Club of Hearts
Mood:  chatty
Topic: Thoughts on BDSM
Wow how things change. I wanted to write a bdsm romance story. I figured there was enough going on with the internal conflict that I didn't need anything major.

Boy was I wrong. I really need to beef up the conflict. A sweet spanking romance isn't going to get anywhere if I don't up the ante for the characters involved. I need to figure out something else that will bring them together. If I look at this like a romance, anything can happen. Usually with me it's something action related. If I look at this from a erotica stand point then it looks like I'm going for the bet route or possibly a training aspect. Not sure which route I'm going to take.

Could her life possibly be in danger and this man has to move in with her???? Ooooo now that looks exciting. Guess it's off to the drawing boards tonight. *G* I'm pretty excited about this and I want to make this no longer than a novella. Not sure how I feel about it being erotica, because then it completly goes against what I want to accomplish here.

But now I have something to look at.

I can't believe how much they talk
Mood:  happy
Topic: Maia
I can't believe how quickly they change. It's amazing. Two weeks ago she was just using one word sentences. Now she's telling us to Stop it, here it is when we ask for something, go put this up, hey boots. My little mouthy babe is now finally able to articulate what she's been mumbling under her breath for the last twenty months. LOL

She is also about to turn twenty one months old. ACK! Can't believe we are about to get ready for her second bday already. I'm so excited. She's now the cutest little toddler who walks and talks and loves her friend boots. Does it get any better than this???

Goals Updates
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: My plans
Time for me to get off my butt. I've been on vacation sorta for two weeks. A much needed two weeks. I'm more than ready to get back to work. So here's my current goals for this week and for June in general:

1. Mistress rewrites- Have chapters 1-3 in the comp this week and sent off to cp's

2. Make a list of things to be done to sell Secrets on my own

3. Have Marquis De Sade short done by Sunday

4. Rework Club of Hearts to make it pop. So far they are just way too normal. *S*

5. Start thinking about Runaway. Put together some possible scenarios

6. We need money around here so I need to put together some more erotica shorts. this is just a reminder goal to keep working on my shorts.

New Deadlines:

June 8- Have first draft of Marquis De Sade... Tentativly (SP) titled A night with the Marquis

June 15- Final for A Night

August 1- Rewrites for Mistress should be done.

August 8- First draft of Club of Hearts

July 1- Some sort of story idea planned out for Runaway


Hubby and I are also working out some new schedules. I think it'll be good for both of us. I should be here much more often after this as I have lots to keep up with and want to make sure I get it all in.

The Insubordinate Update
Mood:  lazy
Topic: My plans
I can't believe it but it's finally done. The Insubordinate is off to the presses so to speak. The final rewrites are finished and within the next day or so it should be up and ready. *S*

I'm going to make a page for it on my website. But if you'd like to take a look it's on Freya Bower's website under Miranda Heart and currently under Coming Soon.

The Insubordinate

Hope you enjoy the read as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Updates on goals 8-14
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: My plans
Alright time for updates since the week is closing in a few days for me.

My plans have sort of been foiled. My sister's husband is out of town on a business trip and she is nervous about staying home alone. Not to mention she just misses him terribly.

So I have been here the last few days. Maia doesn't like to be without me when we are here. Which doesn't make since because my sister is always so sweet to her. However, her son is a holy terror. Poor thing, he just can't help himself. He tries though.

I have managed to get three pages in on CoH and not much else. I'm starting to get stuck on the plot here.

I've critiqued chapter two of Mistress and am in the process of putting it into the computer so I can send it off to my cp.

Haven't heard back from Shadowrose, and I'm really thinking of going the route of self publishing. The more I think about it the better it sounds. It would just make my life easier this way. I am also a professed Type a personality on most things and getting things done my way is one of those things. *S*

So there's the update. Hopefully, tonight I'll get more done and have more to report.

Happy writing and reading all.

Goals update for May 8-14
Mood:  on fire
Topic: My plans
With the completion of Mistress this leaves me open for a whole new set of goals. Before I was much too close to the end to really devote more than a few thoughts to my other works.

Now that it is completed I'm hitting the books pretty hard.

Long term speaking here I want to have Club of Hearts finished by July 1. That's prerewrites. *S*
Then I want Runaway finished by October 1. Now, that is going to be a long shot.

Short term:

Five chapters of rewrites on Mistress this week. Like I said earlier, it's more about the little things at this point. Then I have some stuff to add in and I hope I won't need a lot of rewrites.

I want to put 23 pages total in on Club of Hearts. Now this is more of a test to see if I can keep up on that. It's one page a day on my days with Maia and ten pages on Tuesday then eight pages on Friday. Hubby works and I have Friday nights for a few hours to myself. I am currently not stuck on the plot so that is a good thing.

So there's the goals and plans. i'm already working on chapter one. And then sometime this evening I'm going to write my one page for CoH

Mistress update
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Novels
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but Mistress is finished. Finished I tell ya. *G* I wrote the last words Sunday morning. Now of course I have rewrites. LOL But who doesn't. The rewrites are going to be a bit of a pain because there were some things I learned while writing the book that didn't get applied until later. That's ok though, I find them quick enough now.

