Email from BHGF to BH that I was bcc'ed on
I am really glad you are going to be able to get the budget straightened out.

Michael,

Do you know I want us to live together and be happy also? I do love you. I am sorry for all the problems we've had. Some of them I do not know how to deal with and overcome, I am searching and working on it thou.

I really had a wonderful time with you this weekend at the hotel, it was actually almost amazing, it's been a long time since we have had that. And it does leave me wanting more. :-)

Sir, you still lead me to think that you want another person or persons on the side. You will not sit down and discuss that with me, and I feel that is really important. I have the right and deserve to know and understand what I would be getting into and what will be happening with you in "our" relationship. I keep mentioning those things that we need to discuss and you put them off. I really don't think they can be put off any longer.

Not only do we need to discuss your extra need for playmates but the children aspect of things. BRANDON, he needs to be loved and treated with respect. I know he needs to treat you with respect, but he has to learn that. And be given that as an example. I know it's hard since he's not yours, but he deserves to be loved as such and treated accordingly. He really looks up to you at times, but then you really scare him at times. He pratically begs for your attention at times and gets ignored. I know your patience is thin at times, we both have that problem at times. But he really needs love and guidance in a gentle way.

I do thing the RCA meetings would help and so will the ADD support group. I do think there are problery other detrimental things internally we need to cover. Because I do love you and want you to heal and be healthy. You are right about still having the same problems in the next relationship that you have now, if you don't fix them. But what do we do in the meantime of them being fixed. I can not deal with you getting mad at me, going off to work chatting and creating profiles. You even told me it takes 2 1/2 weeks from the time you start chatting to the time you have s-- with them. Well you definetly have your method down pat. You acting out in that method is extremely unhealthy for me and yourself. That is no way to have a good relationship with anyone. No matter what I have done, I haven't deserved you to go and emotionally cheat on me (whether you did physically or not, which you have done). I don't deserve it. I have served you and taken care of you in everyway. You know I have worshiped the ground you walked on, I have literally kissed your feet and ....

Michael, you told me I was over reactive and paranoid, but actually I wasn't. I was right all long. You just wouldn't admit it. Even when you get caught you twist the reasons around, blame me and still try to cover it up. You have told me you do not want to be a cheater!! So why are you? What causes this? This is a major problem in any committed relationship. Whether it's vanilla or D/s. Commitment is the most important thing. Everything will work out as long as we are committed and faithful to each other and ourselves. You can only tell me you don't want to cheat or chat, you never tell me you will not do it again. You don't tell me you will find out why you have that problem or get help for it. It's not always easy being faithful, and we all have fantasies and thoughts.. But not going out and looking and trying. You did that with Bonnie after 6months. I thought that I would make you happy and please you, but I feel I have failed.

I really think we do need to talk about lots of things. I know I have hurt you, and I am deeply sorry. I try every day to do better with you. The last 3 weeks have been terrible at night, not having you to curl up to and just feel beside me. You have kept pushing me away at different times and looking at others. But I have kept trying to hold on. I am so scared to loose you, but I am scared to stay with you and you keep playing around. That I can not handle.

I will not hide my head in the sand! All of this stuff with Lori should open your eyes some. And realize these things will come back and bite you one way or another. I may not always know, but it will always hurt you and the person you are with. You didn't do anything physical with her. But you tried and you pushed me away in the process and hurt "us". "we" are only important if you really believe you love me and we are together. You kept telling me you are committed to us, while the entire time of this you are chatting and emailing her. But you keep asking me if I am committed to you. why? because you where feeling guilty about the stuff you where doing. Chatting and talking to others. Sweetie, that really does hurt me and bother me. I don't want to be like Bonnie. You running around on her constantly for years. I was thinking today that maybe you seeing Lori trying to cause problems as a sign that wow.. you have really screwed up and could loose everything. She is really trying to cause problems. No matter what her reason, she is mad and doesn't like liers and doesn't like you cheating. Michael you never know what kind of people you will meet online, you have always told me that. And you don't ever know what they will do. So what are we to do now? You are worried about Lori doing something to you or your truck, but what about the stuff she is doing to us?

