Has The World Gone Mad?
Howdy howdy all. Welcome to another episode of MLYE, we're still on the air, barely. Sit back, put the remote down, and let me do my thing.

This low-carb shit is making me very upset. Every damn thing nowadays is low carb. Low-carb or reality, and dammit I'm sick of them both. We good folk at MLYE have decided to come up with some ideas for the next low-carb products. Wanna hear it? Here it go:

Low Carb Crack - Now with only 4 net carbs, get all that great crack flavor without the guilt. Atkins approved.

Low Carb Masturbation - For those days when you just cant get enough of yourself. Now you can double click your own mouse all night without having to starve yourself the next morning.

I'm pretty sure that a low carb lifestyle is a good diet if you do it right, but the way I see it advertised on tv it looks easy to be abused. I refuse to believe that one can eat a quadruple 5 cheese burger with lard on the side and if they just skip the bun, shit is cool.

So today, this lil girl who lives up the block inquires to be about our trampoline. This brawd proceeds to ask me what are we gonna do with it *my nieces and nephew rarely use it*, then she gets audacious and asks can she have it. I look at her 14 types of crazy and say how the hell do you just ask somebody for their trampoline? I mean how do you fix your face to say some shit like that. What makes it even worse, she's a chubby chick. So I'm thinking to myself, "this gal would never get on it unless her mama tied a pork chop to their street light" Anyway, I send her on her way without hurting her feelings.

Stupidity had no boundaries today. I was at the local Wally World purchasing some items. I put my shit up on the conveyor belt and this lil girl behind me saw me put a toy up on the belt. Now for some strange reason she asks me "are you gonna buy that". I knew how she meant for the question to come out but the question was so stupid I had to get her. I respond "no sweetheart, I'm stealing this stuff, I just wanted the cashier to see me". I think I made her madder than a legless Somalian watching a doughnut rolling down a hill.

While we're on stupid, I had to drop ya'll some crack from this comedian who was on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, please dont sleep on this joint just cause these kats are white. They're funny as fidduck. This is called "Here's Your Sign" its about stupid folks who need signs to let the world know their stupidness. Examples:

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

Crack For The Day - Lean Back by Terror Squad. Its pure hotness, and no matter how bad a dancer you are, I'm pretty sure you can do the rock-a-way.

Conversations With The Synikal One
What's really hood out there tvland? You already knowing the time, place, and show, so why go thru the plesantries. Kick off ya shoes *spray if you have to* and let me do my thing thing.

Tonites episode is dedicated to a person who is near and dear to me: me. So tonite I answer all the really tough questions that pertain to me and everything that is me. Shall we begin? Some of these questions were donated to me and others just came to me. *lights pipe* Lets begin.

1. If you could have any job in the world, what job would it be?
Answer: Massage Therapist for the NBA. Getting to rub on Spree, KG, Starbury, *shivers*

2. How often do you clean in between your toes?
Answer: Only when I get enough toe jam to make a good PB and J sandwich

3. If you had a yacht what would you name it?
Answer: The S.S. Suffocation because I want kats to go down like they cant breathe.

4. What would you put in cereal boxes as a gimmick?
Answer: Orgasms

5. Paper or plastic?
Answer: Plastic, no doubt

6. What do you keep in the trunk of your car?
Answer: An extra pair of shoes, jumper cables, an extra outfit, and a bat just in case I gotta go Joe Clark

7. If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do?
Answer: Eat a big meal, take a nice dump, get some head, repent, then kick the bucket

8. What is life's ultimate gift?
Answer: Pure, untainted, unconditional love. Cant believe I said that, eh?

9. How many rings before you answer the phone?
Answer: Hopefully they hang up before I get it, but usually 3.

10. What is the first thing you think of in the morning?
Answer: Depends on what I did that previous night.

11. Peanut or plain?
Answer: I'm always looking for a good nut.

12. If there was a holiday named after you, what would it celebrate?
Answer: It would be called Not Shit Day, it would celebrate the goodness of not doing shit.

13. What is your worst personality characteristic?
Answer: I'm terribly detached to the world, very aloof.

14. What punctuation mark describes you best?
Answer: A comma, because it just lays in the cut and lets shit pause then flow.