I'm half way through with chapter one. And I"m glad to say it looks like a bunch of little things, not anything major. I took out a few chapters because I was afraid they were too based on my personal opinion. After talking to my cp, she completly agrees with me that they don't need to come out entirly. My spelling is atrocious today so please bear with me. Instead the areas I took out, I am still going to show it is just going to be done through letters instead of actions. Also, I had the hero come back in the middle of him being gone to make sure that she was ok. I'm going to put that back in there. So I'm glad I have 27,000 words to work with to make these changes.

The original was going to be 100k and I changed my mind simply because it didn't seem to be going in that direction. Looks like I'll hit my original word count. Awesome. Now lets hope I didn't delete that file yesterday when I was clearing this stuff out. That would suck.

Updates
Mood:  chatty
Topic: Gripe Log
Husband came back on Saturday evening. Things have been pretty good since. Although we really aren't talking and there hasn't been any make up kisses or hugs or whatever. Not holding my breath on this though. I still have my little things and they probably will never change. It's what makes me me.

That said. I ironed and cleaned up the house on Sunday. He actually took all of the ironing upstairs and hung it up. This might sound silly or stupid, but it takes a lot off my shoulders for him to do little stuff like that. Because for me it's the little stuff that makes me happy. I'm not hard to please. Which is a good thing. *S*

So he's back home. I really have nothing to complain about so this is more of an update log than an actualy complaint. Happy writing everyone!

Getting Kiley to the breaking point
Mood:  down
Topic: Thoughts on BDSM
This is sort of a toughy for me. Years ago I became interested in D/s and realized a part of my life had been missing and this is what I needed. Craved with all my being. Well here I sit eight years later and no further than when I first began. If anything, I've lost more relationships than I've acquired.

Divorced my husband, for other reasons and soon after meeting my new husband we moved in together and so on and so forth.

During my seperation from my husband, I had to sit down and come to some hard truths about myself as a woman and a submissive. I don't trust. Not one single iota of me trusts anything.

Now, I easily trust that if there was a bullet flying at me that someone I love will jump in it's path and I in turn will do the same for them. But, I absolutly can not will not trust anyone with my mind. Too scared it will be used and abused and that is just something I can't give into. it's even gotten so bad that I'd call safe word if you asked me to get up one too many times.

Get it now??? No, I wouldn't call it topping from the bottom, because I don't consider myself a bottom. I would consider myself a sub. Well a very distrusting sub. But, if I were to try to put myself into a catagory of what I want to be in life it would be submissive.

So I'm writing this BDSM novel and I'm contemplating on putting together a synopsis and talking to my cp Brenda last night when it occurred to me. I have no idea what her breaking point is going to be. Currently, Kiley has no breaking point. That's a sad thought because Cade and Kiley don't have a chance in hell in surviving.

It is the sub that must relinquish control and it is the Dom that unfortanatly has to be the bystander while this happens. A Dom can beat his sub everyday of her life and all he's left with is a broken sub. But, for a Dom to allow his sub the growth and space needed to give herself over he has a strong, trusting relationship. Well and a whole lot more, but my fingers will only take so much typing.

So here's the issue at hand. I am not a trusting person. Not even sure what it would take for me to trust someone enough to obey their whims. So you are probably thinking at this point... Wrong genre? Heck no. This is a perfect opportunity to learn about myself and bring me about where I would like to be in my life and the kind of person I strive to become everyday. I'm not about to put myself out there physically, but I do plan on spending a lot of thought on the idea of trust.

I made a list last night of expectations of the sub and Dom and a few ideas stood out at me. One of the big ones is Doms abusing power. I can't think of too many subs not afraid of that at some point when they start out in this lifestyle. So, in later entries here I'll delve into that.

So if Kiley's breaking point will be when she realizes that Cade isn't abusing power, what does she have to go by for abuse of power?

She has never been in a D/s relationship. Any contact she has had with Doms is online, hence her aversion to R/t Doms. There is a HUGE difference. Personally, I think Cade will have to let her go. He's been in this lifestyle for several years and had a sub for six before she passed away from cancer a few years before. He strongly believes that a sub should get out there a little and experience things. Personally, I feel this is where book one should end. Or at least part one. I haven't decided if this will be a full length novel or novella as of yet. I would love to see this in a 100,000 words.

So Kiley, what is your past?

Maia and sleep
Mood:  chatty
Topic: Maia
The poor dear. She's begun manipulating us about sleep. I was willing to accept it at four five or even six a.m. However, she absolutly is not coming there when she first goes to sleep. I'm sure in her mind she's thinking why not I'm allowed there if I wake up. How about if I just don't go to sleep? *S*

So last night we had the heart breaking task of trying to get her to sleep through the night in her own bed.

Poor hubby just cannot stand to see her that upset. Where as a year ago I couldn't stand to see her that upset. IMO she was just much too young to be left alone to cry it out. Now, at twenty months and kicking me in the back, I don't care. Scream and kick until you are blue in the face, you aren't coming back to my bed.

So that's what we did last night and that poor baby. Rick, finally got so upset he said he would put her to sleep and it took him a while but she finally went to sleep. And was back in our bed at four thirty this morning. But from 10 to 4 30 she was sleeping. *S* It's a start. But, I figure the only way to combat this is to teach her to put herself to sleep at night. Sad, hate watching her have to go through this but, I have to do what is best for her first.

Hopefully, this works soon.