first my red tail oldest guppy, then one of my yellow tails. and today...my beloved Xiao3 Huang2, the orangey yellow molly that i ve had for so long. sighz...i can only imagine that somewhere far away, they are all swimming happily in a fishbowl, keeping Anita Mui and all others who have passed on company.

There is nothing wrong with having or wanting to have a relationship.
I applaud those having the courage to do so.
The truth is I can?t do it. Don?t expect to change me.

Last week, when Sze Yong came back to school to share his internship
experience, he mentioned that some people actually got ?detached? at
the end of attachment. This does not surprise me at all.

I am no longer happy to subject myself to the complexity and uncertainty
of boy-girl relationships. Sick and tired of them. Whenever I see a pouting
girlfriend and her whiny boyfriend on the MRT, I really feel like going up and
giving the guy a hard punch and the girl a tight slap. I hate the sight of guys
groveling and pleading for their girlfriend?s forgiveness. It makes me sick.
Are you still a man if you do this? (Believe me, I have seen this a lot of times)

Of course the punching slapping scenario would not happen. Even if it did, I
Would be the one who would end up looking ridiculous. After getting my flying
punch and stinging slap, the love-struck pair will look at me with utter incredulity, turn to
each other and say with heartrending emotion: ?Darling, ignore that siao char bor. It?s all
my fault, I got you into this. Are you all right?? *sob sob and they finger each
other?s face lovingly and embrace (pukeXinfinity)

I concur that many relationships form without you realizing. But, I do know when I do not want to form a relationship with someone. I know it and I know it to the core.
Sometimes, men simply don?t get it. Most of my female friends agree that we have a predisposition towards being nice and friendly. Perhaps it is the innate motherliness that
some of us have. To want to nurture, protect and be kind to just about anything and everything. Even little animals and plants and ants. So guys out there, please take note
of the harsh reality. On one hand, you are fortunate to enjoy kindness and lovingness bestowed by almost any female, down from the little three year old child up to the 80
year old grandma. Just do not make the dangerous error of thinking that kindness equals
to weakness, or even worse, interest.

MOST OF THE TIME (note that I used the politically correct word ?most?), women just want to be friends. Surprisingly, I can go to a great length for a friend, but I am unable to love. I am able to make and uphold a promise to a friend, but I am unable to promise one
special person my unwavering, undivided attention and love.

That is all I want to say. I am one radical, stubborn extremist on this matter, but this is after all my own personal blog. I guess this is one of the very few places where I have the liberty to say what I want. And this is truly how I feel at the moment, so nothing will change whether I say it or not

PS: I am having an intense and stressful affair with my PI right now. any other attempts to distract me from the single-minded pursuit of a
smooth and peaceful six months will almost certainly drive me to murder ;p

Thoughtful piece
Finding that elusive relationship; you just got to hang on
by Stefan

My friend, Bob was going through a crisis. He was brave enough to ask a schoolmate to be his girlfriend and was unfortunate to be told. "I am sorry but I don't exactly feel the same way."

He was crying. Yes, men do cry.

It was good, I kept telling him. You were brave to ask and you must be brave to accept the truth. And now you must move on.

Easier said than done.

I don't handle relationships well. I'm an idiot at platonic, boy-girl and family relationships. I can't seem to please everybody and in the end I become unhappy myself.

Many relationships form without you realizing.

I've heard much more about boy-girl relationships than any other in my entire life. It seems the most difficult to handle and yet people are just so happy to jump right into it. Some get to be torturer, while others are tortured. But the key is, we are all so happy to subject ourselves to the complexity and uncertainty of boy-girl relationships.

Before you know it, someone has become a part of your life and he/she plays a part in your sorrow and joy. Gradually, your emotions are dependent on each other. In the process, some people resisted that bonding and preferred to control their passion and 'love less'.

An important girl once told me that she wouldn't subject herself to that kind of emotional dependency that'll make her vulnerable. She couldn't love. She doubts relationships. Doubt means she questions love. Doubt means she is not ready.

Ideally, love is mutual and two-way. Realistically, it doesn't happen most of the time. So when it's unbalanced, one party experiences pain. Your body racks with the strain of a surge of emotions- disbelief, regret, disappointment and closure.

You try to rationalize yourself everyday. You try to numb yourself in work. You try very hard to stop remembering the good old days. You try letting go. You try not to cry.

You try, with all your might and emotional strength, to put out hopes that continually rekindle themselves.

Letting go is a technique, which comes with experience. Sadly, the more easily you are able to let go, the more lightly you view each relationship. It's a bad inverse effect.

Life doesn't stop. It brings such beauty and sometimes sorrow. You grow. You experience. You accept. You live.

Relationships form, and unfortunately a lot of them break. You don't get many people who'll love you genuinely and eternally. Cherish what you have and don't dismiss their presence and efforts easily.

Yeah, I realize it's part and parcel of our lives. Those who manage to break out of it successfully secure a life partner. Perhaps that's why people risk so much to seek THE ONE.

Easier said than done.

I can't do it myself.

what to do? i m really too lazy to blog nowadays. when i m free, i just want to eat, sleep, stone, then stone, eat sleep again. too tired.

but aniwei, i took part in the eye e city in 24 hrs photog competition. quite fun and worth it. for 10 dollars reg. fee, they give u a roll of b/w film to shoot and develop e pics for you. ha, but i had only three hours to shoot yesterday. a bit sianz, went ard shooting some lame stuff, but was quite fun. i like the kitty cat who turned ard to snarl at my camera and the ang moh drinking beer.

