Where?s My Bathing Suit?!?!?! Why Baseball in March is...Dumb.
Mood:  energetic


I guess it is true what they say about getting old. You clearly remember ringing in the new year with your friends, or maybe you don’t. Then, all of a sudden, it’s Christmas again and you’re stuck wondering yet again what to get Dad for a gift, as his tube socks and underwear drawers are already overflowing from your generosity of Christmas past. So naturally as I’ve been hearing this non-stop babble of baseball this, and Barry Bonds that, I asked my self “Damn, is it really July already?” The notion of the year trickling by me this fast sent my head into a tailspin. Shit! I’ve got to take all these tests still! My God! I’ll be 23 in a few weeks! And what the hell is going to happen to all of the cast members on The Shield?!?!?! If Mackey goes to prison I don’t even know if I’ll be able to stomach a season without him on the strike team! Then, I gathered my bearings, looked around me, switched on ESPN and saw Joe Lunardi; Bracketologist extra ordinaire. Yes folks, Bracketology. It’s a real word damn it, and you’re going to be hearing a lot of it over the next few weeks. That is, of course...if you’re not a jackass.
Show me a man who would rather watch exhibition baseball in March as opposed to insane amounts of college basketball tournament style play and I will show you a scatterbrain. Sound familiar? Well then you probably read one of my earlier away messages directed at my good friend of nearly 20 years, Tom Papa. Tom was upset at ESPN’s coverage of Big Ten, and Atlantic Coastal Conference College Basketball Tournament coverage on both ESPN stations as opposed to the highly touted, much anticipated, can’t miss game of the year between Team USA Baseball and...South Africa. No I’m not kidding, they do play baseball in South Africa. My friends and I, when we played sandlot baseball back in the day, we penalized teams an out if one of their players hit a foul ball into one of the neighbor’s pools. I wonder what the children of South Africa do if a foul ball rolls into...I don’t know, let’s say...the jungle?!?!?! But I digress, and would like to reiterate if I may. Show me a man who would rather watch exhibition baseball in March as opposed to insane amounts of college basketball tournament style play and I will show you a scatterbrain.
Key word: MARCH. So before my instant messenger blows up with loads of messages from those of you who feel that baseball is the end all, be all, of competitive sports and the fabric of American life, reread what I wrote. I like baseball. Who doesn’t? Obviously everyone does if South Africa can field a team.
Would you like to know how much baseball matters, pre-All-Star Game. I’ll remind you. Last year, the Yankees started off with a record of something like 10-21. Forgot about that? I don’t blame you, they won their division for the umpteenth time in a row when the season ended, IN SEPTEMBER. Last year, Brian Roberts was ALL-WORLD at second base for the Orioles as he started out the year with a batting average of somewhere around 6.000!!! (Editors Note: We are aware that the highest average one can achieve is 1.000, this is called hyperbole.) At the same time Roberts’ Orioles looked as though they may contend with the aforementioned Yankees and the Boston Red Sox for a division title. Yeah, anyone remember how that turned out, IN SEPTEMBER? Last year, at this time everyone thought Robinson Cano was that book you were assigned to read in your eleventh grade English class (you bought the Cliff’s Notes, slacker). Now he is best known for being the only man on the field for the Yankees who won’t make seven figures this year. Or for some of you he may be known as your second favorite infielder on the team behind Derek Jeter, after Mr. Rodriguez’s nice little I’ll-swing-at-the-first-pitch-in-the-dirt-and-ground-into-a-double-play-thus-ending-the-playoffs-for-my-team-incident. Either way you can see, a lot changes when a single sports season lasts nearly seven months. Ever wonder why baseball players like to be in “mid-season form?” Because that’s when the best baseball is played.
I know I’m fighting a losing argument here. Baseball heads are baseball heads. Nothing is better than baseball, I know. The game is soooooooo much more sophisticated than any other form of competition. Spare me. I’ll get into why I feel this way at a later time, I’m here now to make you love the influx of college hoops that will be on over the next month, and just forget about baseball until mid-season.