Sir, you being secretive has gotten us in a big mess. You have to be open about everything that goes on in your life daily to have good relationships. It's about COMMUNICATION. Which you hate sharing about your personal buisness..but that is how 2 people learn and grow and have a better relationship..and help each other..

I love you
lag

B-day for BHGFDS
BH was in rare form last night. He's more moody than a 14 year old girl with PMS. He said he's run out of his Adderall and doesn't have the money or perscription to get more.

BH is on serious probation at work. 3 weeks ago they gave him a total of 12 hours that he could be late/leave early etc. before he would be fired. As of yesterday afternoon he had 1 hour left for the next 2 or 3 weeks. In other words, his chances of getting fired are extremely high.

He has no where to live - is staying at the Hometown Inn in Norcross, but was not told that by him. Found out through BHGF.

BHGF sent me 5 email messages yesterday and called me 6 times. I'm getting images of Fatal Attraction in my mind all of a sudden. :-(

Also found out through BHGF that he was written up for sexual harrassment at work shortly after going to work there. He kept talking about masterbation to someone named Erin (a woman) and she reported him. He had his HR people remove this tidbit from his file in case I had his work record subpoenaed. NOTE: is this legal?

Was extremely upset that I stayed at BHGFDS's birthday party yesterday but BHGF asked me to stay. BH never said he had a problem to me with me being there. Told BHGF that he didn't like it after they left.

4th of July Weekend
Probably never :-( My weekend can only be described as bizarre!

On Thursday DS told BH he didn't like him any more and he didn't want him to come to his house again. BH got huffy and said he wouldn't be getting him on Friday or Saturday (fine by me!!!)

Friday morning BHGF called, prompted by him in the background, saying BH overreacted and still wanted to see DS. They went to the pool and I checked on them every hour or so. I met BHGF who is a nice enough woman, but I'm sick of her calling me (at least 4x every day). DS wouldn't have anything to do with BH and it ticked him off (hehehe)

Friday night BHGF called to say she'd sneaked a look at BH's phone and found out that he had been calling a NEW girl called Lori. He was planning on meeting her that night. She called the girl and explained the whole sordid mess and the girl was totally blown away and really hacked off. She agreed with BHGF's to work on something to really sting BH goooood. I don't know what the plan is at this point, but I do know she said she was going to ruin
him....

Saturday it threatened rain but they (BH, BHGF, & BHGF's DS) came to the pool again. I decided I wanted to go swimming too and they said fine. I went swimming and DS and BHGFDS were all over me. They didn't want anything to do with either of them. BHGF told me the night before on the phone that she only had a few more things to move out of the house and she'd be done. BHGFDS didn't want to leave so I offered to watch him with DS since they got along so well and seemed to be having a great time. They were an hour late getting back but she said later than she confronted him about the Lori thingy. He talked his way around it, or so she said.

Sunday she called and said she just checked her email from BH's computer and then realized that she was pretty sure he had some hacker software on his computer that would record the passwords to her email. She called me up to ask me to go in and change the passwords to her email accounts (actually giving me access to her accounts!!!!). I did and found some stuff that would make most people vomit but got out of there as quickly as my curiosity would allow (couldn't take it more than about 20 minutes). Then she wanted me to change her swingerlifestyle.com access password. So, I went to the site and changed the password. The profile on that site was really, really scary and she said I should copy and paste it for future court proceedings because after reading that, I'm pretty sure I can keep BH away from DS for a LONG time.(he wrote lots of stuff about the fantasy where she's a young teenage girl and his nickname is Big Daddy) (not to mention the photograph I found of her bare butt with the words written on her skin "Property of Master Gokey").

I'm thinking, very seriously, that she's doing this stuff to mess with me - whether she means to or not. I've decided that I need to cut her off and pretty much stop her daily phone calls by just not answering the phone. I'm so tired of this crap.

Email Exchange
Michael,
Please see my notes below in RED:


----- Original Message -----
From: MGokey@uniqgroup.com
To: Bonnie Gokey
Cc: lynda.hurdsmith@techparkatl.com
Sent: Thursday, July 03, 2003 9:00 AM
Subject: Re: Friday & Saturday



Bonnie

I DON"T need to RSVP that I would be getting Maxwell. Only if I was not getting him. I don't want to play games with you. You have the upper hand, and you might want to think about how you have been handling it.

