What a guy does to get into your good books after an almost-break up...............

My boyfriend has so far-

-Bought me a teddy bear on Friday and sprayed it with his cologne and wrote me a card.

-Cooked dinner on Monday and made an entree and bought dessert.

-Bought me a pair of Versace sunglasses on Thursday.

-Said he is going to get my car windows tinted.

-Wants to go shopping again to buy me cd's.

What will he do next? Sing me an Italian love song accompanied be violins?

This isnt meant to happen after reiki

Ugh!!! Not happy.

Why am i so stressed out today? Everything is getting to me even though i had a reiki session this morning.

~My mother is on my back telling me to do some document things and i cant be stuffed.
~The weather is shitting me because i dont get along well with winter.
~Im starting work tonight and i cant find a pair of pants that are not too long.
~I havent eaten lunch yet and im annoyed.
~Luis hasnt called me yet.

I think i should go up to my room, relax, focus on good things, get excited about starting work, write, breathe, dance. I should go to work 30 minutes early so i can do a bit of a workout and warm myself up.

Just a little bit of a push and... hey presto!

Today i went out into the world to find myself some work. I want to get into personal training rather than just gym instructing because a)i have trained for it and b)because pt's earn heaps more ca$h.

I went to 2 gyms that are part of the same franchise that i used to work for and the one at Northland didnt have any available work, but the one at Campbellfield said i came at the right time as they were looking for someone with my qualifications. I thought that sounded really promising. When i left, the manager called my old boss Chris for a reference and then straight after that Chris called me offering me a position!

Could i get any luckier? Here i am telling myself that i should get off my behind and go out into the world to get a job because it wont come after me, but once again i have proven myself wrong because the job has come after me. I know it seems lazy and unfair but i cant help it. You must take every good opportunity that comes your way because if you dont you will probably regret it later. Tomorrow i am going in to see my old boss so that we can sort out what i will be doing and how.

So now i will officially be employed as a personal trainer! It has taken me a little while but im there and i am ready to whip some ass. I should go through my books again from when i did my course because it gives you tips on how to approach prospective clients.

No big deal

Luis found out that i hacked into his email account and all he did was email me saying that he has nothing to hide and for me not to worry about anything and that he loves me.
I thought that he would have been a bit angry or annoyed or something but he didnt mention it again. I feel relieved now.

We are going to the movies tonight and i think we will probably see 'Mr & Mrs Smith'.

I just received a bill for my car registration. Ugh! Just when i am unemployed for a week and a half. That sucks. I guess there goes all of my savings. I knew i should have been saving more. Now i have to fork out $546.20 by next month. But thats ok ill be fine, im feeling positive that i will have another job by then so i dont need to fret. And anyways i think my bank account is quite healthy and i will be receiving one more weeks pay sometime this week so everything will be fine.

But then my insurance expires too. I need to find another insurance company! The one that i am with now made me pay $850 for an accident that wasnt my fault so they can go and get stuffed if they think that im going to give them one more cent.

Will i get my balls chopped off?
My boyfriend Luis, will check his emails tomorrow and find out that i got into his account and tampered with it.

I deleted the email from that dating site and i deleted one of his contacts, but just before i re-added that contact again because i realised who it was (his friends girlfriend Andrea who has all the guys addresses to inform them in which european country her boyfriend Sam is in this week). Duh.

Ok so now i feel kind of silly. And i wrote him 2 emails- one saying what i did and that i hope that he stays away from those dating sites for desperatos, and another email apologising if i misinterpreted anything. I bet he will be shocked and not too impressed. And also that i didnt mention anything all weekend even though we spent 24/7 together for 3 days.

So the long weekend is over. Saturday, Sunday and Monday were great and the weather was amazing for this time mid winter.

Luis is getting his Audi on Wednesday.....

I cant help but feel a little unsettled about him finding out that i hacked into his email account.

Shh! I secretly got into my boyfriends email account.....

Today my boyfriend said he couldnt get into his email and maybe i could check it for him. He thought for a split second and said 'actually no thats not a good idea'.

Hmm.... that got me thinking.

Ok so i managed to get into my boyfriends email account. His password was so obvious, i guessed it on my first try- its the one he uses for everything. Im not sure if that was the greatest thing for me to do because from what i found, my stomach now feels upturned.

Now, i didnt bother reading any of the emails from his friends because i can just imagine typical boys stuff- pornography, stupidity, etc.