15. If you had a theme song for everytime you walked into a room, what would it be?
Answer: American Bad Ass by Kid Rock. That song pretty much sums up how I feel about things.

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed a little peek in my world. This now officialy concludes our first installment of C.W.S.O. *puts out pipe*

Crackman, crackman - The crack of the day goes to Xscape with My Little Secret that joint is still hotness. "I like being in room with you and your girlfriend, the fact that she dont know really turns me on". To be honest, I actually find a situation like that really hot and I have been in that situation. Ohhh, it aint my fault.

If Mase Can Make A Comeback.......So Can I
What's really really good out there? Yeah, ya'll thought I was cancelled but I'm back like a bad rash. I hope you enjoyed the reruns of my Greatest Misses. HIT IT!

Anyone who's on the mailing list pretty much knows whats been poppin off with me over the last 2 months. However, for the slow witted and out of looped, here's the last 2 months in two sentences. I'm now a college graduate. I need a job.

You know what I'm fockin sick of? Reality shows. We all know that reality sucks so why must we have a new show every week. Fuck that, I want some fantasy or at least some nudity. My production company has come up with some reality show ideas to pitch to the major networks:

Parole Idol - Twelve inmates sing and perform to win a parole contract. Voters choose their favorite offenders. Judges - Todd Bridges, Robert Downey Jr., and Winona Ryder.

The Restaurant: Ghetto McDonalds version - Tune in weekly to watch as 17 year old kids fuck up your order, drop your food, and beef constantly.

Got 'Cha - Our hidden camera show. Watch as real life people are punked. Scenarios include: missing financial aid, planted crack in someone's car, and altered DNA results. It's a riot!

Aiight, I'm buggin but ya'll get the idea. After a 30 day hiatus I finally got my XM Radio back up and running. Those fuckouts gave me a faulty antenna. It was still under warranty so I called them up. First, I stayed on hold for 15 minutes and then dukes on the other end tried to get smart with me. Don't jump stupid with me after listening to muzak, I thought I was gonna hafta choke a bitch. Next, the mf accuses me of damaging said antenna. I politely told his stupid ass that antennas aren't supposed to just snap in half in your hand. Either I cracked him or he just got tired of arguing and he gave up the RMA. A week later, I'm back with my radio, I missed it so much. *bumps The Rhyme*

Well, that's all for now. Gonna take baby steps with gettin my blog back on its feet. Dont wanna hit ya'll with too much at once. Peace.

Happy April Fools Day
Whats poppin out there ya'll? I guess MLYE is starting to become a real sitcom because I'm only hittin on Thursdays. This is semi choice and semi force, but nevertheless I'm here, Rosie O'Donnel's queer, so lets cheer.

As you all know, today is April Fools Day. Everybody loves a good prank, but there are some things that you shouldnt do. How about a top ten list of things you shouldnt do/say on April Fools Day.
10. Do not go to a professor's office dressed in fatigues and fake grenades and demand an A.
9. Do not go to the hospital, steal some scrubs, go to various rooms and tell people that they have an incurable disease.
8. Still posed as a doctor, do not go to the waiting room and tell a lil kid that their mom died in surgery.
7. Do not call in a bomb threat to Toys R' Us.
6. Do not call the FBI and tell them that your best friend has been seen wearing a turban and sporting a long beard.
5. Do not go into Mickey D's and tell people that you just heard that their meat has been recalled for Mad Cow Disease.
4. Do not go into a country western bar and tell the locals that NASCAR went bankrupt.
3. Do not call your boyfriend/girlfriend and tell them that it burns when you pee and you have bumps on your genitals.
2. Do not call your parents and tell them that you are eloping with a cross dressing midget.
1. Do not go around telling people that Dubya isnt a moron.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Now onto some serious shit. I made a C on my corporate finance test and ya'll woulda swore I won the lottery. I've never been that happy about a C since the word contraceptive. And it wasnt a 69.99999, it was a real C. So cheers to ya girl for being a smarty art chick. School is coming along slowly but surely, and I'm counting down the days.

Here's a lil PSA.........STOP SAVING THESE HOS!! Male or female, tuck ya fuckin cape in. Its depressing to see kats/chicks throwing their jackets over puddles and shit for worthless ass niggas and bullshit ass brawds. It hurts the most because the Captain Kirk is one of my homies. Sick, sad world.

