i guess i'm happy with the way things are right now. after all, we're still pretty young. i enjoy being his friend right now..although at times i really do want to be closer to him. i know we'll be friends for a long time...i just hope maybe one day we'll be together.

i don't know whether i should give up or keep on going.

it's times like these...
i feel fine most of the day, especially if i'm around other people. but when i'm left alone, i start feeling, well, lonely. right now i'm home alone and...well, my mind keeps focusing on him. *ss*...i miss him so much. anything that reminds me of him makes me immensely sad.

i feel pathetic, too, because he and i are not even koibitotachi. just tomodachitachi. even though i believe one day we'll be together, i still feel rather sorry that i keep feeling so downtrodden. i just want him back home so i can speak with him again.

thoughts~
i've decided that this blog will be moreso an outlet of my thoughts and feelings, rather than a day-to-day recap of my life...plus, none of my friends know of this blog so i am more free to express myself here.

well, i had a nice dream last night. it was so realistic, which sort of saddens me because it just was not real. he was so tangible, too--i felt myself hugging him, being close to him and able to smell him.

dreams like that one only make me feel sad and lonely. i truly do miss him...i just wonder though, do i miss him because i really do love him? or just because he's the only one there for me, a safety net because i don't want to be lonely? sometimes my feelings confuse me too much. i can be so harsh about my own feelings..it seems i am torn in two about the way i feel.

contemplation.
i'm trying to decide what i should use this blog for, because i already have two other blogs which i use a lot. i don't want to keep repeating myself in each blog....

so i dunno, maybe i'll post lyrics in here. or just some deep thoughts that i don't want to put in my other blogs. we'll see.

or maybe i'll just write short stories here. i really don't know at the moment...so ja, we'll see.

friendships
today i spent some time with one of my closer friends from high school. we got to talk a lot about many things...at times like these, it makes me really sad to think that maybe in a few months i won't be talking much with these friends anymore. college seems to change so many people...i just hope i will be able to keep in touch with the people who are closest and dearest to me.

dreams
well, this is my first entry in this blog....let's see how it goes.

last night i had the strangest dreams...really, i dunno why i keep having dreams about my old house. in the dreams, i seem to always be wanting to go back to the house i grew up in. last night i dreamt that i was off at college and somehow found my way back home; i knocked on the door of the old house and nobody would come answer it. i became hysterical and continued knocking on the door....finally, my younger brother came to the door and answered...and i walked in, with tears streaming down my face.

odd, isn't it?