slackers
no not the movie.
Me
I dont know why I get into things like this its the same way at home start a project. get something in my head never sway,,,,im such a contradiction im stubborn as hell but I give up so easily..grrr me

i painted three roooms in my house and put three new floors down in the last month and a half but i still fell like nothing is getting done around here grrrr.

Hitler and Arachnaphobia
I watched this movie about Adolph Hitler before he turned to politics and became the most feared man of the mid 20th century and I was fascinated. The movie was
bascically a hypothesis ...if hitler HAD become a the well known acclaimed artist he longed to be,instead of the brutal,dilusional,irrational person he turned out to be,would WWII ever have occured,(I believe it would have,regardless but not to the cataclysmic extent to which it did)Some people find it fitting to call him a genius.I wouldnt go that far. an artist,most definately,but not a genuis.He was used for his voice by an ususpecting army and he got into the heads of a whole country almost overnight,that is profound artistry. The way grand piece of art stays with you Hitler projected his voice into society,like an unforgettable piece of art that you can't deny.He was passionate.Almost cult-like,a society going through the upheaval of their lives, may have been looking for answeres as to why they were so miserable,and he gave it to them,via "new science" called propaganda.

I guess propaganda(I'll go a bit more simple and call it brainwashing)was becoming a trend at this time and people ate it up.It's surreal to think that one small mans 360 in career change extinguished the lives of not only himself but 70 million people,the whole world was changed. It's really quite fascinating.I remember my brother telling me to keep my day job when I would sing.If only Adolf Hitler kept his.

ok so all the rambling about this movie left me no time to get into phobia.I'll just let you know, for a good laugh.. catch a spider and put it on my shoulder.

The Zoo.
The Zoo, brings back memories..
A Zoo is not for me.Not anymore. I don’t like walking past gawking at animals stuck in cages I am in no way a Peta freak or zealot about this. I simply can’t see any fun in it at all. Maybe there is some stupid corelation between the zoo and being young and why I don’t like it now , but who cares. I am sure when I was a kid I loved it. I’m quite sure I didn’t understand the animals were there against their will and were being raped of all their natural instincts so someone can make money by exploiting them. It is much more unusual and exciting to see a fox sitting in a field or a bobcat jet in front of my car or a big old bear plodding across a road than it is to see them stuck in a cage, that’s just me. The circus too.. Don’t get me started on the circus. When you have to use football fields length of taffeta to make a tutu wouldnt ballet then, be out of the question? Elephants should not dance .That would be like me trying out for the nutcracker on Broadway ,donning a leotard, and attempting swan lake, it’d be like more Jurrasic park. Not a good sight.

I am glad the kids had a good time though. I don’t want to be young again, no way.But I love digging up good memories from when I was young. I had a pretty good childhood there were a lot of great and not so great in fact, pretty ugly memories growing up. Did the bad outweigh the good? No. its just part of who I am. I stuck to myself and had a decent amount of wits about me so it all worked out. Growing up fast worked out good for me in more ways than some. I had a great, albeit, dysfunctional family. My mom, in retrospect, was a rock, a boulder,a monolith. A lot of bad things happened to just about everyone in my family to be honest. That’s totally fine though. (I don’t think we were unlike any other family on the block our problems were just different). There are complaints here and there and some close calls to think of and some heinous bs no one wants to admit (including myself) everyone has secrets in childhood that they will NEVER tell. I’m not denying anything or hiding things, its just the way it is. Are those things secret if they are disclosed? No. I remember a lot. I think too much sometimes Maybe some other time I can delve into that but not today.

you know the old saying? ...That which does not kill us makes us stronger? Well I do believe that without a doubt, but depending on the persons will.
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not doing jack today....
I figured today was as good as any day to start.I was'nt going to do an online journal,because I never have anything exciting to write about much,just my incessant remblings, a friend of mine has a blog. I love reading her blog everyday. She’s funny and her blog is fun and ,I imagine a good outlet and god knows I need one of those.

There are things that probably will never make it here which is intentional, so why write a journal? I have a tendency to go off at random and I figured this was a good way to harness these rambling ons .Besides does my 5 year old want to hear about anything but justice league? no. I can pretend im talking to a grown up.(come to think of it I never did have an imaginary friend when I was a little girl)That’s sort of not the case there are people to talk to, I guess I could count the friend who calls me every morning to tell me of the previous nights Orgasm. lovely. spare me please. I love my friends, don't get the wrong idea, I SHOULD by now, most have been a part of me since I have been in kindergarten ,some fairly new but again, I don't want to hear of their bodily fluid exchanges. Was it good? Yeah? Great! be non-specific please.

My children just took off to the zoo today with their grandparents so I have some time to do nothing(until the neighbor asks me to watch her 4 boys which is just my shit luck, but not today miss.) this day care center is CLOSED! :) have a good one! im going to chef up something to eat then im going to do a lot of nothing. buh bye.