Wednesday, August 23, 2006

So I traveled back in time to retrieve some pictures of Mrs. Julian Casablancas for Mavina.

Picture 1, Picture2, Picture 3. And in none of those pictures is she with him. lol.

Julian Casablancas - that name is so cool. I know I've said it before, but it is! It so is!

If I have a son, I'm going to name him Julian. If I don't, I'm going to name your son Julian if any of you ever have a son. Or, I will name a pet Julian. If all else fails, I will get a boyfriend/husband name Julian. If his name isn't Julian, I'll call him Julian anyway.

Anyhoo, during my journey back in time, I had to re-read my blog entries from old blogs and ahahahahahaha. I'm still kind of the same. And omg, how many boys did I like?! *slaps self*

Do you want more evidence of how I was and still am completely idiotic?

Excerpt from a blog entry from two years ago:
"So, Charlotte, Mavina, & I came up w/ a list of requirements of our "perfect guy." We came up w/it while we were talking about how cool it is to have a British Comp teacher next year! (I was about to say "British English teacher" lol! That sounds funny). We wondered if she knew any cute British boys she could hook us up with. heehee

The list:

He has to have a British accent. British guys are just so much hotter 'cuz of their accents.
He has to be cute. Duh.
He has to be smart. There's no use in having a gorgeous boyfriend who's unbearably stupid.
He has to be in a band, preferrably the front man. The front man is usually the cutest & most known. heehee
He has to be a prince. We know a lot of guys can't meet that requirement so it's only optional!

Have I not grown up in two years? Have I not matured at all? lmao. I guess not. ~*~

Friday, June 17, 2005

I've moved. Hi. ~*~

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

"Be helpless, dumbfounded,
Unable to say yes or no.
Then a stretcher will come from grace
to gather us up.

We are too dull-eyed to see that beauty.
If we say we can, we're lying.
If we say No, we don't see it.
That No will behead us
And shut tight our window onto spirit.

So let us rather not be sure of anything,
Beside ourselves, and only that, so
Miraculous beings come running to help.
Crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute,
We shall be saying finally,
With tremendous eloquence, Lead us.
When we have totally surrendered to that beauty,
We shall be a mighty kindness.
- "Zero Circle" by Rumi.

I need to find a zero circle, my own zero circle. Rumi wrote this poem while running around a giant pillar. The words would spill out his mouth as he raced around the pillar and it was a scribe's job to collect them on paper. Rumi's unwritten poem.

"Drink up baby down
Mmm are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind 'cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me, too busy writing your tradedy
These mishaps you bubble wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So let go, jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for?
It's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
- Let Go by Frou Frou

I need to let go. Not in the sense that the song sings about, but I need to let go of the past. I've always been horrible at letting go of past actions and memories. I'm too nostalgic for my own good.

Whenever I hear this song, I always want to free fall from an insane height. Just close my eyes and fall and hope someone's at the bottom to catch me.

I always dream of doing something grand, being someone great, but that's all it is - just a dream. I can't make them come true. And it's so frustratingly annoying.

Being stuck in the house is making my brain turn into mush. It's slowly decomposing. AIM can only do so much to relieve boredom.


Anyone want to come? Maybe we can eat lunch at the restaurant (even if you can't make it at 8:30, we can meet at like 11:30 or noon).

Well, if you can't, we need to plan something so we can hang out!


Saturday, June 11, 2005

"But maybe I'm a little bit week - I let my frailty take the wheel
She said, "Maybe there's a bit of me waiting for a bit of you, baby."
- Middle of Nowhere by Hot Hot Heat

I love that old camera in the music video. I love the 20s-40s feel of the video.

Ah, everyone is getting a job but me. I feel so left out. I don't have a job, a license, or even a permit. I'm not gonna go off this summer & travel & have amazing adventures.

    List of things to do this summer:
  • Stop licking my lips. Rocky's right. Licking my lips just makes them even more chapped and then I bite them and they get into even worse shape.
  • Get a job, a cool job. A job that makes me want to go to work everyday, a job I'll enjoy.
  • Volunteer somewhere cool.
  • Do the Lit. homework.
  • Keep my room clean.
  • Go through Driver's Ed, get my permit, and get my license by September.
  • HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Fall in love? Find myself? Grow as a person? Go to concerts?)
  • Be able to let go of things (and people) easier. I still have papers from when I was in 3rd grade.

I'm scared.