March Madness!!! That’s what this rant is all about. You want non-stop baseball, move to Cuba (some restrictions apply). It all starts Sunday. Actually, it already started. But I’m going to bank on the idea that if I’m going to convince baseball fans to watch a sport which they may consider to be their sports’ polar opposite, I’ll start small. If you missed rivalry week (you’re not a sports fan) that’s ok, because we’re rapping up championship week right now. Oh, you missed championship week? It’s ok, as I said earlier, the real madness starts this Sunday with the NCAA Tournament Selection Show. This is where we find out the 65 teams that have a shot at playing for the National Championship. It would now be a good time to fill out your pool.
Not the swimming pool moron, it’s not July yet, remember? Pools are found across academia and corporate America. Basically, you take a sheet showing the tournament bracket and you guess the results of all 64 games. Why? How else are you going to make a game between Wisconsin and Iona worth watching? Trust me it’s fun. The more games you pick correctly, the better shot you have at winning money. It’s awesome baby!!! (You’ll hear this crazy guy named Dick say those words a lot too.)
So your pool is filled out. It’s time to research some story lines, or at least find some last names worth remembering. Last year, we fell in love with Kevin Pittsnoggle, Troy Herber, and Chris Beeline (who all actually play on the same team, West Virginia). A five foot nine inch point guard from Middle-Tennessee State named Tim Smith dazzled us as his team nearly upset the heavily favored Cincinnati Bearcats. You missed it? Oh, you were busy watching the Arizona Diamondbacks split-squad team play against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in Cactus league action!!! You have nothing in basketball to root for? Find a team full of seniors who you can just wish and pray does it for their retiring coach, or a team mate’s sick grandmother. Be the only one of your friends to pick the number fifteen team beat number two. It’s all here!!! Whether it’s dynasty, upset, Cinderella stories, miracles, perseverance, or even pure dominance (see Duke’s 2001 tournament run) the tournament has a story line for everyone.
Now I may have lost some of you along the way, and I apologize. My original intent was to merely show everyone that March is for college basketball and I may have accidentally turned this into a bash baseball session. It’s too easy to bash baseball these days and it’s a crowd I do not want to join. I know that our love for baseball is unparalleled, and that’s fine. I just don’t want everyone to do themselves the injustice of letting some high intensity, high emotion, high flying sporting action go unwatched at the expense of watching future minor-leaguers. Oh yeah, these kids...they’re not getting paid either.

Where?s My Bathing Suit?!?!?! Why Baseball in March is...Dumb.
Mood:  energetic


I guess it is true what they say about getting old. You clearly remember ringing in the new year with your friends, or maybe you don’t. Then, all of a sudden, it’s Christmas again and you’re stuck wondering yet again what to get Dad for a gift, as his tube socks and underwear drawers are already overflowing from your generosity of Christmas past. So naturally as I’ve been hearing this non-stop babble of baseball this, and Barry Bonds that, I asked my self “Damn, is it really July already?” The notion of the year trickling by me this fast sent my head into a tailspin. Shit! I’ve got to take all these tests still! My God! I’ll be 23 in a few weeks! And what the hell is going to happen to all of the cast members on The Shield?!?!?! If Mackey goes to prison I don’t even know if I’ll be able to stomach a season without him on the strike team! Then, I gathered my bearings, looked around me, switched on ESPN and saw Joe Lunardi; Bracketologist extra ordinaire. Yes folks, Bracketology. It’s a real word damn it, and you’re going to be hearing a lot of it over the next few weeks. That is, of course...if you’re not a jackass.
Show me a man who would rather watch exhibition baseball in March as opposed to insane amounts of college basketball tournament style play and I will show you a scatterbrain. Sound familiar? Well then you probably read one of my earlier away messages directed at my good friend of nearly 20 years, Tom Papa. Tom was upset at ESPN’s coverage of Big Ten, and Atlantic Coastal Conference College Basketball Tournament coverage on both ESPN stations as opposed to the highly touted, much anticipated, can’t miss game of the year between Team USA Baseball and...South Africa. No I’m not kidding, they do play baseball in South Africa. My friends and I, when we played sandlot baseball back in the day, we penalized teams an out if one of their players hit a foul ball into one of the neighbor’s pools. I wonder what the children of South Africa do if a foul ball rolls into...I don’t know, let’s say...the jungle?!?!?! But I digress, and would like to reiterate if I may. Show me a man who would rather watch exhibition baseball in March as opposed to insane amounts of college basketball tournament style play and I will show you a scatterbrain.
