WTF.
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: none
I hate being a girl for about a week every month. It messes with my thoughts, my words, my actions, and especially my feelings. Bullshit. I'm trippin' off of nothing again and I can't help it. Lord please stay with me.

So Lost
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: [ Everything - Lifehouse ]

Lord, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what is hurting me. But something's pushing on my heart, something is making it hard to breathe, something is bringing my faith down.

I'm so scared Lord. Please protect my faith. It's my life. It is what keeps me going. I need you Lord. Please don't leave my side, I don't know how long I can do this. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt people I love.  I'm scared this is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm terrified that I'm going to disappoint You again. I swear, I've been trying. Trying to be better for You, for them, for him, for everyone... 

 Please don't let me go. 

muchosgracias<3
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: [ Breathe Your Name - Sixpence ]

It's so sad how I was so scared to write in here. What was I afraid of? A relapse, another disappointment, another submission to temptation? Nahh, not this time. This time I write because I have faith, not fear. 

Summer was cool. Waterworld, Great America, Sake, JAC, Love.... But on the other hand, it was emotional. It was stressful. It was discouraging. But here I am, September 9 2008. It's almost the end of the year, 3 months till my 20th birthday. Do I feel a little more faithful? Yes Lord. Thank You. 

Progress? Let's see ---

SUMMER 2008: To Do:
001. Insurance
002. New Car
003. Krystle
004. Keep on, keepin' on with that winterlove<3
005. Keep serving, grow in faith
006. Add to savings, foreal this time
007. Laptop
008. Pay off Capital One at least once
009. Gym Membership
010. Keep weight off
011. Pilates
012. Redecorate room & rest of house
013. Keep inner peace
014. No relapses. -- eh?
015. Do well in summer school!
016. Great America HELLA times :) --> 2x
017. Spend time with Lowelheads. --> SAKE!
018. See Lorelle, Armando, random Epiphany people
019. STAY ON TOP OF WORK.--> Pier One CARDS, holla!
020. Full time summer worker
021. Livelife, and be thankful. Every single day.

 

|<<|Summer 2007 -- TO DO:
001. INSURANCE.
002. NEW IPOD EARPHONES & CASE.
003. PAY KRYSTLE +
004. SAVE $$ FOR HAWAII & CRUISE +
005. ADD TO SAVINGS +
006. GET A FREAKIN' CREDIT CARD ; CAPITAL ONE :)
007. GYM MEMBERSHIP :]
008. FIX MY POSTURE.
009. FIX RADIO FOR MY CAR.
010. REALLY MAKE IT MY CAR.05/08
011. BOMB-ASS ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY GIFT (?)
012. CINGULAR PHONE (?)
013. ACCEPT THINGS FOR HOW THEY ARE.05/08
014. SPEND TIME WITH OLD FRIENDS.
015. WORK WORK WORK
016. FENTONS WITH FAVORITE =] (?)
017. MORE FREEDOM. --> SCRC, NCRC, Out, lightweight
018. WEDNESDAYS -- CADENCE CLUBBIN`
019. MAKE EFFORT TO HANG OUT AT LEAST 1/WEEK W/ MY CREW.
020. GO BACK TO JAC WITH AN OPENMIND&HEART.
021. MARINE WORLD
022. CRUISE, CRACKIN TIME =] --> FCKAT&T
023. HAWAII, FAITHFUL BUT CRACKIN' TIME =D Aye Baybay!
024. DRIVE MAN, DRIVE!!!! EVERYWHERE! 

|<<| Summer `06

TO DO.
001. LICENSE.
002. PAY KRYSTLE.
003. SWIM BETTER
004. SUMMERLOVE<3
005. PARTY HARD.
006. GREAT AMERICA 05/08
007. SPEND TIME WITH YOU KNOW WHOSSSS.
008. COTILLION! STOP LAGGING!
009. WORK, WORK, WORK
010. GET A NEW JOB --> MANDATORY
011. BE NICE.
012. NO MORE STUPIDBADSHIT.  I guess?
013. HONESTY.
014. DONT TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. 05/08
015. FALL IN LOVE AGAIN<3
016. BE A BETTER DAUGHTER
017. BE A BETTER FRIEND.
018. BE A BETTER PERSON.
019. BE A BETTER CATHOLIC. 05/08
020. GO BACK TO JAC WITH AN OPENMIND&HEART (`06)
021. LET GO & LET GOD. 05/08

PRAISE GOD for the accomplishments this summer. THANK YOU for all of your help.

I lift up everything to You, Lord. I put my faith and trust in you<3

 

the real unbreakable bond.
Mood:  special
Now Playing: [ Sweet Love - Anita Baker ]

Summer 2008, coming soon?! Whaaaat?! LOL, that went by kinda fast? I can't believe my first year of college is almost over. I can't believe I still don't know how to buckle down and do my homework in front of a computer. Geeez. Life right now is blessed. The unfortunate events that have been happening bring us down but we still keep our faith. And that is something I treasure so much that no matter how bad things are, or are going to get, we still stick together. You and me, God. Nothing's going to tear us apart. Praise God for all of my upcoming goals and praise God for the strength He blesses me with to get through them sucessfully. 

 

SUMMER 2008: To Do:
001. Insurance
002. New Car
003. Krystle
004. Keep on, keepin' on with that winterlove<3
005. Keep serving, grow in faith
006. Add to savings, foreal this time
007. Laptop
008. Pay off Capital One at least once
009. Gym Membership
010. Keep weight off
011. Pilates
012. Redecorate room & rest of house
013. Keep inner peace
014. No relapses.
015. Do well in summer school!
016. Great America HELLA times :)
017. Spend time with Lowelheads.
018. See Lorelle, Armando, random Epiphany people
019. STAY ON TOP OF WORK.
020. Full time summer worker
021. Livelife, and be thankful. Every single day.