Prime Cut Of the Day - Well this one was hard as fiduck because I had a lot of meat to choose from. This cut was chosen only because the runner up had a prime cut last week. And the winner is *drumroll* Dreaminby Mr. Christopher "Break A Brawd" Williams. Yeah I was a lil shorty back when this jawn hit, but I knew dukes was fine. Couldnt feck with him cause ya girl cant take a punch.

Thats my time ya'll. Be easy. Peace.

Guess Who's Bizack?
Whats crackin friends, Romans, and countrymen? It's everybody's favorite somebody hittin you in ya face with another episode. I dont care if you're here by mistake or you're regular. Sit back and let me do my thing thing or click the X, feel me?

Yeah, I know its been a minute or two since I blessed the pages with an entry. I've been hellafied busy with 3 tests and took up all my time and energy. I feel pretty damn good about them, so I'm expected 2 B's and 1 C, not bad at all. Plus, ya girl was sick as fiduck. Sidelined with some good ol food poisoning for a couple days. Man, I did not know that the body could produce that much shit *literally*. I mean I think I used up at least 3 hours a day shitting. Talk about a raw ass, thank God for baby wipes. I know thats a lot of info, but man I had to tell somebody who knew somebody so that they could tell somebody. Dont fret, I'm back to normal (if there's such a thing).

Only 5 more weeks of school left. I'm in that focused groove. I'm not fucked up about goin out, seein anybody, or anything. Shit, I can kick it once I that ink dries on that diploma. I've been in school for about 3.5 years and I think its safe to assume that I've learned a couple things. Ya'll mind if I share some things I've learned? Aiight, peep game. I've learned that:

1. You can function on an hour of sleep.
2. Twenty dollars can last a month with a little creativity.
3. There's nothing wrong with buying a book before a test and returning it the next day.
4. Tis better to cheat than to repeat.
5. Joining a club for free pizza and drinks is okay, really.
6. Church groups have the best freebies.
7. Pajamas can be worn to class as long as your shirt matches.
8. It is possible to get drunk on a dollar.
9. Doctor's notes are very hot commodities.
10. People who are hangin out on the slab before class, during class, and when you get out of class probably wont graduate. Chances are they're cool with it.
11. Through the power of the internet, you can be in class and not be in class.
12. You cannot be in a group with gang of niggas. No work will get done.
13. Its amazing what you can get accomplished with a hangover.
14. Books are pretty much optional
15. A little groveling will go along ways

Prime Cut of the Day - I Want You by Janet Jackson. Janet might have that crack this go around.

Now thats what's really hood. Ya'll stay up.

Friday Five
Whats the word out there in Blogland? Its that chick who keeps shit poppin lyke fries in hot grease. The girl who can leap bullshit niggas and brawds in a single bound. Ya'll knoe me, the chick who aint nothin to play with plug sockets and babies. Runnin more game than Milton Bradley on a treadmill. Let's do this shit.

Friday Five is actually about sumpthin this week, so I figured I'd partake in this jawn. Hit it.

If you...

1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
K-Dizzle's Chicken Fried Rice and Pancakes

2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
I'm going to modify this question. I'd love to own a strip club, a chick strip club. I've noticed that guys spend more money at strip joints than chicks.
To answer the original question, I'd go with skate shop.

3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?
Non-fiction, baby. I already got the title, Practice Makes Perfect But Sense Makes Dollars

4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?
The real shit that dont teach in public schools. Finance, real black history, art, music, and philosophy.

5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
It would be an ecclectic blend of Lenny Kravitz and The Roots mixed with Outkast.

Now thats whassup. Ya'll be easy.

Sip From The Devil's Cup
What's the biyaz folks? Holding down another tasty and semi-educational episode of MLYE. Almost famous and completely uncensored. Keepin this shit real and it aint goin wrong. Bang that shit.

Yeah, I know its late, but why not do an entry. My best work comes early in the morning after hangin out. Spring break has been pretty good so far. Saw a couple of the old classmates. I hate how folk see you and wanna chop it up, then they ask that question "so what are you doin nowadays?". Secretly, they want you so say that you're strung out on crack with 10 kids and 11 baby daddies. Its sad that some folk thrive off of other's misfortunes. I've never maliciously thrashed people who had babies or dropped out of school. That aint my place to look down or judge. I can only keep doin me.