I think you've forgotten your actions of June 18 and the fact that you've been abusive to your girlfriend. Yes, I figured out it was your girlfriend. I also got a copy of the police report and know that you did much more than shove her. I think this is horriffic to think that you could care so much for someone and then turn around and hurt her so badly. You were abused as a child and now you are abusing as an adult. I will not stand by to "wait and see" if you are going to "lose it" around Max.

I had wanted things to work out better with you, but they are not. You are not letting me take him, and do Daddy things. Shadowing means staying out of sight. Now I may realize, that you may think this is my fault, fine. But Maxwell really needs to spend time with his Daddy. Ether we do stuff fully together, and you let me run the show, when it is my time, or you let me take care of my son during my time, my way. I understood your initial concerns from 2 weeks ago..... but I can not have you continuing to be controlling and interfering in my time with him. If you wish to interfere, that is your business, and I just will not get him. When you are there, he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I thought we had talked about going to the park, and you sitting in the car.....Or going to the pool, and you sitting in the car.... those meant that you were out of site. And that way he would focus on playing with Daddy.

BG>If you remember correctly, it was your idea to have me join you at the pool and not just sit by and watch. I was happy to just watch, but you wanted to pretend to be a happy little family again. I want nothing to do with you or your sick little pretend world. Before you try to blame another one of YOUR problems on me, you should remember that this was brought on, yet again, by your actions and nothing else.

BG>You can't be too surprised that Max won't have anything to do with you when I'm in the room. You're controlling, rude, and down right obnoxious around him. Maybe you should try changing your own actions as to why Max doesn't want anything to do with you. Yes, you need daddy time, but when you force him to do everything your way or not at all, then how fun is that for him?

Some of my plans that I had been working on for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday was to go swimming, having a towel, and dry clothes, shoes, socks, and sandals.
Going and seeing fireworks on the 3rd ether at downtown Norcross, or Duluth, which would require that I bring him back later.... But he could handle it, being as he didn't have to get up early on Friday/ Saturday. Grilling hot dogs / brots, and then later marshmallows. I would love to take him to see the NEW laser light show / fireworks on the 4th. This would also mean that he would get back late. I also plan for pasta salad, chips, beans, and corn salad.

BG>Had you kept your nose clean like I asked and not beat up your girlfriend, returning him after the designated time may have been possible. Michael, you are a lose cannon - you can't control yourself, your life, or your anger. Being in a large group of people with a small child late at night is absolutely out of the question. You can still grill out and have your picnic, but late night is not possible.

I make sure he has a nap on my long days. It helps us both to be able to get some rest (him mostly) and so them he feels like is really being with me, not just a little while baby-sitting him. I realize you and I have different parenting styles, and hopefully you will realize that is OK too. I would be glad to let you read my copy of Daddy Style. We get our morning time, and lunch, and then He knows its nap time, no whining, ifs ands or buts about it. He knows, and he does take his nap. And usually its for 2-3 hours. So then he has another 2-3 hours of play time afterwards including dinner.

BG>I commend you for getting him to take a nap while he's with you. I'm sure it helps you both. I'm not sure why you feel you need to explain that to me every time we talk, but I get it - rest assured, I get it.

I would be fine if you had shown me that you could have sat in the background, that way I could invite you to come do things with us, instead of feeling like, when I make a decision to take him to the mall, you decide, "no you only get him for an hour at McDonalds". Your plan of going and sitting at the food court at the mall was a good idea, because it would have given me the whole rest of the mall to play with him in. You wouldn't even let me take him to the McDonalds of my choice. During my time, it had to be down your way. You talked about a truce..... Think about how your acting.

BG>You're selective memory is kicking you in the butt again because you seem to have forgotten that the reason I suggested McDonalds was because Max was very tired because he wouldn't take a nap at preschool. You agreed that it would be a much better option than the Mall. You also agreed that the McGinnis Ferry McD was fine. If you had a problem with it then, you should have said something - and not after the fact because your agument then is just sour grapes.

