<3<3 Adam's Movie Ratings <3<3
A Rom Com Connoisseur
LAST UPDATED: 01.13.09
Average Rating Overall: 2.14
RATINGS KEY
- Exquisitely fabulous! I adore this film. (The Graduate, Manhattan, Shampoo, City Lights)
- Simply to die for! (Breakfast at Tiffany's, Rushmore, Sabrina, The Apartment)
- Fabulous! Absolutely delightful! (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Say Anything, Funny Face)
- A delectable confection, but don't eat too much! (Pillow Talk, Man's Favorite Sport?, Roman Holiday)
- Liver and Onions! GROSS! (The Holiday, Paris When It Sizzles, That Touch of Mink)
- This saccharine sucker is too sweet! (Just Like Heaven, 50 First Dates, Juno)
- Not fabulous at all! (Must Love Dogs, First Daughter, Gone With the Wind)
- Like brunch without a mimosa! (Chasing Liberty, Because I Said So, All I Want, License to Wed)
0 stars - Gag me with a spoon! (How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Failure to Launch, Fool's Gold)
2009!
FILMS OF 2008!
Top 10 of 2008
1. Reprise
2. A Christmas Tale
3. Vicky Cristina Barcelona
4. Elegy
5. Rachel Getting Married
6. The Fall
7. Milk
8. Burn After Reading
9. Summer Palace
10. Synecdoche, New York
Close Calls: Wendy & Lucy, Man on Wire, Wall-E, Paranoid Park, In Bruges, Tropic Thunder.
Reprise - Reprise.
A Christmas Tale - A rich, anti-Dickensian Christmas drama with a distinct seasonal atmosphere not hindered by gimmicks.
Elegy - Storm-tossed and full of plaintive emotion.
The Fall - I liked this film very much, but it could have been pushing daisies in the hands of a lesser director!
Milk - How can one man live on one brief glimpse of Franco ass?
Rachel Getting Married - Stop the presses! Demme is back!
Vicky Cristina Barcelona - I give it a 2.9
Be Kind, Rewind - But
we erased that!
Burn After Reading - Maybe I can get a run in.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - I won't be forgetting this raucous comedy any time soon!.
Frost/Nixon - Cheeseburgers.
Ghost Town - I CAN FIX THAT FOR YOU LOL DENTIST HUMOR!~!!!!!!111
In Bruges - Big-Dick Farrell + Yuletide + Pinter = 3 stars?
Man on Wire - "Cute!" - Brian Legentil
Paranoid Park - More like Gay Park, I bet Kevin Spacey "jogs" there!
Redbelt - Sloppy filmmaking, but I loves me some Chiwetel!
Slumdog Millionaire - What a shitty film.
Profit Motive & the Whispering Wind - "The most action-packed, kinetic, hella-fuckin'-balls-to-the-wall awesome film of the year. You'll be on the edge of your seat." - Brian "Hamburger" Legentil, M.D.
Summer Palace - In two halves, the first half is epic filmmaking. The second is necessary though underwhelming.
Synecdoche, New York - An enormous artistic achievement. One that I never want to watch again.
Tropic Thunder - You more shredded than a Julienne salad, man.
Wall-E - Countdown until 3, ETA: 1 month.
Wendy & Lucy - WHO DIDN"T SEE HTAT COMING?????
The Wrestler - Utterly New Jerseyian.
27 Dresses - I feel like my favorite love song was written about a GAY.
Choke - on this!!!
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - The biggest disappointment of 2008.
The Dark Knight - I'm sick of Batmans! srsly RIP heath
Definitely, Maybe - Indecisive films annoy me!
Gonzo: The Life & Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson - A doc on the good doctor should have been less pedestrian.
The Pineapple Express - I thought hurricane season was over!
The Promotion - Astute comedy-drama that suffered the usual misleading promotion NO PUN INTENDED LOL
Revolutionary Road - About as subtle as a sledgehammer. You can't have a car-punching scene 10 minutes into the movie!
Role Models - More like Role Gays (yeah I got nothing).
W. - Brolin pretty much carries the film on his back.
The Wackness - Great soundtrack, but lol @ Sister Ray being on a bar jukebox in 1994
What Just Happened - srsly what happened lol
American Teen - True Life: The Movie! NOW WITH INDIE SOUNDTRACK!!
Baby Mama - A strangely different, refreshing tone. And gay!
Cloverfield - Brian loved this so much he saw it twice in the theatre.
Gran Torino - I was hoping it would be more Rolling Thunder than... every other film of its kind. You can see the ending coming from a mile away.
Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay - lolz @ Emo Harold.
Henry Poole Is Here - Did you ever have a touch to lose?
Hamlet 2 - Shame on you, Coogan. You know better!
How to Lose Friends & Alienate People - More like How to Be A Bad Movie!!!!
