Getting Kiley to the breaking point
Mood:
down
Topic: Thoughts on BDSM
This is sort of a toughy for me. Years ago I became interested in D/s and realized a part of my life had been missing and this is what I needed. Craved with all my being. Well here I sit eight years later and no further than when I first began. If anything, I've lost more relationships than I've acquired.
Divorced my husband, for other reasons and soon after meeting my new husband we moved in together and so on and so forth.
During my seperation from my husband, I had to sit down and come to some hard truths about myself as a woman and a submissive. I don't trust. Not one single iota of me trusts anything.
Now, I easily trust that if there was a bullet flying at me that someone I love will jump in it's path and I in turn will do the same for them. But, I absolutly can not will not trust anyone with my mind. Too scared it will be used and abused and that is just something I can't give into. it's even gotten so bad that I'd call safe word if you asked me to get up one too many times.
Get it now??? No, I wouldn't call it topping from the bottom, because I don't consider myself a bottom. I would consider myself a sub. Well a very distrusting sub. But, if I were to try to put myself into a catagory of what I want to be in life it would be submissive.
So I'm writing this BDSM novel and I'm contemplating on putting together a synopsis and talking to my cp Brenda last night when it occurred to me. I have no idea what her breaking point is going to be. Currently, Kiley has no breaking point. That's a sad thought because Cade and Kiley don't have a chance in hell in surviving.
It is the sub that must relinquish control and it is the Dom that unfortanatly has to be the bystander while this happens. A Dom can beat his sub everyday of her life and all he's left with is a broken sub. But, for a Dom to allow his sub the growth and space needed to give herself over he has a strong, trusting relationship. Well and a whole lot more, but my fingers will only take so much typing.
So here's the issue at hand. I am not a trusting person. Not even sure what it would take for me to trust someone enough to obey their whims. So you are probably thinking at this point... Wrong genre? Heck no. This is a perfect opportunity to learn about myself and bring me about where I would like to be in my life and the kind of person I strive to become everyday. I'm not about to put myself out there physically, but I do plan on spending a lot of thought on the idea of trust.
I made a list last night of expectations of the sub and Dom and a few ideas stood out at me. One of the big ones is Doms abusing power. I can't think of too many subs not afraid of that at some point when they start out in this lifestyle. So, in later entries here I'll delve into that.
So if Kiley's breaking point will be when she realizes that Cade isn't abusing power, what does she have to go by for abuse of power?
She has never been in a D/s relationship. Any contact she has had with Doms is online, hence her aversion to R/t Doms. There is a HUGE difference. Personally, I think Cade will have to let her go. He's been in this lifestyle for several years and had a sub for six before she passed away from cancer a few years before. He strongly believes that a sub should get out there a little and experience things. Personally, I feel this is where book one should end. Or at least part one. I haven't decided if this will be a full length novel or novella as of yet. I would love to see this in a 100,000 words.
So Kiley, what is your past?
chatty