The court papers say that I get him at a minimum of these times, Tuesday and Thursday from 5-8, not whenever you think it is time for him to go. Telling me it was time for him to go home last Thursday at 7:30 was not right. Taking him home last Tuesday at 7:20 was not right. The papers say I am supposed to just come get him, they don't say, I have to let you know I am getting him, only if I was NOT getting him. I said it was fine for you to shadow us, not control us. So at this point unless you say OK, you will stay in the background, then I feel like I can not be myself around my own child. I had wanted to play with Max, my way at his house, so you could see that we are fine in a variety of settings. I know you think I have great difficulty dealing with things, but I really don't when it comes to Maxwell. I have been telling you this for over a year now. I might say you should also take a look at how you over react to things.

BG>If you'd like to go back to court and have them decide when you should see Max, I'd be more than happy to do so. I offered this compromise to try and keep us out of court, but if you don't like my olive branch then by all means, lets go back to court. The courts won't take lightly that you beat up your girlfriend, have no where to live currently, or are on probation at work (yes, I know), or that twice in the last 2 weeks you haven't remembered to feel your child dinner when you do have him. I'd love to tell the courts about your various girlfriends and Max's exposure to them while we were still married. I'd welcome a review by a court appointed evaluator. Bring it on.

BG>You've shot yourself in the foot with regards to your visitation with Max so maybe you should look at your own actions and your own mistakes and realize that I'm being more than reasonable to allow you to see him at all. You say I'm overreacting and you may even believe it, but when the safety and well being of my child is in question, there is not overreacting....ask any mother.

Bonnie, I would love to have Maxwell as much as I can. If you remember I use to have him every day for 1.5-2 hours in the morning, and then in the evenings, and then all weekend. I would take a break from him, and then I would give you a break from him. Why don't you take a break, and just think about how foolish you felt about (you admit in your head that you did) accusing me of messing with the house, when in fact, as you say Maxwell had been playing with the front doorbell buzzer. Not me breaking in....Maybe you could think about this.....

BG>I never felt foolish think that you of breaking in the house and to be clear, I never accused you of breaking in. I only said I was sorry for even contemplating it. Given your past history with stealing things from my house, my assumption that you broke in was only natural.

YES I may be a Z:XH^#E*)*URPOKD AOIDkdljdsk( or whatever you think), but I WILL HAVE to some day answer to HIM, not just for my conduct as a human being, HIS son, but how I treated HIS children. That means how I treated you, but what mostly worries me is the stewardship for Maxwell..... You are an adult, and you acted the way you did, as did I, We are responsible for what we did to each other. But I still have a job to do for HIM, in regards to Maxwell.

BG>Yes you are an irresponsible jerk, among other things, and yes, do have a job to do, but so do I. You are under the mistaken belief that your job superceeds mine. I'm just reminding you that it does not.

So if you think you can back down... I would be glad to take Max during following times. Thursday from 5-8, and maybe later depending on fireworks, which would be me calling and letting you know how things are going, and what time I think we will be back. Friday from 10 am till, sometime later after fireworks, and I would allow you to come join us, for a few "little whiles" during lunch and dinner to check on him. And I would be letting you know about the times I think the fireworks at Stone Mtn will be over and what time he will be home. And then on Saturday, it would be a calm day, from 10-7. I plan for naps both Saturday and Friday.

BG>It is a beautiful day out today and since Max has not been to the pool in a while, I would suggest you go there. Remember to bring dinner for him and I will just sit by the pool and read my book. I won't get in the pool nor will I sit where you all are sitting, but on the other side. I'm not ready to give you free reign on seeing Max again. If anything, my point is confirmed that you can't handle being with Max alone. It would also show me that you realize you've made a mistake with hurting your girlfriend and you're trying to work things out so you can get your life back to normal.

BG>If you would like to still go to the pool at our subdivision on Friday with your girlfriend and her son, I would welcome you to do so. I would really like to meet her. As long as she was there too, I would feel more comfortable leaving you at the pool with Max without me. I will, however, need to check in on him every couple or three hours so you wouldn't be able to go anywhere without telling me exactly where and when you'd be back. They have picnic tables at the pool and you could bring a portable grill if you wanted to. In other words, you could have your happy little family there, with only minimal involvement from me. I would spend no more time at the pool than a total of 1 hour for the whole day (15 min here...15 min there...).

