WORLD = COMPUTER
Maybe the world is like a great big computer. You know when you get a brand new computer, everything works great, things behave as they should, and everything is good. Then you get a worm (or a snake) and it all goes to Hell. Everything gets infected and your computer goes so slow and corrupted that it can't do all the things that it was created to do. Then, after a while, you get fed up with it and decide to reformat the bugger(*cough* noah's ark *cough* Sodom and Gomorrah *cough*).

And there's always a couple of guys that have all the answers to your problems, but they're in some far away place... like India (or Heaven). But even after you reformat ur computer, there's gotta be some stubborn little virus that sticks around to mess things up. So you get this all powerful Computer Technician to install an anti-virus program. So He goes around purging people of their sin and making them repent and deleting nasty spyware, but eventually He becomes outdated (of course, they didnt have internet back then, so he couldn't get a virus definition update from the Adaptec website).

So sin and viruses had to become so populous on the computer that Jesus was executed. Little did the viruses know that Jesus was only in the recycle bin. After three days, the Computer Technician restored the antivirus program to its orignal location and It gave renewed virus definitions to 12 of His most trusted antivirus programs... I can't remember all their names... there was Matthew, McAfee, Mark, Norton, Luke, John.... there's a few others too.

And that's how both christianity and virus protection came to be in this big crazy world of ours.

ONE AT A TIME
I often wonder if everything I could ever think of happens every single minute of my life.

For instance, while you read this, I'd be willing to bet that somewhere in the world, somebody is tying their shoes, or turning on a light, or throwing a baseball, or having a baby, or dying, or killing, or getting married, or making their bed, or breaking a vase, etc. I mean, the odds are very good that one person in six billion is locking their doors, or listening to Hate to Say I Told You So by the Hives, or eating Wheat Thins, or pouring water, or replacing a light bulb, or getting into a car accident, etc. right now. I think that as fast as I can imagine things people could be doing, they are being done by people around the world.

It's cool to think that I could be the only person in the entire world dropping a pencil at this very moment. I'd like to think that I am. Here, I'll do it again just for good measure. There. I'd bet that at least one of those times, I was the only one dropping a pencil in the entire world.

You're jealous.

CUH-RAZY AMERICANOS
Do you ever think that Americans are more messed up than Europeans because of movies and television and video games? Sure, lots of people do, and this has been suggested many times before, and I'm pro-movies/TV/video games, but there has to be some scientific truth behind it all.

On a seemingly different, but actually very similar topic, I read in a TIME magazine once that some scientists have suggest that we need sleep because we need time to organize, account for, and comprehend all the images and sounds we take in during the course of one day. Now, while this may not be the case for blind, deaf people, I still believe it holds some truth. OK, so I propose that Americans generally see more movies, watch more disturbing news programs and idiotic reality TV shows, and (arguably) play more video games than Europeans--or naturalists for example. Plus, I know that I, for one, don't get nearly enough sleep. If this is true, then maybe Europeans sleep better because they don't have as much garbage to process. Maybe this is why Spaniards take a siesta in the middle of the day: it chops their processing load in half.

Since Europeans take in less media garbage, they get better sleep, live happier lives, and are therefore less messed up than Americans. Thank you. I think I'll become a tree hugger... Nah, I could never give up movies and video games.