You Know You're a Drunkard when...


-Your favorite drinking game is Do A Shot Every Time You Do A Shot.

-When a panhandler asks, “Can you give me a quarter for some beer?” you reply, “Okay, but I want to taste it first.”

-Your favorite bar is four blocks away — six blocks coming back.

-You liver has a restraining order on you.

-You always finish your drinks because there are sober people in China.

-You freak out when you wake up in your own bed.

-You can hear someone whisper “free beer” from three blocks away.

-You forget how pants work.

-You hate it when your lightweight drinking buddies get so drunk you can barely see them.

-The words “Last Call” physically hurt you.

-You need help getting the breathalyzer in the right hole.

-You lost a fistfight with yourself.

-You quit drinking once, and it was the worst afternoon of your life.

-You tried getting out of a DUI by putting a beer label on your arm and telling the cop you’re off the booze and on the patch.

-You hate the person you become when you black out, because, you know, that fucker drinks all your beer.

-A good drinking buddy will bail you out of jail, but a great drinking buddy will be sitting in the cell beside you, saying, “Man, that was awesome!”

-The last words you remember each night are, “Hold my beer and watch this!”

-Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question.

-You know that time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.

-You happen to share the same home town, ethnicity, lifestyle, opinions, occupation or whatever-the-hell of whoever happens to be buying the drinks.
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