Britney Spears (yes Britney Spears) has one of my favorite jawns out right now. That song Toxic is so fuckin on point, its a shame. We all have that person that we knoe is bad for us, but its always sooo good with them. With the taste of your lips, I wanna ride, dammit that line has summed up one of my relationships (should I call it that). I swear dukes is the worst possible person for me and could be vice versa, but damn. One kiss is all it takes. Dealing with Toxic folk is like that last drink that you shouldnt have had, it tasted so good, but you'll pay for it in the morning. Ahh screw it, we both bad for each other. Another song that reminds me of this lil situation is Killer Mike's U Know I Love U. Lemme break you off a few of my favorite lines in this joint. You a hard breakin hard liquor on my liver
Like 'dro and gin go together, you a mind shifter
Body dark like a Cognac, I'm pissy drunk
In the light , I stay drunk
My handsome little vampire, your delila
Teach me how to hate the truth and how to love a liar
You a vicious mind-bending machine
You the perfect drug, ultimate high, and I'm a fiend
Now in no way does this undermine my pimpin, but we all got that human vice. That one person that fuckin with them is like dancing with devil, however we tell Satan to crank that music up full blast. So ask yourself, would you rather two step in a thundestorm or waltz on a sunny day?

Prime Cut of the Day - Sweet Thing by Rufus and Chaka Khan - Fuck Mary J's version, this is the original heat. Felt like goin a lil throwback on ya'll kats.

Peace

Real Talk
What's really good out there ya'll? Its ya girl (no excuse me, grown ass woman) holding down another semi-educational episode of MLYE. Batteries not included.

I've realized something over these last couple of days. Something that I've known all these years but never really confronted it. The planet that I'm from hasnt even been discovered yet. Translation: I'm nothing like any early 20 year old that I know or have met. So, I proceeded to think back to the earlier years of my life (waded thru some dead brain cells) back to when I was a mere lass. I was never like anybody in my age range. I got into childhood mischief and eventual youthful decadence, but never have I really felt that connection to my peers. While most 10 year olds were watching cartoons, I was watching the Weather Channel or reading encyclopedias (according to my folks I picked my first one up at 3 and was reading like a pro). Even when I was playing, I was still off in some kind of zone thinking about the big picture. School always bored me because even the teacher wasnt on my level. While other pupils struggled to learn their multiplication tables, I was askin higher grade teachers for spare books. I think even my parents worried about me when I was younger, they probably still do. All my siblings were popular, vivacious, outgoing people. I just lived vicariously thru them, I dubbed myself "the popular loner". I had friends in high school, but I always felt like they really didnt knoe me.

College came and I came into it with the assumption that this is an institution of higher learning and that teenage idiocy would have taken a backseat to knowledge and enlightenment. Now dont get it twisted, I've had a good time here, love my school. The black population here is at about 10%. I've never felt the need to flock to black people. Just because we got the same skin color dont mean we're on the same level. Nor have I retreated to white people, because a white person can never understand the plight of a black person. No matter how many rap cds you own, how much BET (*shudders*) you watch, and how much slang you speak you will never understand me.

Family and friends all alike think I'm a weirdo. This in no way shape or form undermines their love for me. Hell I know I'm weird too. Puff your chest out, sit up straight, fix your face, stay in your place. I march to the beat of my own drum and managed to avoid the life of ho-hum. Living this life, I've picked up the title(s) of emotionally detached, aloof, arrogant, and cold. These titles are hit and miss. Sometimes they fit, sometimes they dont. I think the arrogant title is applied simply because I know who am I and I'm comfortable with it. Folks can tell there's something different about me, its magnetic. That could explain my former pimpish ways. People fear what they dont understand, hate what they cant conquer. That would explain some people's disdain for ya girl. Fuck 'em I say, what you eat dont make me shit.

If I got too deep for ya'll, my apologies. However, I know somebody out there gotta feel me. Ya'll be easy and remember: What's popular isnt always right and what's right isnt always popular. Peace.

The Rest of the Week In Review/Friday Five
Howdy, howdy, all. Welcome to another low carb high energy installment of the almost famous series MLYE. Sit back and let me do my thing thing.