 

|<<|Summer 2007 -- TO DO:
001. INSURANCE.
002. NEW IPOD EARPHONES & CASE.
003. PAY KRYSTLE +
004. SAVE $$ FOR HAWAII & CRUISE +
005. ADD TO SAVINGS +
006. GET A FREAKIN' CREDIT CARD ; CAPITAL ONE :)
007. GYM MEMBERSHIP :]
008. FIX MY POSTURE.
009. FIX RADIO FOR MY CAR.
010. REALLY MAKE IT MY CAR.05/08
011. BOMB-ASS ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY GIFT (?)
012. CINGULAR PHONE (?)
013. ACCEPT THINGS FOR HOW THEY ARE.05/08
014. SPEND TIME WITH OLD FRIENDS.
015. WORK WORK WORK
016. FENTONS WITH FAVORITE =] (?)
017. MORE FREEDOM.
018. WEDNESDAYS -- CADENCE CLUBBIN`
019. MAKE EFFORT TO HANG OUT AT LEAST 1/WEEK W/ MY CREW.
020. GO BACK TO JAC WITH AN OPENMIND&HEART.
021. MARINE WORLD
022. CRUISE, CRACKIN TIME =] --> FCKAT&T
023. HAWAII, FAITHFUL BUT CRACKIN' TIME =D Aye Baybay!
024. DRIVE MAN, DRIVE!!!! EVERYWHERE! 

|<<| Summer `06

TO DO.
001. LICENSE.
002. PAY KRYSTLE.
003. SWIM BETTER
004. SUMMERLOVE<3
005. PARTY HARD.
006. GREAT AMERICA 05/08
007. SPEND TIME WITH YOU KNOW WHOSSSS.
008. COTILLION! STOP LAGGING!
009. WORK, WORK, WORK
010. GET A NEW JOB --> MANDATORY
011. BE NICE.
012. NO MORE STUPIDBADSHIT.  I guess?
013. HONESTY.
014. DONT TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. 05/08
015. FALL IN LOVE AGAIN<3
016. BE A BETTER DAUGHTER
017. BE A BETTER FRIEND.
018. BE A BETTER PERSON.
019. BE A BETTER CATHOLIC. 05/08
020. GO BACK TO JAC WITH AN OPENMIND&HEART (`06)
021. LET GO & LET GOD. 05/08

 

 

[ x ] KTF: allday,everyday.

Nothing Compares.
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: [ Shout to the Lord ]
Inner peace is amazing. Thank you Lord for helping me believe in the power of prayer. Thank you Lord for helping me get through these trials so that I may grow from them. Thank you Lord for Andrew and his unconditional love for me. Thank you Lord for JAC that I might have a place to share my faith and enjoy your many blessings. Thank you Lord for my family who continues to support me in countless ways. Thank you Lord for your faith in me. It's keeping me going. I'll do anything to keep it going.

I'm cool.
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: anything that PRAISES GOD.

This weekend made me feel so great. Family on Saturday and friends on Sunday. I don't need to be in those cliques. I don't need to be with Carlo to be truly happy. I don't need to be going out, getting drunk/high, clubbing to have a good time. I got all of this in one weekend, clean and good. I'm so excited for this retreat. I'm praying for more candidates to experience this greatness. I'm praying for a successful retreat period. I feel so silly to not have enough weekends like this where I realize that I can be away and separated from Carlo and be okay. I don't need to be missing him or anything. These people, these events.. showed me that I already have a lot and I just needed a wake up call to see all of it. Praise God for your many blessings. Praise God for helping me get through this time, like every time. Praise God for never leaving my side even when I'm being selfish. I don't want to mess up anymore. I'm good now.

Desperate times..
Mood:  sharp
Now Playing: [ Smile - Lily Allen ]

I have to stick with it this time.
No relapses, no excuses. NO CARLO.

It's time to let him go get a ______ in replacement of me. Whatever, I'm not feeling sorry for someone who actually has hurt me a lot and I forgave every time. I deserve better than that. And I think I have better than that. It's true, I love him..but you know what, my boyfriend gives me the stability I need.  I have to see what I already have and be thankful for it. Cause he's so great and sweet to me. I couldn't have asked for a sweeter boyfriend. Seriously. He's ridiculous. I have to be the good girlfriend that I know I can be to him. I'm getting too old for this bullshit I'm so great with. THATS ENOUGH. Time to grow up and be a man ;)

 

It's going to be hard, I know.
Whoo.  KEEPING THE FAITH.

Speak too soon.
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: [ When Can I See You Again - Babyface ]

3 days and he didn't answer.

 

What a dilemma!

 

Maybe just maybe....

Knots.
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: [ Heartbeats Racing ]

A million sorry's for the mistakes I've made.
Infinite apologies for the ones I'm about to make.

 

I love you boo. I really do. I'm just...figuring things out.

 

Stay by my side, God
After all this, You might be all I have left.  

what is meant to be, will be
Mood:  down
Now Playing: [ Breaks My Heart - Monica ]

Sorry for all the changes I put you through.
And its hard to believe that through everything
That you'll still be right beside me

It really would break my heart if we never spoke again.
As much as I know it's wrong, I can't deny my heart of what it wants.
Deep down inside, I know what the truth is.
Deep down inside, I know what I want.

But up here on the surface, I know what I have to do.

+4 Days =/ 

 

it took me awhile to see that we were meant for each other.