there are only two real feelings that a person should feel: love &/or hate. it's either one or the other, black or white, hot or cold, yes or no, up or down. there's no such thing as an "i don't know". everything is just gonna turn out to be a joke to you when you think too hard. i learned one thing & that took me months to realize. "don't be sad & isolate yourself because of all the pain & agony you're feeling if you're hurting more than the person who hurt you". time cannot heal a STRONG FEELiNG but at the same time manage your feelings. you don't want to end up crying half the time you're not asleep. if there are no changes why cry some more when you're just hurting yourself? it's hard to move on if you are still hurting inside but at the same time trying to keep yourself happy because what makes you happy is why you have to move on. our lives don't end when our heartbreaks begin. it's dumb but maybe this is the chance for me to get things straight. one day you'll ask me: "whats more important? my life or yours?? & then i'll tell you my life.then you'll walk away not knowing you are my life." i don't know whether to think making you my life is something i should regret or something i should learn for making you my life.
so what's the true feeling of being heartbroken?? i'LL TELL YOU...it feels like hell. your world turns upside down & everything you least expect to happen to you just happens unexpectedly. you hear one thing & then another & you don't know what to think anymore. you keep your pride held up high & your chin up hoping those tears behind your eyes don't fall, so you put up a front pretending you're happy & eveything is okay. you're holding your tears back wondering if people can see. the tears don't fall from your eyes down to your cheeks landing on your sweet lips but from your throat down to your chest finding its way to the most tender place in your body -- your heart. & when it finds it, your tears start flooding your heart with tears. everything in your own world is put on pause for a split second. your seconds turn into minutes & your minutes turn into hours & your hours turn into days which makes it seem like forever. so you're standing alone in a world put on pause for a split second which seems like forever. all of a sudden you can't breathe & you want to yell. not from anger but from pain. when you finally knock some sense into you it only gets half-way into your head because your heart is in denial. you can't tell your mind what to do if your heart doesn't want it. you can't stay strong even when you say you will be because your heart takes over your mind & you just start to believe what you want to believe excluding all the pessimistic words you know is the truth. everyone always wants to hear the truth. not this time. this is the only time your life where you will never want to fall in love again & when you don't want to hear the truth. you're left with unanswered questions with extreme thoughts that sound so dumb. when loving was your life, everything turns into hate. that's all you have. you don't want to love. nor do you want to be in love. people ask: how does it feel like to be in love? they give you a definition that seem so perfect & feels so heavenly. it's that & more... when you're in love you start to make sacrifices .you start to isolate yourself -- in your mind. there are only the two of you in your "LiTTLE WORLD" now. you run to each other & laugh with each other & feel so different... when you're together it's not like how you are with you're friends. there's a more compassionate, gentle feeling to it. you feel warmth & relaxation. because when some one tells you "i love you & i'm in love with you" you gain one more ounce of happiness in your life. when you kiss... when you kiss it's soft & sweet. sensual & serene. you have everything. BUT WAiT!!? so when one leaves what happens? it's only you left in the world that use to be called "US". that's when you start the process of being heartbroken -- hell heartbroken. yea sure, that's how you're suppose to feel... uhh huh! gotcha... i understand. it'll go away! RiGHT?? answer is... it won't... not for a hell of a long time it won't. yeah the other person will still be there & tell you they care & they love you so why worry right?? your wrong... them telling you they care & they still love you is as far as the both of you can go now. the world that use to be the "US" world become two whole different places. that pleasant kiss that you use to get everyday is a sign of telling you their love is no longer there. you're alone. lost. confused. you can't act the way it use to be with him/her. it would be wrong & it would hurt 5 times more than it already does. the "poof" & the "magic" that use to be there won't because it's forbidden to even be shown. you go from person to person to ask for help but doesn't fullfill that empty space in you. no one knows the story except for you. he/she is the only person who can stop you from crying. but who do you run to when the only person who can stop you from crying is the person who made you cry? so what's your last resort? ...pray...