I'm so glad I did my birthday blog post early in the evening on Tuesday. Tuesday night, I got insanely hammered and I loved every minute of it. After I got done posting Tuesday, I got a call from one of my homegirls (she's white, this will figure in later) talking about come over and celebrate. In whitespeak, that translates into "Come over so we can get plastered". I gladly oblige and go over her house. When I get there, I'm figuring that we're just gonna drink beer and whatever she had in her fridge, but contere' mon fere', it was like a smorgisbourg (more than likely spelled incorrectly) of liquor, including my favorite Courvoisier (yummy) and a birthday cupcake. Started off with my usualy yak and Sprite, drinkin and choppin it up with her and some of her friends. Now usually, about 2 cups of that and a couple beers, I'm good, but with white folk that bird wont fly. On to a cup of Jim Bean and coke, another beer, still good. Jagermeister and Vodka also known as a blaster, gettin past good, but still standing. A couple of shots of Jack Daniels, another Rolling Rock, and a shot of Wild Turkey, ya girl was feeling a lil tipsy. So, I'm lyke "damn are these mofos gonna ever quit", apparently not. I ended up doing a couple of tequila shots and that was it. No mas. It is only by the grace of God that I got back to my house safely. I vaguely remember even driving back. I got back to the spot at lyke 12. One would think it would be time to pass out.....no. My ass wanna talk now, so I call up one of my homies and according to her "go on and on about everything and nothing". Woke up Wednesday with a killer headache, but it was the best headache ever.

I spent most of Wednesday recovering from my first birthday. Whispers sounded like foghorns and every light was magnified at least a million times. However, it wasnt a bad hangover, I still went to class, aced a quiz, and did my usual thing thing. Wednesday night, I went to go workout. I love working out, but gotdammit why does it make me so fuckin horny. I was on the treadmill which is facing the weight training section and I could see all the guys trying to get all buff and shit. Whoever designed that workout area deserves some kind of prize. I'm just a jogging and oogling, do my thing thing. So next, it was on to the row machine (also facing the weight section). I get on the row machine, get my row on, still oogling and having impure thoughts. Then this chick gets on the machine next to me. I come outta fantasy land only to see this chick rowing the hell out the machine. I dont knoe if she was mad or horny as fuck, but she was rowing that shit like her life depended on it.

I had 2 tests Thursday so that means I had been up pretty late studying Wednesday night. I dont knoe why because neither one of those classes are required for graduation, but I'm striving to do better. Took both of my tests and actually went to all my classes. I got home at around 2:30, it was kinda cloudy out, but I paid it no mind (this will come into play later). I was sooo fuckin sleepy, but I was hellbent on watching Ricki Lake, it was about verbally abusive females. I made it halfway thru Ricki around 4:30 then the sandman hit me in the back of the head with a bat. So, I'm just a snoozing and a smiling, some of the best sleep ever. Around 6:30ish, I'm awaken by the sound of my phone ringing and some slight thunder. Stomach rumbling, so I decide to go to Wally World to get some vittles. I get to Wally-World and the parking lot was empty as fuck, but I paid it no mind. I get up to the entrance and they're closed, I'm like what the hell. This chick says we're closed because the storm caused some kind of damage. I'm looking at her like what the fuck, what storm, there was a storm? She looked at me lyke I had shit on my face, she was lyke where have you been under a rock, there was a big ass storm around 5, tornado warning the whole nine. I managed to sleep thru a potential tornado, my bed coulda ended up in the next town over, and I woulda been oblivious to the shit. Aint that a bitch?

On to today, I got my license renewed I was very unaware of the fact that they expired Tuesday. Amazing the DMV was not crowded like it usually is, I guess I lucked up. I go up to the counter and tell the lady, I need a reup. I figure they would just print me another one out, but on your second renewal you have to take a new picture (damn cant believe my ass been driving for 8 years). Luckily, I had put on some decent clothes, but the hair wasnt right so I had on my lil headwrap doohicky. So, I was like if I gotta take this off, you might was well cancel this transaction. She was a young chick and was like, nah dont stress I understand. The picture still came out cute and off I go. Washed the car, read a lil bit, and just hung out. Fridays are the best. Speaking of Friday, how about a Friday Five.

What was...

