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Extended Quarantine

This isn't a positive entry, so bear with me.

Remember the grand plan to avoid the I.V. steroids? Yeah, it backfired. After much debate, worry, stress, and tears, I'm slated to start the I.V. 'roids this week. This decision, coupled with the decision to start looking into other treatments, has led to decisions that I am not really ready to make and not ready to talk about yet. I feel stupid for not getting the I.V. administration right away, but we had to try different options. Too bad they didn't work.

The other times I've been on the I.V. 'roids were the results of trips to the E.R. This time, going through the neuro's office, is different and the process is way longer. I had to go in for blood work today before they'll even give me the goods. The added days give me ample time to dwell on how sucky the steroids will make me feel. So, in addition to new meds, the talk is turning to upping the dosage of happy pills.

I honestly thought that this week, a year after I was first diagnosed, would be so different from last year. It's upsetting to feel like I'm right back where I started, but that is the reality of the disease. Dammit.

We are not a happy household currently, but it will get better. I'll do the steroids and feel human again in a few weeks. And David will get rid of his scabies (a.k.a. poison ivy) and not walk around with cut off tube socks on his forearms. And we will laugh and get to the "remember that last week of August?" stories and roll our eyes and sigh that we made it through. I can't wait for that day to come.

Hmmmm...

Being quarantined for two weeks left me with ample time to knit some projects I've been wanting to get to. In the midst of stashbusting, I noticed something.

Apparently, I like light green. A lot.

From left to right, the Branching Out scarf from Knitty, knitted in some yarn I got at MS&W. My first pair of mittens, knitted from Classic Elite Miracle. And Birch from Rowan, knitted from kidsilk haze in meadow.

I am capable of using other colors, just not from a different color family. Behold! The first mitten for David, knitted from Frog Tree alpaca.

I can't wait for winter.

Dammit, Jim

Did I mention that summer sucks? Because summer sucks. The mini flare ups of the summer came to a crashing conclusion a week and a half ago and I ended up calling Dr. G to get back on the juice. THE JUICE. Only this time, I told him there was no way I’m going on those damn I.V. ‘roids. I got my way. I’ve been on oral ‘roids and just finished them up yesterday, thank god.

Did they do the trick? No, not really, but Aleve is taking the edge off of the eye, which was my main concern. I haven’t been at work for a week and a half, which sucks and which I have guilt over, but which is stupid because if I’d pushed myself to go, I would’ve definitely ended up in the hospital. I really need a therapist to work through these damn guilt issues.

So that’s what’s going on here. Give me a few days to get the ‘roids out of my system and back on track and I’m sure I’ll be in a better mood. I’ve been so crabby that even Benny is avoiding me.

28

It’s no secret that I scoff at David around his birthday when he laments another year has passed. Around my birthday, I usually try to keep my complaints to a minimum and not whine too much.

Usually.

I turn 28 in two days, and it has been a markedly rough year. My MSiversary is coming up fast, and I can’t help thinking of last year at this time when I was laughing at the vision problems I was having, not really thinking they were indicative of something more serious. I really can’t remember what we did last year for my birthday; thank god for the blog to keep track of such things. The months of August and September were overshadowed by the disease I often try to stop myself from talking and thinking about, but can’t.

The last year has been full of adjustments. Most days I get sick of having to think about consequences to actions I take. I have had days that were so good I think I’m “over” MS. I’ve had days that were so bad all I wanted to do was lie in a dark room and feel sorry for myself. I’m lucky that those days don’t happen very often and that I have people in my life who help me through with laughter and distractions.

Rituals have become a part of my every day life. I’ve come to rely on the comfort and stability of carrying out many of the same day-to-day habits. Again, humor plays a big part in getting through. Every Friday night, after the injection and hot soak, I walk out to the living room to tell David there’s a pity party happening in the bedroom and he’s invited. This invitation is followed by five minutes of moaning and groaning and feeling sorry for me, wah. The five minute pity party is usually accompanied by 20 minutes of laughing our asses of at how ridiculous I’m being. Again, thank god for rituals. And thank god for David.