The House Bunny - THAT IS FRIGGIN HOT!! LOL
Mister Lonely - Beautifully shot, but really stretches the pretension limit.
Rambo - Baby's on fiiyahh.
Religulous - This is probably a generous grade because I side with Maher.
Run, Fatboy, Run - Of course there's a locker-room dick joke.
Step Brothers - Instantly forgettable.
The Strangers - I thought this was going to be about the masturbation act!
Diary of the Dead - Seen enough!
In Search of a Midnight Kiss - I won't be searching for this masturbatory quirkfest any time soon!
Made Of Honor - I would like to fuck McDreamy in the ass.
Over Her Dead Body - Only for Rudd.
Semi-Pro - More like Semi-GAY WAIT NO FULL GAY
The Onion Movie - Almost funny.
War, Inc. - An egregious, convoluted mess.
Young People Fucking - More like Young People SUCKING LOL JK NO SRSLY
You Don't Mess With The Zohan - I wish for very bad things to happen to Nick Swardson.
Zack & Miri Make A Porno - More like Zack & Miri Make A BAD MOVIE!!1
Chapter 27 - Lolz gout!
-
FILMS OF 2007!
Top 10 of 2007
1. 4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days
2. The Darjeeling Limited
3. Control
4. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
5. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
6. Zodiac
7. The Wind that Shakes the Barley
8. Margot at the Wedding
9. Broken English
10. I'm Not There
Close Calls: Death Proof, C.R.A.Z.Y. ,Ratatouille, There Will Be Blood, Regular Lovers
None.
4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days - Who knew abortion could be so funny?
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford - SPOILER ALERT!
Broken English - The only thing broken about this quirky comedy is Parker Posey's hymen!
Control - This film was a real joy!
The Darjeeling Limited - This film certainly wasn't limited in goodness!
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - To borrow a line from colleague and chronic masturbator Silly-Pants Legentil, it's a film that stays with you on the car ride home...after you wake up...after you wash pots...
Margot at the Wedding - Tagline:
One family. Infinite degrees of separation.
Zodiac - Det. Corner: Do you like suckin' dick? Because I sure as hell don't!
C.R.A.Z.Y. - G.A.Y.Z.Y.
Death Proof - Part one is irresistible, part two is forgettable.
Dedication - You know what I'm talking about? You know - you're like Princess shit!
The Hoax - Molina was stone-cold fucking classic in this, robbed of a nomination thingy!
I'm Not There - More like I'm Not GAY! srsly i'm not i like tits
Inland Empire - If this is the Inland, I don't wanna know what the OUTland is like!
Into the Wild - Civilization is 20 miles away, retard!
Knocked Up - I eat a lot of spaghetti.
Ratatouille - Dinner is served... Summer 2007
Regular Lovers - More like Gay Lovers.
Superbad - the title doesn't lie!! APT ADVERTISING!!!1 LOL
There Will Be Blood - I'm an oil man...But I also love milkshakes.
This Is England - This isn't England, it's a film, dummies!
The Wendell Baker Story - An enjoyable misfire.
The Wind that Shakes the Barely - The hilarious feel-good movie of the year!
Wristcutters: A Love Story - Suicide is funny!!!!!!
Ex Drummer - PUNX.
Gone Baby Gone - BOSTONNNN REPRESTENT!111
Interview - Firmly held my attention throughout, but fizzled out in the end.
Lust, Caution - Sounds more like the trailer cues; LUST! CAUTION! DANGER!
Michael Clayton - Michael Gayton.
Music & Lyrics - Music is like sex SOOOOO TREW
No Country For Old Men - The most overrated film in decades.
Southland Tales - An adorable mess.
Walk Hard - Let me take this opportunity to express how bad Ray was: it sucked!
2 Days in Paris - The highlight of this film is sadly the Goldberg weiner shot.
In the Land of Women - More like In the Land of Badmovieness!!
No Reservations - This meal was served COLD!!!! LOL FOOD REFERENCE!1
Rocket Science - More like R-R-R-R-Rocket Science!!!! STUTTERING LOL
The Ten - Boiger king, Wondy's, McDoynalds.
Vacancy - I'm selling this a little short!
Across the Universe - No. Just, no.
Because I Said So - Why does this film suck? Because I said so!!!
Dan in Real Life - Put it on my tab LOL!!!1
The Heartbreak Kid - Embarrassing remake of the Elaine May classic.
Juno - Assault on my intelligence. SWEAR TO BLOG!!@!1
The Simpsons Movie - Almost as unfunny and cheesy as the show!!!!!
Delirious - You'd have to be delirious to think this is a good film!
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry - More like I Now Pronounce You GAY!
Reign Over Me - Almost comical in it's inadequacy.
The Ex (Fast Track?) - Oh boy.
Halloween - Zombie of course adds his low-class touch to this film. Malcolm McDowell what are you doing?