But I found an email from one of those dating sites sent on 14 April 2005. I looked around the site for him and found that he only registered a name but had no profile. When i clicked on the email's link, it sent an email back saying 'thank you for joining'. I tried this on my own email and it may be possible that he never actually joined until I pressed link. I deleted the extra email that I accidently caused to be sent and i also sent an email to cancel getting anymore emails from the site. But that makes me think.... why hasnt he deleted the email?

Then I went into his 'contacts' list. Well, well, well! Apart from his friends addresses and some other ones which I confirmed were from his job agency, there was 1 or 2 which did STAND OUT from the rest.
I wrote them down, one being 'grkangel19'. Now who the flying fuck is she??? And how typical of him to go for a greek chick who is 19! That pretty much describes me.
I felt like deleting it but i thought he would realise that I sneaked into his email account. I checked who all of his emails were from and none were from this 'grkangel19'.

Now i feel awkward! What should i do? My stomach is in a knot, im sweaty, im cold, im supposed to see him tonight.... im also the type of person who cant keep secrets so should i try to keep this quiet? I want answers. I want everything deleted. Should i just go ahead and do it myself? And then ill tell him after that and make him explain. That doesnt seem like a bad idea actually, i just might do that. Tomorrow morning. That way he wont know until Monday. And ill make sure i send him an email saying exactly what i have done.

At the end of the day i know that what i have done is wrong. Nobody should invade someone elses privacy. But i tell you that he has no excuse for whatever he has done and its unfair on me because i am honest and i dont have secrets like that at all.

That really sucks. The same person who has been saying 'i love you' for over a year and a half to have addresses like that is not acceptable.

He is getting a new car tomorrow, Audi A4. And we are supposed to go to my parents holiday house and stay with them for the weekend. Now what?

I guess tonight ill have to do some interrogating about why he was hiding his email password and whats in there that he doesnt want me seeing. I think i can make him spit it out. Then again he is quite forgetful and may forget to mention those important details that im waiting to hear. Hmmm... ill sort it out.

By the way, if anyone is reading this, can you please tell me which directory i am in because i cant seem to find my site through any of the links, thanks.

Dont persist with a hopless cause

I quit work last Friday. I couldnt take it any longer and I ended up in tears all through lunch time. I hated going into work everyday and I didnt like anyone.

I over-worked myself and I tried covering up other peoples mistakes. Everyone else was lazy and did not care to do anything right. The boss was away for 3 weeks and in that time I tried to supervise, delegate and make sure everything was getting done because no one else bothered to do anything. When the boss came back she realised what was happening and said for me not to worry anymore becasue she would take over. Well, by that stage I had more than enough and I said I didnt want to be there anymore and that I wasnt happy.

I was there for only 9 weeks, I had no experience in working in a law firm or in an office environment, I tried to do more than I was required to do and now all I can do is learn from the experience.

- I am not made to work in an office

- I am better at helping people than sitting behind a desk

- Dont persist with a hopeless cause. Its ok to quit if things are not working out for you. If you see no purpose in doing the work you are doing then what is the point of sticking around and persisting with it? I am a stubborn person who likes to prove my point and I dont like quitting but I have to learn that sometimes its best to get out when you can and focus on something that matters more to me.

No more law firm for me in a high rise building in the city. Back to achieving my goal of working in a rehabilitation centre.

Another new begining...
Every day is the same unless you make it different.

A few days ago i was going to quit my job. I have only been there for 2 months and already i was going to give up.

The girl there who was supposed to train me and this other new girl decided to give herself the role of 'boss' when really she is nothing. She would walk around us and stand over our heads, look down and comment on insignificant things. She made threatening comments like 'if you dont do this, head will roll!' or 'if the boss sees that then youre going to be yelled at and you will cry' etc. I wasnt fazed by this at all. No one can threaten me or try to make me feel intimidated. I was just getting really sick and tired of her and her behaviour. I thought to myself 'cant she just mind her own business, do her own work and piss off?'

After numerous attempts of trying to be subtle with her and saying things like 'its like your the principal around here ha ha' i just took it up with the HR manager.

On Monday i decided not to go to work. I sat home for a while and told mum about everything and she told me to go in to work and tell HR everything and say if things dont change then i wont be coming back. And thats exactly what i did. I felt so relieved.

The next day i went to work and things were different. She was being so nice and helpful and really trying to do her best to cushion my ass. She never expected me to tell anyone about her behaviour but i did and now she is trying to suck up. I should enjoy it while it lasts because i bet it wont be long until she gets back to her bullying ways. But at least now she knows that i dont take shit from anyone.

Back here again
Last time i blogged was sometime in September 2004 just after i crashed my car. My computer broke down around that time and just last night i figured out how to fix it. I wish i realised that i had to press the 'system restore' button earlier......