I don't know how much time I'll get to come here and write. I'd like to do it often but internet access is hard at the moment. I just feel I need somewhere that I can vent without worrying about who's going to read it. I journal at home but it's not something I can carry around or leave lying about, and ranting is not something I only need to do when I'm at home in my room.
Round for mum's birthday last night and, as expected, Dad was behaving like a complete asshole to me. He kept blaming me for stuff and kept criticising me but whenever I showed it annoyed me I got told I was too sensitive. Which I am, I guess. I do overreact at the slightest lttle thing from him. I can't take any of it, it's been building up for years and now every single thing gets to me. I really wanted to cut last night because I was so worked up, but he's not worth it. Why should I secretly harm myself because he's a bastard? I just need to find a way to deal with him - it can't be like this every time I come round. I turn into a moody snapping angry monster and I hate that.
In my dream last night we had a massive fight and both said what we thought of the other one. I told him to fuck off at the end of it and he said he never wanted to see me again. Was quite hard to act normal when I woke up because that really got to me.
After a really good week at work, I've been feeling quite low today and very lethargic. I'm staying here tonight too even though I don't want to because I can't be assed to go back home. Don't know what's wrong with me.
Mum asked me earlier if I was ok - apparently I've been quiet today. If only she knew....