License to Wed - Who gave this film a license to be made??? LOL
Revolver - Please put a cessation on this guy!
FILMS OF 2006!
Top 10 of 2006
1. Three Times
2. A Prairie Home Companion
3. Factotum
4. Candy
5. L'Enfant
6. Marie Antoinette
7. Conversations with Other Women
8. A Scanner Darkly
9. A Cock & Bull Story
10. Little Children
(did this year suck or what?)
None.
Candy - This candy treat was yummy!
Factotum - Fagtotum: (Fag-toh-tum) noun: the faggitude of a faggot, i.e. Brian Legentil
L’Enfant - I SOLD HIM LOL
A Prairie Home Companion - Magical!
Three Times - So good I would watch it three times!
A Cock & Bull Story - Wonderfully digressive.
Babel - Like The Legentilinator said, “More like GAYbel!”
Brick - More like DICK!
Children of Men - Your breath stinks LOL PWN
Conversations with Other Women - The gimmick never felt like a gimmick, eh!
Little Children - Well this was a real wingding!
Marie-Antoinette - High-gloss character study? I’ll take it.
A Scanner Darkly - Whoa that was pretty dark hehe
The Science of Sleep - I thought this was a doc!!
Thank You For Smoking - Not preachy enough!!!
4 - Really derails towards the end.
Art School Confidential - More like Mung School Confidential.
Borat: cultural learnings blabalbdnlgkdng - LOL DAT GUY IS WACKY
Bubble - Compeelling, if nothing else.
The Devil Wears Prada - Chick flick amirite fellas? Hathaway<33
Fast Food Nation - Affective polemic, but not much of a film.
The OH in Ohio - This film really put the FU in FUNNY!
Pan’s Labyrithne - I NEED MY GRAPES!!!!!!!!
The Prestige - Caine taking the second (third!) man role again.
The Queen - The GAY!!!!!!!!
The Road to Guantanamo - TERRORISTS LOL
Scoop - If we put our heads together you’d hear a hollow clunk LOL
Stranger than Fiction - Middle of the road, I think almost exactly.
This Film Is Not Yet Rated - That bulldyke is a good detective!
After the Wedding - I wonder what happened before the wedding!
An Inconvenient Truth - It would be inconvenient to sit through this film again!
The Departed - COP OR CRIMIANL LOADED GUN DOESNT MAKE A DIFFERENCE
The Devil and Daniel Johnston - Gorski where are you?
For Your Consideration - No thanks!
The Good German - The BORING German LOL
Half Nelson - Piledriver!!!
Hard Candy - Overacting 101
The Holiday - Jude Law ::swoon::
I Am A Sex Addict - An Exercise in Navel-gazing
Little Miss Sunshine - More like little miss rain!
Manderlay - ManderGAY. It was asking for it.
Running With Scissors - Too diaphanous!
She’s the Man - She totes is!
United 93 - TOO SOON!!!1111
Accepted - I accepted that this was a bad film!
Alpha Dog - More like HOMOSEXUAL dog!!
Bobby - Clusterfuck!!
The Breakup - Shite.
Don’t Come Knocking - Please don’t!!!
I’m Reed Fish - O rly? I heard you were gay!!!
The Illusionist - I already reviewed it! It was called The Prestige!
John Tucker Must Die - Forgettable, but necessary.
The Last Kiss - Man that Hawkeye is wacky! A Pizza oven? HAH OH MAN
Lucky Number Slevin - Hey! No.
My Super Ex Girlfriend - Luke Wilson, you know better.
Sherrybaby - Lolz oral secks
Shortbus - More like ShortDICK!
Stick It - Oh I stuck it.
Superman Returns - I wish he’d leave again!!!
World Trade Center - SNOOOOOOOOZE! GET OVER IT!!!
You, Me & Dupree - Two’s Company, DUPREE’S A CROWD!!!!
Ask the Dust - Abomination of the source novel.
Clerks 2 - PROCH MONRKEY HAH
Click - This movie really sucked CLICK! LOL MALAPROPISM!!
Death of a President - NOT MY PRESIDENT
Failure to Launch - This movie really failed to launch my enthusiasm!!!
Jackass 2 - No thx.
Just My Luck - It was just my luck that I would be stuck watching this film!
The Wicker Man - HOW’D IT GET BURNED??????????
Grandma’s Boy -Oh my.
Running Scared -By the time this was over I was running scared from the theatre!
FILMS OF 2005!
Top 10 of 2005
1. The Best of Youth
2. The Squid and the Whale
3. Broken Flowers
4. Jarhead
5. Junebug
6. Brokeback Mountain
7. Match Point
8. Cache
9. Grizzly Man
10. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
The Best of Youth - A Chi!
Brokeback Mountain - More like Fuckback Mountain amirite fellas?
Broken Flowers - Murray needs to bring back the beard!!
