today is the last day of my long CNY hols ( i cant believe time passes so fast!) been blogging a lot recently. guess that makes up a little for lost time. after today, eternal silence shall once again fall upon this little blogging haven of mine.

and i realise...that i m a closet heath freak. maybe it's cos of my bad back, today my body was screaming out for calcium, so i went into a frenzy and bought one packet of hi calcium cheese, 1 packet of hi calcium biscuit, and two cartons of hi calcium milk. now i fancy snacking on cheese everyday. no doubt i will soon become Minnie Mouse. also, today for lunch, i opted for the Unusual CHEESE Burger and a portion of green salad. salad was nice enuff, the lettuce was crunchy. I wanted to have fresh milk but it was sold out??? so i opted for milk tea.

this is it. i have finally lost my marbles.

i just bought the OST for jeux d'enfants. It's super!

when is this cold spell going to last until? it is seriously affecting my mood.
yesterday i had a wistful dream. shan't reveal the contents of the dream here but i woke up feeling dejected. plus my dad left for the airport at ard 4 in the morning (he going to NY for a couple of weeks but he sounded like he s going to be away for a long time) haiz, y does my new year begin with feelings of uneasiness and wistfulness? tsk tsk.
Where is my sunshine??????
and one thing, my mom is slightly disconcerted about my increased frequency of swearing. Ta ma de! i would go, if anything went slightly wrong. super early menopause? haha i dun think so. prolly bad influence from my colleagues. plus when you say it with an air of vehemence, it feels as though the bad luck gets scared away. but i know, i shld refrain from getting hot-tempered, Hot tempers are bad for health, esp bad for pple with a family history of liver disease (i think i have the potential to become a closet hypochondriac) :P

PS: i've decided not to reply the guy though i clearly know who he is. 2 reasons. 1, i dowan to know anyone who is linked to J for the time being. 2. Jumping Spider's New Year Mantra: Avoid trouble, avoid men.

How?
How to go against your intuition (becos it has been proven many times to lead you up the garden path?)

How to unconvince yourself of something?

How to get rid of that irresistable urge to...(if I knew I wouldn't be typing this.)

My intuition sucks, really. I remember telling J jokingly, that next time i have an intuition, i d work against it. easier said than done. It is difficult enough to prevent yourself from doing something you feel strongly about, much less do something that totally annihilates it.

----------------------------------------------------

I read my zodiac forecasts for this year. Totally contradicting, two of them. One told me if i were to want to find a partner, i shld go out and make friends, not be pigeonholed in a corner. The other? it tells me to be careful of new guys i meet, those i dunno well esp.
ha, so who shld i listen to? My instincts suck, they never succeeded in telling me what is good or not. I hope against hope, but things always turn out bad. Now i m imagining the worst on every occasion. Murphy is there, my worst fears will come true.

Hey J, can you hear me?

~{Ub8vPBDjLX1p@d!#~}
~{4SDj3u6~R;Tg#,7g>MR;V12;M#5D9N#,Sj>MR;V12;M#5DOB!#~}
~{LlR*5H5=<8J12E7EGgDX#?~}
~{H%Dj#,4s4sP!P!5D4r;w=Su`6xVA#,~}
~{2;V*2;>u#,DZPD1d5CSP5c4`Hu#,SP5c=)S2#,~}
Like brittle glass
~{4K?L5DPDGi#,~{J2C48P>u6<1;DGR;9IG?7g#,9N5CQLO{TFI"#,~}
~{V;JG>u5CR;5c~}
~{BiBi5D!#~}

Posted by blog/moonriver at 7:09 PM WST
Updated: Sunday, 25 January 2004 7:10 PM WST
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just read another friend's entry about the inevitability of her relatives asking whether she is attached year after year during CNY. being of the same age, somehow i don't get fired at by anyone abt my single status. let me briefly summarize the possible reasons :P

1) I am the third in line on my maternal grandmother's side. My eldest cousin has a gf, whom he brings to visit year after year. He always says they have no intention of getting married, yet.

2) Next in line is his sister, who is three years older than me and working. SHE is the one who is currently being pressured to get a bf cos her reply is always, nope she doesnt have one yet.

3) Third in line, is me. Owing to my second cousin's single status, relatives will presumably think it's not polite to ask me whether i have a bf. It all revolves around this "outdo, outshine" mentality that our elders have. The Chinese love a good race, even getting attached, getting married and having kids is sorta like a competition for them.

4)Or another reason could be that, i have 22 but i look 16. So people don't actually perceive that i m already very old.

I've figured out that maintaining the part about having no bf is easier. at least you get one question, you give one ans and that is the end of it. why do i say so? ever since my cousin's gf made her appearance in our household, relatives (my mom and grandmom included tsk tsk) will pester him to ask him WHEN IS HE EVER GOING TO TIE THE KNOT. and they can go on at it for quite some time, and quite a few times. So, for new year gatherings, bfs and gfs are best kept at bay. avoid at all cost to draw attention upon yourself!

yesterday morning, i saw the guy from Tian Lun at the mrt station. hmmm...cld he be staying here too? if so, then it wld be a great coincidence. looks not too bad in person too, cos i always felt that he has this a scholarly air about him, very intelligent looking...

and today, rewatched Anna and the King on tv. I recall my mom saying that my maternal grandmother is remotely related to some Thai royalty. i have always been intrigued by the possibility that there cld be some ethnic Thai blood running through my veins. but well, my conclusion is that there is no slightest hint of foreignness in me. i just look quintessentially chinese. but still ever so curious, you see. it wld be really fun to discover just how close i am related to Thai royalty, or any other kind of royalty for that matter. :P

Not sure if i shld be spending time writing abt my first day of cny when i have other better things to write, like two scripts for the two proposals, sigh...

CNY is as usual, nothing new. i m nursing a cough again.c somehow i had the feeling that i always fall sick just b4 start of CNY? haiz, nevertheless, the lure of bak kua and other sweetmeats were too great. though i seriously cut down on them this yr, i still just had to eat some yeah.

yeah, and I WILL NOT PLAY MAHJONG again. it is such a stressful game. phui! isn't it all for fun? why do pple get to agitated and impatient when playing mah jong? no wonder pple collapse and die of stroke and heart attack. KILLER GAME, now i think i know why.

overall, a boring and nondescript new year. no new family members on the way. still the same number as last yr. *yawn...

what a way to start the new year nursing a cough and a pain near the spine area. i must get the latter a check up asap :(
i dowan to be paranoid but oh well...better its better to err on the side of caution yeah

Home is behind.
The world ahead.
And there are many paths to tread.
Thru shadow to the edge of night.
Until the stars are all alight.
Mist and shadows, cloud and shade.
All shall fade.
All shall fade.
- 'The Edge Of Night', words by J.R.R Tolkien, melody and performed by Billy Boyd