There are many things I’m proud of in year 27 and many things I’ve learned. I’ve gotten over my fear of needles. I’ve finally found knitting, a hobby I love and am sticking with. I have an amazing husband and awesome family and friends. I’ve grown closer to my sister and brother this year. I have a better attitude and outlook than I’ve had in 10 years. I fall more in love with David every day. Chambers moved to Philly, and we’re better friends than ever. I think of last year at this time when he was looking for a job and uncertain of his future, and then look at now, when he’s established and already been promoted. I’ve made friends through Chambers and made peace with past friendships that have ended. I’ve met and gotten to know amazing people, like Michelle and Christy, who inspire me. It has been an incredible and positive year.

We haven’t made any concrete plans for celebrating this weekend. There will, of course, be rituals and the celebration of the eight year anniversary with Benny Woo. There will be cries of, “I’m old!” and a home microdermabrasion session (thanks, Tara) and alcohol. But really, I’m looking forward to the coming year and knowing that the unexpected will happen and that I am equipped to handle it. So here’s to change and challenge and getting older. And maybe to botox. No, I’ll stick to Mary Kay instead. At least for now.

Welcome to the change of heart

We spent a leisurely long weekend vacaying with the 'rents. It was beautiful, relaxing, and just what the wonky eye ordered. I can see clear as a bell.

Oh, and there was yarn.

My birthday yarn crawl has been successful, as is evidenced by my yarn basket.

There were many goodies, starting with two skeins of Debbie Bliss cashmerino aran, two skeins of Rowan 4 ply, and six skeins of frog tree alpaca, which are destined to become mittens for Daveed Bamboo. All of which were purchased at my new favorite yarn shop, Wool Gathering.

Next, the yummy deliciousness of four skeins of Classic Elite Miracle.

Please pardon me as I drool.

My parents picked up a couple skeins of Ellyn Cooper's Yarn Sonnets while on vacay in New England. I heart blue.

Of course, there was sock yarn.

And handpainted merino from one of the yarn stores which mom frequents. We also signed up for a spinning class in October, and I can't effing wait.

I finally got a pic of mom modeling the tilted jacket. Pay no attention to the corn waiting to be husked in the background.

And the relaxing weekend offered plenty of time for me to finish the scarf I was working on. This was my first adventure with Koigu, and I think I'm in love.

I really can't wait until fall when scarves and socks become a necessity. I love birth week.

Break

I'm taking a mini break from blogging for a while. Stay tuned for a change of heart.

Heat Wave
We’ve having a heat wave
A tropical heat wave
The temperature’s rising
It isn’t surprising
She certainly can
Can-can

It’s sticky icky all up and down the eastern seaboard and Philly is no exception. I took the Wooster out for his morning constitutional and nearly drowned in the humidity. It’s unbearable. And as I type this, I’m sitting in my office in a suit. Professional attire is so overrated. Who schedules important meetings for the end of July? Blech.

Next week we’re making the trek across the state to visit family. Dave’s parents, along with the brood from Georgia, will be visiting and I can’t wait to see them. And jump in the pool.* (What? Did I say that out loud?) I’m also looking forward to raiding the goodies my mom picked up on her visit to Patternworks. At least, I hope she and my dad made it there. They’re supposedly returning today from a short vacation to New Hampshire and Vermont.

In other news, Benny Woo has apparently taken over Google. I don’t know, I just feed him.

*Wishful thinking as the pool is closed due to the owners no longer living in the state. Sigh.

Travesty

Ugh.

I can’t take another movie that slaughters a book I love. Have you seen this? Do you know that Frodo is playing the lead?

I’m currently reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer’s latest work and am enjoying it so much that I don’t want it to end. For me, that’s the testament of an excellent novel. I love it.

My problem with books turned into movies is that they never live up to the original. The characters never look the way I think that they should or how the way they were depicted in the original illustration. Did you know that in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Willie Wonka had a goatee? A GOATEE. Not the shaven cheeks of Gene Wilder and Johnny Depp. And the only songs came from the Oompa Loompas WHO WERE NAKED. I can’t take anymore.