BG> For Saturday, you can see him from 10 to 7, as usual, as long as you tell me exactly where you will be so I can check in on him no less than once every 2 to 3 hours. Make sure you are where you tell me you will be because I will be checking. I also need to put in the caveat that Friday must go well or a Saturday visit will need closer supervision.

So in a sense you have the upper hand,,,,, Pretend to go along with the truce you offered me, and let me take my son, and let me be Maxwell's Daddy. Both the 'Daddy Style' and 'Families Apart' are in my truck for you to read, if you wanted to shadow us from afar.

BG>Yes, I do have the upper hand - but only because you gave it to me. '

BG>I need a response to this message immediately (by 3:00 PM, today) if you are willing to work with me on visitations or if we should just take this to court. In this message response you need to tell me if you will be seeing Max tonight and whether you are interested in seeing him tomorrow and Saturday based upon the stipulations I've outlined in this email.

Bonnie

Posted by blog/poiball at 11:05 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, 9 July 2003 2:25 PM EDT
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Soap opera
For a good soap opera you need a village idiot and someone who will sleep with anything that moves. BH fits both those requirements all in one. I really shouldn't be surprised, shocked, or in any way affected by the stupid things he does -but I still am.

My soap opera (episode 651) started yesterday when BH called to tell me that since it was raining really hard outside, going to the pool tonight with me shadowing them was not going to work. He said that he had 2 options. One was to go to the mall and just walk around for a while throwing pennies into the fountain. The second one, get this, was to have him bring his Lincoln Logs over to the house and the two of them, BH and DS, sit in the front room at play with their toys. I told absolutely not on the second one because it's just too confusing for DS to see us together or for us to act like we're not living together. He tried like crazy to persuade me to do the Lincoln Logs thing but I wouldn't budge.

Enter DS- When I went to pick up DS from preschool, they said he wouldn't take a nap today so he was pretty tired. This was abundantly evident in the incessant whining from the moment he walked into the door at home. I called BH to say we'd better do something else because I didn't think DS could handle the mall. I suggested we go to McDonalds and let him play on the playground. The Village idiot then says to me "Well, I don't have any money so you'll need to buy him a happy meal." I was so stunned I didn't say a word.

BH shows up and wants us all to ride over to the McD's in his truck together like one big happy family. I said no way and I'd meet them there. We get over there and I start to ask DS what he wants, chicken or hamburger, and BH pipes in "I usually get him..blahblahblah...and we just share it." I ignored him and ordered DS's dinner and me a coke because I wasn't hungry. BH stood there expectantly like I was supposed to buy him dinner!!!! OMG! I turned to him and said "You want a coke?" as rudely as I possibly could. He just muttered a "No."

We sat down to eat and BH was being an ass trying to force feed DS. Duh - this strategy never works with a headstrong 3-yo. DS didn't want anything to do with BH, he wanted me to hold him, and he didn't even want BH to look at him. Remember that DS is exhausted because he didn't get his nap. Then while DS was playing, I turned to BH and said "I don't mean to be a hag, but what were you planning on feeding him tonight?" BH turned three shades of purple and sputtered out "Peanutbutter and Jelly sandwiches" yeah right....

BH realized DS didn't want anything to do with him and was acting REALLY pissy so I asked if he'd like me to move to another part of the restaurant so I wouldn't interfere with him and DS. He said yes and so I picked up to move. DS saw me moving and freaked. He insisted that I return. This didn't sit well with BH, but I didn't care by this time. While I was sitting there, minding my own business reading my HP book (it's a great book, BTW), I decided to ask BH about what his plans were for the 4th of July since I stupidly asked him, BHGF, and BHGF's DS over to the pool. He said he has thought about it but didn't want to talk about it right now because he was too upset. Then BH goes out to his car, scrounges up some change off the floorboards and then orders himself a hamburger.

So that's my glorious evening in a nutshell. I've succeed in conveying to BH that I want no part of his "happy family" scenario so we'll see what happens from here. All I know is that it will probably be interesting....

Testing
I'm just trying to figure out how this all works

Back fill
June 18 - BH Arrested
June 18 - called to say he was not picking up DS on 6/19
June 23 - BH agreed to "shadowed" visits with DS