PS: anyway, as a side note, our neighbor m sia is really rich ah, celebrated new yr in great style. this yr i damn tired so i din party. awoke from sleep at midnight to the sounds of fireworks over the causeway. was wowed for 15-20 mins by the dazzling display in the distance. fireworks look good even so far away damnit! muz go ask my colleagues from m sia why their country so fond of such obstentatious displays of wealth haha. our miserly country only got fireworks in big style at NDP only. Shame Shame

The circle Game
Yesterday a child came out to wonder
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star
Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like, when you~{!/~}re older, must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We~{!/~}re captive on the carousel of time
We can~{!/~}t return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
Cartwheels turn to car wheels thru the town
And they tell him,
Take your time, it won~{!/~}t be long now
Till you drag your feet to slow the circles down
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We~{!/~}re captive on the carousel of time
We can~{!/~}t return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There~{!/~}ll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We~{!/~}re captive on the carousel of time
We can~{!/~}t return, we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

hai too tired to blog, i need rest!

Today is my second day at work. My boss and colleagues are quite nice and it~{!/~}s been a refreshing experience so far. It~{!/~}s also good that I sort of have HY for company although I foresee that we will be doing quite different things. To my surprise, boss asked me to do the script for TVC today and faxed it for the client~{!/~}s consideration. Hmmm~{!-~}I didn~{!/~}t see that coming on the second day of work. He also asked me to come up with a concept for another commercial and take part in the brainstorming session in the near future. Well~{!-~}this means that I~{!/~}ll have to bring work back home to do cause honestly I think better when I~{!/~}m relaxed. HY is following D to a shoot tomorrow. Sounds fun, wish I could go along too. Never mind I~{!/~}ll get my chance haha.

went to seletar west farmway today. how can seletar west be in Sengkang if seletar reservoir is at Mandai? hmmm must be a very big area, this Seletar. aniwei, the aquariums there were mostly wholesalers and some dun retail, but the ones who do sell fish quite cheaply! i bought two small ranchus for 90cts each. lets hope they last to a ripe old age.

~{;fIy;fI+~}
~{DGLl#,:MEsSQ3vO/AK!05XOBLz!15DT$S3!#C?7j?45gS0#,8xNRS0OlWnIn?LR`AnNR~} ~{Wn7KRDKyK<5D2;JGO75DDZH]#,6xJGO7Mb9[VZ5D74S&!#9[VZJGR;VVLX1pFf9V5D=GI+!#K{CGW<18:C:MO7@o5DHKNoM,J1Q]3v#,C?8v6/WwR26~{5ZR;Ez!09[VZQ]T1!1TZO7R;?*JMW<18IOUs!#K{CG5DHNNq>MJGR*:MO7@o5DVw=GG@7gM7#,TZ9X<|J1?LFkFk=xHkO7T:!02YA7!1~} ~{!#4SR;IyIy5D!0~}excuse me~{!1~} ~{VP?IRT?43vK{CGF=J1?`A7L(4J#,6`C4SP>+H76H!"~{TY@4JGDGC;SPV8;SW=@1,CW;(:MJmF,5D!0?)?)!1Iy!#K{CGD\9;7"3vDGC4Ge4`TC6z5DIyRt#,C;SP7GR;0c!0@{3]:MR;5HR;5DBmAeJm:MSqCW#,>x6TJG0l2;5=5D!#~}
~{TY@4#,UbIy5DJ@=g;92;D\H1IYDG!0YJV!"R;M6Wc#,6g!"1/>g;9JG?V2@F,!#3GJPHKUfJGSDD,#;TZN#OU!"K@Mv!"1/0'!"@'DQ5DCfG0#,R@H;D\9;R;P&VCV.!#6xGRO7Mb5D1mQ]U_6u5=WT<:JGR;8v>-3#H1O/!"2;GZSZEEA75D!0O7MbQ]T1!1#,RrN*NR5DP&IyW\JGB}0kED!#511pHK@OTg>MP&Mj:s#,NR2ETZ!09~9~!1~} ~{5D2;V*5@7"IzAKJ2C4JB!#~}
~{Wn:s#,Ub2?5gS05DS"NDC{WV~}(The Sound of Colors)~{;92;M|AKLaPQNR#,UbUfJG~} ~{R;~} ~{4N7a8;5D!0L}>uOmJ\!1!#~}
~{O7@o5DE.Vw=GUE:#TL}>u:MOkOsN*Ub8vJ@=gF43vF_2JCN;C5DQUI+!#5%F>IyRt@4OkOs#,UbN;9CDo>v2;;aOk5=O7T:JG8vSV:ZSV055D5X7=#,RrN*K|SPJ1L}Fp@4H7J51HSN@V3!;9R*HHDV!#~}

Posted by blog/moonriver at 9:40 AM WST
Updated: Thursday, 18 December 2003 9:45 AM WST
Post Comment | Permalink | Share This Post

yeah, and now i ve turn this blog into a mailbox/noticeboard
dear oreoboy,

happy belated 21st birthday. i meant to get this done yesterday but i had a problem with changing the background of my blog to the current one you see now. needless to say, i chose this cos i think the boy sitting on the ledge looking out towards the sea looks a bit like you.
by now u muz be happily in Milan. well, besides designer labels and catwalks, there must be something else yeah? hope u are enjoying urself and not spending too much time shopping ;p
hope u haf a merry x mas and new year ahead. W's indeed back in singapore, but only for a short while, he said. shall find some way to pass him the prezzies.

cheers,
The Jumping Spider