: December
Day:10
Year: 2002
I keep screwing up. every thing. I keep losing people that I care about, I just don't know what i'm doing wrong. But I guess it's just somethign I'll have to deal with.
Have I really changed in the last year? The example that came out last night proved me wrong. I went threw this before with Scott, how I didn't like the person I was becomming. I have heard you become the person you hate the most...because you try so hard not to become that, that it 'implants' that thought into your brain then you start acting like it. get it? ok mabye not...I don't think I believe it. But I don't easily influence my self by repeatidly saying something until I believe it. If it were that simple then I wouldn't have any problems. I guess i'm just wanting a change.
My dream last night was wonderful. Up until the part where you ditched me.
I think i'm going to take an internet break for a while...
Month: november
Day:30
Year: 2002
Yea, i've been neglecting this web site with only little
updates when I do visit it. Sorry~ Well SOOOOOO much stuff has happend!! My purse got stolen at the arcade, sucks, wich had my digital camera in it as well as some pictures that I went crazy over, but I think I might have some copies of them, hopefully. I also lost $32, but I don't really care about that. So I (at the moment) have a thing against arcades. I was
also out side (I guess it would be yesterday now...it's 1:23am...w/e) when a loud thunder clap happend right over head. Ouch that hurt. There's also been the usual stupid drama between me and scott. I break up with him, he keeps asking me out. Yeah, stupid me...I know. Then
my friend Dj went to the mental institute...and I miss him. Can't say I didn't see it comming, it was just the way he was talking and the tone of his voice...::worried:: Then there's also the usual
when it comes to people at my school. So I don't really feel like going into it...but this is long enough. see ya~
11/14/02-::drool::

11/12/02-blah Month: november
Day:10
Year: 2002
I havent really written any thing in here for a while. Just thought i'd say hello. Yeh, still putting up pix n stuff...experimenting with different things..well mostly backgrounds...

Every things been really wierd in my life at the moment...but i'm going to blame it on stress. I guess the only feeling that might describe my emotion at the moment is lost. mMmMmMm..I want to know what I did so I'll know never to make that mistake again.
but you'll never answer me...
Month: October
Day:26
Year: 2002
I have a new digital camera, and I am absolutley amazed at how well people can take pictures of me. {i'm being sarcastic} take a look....

weee
yay~ ok any ways, yeah been workin on this site alittle bit more...i'm still confused as to what to do to the front page, I don't like it.
ok...on to other things..
My washington friends don't say hi to me any more...not on im's...not lately... Mabye there just really busy or something.
last night people kept calling me and I kept falling asleep on the phone...i was tiiirrreeedd, not to mention i am very disapointed in my self -.- things that I wont talk about here. Does any body even read this?
Month: October
Day:19
Year: 2002
humm...well yeh i did some stuff..but it's prolly not noticeable to any one else but me. For the last 3 days..(since i've been stuck at home) i've done nothing but play ps2, draw and go online.
This all gets borring after a while. ok well..any ways, nuthin to much goin on with me...i guess. read my journal -.-
Month: October
Day:6
Year: 2002
I think I need to make new buttons. The afro ken
ones don't match...poor afro ken. bye bye
Month: October
Day:6
Year: 2002

That was taken on september 27. Not that out dated.
Rachelle said I look the same from when she last saw me. Aaron said I look older..but w/e. I'm all shiny. So yeah, any ways, Just putting up pix...n all that fun stuff...I love my yellow sun glasses!!!
Month: October
Day:4
Year: 2002
humm...I'm sleepy. I put up aloooooot of pix. and i need to get more backgrounds...so if you know where i can get any good lain backgrounds...then yeh....i'd be happy~
Month: October
Day:2
Year: 2002
:-{happyest of birthdays jenny}-:
Month: September
Day:19
Year: 2002
well it's been a few weeks since i touched this
thing. I'm having fun putting up backgrounds, wich they all seem to be serial experiments lain at the moment. i love that anime. So any ways, yeah just doin some updating, and mostly screwing around with the back grounds.
Month: September
Day:7
Year: 2002
Bored...out of my mind....updating or working on putting it up. I like this computer web site making stuff, it passes the time and I enjoy it. It's friday, well, if your being technical, saturday, but to me friday and i'm bored. I already went out and had my fun for tonight but I find this relaxing. Ok, so anyways I'm still confused as to what the colors should be at the moment. I like the blue and white thing but it looks verry sanitary to me kinda like a hospital er somethin ya know? So at the moment every thing is blue, white, peachy, pinkpink, and whatever else colors might be out there. well..mmm oh wel I guess we'll just see. later~
Month: September
Day:5
Year: 2002
This is my newest site in the making. It's not
up yet but thats ok you'll soon be seeing
it. I'm trying not to have any black on it,
I know it's hard, so I must choose the colors.
I think for right know i'm going to match it
with my journal. (blues and whites) and well if you
didn't notice my site has pink in it but I
can't make it without puttin in other things too!! So
i'm hoping it'll be up in a week tops.