    List of some of my favorite movies:
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • All the Star Wars movies
  • Donnie Darko
  • The Virgin Suicides
  • Almost Famous
  • Garden State
  • Life as a House

I'm bored.

    List of some of the albums that took a while for me to love completely:
  • Elevator by Hot Hot Heat
  • Turn on the Bright Lights by Interpol
  • Give Up by The Postal Service
  • De Stijl by The White Stripes
  • Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie
  • OK Computer by Radiohead

I'm fine. (I lied. I'm not.) ~*~

Thursday, June 09, 2005

"How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you when we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky...
- Champagne Supernova by Oasis

I can't believe this day finally came. It seemed like I would die before it did. This year has been such a test to my will and strength. I was drained emotionally, mentally, and physically. And it's finally over (for the moment anyway).

Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye

I am going to miss the seniors terribly. They're so entertaining - Lidey, Nicole, Whitney, and that(those) poor boy(s) I stalked liked. lol. Who will sit across the balcony next year? Who will take their place? Who will call me a stalker? hahahaha. Was it just yesterday I met them, I a freshman and them as sophomores? I saw Lidey yesterday after school and she started crying and I just held her for a while. We're growing up so fast.

And once again, the ambivalence prevails. I hate feeling ambivalent. I should be happy, but I have much to fear. *Is going to hide report card from parents*

The world's still spinning round
We don't know why
Why, why, why, why

The big bang theory. The Strokes, Mr. Johnson, and Charlotte dig it. (So do I):


Saturday, June 04, 2005

These past few weeks have been such a whirlwind. I'v never been so stressed yet have never had so much fun before. Anti-prom was such a success. I love you guys! haha Good times, good times. Dinner at Chili's... I'll just say it was "memorable." And Star Wars: WOW. It's so good that I experienced it twice (I could say the same about your mom).

Do I have anything meaningful to blog about? I hate not blogging for long intervals, it always takes me a long time to get back into the groove.

I am in love with this picture (Thanks Cindy!):

Ruined beauty is how Oscar Wilde would describe it. The way the piano is decayed and rotting is absolutely gorgeous.

I love A-Tech not for the work we do (I mean, c'mon! Who loves that?) but for the people in it. The students, espeically in class of '06, make the school worthwhile. My friends make my life bearable. The laughs, the ADD, the randomosity, the sheer eccentricity... I love them all. ~*~

Saturday, May 14, 2005

"With your hand on my shoulders, a meaningless movement...

Now we all know the words were true in the sappiest songs (yes, yes)
- A Movie Script Ending by Death Cab For Cutie

Today = fun (+ only a bit of nonfun). Woke up early for a dentist appointment. But the people were nice, they said I had nice teeth and one of the receptionists changed the channel for me so I could watch Fuse. Watching the Mr. Brightside video = a happy Nicole.

So after a dentist appointment where do I go? To a buffet of course! Then shopping and then... A GIRLS NIGHT OUT! (+ Jorrel (who is soooooo very nice!))

Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy = great movie. Now I know what 42 means! And I understand Albert just a bit more. The movie was like a view of the myriad things happening in Albert's head. Well, it's more like a preview than a view. There's too many things in Albert's head, I don't think I'll ever understand all of it.

We laughed so many times, even when no one else was laughing. When Earth blew up, we just busted out with the laughter. I don't think the scene was meant to be funny. Marvin! I want a robot like Marvin! Marvin the emo robot!

Reanna, my banana! I love you! I wish we could spend more time together and that you didn't live on the otherside of the world! I wish a continent and and ocean didn't separate us. (lmao! Quack! Aflack! (How is Aflack spelled?))


American Cities That Best Fit You:

70% Philadelphia

65% Atlanta

65% Chicago

60% New York City

55% Boston

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Why is NYC only 60% And why is Atlanta higher up than NYC?!?! I can't picture myself in Atlanta. New York! New York! Living in a loft, working in a cool office, going to trendy concert venues!

You know, I wish I didn't get obsessed easily. Because then I wouldn't be hung up on guys that don't like me back (there was a fancy word I was going to use, but I can't remember what it is, starts with an R I think). I wish I didn't like guys who have girlfriends, or who are jerks, or are gay. But my shallowness runs too deep. And it hurts to know those words you say to me, those smiles you give to me, the way you say my name... are nothing. They're just meaningless movement. So maybe, if I tell myself enough times, I'll believe they're meaningless and I'll forget about you like all the others.

To all my friends (the greatest friends ever): I love you! ~*~