Howdy howdy all. Welcome to another episode of MLYE, we're still on the air, barely. Sit back, put the remote down, and let me do my thing.
This low-carb shit is making me very upset. Every damn thing nowadays is low carb. Low-carb or reality, and dammit I'm sick of them both. We good folk at MLYE have decided to come up with some ideas for the next low-carb products. Wanna hear it? Here it go:
Low Carb Crack - Now with only 4 net carbs, get all that great crack flavor without the guilt. Atkins approved.
Low Carb Masturbation - For those days when you just cant get enough of yourself. Now you can double click your own mouse all night without having to starve yourself the next morning.
I'm pretty sure that a low carb lifestyle is a good diet if you do it right, but the way I see it advertised on tv it looks easy to be abused. I refuse to believe that one can eat a quadruple 5 cheese burger with lard on the side and if they just skip the bun, shit is cool.
So today, this lil girl who lives up the block inquires to be about our trampoline. This brawd proceeds to ask me what are we gonna do with it *my nieces and nephew rarely use it*, then she gets audacious and asks can she have it. I look at her 14 types of crazy and say how the hell do you just ask somebody for their trampoline? I mean how do you fix your face to say some shit like that. What makes it even worse, she's a chubby chick. So I'm thinking to myself, "this gal would never get on it unless her mama tied a pork chop to their street light" Anyway, I send her on her way without hurting her feelings.
Stupidity had no boundaries today. I was at the local Wally World purchasing some items. I put my shit up on the conveyor belt and this lil girl behind me saw me put a toy up on the belt. Now for some strange reason she asks me "are you gonna buy that". I knew how she meant for the question to come out but the question was so stupid I had to get her. I respond "no sweetheart, I'm stealing this stuff, I just wanted the cashier to see me". I think I made her madder than a legless Somalian watching a doughnut rolling down a hill.
While we're on stupid, I had to drop ya'll some crack from this comedian who was on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, please dont sleep on this joint just cause these kats are white. They're funny as fidduck. This is called "Here's Your Sign" its about stupid folks who need signs to let the world know their stupidness. Examples:
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
Crack For The Day - Lean Back by Terror Squad. Its pure hotness, and no matter how bad a dancer you are, I'm pretty sure you can do the rock-a-way.