Cache - UP THE SUICIDE PUNX
Jarhead - Wutz dat mean?
Junebug - Just a simple story of small town folk and General Lee’s cock.
The Squid and the Whale - As my fellow critic Grease-Face Legent said, “who knew divorce could be so funny?” Who knew indeed! A ROMP!!!!
The 40 Year Old Virgin - Man dats old LOL
Capote - Cagayte.
Good Night, and Good Luck - IS THIS ABOUT KEITH OLBERMANN? HAH I NO IT IS
Grizzly Man - Is this a documentary about Mung?
A History of Violence - Viggooooooooooooooo!
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - I’d like to kiss kiss bang bang Robert Downey Jr IF YOU GET MY MEANING
Last Days - of gay!
Match Point - MATCH SET POINT HOMERUN TOUCHDOWN GOAL WOODY!!!1
Melinda & Melinda - I dug it, but the “comedic” part could have served as a feature in itself, whereas the “tragedy” was just tragedy for tragedy’s sake and became more or less a parody of itself.
Mysterious Skin - It's a mystery!
Syriana - George Clooney’s shirts<3
9 Songs - SEX LOL
The Beat that my Heart Skipped - I’m inclined to say it’s better than the original.
The Constant Gardner - He really loves gardening!
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room - Narration: Nature doc.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Tom Lennon<333
The Ice Harvest - Some great atmosphere wasted, unfortch.
No Direction Home - I wish I could find my direction home while wataching this snoozefest!! Dylan’s voice is whiny!! He CANT SING!!1
Thumbsucker - More like DICKsucker amirite???
The Aristocrats - FAGGOT SAGET HAH
Assisted Living - DOGS LOL ALWAYS RUNNIN AWAY
Corpse Bride - Necrophilia<3
The Family Stone - Where’s sly? I thought this was a sly doc!
Happy Endings - No thanks I’ll just jerk it later!
High Tension - BriBri “U-Turn” LeGent’s #1 of 2005.
Just Friends - OH MY GAHH
Me and You and Everyone We Know - ….all thought that this film sucked!
My Date with Drew - I couldn’t wait for my date with this film to be over! No second date!
Nine Lives - HEY LETS MAKE A MOOVEI WIT VIGNRETEES WE NEED MORE AND ATFER WELL MAKE A CRASH TV SEREIS HAH GJ
Red Eye - He’s got the hydrogen psychosis! The Crazy-eye!
Shopgirl - Cringe-worthy screenplay.
Stay - I wish I didn’t have to stay to finish this POS!
The Upside of Anger - The only upside to this film was seeing it end! SNOOOOZE
Walk the Line - You did it, Pollock! You’ve cracked it!
The Weather Man - FORECAST LOOKS BAD HAH WEATHER REFERENCE
Wedding Crashers - WHERE CAN I SIGN UP LOL
The Amityville Horror - Watching this was a real horror!
Assault on Precinct 13 - An assault on my patience!!
The Ballad of Jack and Rose - More like the Ballad of A Few Hippy Faggots in the Desert Doing Shit LOL I SHOULD BE AN EXSEC LIKE MAD MEN HAH
Batman Begins - Begins? I couldn’t wait for it to end!
Crash - JACK NICHOLSON IS A HOMOPHOBE
Elizabethtown - Hi hah lol
Fever Pitch - Oweeee me have feverrrr
Fun with Dick and Jane - Would be better if it was just fun with DICK!
Hitch - I wanted to hitch a ride out of the screening while watching this crappy crapfilm crapfest!!
Inside Deep Throat - Why?
Land of the Dead - Hey look over there!
Mr. and Mrs. Smith - OH HAH NO MORE SEX PROBLMS AT THE END LOL
Sin City - The only sin was wasting my time!!
Transamerica - ‘bout 26 clichés per minute!!
Waiting… - I was waiting for this to be over the second it started!!
Where the Truth Lies - To this day I still don’t know whether it means that the truth is lying (fibbing, like oh man the truth is so much deeper that it has to like not be true) or laying (like, where it sits….where the truth is, you know, deep like that).
Winter Passing - I couldn’t wait for this winter to pass!
Woody Guthrie: This Machine Kills Fascists - No pop!
Constantine - Gaystantine.
A Hole In My Heart - And shit on my dick!
Just Like Heaven - When this shitstorm finished, it was like heaven upon my cinematically-raped eyes!!
A Lot Like Love - Also a lot like a bad movie!!
Man of the House - Oh yes! I saw this!
Must Love Dogs - But I don’t!
Rumor Has It… - Rumor Has It that this film fucking sucked!
Wolf Creek - This wolf creek ain’t worth travelin’!!
Domino - This domino effect of badness was unbelievable!
Doom - I was doomed from the start watching this disaster!
House of Wax - Should be required viewing for all film courses!!!