1. ...your first grade teacher's name?
To be honest, I have not the foggiest. If they had said second grade I woulda been all over it like a white girl on a black athlete

2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?
Too many to name, right now I'm diggin the Ninja Turtles

3. ...the name of your very first best friend?
Nina G, I wonder what happened to her.
4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?
Frosted Flakes or if I'm feeling WIC-ish King Vitamin

5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?
Go play with the other kids(and my bro)around the neighborhood, ride my bike, or if I was feeling nerdy watch the Weather Channel

Aiight ya'll, I knoe that was long as fiduck, but I had a great time writing it. Ya'll be easy. Peace.

And One to Grow On
What's the bizness, ya'll. It's ya girl with a very special episode of MLYE. Its the birthday edition. Grab ya noizemakers, get the dude out the cake, and pour the liquor. Let's go.

Big up to the Man Upstairs for giving me another year. Another chance to get further away from where I've been, but I'll never forget, everything I've went thru I appreciate the shit, cause if I hadda went and took the easy way I wouldnt be the strong sista that I am today.(thanks Ceelo for that dopeness). Yes, yes, ya'll. I'm rolling on that dub deuce, the big 22. I knoe to some of my older viewers, ya'll like 22 aint shit you still a young whippersnapper. I dunno why I'm so fuckin stoked about this birthday, but I've been crunk since 12 am and I'ma be crunk until 12 am tomorrow. I've gotten nothing but birthday love from all my folk today and its making me feel so fuckin awesome. Now, all I need is a skripper and shit would be set off properlike. So what about the gifts? Well my special friend got me a great gift, a gift card to Barnes and Noble, dukes knoes me too too well. The birthday card was nice too, he signed it Love, should I be worried? One day I'ma get it together. More gift cards from Old Navy and Best Buy and some good ol universal lubricant (get ya mind out the guttah, its money). These are the best gift cards ever, now only if someone could get me a pill whose side effects included multiple orgasms, I'd hafta be in Guiness for the Best Birthday ever. All jokes aside, the material things are cool, but all the love I got is what its about. No birthday bash for me, I'm juss gonna mellow out with my homies and chill. I might do it up in a major way for Spring Break. Ya'll already knoe that when ya birthday's in March, you can celebrate it the whole month. *raises glass*

Major Hotness Alert goes to Cee-lo for his new joint Cee-Lo Green Is the Soul Machine. I copped this joint today and it is so woah its fuckin reedikulous. So get off the Kanye bandwagon, go to Best Buy and cop some real hot shit. No dis to Kanye, but Mr. Green did his fuckin thing thing on this jawn. He straight flipped Pass the Dutchie into My Kind of People and its doper than a drug bust, believe that. Make sure you cop ya disc from Best Buy because I went to Circuit City (big fuckin mistake) and almost had to choke slam somebody. I dunno why I waste my time with Circuit City, they aint never got shit. Two weeks in a row I try to give them some biz and they dont have it. No Dave Chappelle and no Ceelo and ya hafta beg somebody to help you. Now, if you trying to purchase a tv, they damn near football tackle ya ass. Only in America.

I was sitting around thinkin last week and I was reflecting on some shit that I've found to be true. Ya'll mind if I share with ya? Like you got a choice.

1. Family is everything. If you riffin with ya folks, get it together. Aint nothing more beautiful than black family love.
2. Everyone should do at least a semester on campus. I think I learned more about myself in 4 months than I had learned in 18 years.
3. Every female should have a female homie. I'm sorry to ya'll brawds who on that old "I dont get along with females" shit. If you aint got one female homie, something is wrong with yo ass. Sit on that.
4. Sorry dudes, size does matter. Enough said.
5. If your moms hates him, dump his ass.
6. If your pops hates him, marry him because no one is ever good enough for Daddy's Lil Girl.
7. Always strive to learn something new everyday. Life without knowledge is death in disguise.
8. Never let society dictate your dating life. If you feeling Love Jones-ish, go for, that could be your soul mate.
9. Remember there's a difference between a ho and a slut. A ho fucks for money or some kind of gain, a slut fucks because they love sex and both are usually guys.
10. Don't be afraid to step outside the comformist box. Its so much better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not.
11. There's a hellafied difference between grown and adult.
12. Love life, live each day like its your last, because on the real, one day it will be.

That's it ya'll, gotta go spread some more birthday cheer. Ya'll be easy. Peace and Blessings.