-(while choosing a deodorant, Soft Cotton or Petal Bliss) I'll take cotton, you can have piss.
-Imagine if you were making babies, and suddenly your arm got eaten off by a hoohoo. I'd be scared.
-(on the way to Six Flags, in Brian's van with his parents right in the front seat) "I says to myself Fantozi! Whatrya doin' jizzin of-" I forgot where to stop...
-(doing an assignment in English class, note, asleep should have said in love) While going to prom alone, he met Kelly Jo there and fell asleep.
-The lady was probably thinking, "Why is this checker squeezing my Charmin?"
-*the librarian walks by, wearing a black and yellow striped shirt*
*Elizabeth hums The Flight of the Bumblebee*
-(talking about the stupid sinks in the school bathrooms and how they spray all over) See?!? Now it looks like I pissed my coat!
-I'm listening to the Sounds of Silence, and I don't mean the song.
-(while at tennis practice) This wind blows!
-The box boxed me in!
-The [duct] tape is taping!
-My mom thinks I totally totaled the car!
-(upon finding she has only 34 cents, not enough to get a 35 cent milk at lunch) God damn you, God!
-(discussing Mortal Kombat) All the different fatalities, like friendships, babalities, bestiality...
-(discussing Resident Evil: Zero) The crows come in when you grab the bear knob.
-(playing Eternal Darkness) It hurts when I don't do it right.
-(playing Eternal Darkness) I don't think he could fit into the passage.
-(playing Eternal Darkness) He keeps polishing his sword.
-(discussing Little Donny from Upright Citizen's Brigade)What do you think they made his deformity out of?
-(commenting on Sean's solo in the jazz band)What a cool way to warm up a cold day!
-(after taking her gloves out of her pocket to put them on)Wow, my gloves are warm! That's hot!
-(talking about the "number" e in calculus)You know what? E can go f itself!
-It's mother bonding daughter night.
-(After palpating her clavicle)My bone is big.
-(Speaking of blonde jokes)Blonde women are always getting nailed!