Sunday 22nd February 2004

Week 52, Day 330

In two days, I've been gone for a year. Blimey!

Again, my life is back on the highs and lows of a rollercoaster. But that is life afterall isn't it? I apologise to those I haven't replied to lately. I have been focusing on myself quite a lot and not made it to a net cafe in the two weeks in order to update my blog. I have really needed that selfish time for myself and it looks like there's more to come.

Since my last rant, work has been fine. I had one night where I stressed out a little, but I did apologise and it was a result of stress in life, rather than stress at work. We've managed to resolve the situation at a managers' meeting anyway and put it to the test last night and our solution worked. So yes, work is fine. Beto, our training supervisor, has joined us and I've had the pleasure of training him the past week and a half which is cool as we get on well. He's doing great and comes as a relief for us as it will help us focus on lots of other areas in the restaurant having that added reinforcement on the management team.

Other than work I've been getting back to basics. I joined up with a new Weight Watchers meeting near my house and it's been great. Despite having a bad second week, my leader Janet is awesome and I feel I've got the strength again to get myself into order. I've also done a hell of a lot of cooking and as most of you will know, this destresses me, and it has worked its wonders. I made a fantastic batch of Rabanadas (those Portuguese French toast things), a killer risotto and this week I have promised my staff a tray of my famous Choc Mud Slice. Mmmmmmm mmmmm! I even made Valentine's day chocolate heart shaped cookies and handed them out to customers on the night of the celebrative day. Tuesday is Shrove Tuesday (pancake day) and yes, I'm gonna make them!!

Also at work, we had Tina, a training manager for the Leeds restaurant, work with us. Nice to have a girl around again and I really enjoyed her company. We've vowed to have a girls night out very soon. Yay!

I recently realised just how much I miss music in my life. It all happened two Fridays ago when I went out on a bender. Had lots of wine at home, went out with Marion and Susan (my two housemates) for a few drinks, met up with Ana and Jayne for a few more, went to Mojo for cocktails with Amit, Dave and their mate Kieran and as a result was somewhat plastered by the end of the night. I met this guy, Alex, at the bar at Mojo who just got talking about music and we realised how much we had in common. As his friends were bugging about leaving Mojo for some club, we swapped numbers. At the cockpit with A,D & K, I downed the double vodka drinks which were on the cheap and smiled to myself on the dancefloor while dancing to Bluetones, Stone Roses and other such bands that make me happy. And then, the tears started. I couldn't stop it. I don't know why but ever since I've come back from Australia, all I ever do is get depressed when I get drunk. That's not how I used to be - well not always anyway. I locked myself in the bathroom for ages and just had a good cry and decided that rather than making more of a fool of myself, I'd go home. That's what I did. In that time I had messaged Andy asking him to talk, and also message Jules (poor Jules) who then called me when I got home. What a mess I was!! It was so pathetic but a real eye opener for me. I've been sober since.

Met up with Alex during the week for drinks (well soda water for me). We sat and talked for ages. Via conversation we worked out we've virtually met before! How freaky is that? He used to be a massive fan of Mansun too and had his own web site (he's a web designer now). And that's one of the web sites I was always visiting. He then realised that the hits he was getting on his site from Australia must have been me! Haha! Too funny.

I revisited the Cockpit last Friday night. Not as good as the week before music wise as my fave DJ wasn't on, but still fun. Alex turned up with a few friends so I talked to him for a bit (though he was very drunk) and then decided to head home. I vowed then to make an effort to go see bands more and get back to my fun days of clubbing and meeting new people. I think that's the essential ingredient missing in my life right now.

Though things are looking up in my professional and physical side of life, my love life is another matter. Things started heading down hill not long ago as I realised the distance between me and Chris was having a huge effect on him. As he only gets one day off a week at the moment, his time was limited. In most cases, that day was spent with me which didn't leave much time for him to do the things he likes. Having been in that situation before, I know how trapped it makes you feel and it's not healthy. Despite having a lovely Valentine's day (though belated) with him, and still enjoying his company, yesterday we decided that as we couldn't see a solution to the time/distance factor, it was probably a good idea to end things now, rather than later. It's not easy to say goodbye to someone when the only reason that sets you apart is geographic. It's very frustrating and unfair. But what else can you do?

As Les said to me yesterday, I really have had bad luck with my love life of late. So I've decided it's time for single Vanessa again to concentrate on getting things together. My priorities at the moment (in order) are enjoying myself, getting healthy, working hard and finding my house! I'm not going to rant on about the love life situation or I will just depress myself and there's no need for that.

Speaking of houses, I finally made the first step and paid the bank a visit. The next two weeks will see me searching for a decent mortgage. How scary is that?

Well, I am looking forward to Nikki visiting me this weekend. And then heading to London to visit Amanda who's coming over to live (yay!). And then hopefully with some good luck (for a change) heading up to Scotland to see Melissa and Gordon, which I should have done a LONG time ago. I think my phone is up and running again so phonecalls are high on the agenda too. So stay tuned kiddies, you might just have a surprise phone call from me!!

Top 10 this week:

1. Friends - For still being there. Especially Jules who puts up with a hell of a lot of crap from me.

2. Janet, my WW leader - For giving me the confidence and inspiration to get back on track :)

3. Cooking - it's just so rewarding for me!

4. Customers - The lovely customers keep on coming, especially the table of 18 who thanked me for serving them yesterday and referred to me on our feedback card as the 'Aussie Bird' - hehe.

5. Fish - though in debt, I decided to splurge on fish and seafood at the markets. How I miss it. The salmon en croute that I made the other day was divine!

6. Workmates - As a result of enjoying my work again, I'm really appreciating the company of those I work with. I had a blast with Andy last night who worked with me despite not needing to. When I asked him why he was on a late with me, he said it was because we hadn't worked together in ages. Awww!

7. Birthdays - Best wishes out to Susan for her birthday spent abroad in South America!

8. Walks - Despite my bad luck today (I got up to go for a walk and 2 mins into it, it starts to snow!!) I've enjoyed the few walks this week that I have managed to have. It really clears my mind and helps me think straight.

9. Family - They say you can pick your friends but not your family. It's true, but if I had the chance to choose, I wouldn't have picked any other family than my own.

10. The past - I've been reflecting a lot lately on the good things in my life and it's nice to be able to look back and smile. Thanks to those who have made me laugh.

x
Vanessa