Key word: MARCH. So before my instant messenger blows up with loads of messages from those of you who feel that baseball is the end all, be all, of competitive sports and the fabric of American life, reread what I wrote. I like baseball. Who doesn’t? Obviously everyone does if South Africa can field a team.
Would you like to know how much baseball matters, pre-All-Star Game. I’ll remind you. Last year, the Yankees started off with a record of something like 10-21. Forgot about that? I don’t blame you, they won their division for the umpteenth time in a row when the season ended, IN SEPTEMBER. Last year, Brian Roberts was ALL-WORLD at second base for the Orioles as he started out the year with a batting average of somewhere around 6.000!!! (Editors Note: We are aware that the highest average one can achieve is 1.000, this is called hyperbole.) At the same time Roberts’ Orioles looked as though they may contend with the aforementioned Yankees and the Boston Red Sox for a division title. Yeah, anyone remember how that turned out, IN SEPTEMBER? Last year, at this time everyone thought Robinson Cano was that book you were assigned to read in your eleventh grade English class (you bought the Cliff’s Notes, slacker). Now he is best known for being the only man on the field for the Yankees who won’t make seven figures this year. Or for some of you he may be known as your second favorite infielder on the team behind Derek Jeter, after Mr. Rodriguez’s nice little I’ll-swing-at-the-first-pitch-in-the-dirt-and-ground-into-a-double-play-thus-ending-the-playoffs-for-my-team-incident. Either way you can see, a lot changes when a single sports season lasts nearly seven months. Ever wonder why baseball players like to be in “mid-season form?” Because that’s when the best baseball is played.
I know I’m fighting a losing argument here. Baseball heads are baseball heads. Nothing is better than baseball, I know. The game is soooooooo much more sophisticated than any other form of competition. Spare me. I’ll get into why I feel this way at a later time, I’m here now to make you love the influx of college hoops that will be on over the next month, and just forget about baseball until mid-season.
March Madness!!! That’s what this rant is all about. You want non-stop baseball, move to Cuba (some restrictions apply). It all starts Sunday. Actually, it already started. But I’m going to bank on the idea that if I’m going to convince baseball fans to watch a sport which they may consider to be their sports’ polar opposite, I’ll start small. If you missed rivalry week (you’re not a sports fan) that’s ok, because we’re rapping up championship week right now. Oh, you missed championship week? It’s ok, as I said earlier, the real madness starts this Sunday with the NCAA Tournament Selection Show. This is where we find out the 65 teams that have a shot at playing for the National Championship. It would now be a good time to fill out your pool.
Not the swimming pool moron, it’s not July yet, remember? Pools are found across academia and corporate America. Basically, you take a sheet showing the tournament bracket and you guess the results of all 64 games. Why? How else are you going to make a game between Wisconsin and Iona worth watching? Trust me it’s fun. The more games you pick correctly, the better shot you have at winning money. It’s awesome baby!!! (You’ll hear this crazy guy named Dick say those words a lot too.)
So your pool is filled out. It’s time to research some story lines, or at least find some last names worth remembering. Last year, we fell in love with Kevin Pittsnoggle, Troy Herber, and Chris Beeline (who all actually play on the same team, West Virginia). A five foot nine inch point guard from Middle-Tennessee State named Tim Smith dazzled us as his team nearly upset the heavily favored Cincinnati Bearcats. You missed it? Oh, you were busy watching the Arizona Diamondbacks split-squad team play against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in Cactus league action!!! You have nothing in basketball to root for? Find a team full of seniors who you can just wish and pray does it for their retiring coach, or a team mate’s sick grandmother. Be the only one of your friends to pick the number fifteen team beat number two. It’s all here!!! Whether it’s dynasty, upset, Cinderella stories, miracles, perseverance, or even pure dominance (see Duke’s 2001 tournament run) the tournament has a story line for everyone.
Now I may have lost some of you along the way, and I apologize. My original intent was to merely show everyone that March is for college basketball and I may have accidentally turned this into a bash baseball session. It’s too easy to bash baseball these days and it’s a crowd I do not want to join. I know that our love for baseball is unparalleled, and that’s fine. I just don’t want everyone to do themselves the injustice of letting some high intensity, high emotion, high flying sporting action go unwatched at the expense of watching future minor-leaguers. Oh yeah, these kids...they’re not getting paid either.