Updates on goals 8-14
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: My plans
Alright time for updates since the week is closing in a few days for me.

My plans have sort of been foiled. My sister's husband is out of town on a business trip and she is nervous about staying home alone. Not to mention she just misses him terribly.

So I have been here the last few days. Maia doesn't like to be without me when we are here. Which doesn't make since because my sister is always so sweet to her. However, her son is a holy terror. Poor thing, he just can't help himself. He tries though.

I have managed to get three pages in on CoH and not much else. I'm starting to get stuck on the plot here.

I've critiqued chapter two of Mistress and am in the process of putting it into the computer so I can send it off to my cp.

Haven't heard back from Shadowrose, and I'm really thinking of going the route of self publishing. The more I think about it the better it sounds. It would just make my life easier this way. I am also a professed Type a personality on most things and getting things done my way is one of those things. *S*

So there's the update. Hopefully, tonight I'll get more done and have more to report.

Happy writing and reading all.

Goals update for May 8-14
Mood:  on fire
Topic: My plans
With the completion of Mistress this leaves me open for a whole new set of goals. Before I was much too close to the end to really devote more than a few thoughts to my other works.

Now that it is completed I'm hitting the books pretty hard.

Long term speaking here I want to have Club of Hearts finished by July 1. That's prerewrites. *S*
Then I want Runaway finished by October 1. Now, that is going to be a long shot.

Short term:

Five chapters of rewrites on Mistress this week. Like I said earlier, it's more about the little things at this point. Then I have some stuff to add in and I hope I won't need a lot of rewrites.

I want to put 23 pages total in on Club of Hearts. Now this is more of a test to see if I can keep up on that. It's one page a day on my days with Maia and ten pages on Tuesday then eight pages on Friday. Hubby works and I have Friday nights for a few hours to myself. I am currently not stuck on the plot so that is a good thing.

So there's the goals and plans. i'm already working on chapter one. And then sometime this evening I'm going to write my one page for CoH

Mistress update
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Novels
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but Mistress is finished. Finished I tell ya. *G* I wrote the last words Sunday morning. Now of course I have rewrites. LOL But who doesn't. The rewrites are going to be a bit of a pain because there were some things I learned while writing the book that didn't get applied until later. That's ok though, I find them quick enough now.

I'm half way through with chapter one. And I"m glad to say it looks like a bunch of little things, not anything major. I took out a few chapters because I was afraid they were too based on my personal opinion. After talking to my cp, she completly agrees with me that they don't need to come out entirly. My spelling is atrocious today so please bear with me. Instead the areas I took out, I am still going to show it is just going to be done through letters instead of actions. Also, I had the hero come back in the middle of him being gone to make sure that she was ok. I'm going to put that back in there. So I'm glad I have 27,000 words to work with to make these changes.

The original was going to be 100k and I changed my mind simply because it didn't seem to be going in that direction. Looks like I'll hit my original word count. Awesome. Now lets hope I didn't delete that file yesterday when I was clearing this stuff out. That would suck.

Updates
Mood:  chatty
Topic: Gripe Log
Husband came back on Saturday evening. Things have been pretty good since. Although we really aren't talking and there hasn't been any make up kisses or hugs or whatever. Not holding my breath on this though. I still have my little things and they probably will never change. It's what makes me me.

That said. I ironed and cleaned up the house on Sunday. He actually took all of the ironing upstairs and hung it up. This might sound silly or stupid, but it takes a lot off my shoulders for him to do little stuff like that. Because for me it's the little stuff that makes me happy. I'm not hard to please. Which is a good thing. *S*

So he's back home. I really have nothing to complain about so this is more of an update log than an actualy complaint. Happy writing everyone!

Getting Kiley to the breaking point
Mood:  down
Topic: Thoughts on BDSM
This is sort of a toughy for me. Years ago I became interested in D/s and realized a part of my life had been missing and this is what I needed. Craved with all my being. Well here I sit eight years later and no further than when I first began. If anything, I've lost more relationships than I've acquired.

Divorced my husband, for other reasons and soon after meeting my new husband we moved in together and so on and so forth.

During my seperation from my husband, I had to sit down and come to some hard truths about myself as a woman and a submissive. I don't trust. Not one single iota of me trusts anything.

Now, I easily trust that if there was a bullet flying at me that someone I love will jump in it's path and I in turn will do the same for them. But, I absolutly can not will not trust anyone with my mind. Too scared it will be used and abused and that is just something I can't give into. it's even gotten so bad that I'd call safe word if you asked me to get up one too many times.

Get it now??? No, I wouldn't call it topping from the bottom, because I don't consider myself a bottom. I would consider myself a sub. Well a very distrusting sub. But, if I were to try to put myself into a catagory of what I want to be in life it would be submissive.

So I'm writing this BDSM novel and I'm contemplating on putting together a synopsis and talking to my cp Brenda last night when it occurred to me. I have no idea what her breaking point is going to be. Currently, Kiley has no breaking point. That's a sad thought because Cade and Kiley don't have a chance in hell in surviving.

It is the sub that must relinquish control and it is the Dom that unfortanatly has to be the bystander while this happens. A Dom can beat his sub everyday of her life and all he's left with is a broken sub. But, for a Dom to allow his sub the growth and space needed to give herself over he has a strong, trusting relationship. Well and a whole lot more, but my fingers will only take so much typing.

So here's the issue at hand. I am not a trusting person. Not even sure what it would take for me to trust someone enough to obey their whims. So you are probably thinking at this point... Wrong genre? Heck no. This is a perfect opportunity to learn about myself and bring me about where I would like to be in my life and the kind of person I strive to become everyday. I'm not about to put myself out there physically, but I do plan on spending a lot of thought on the idea of trust.

I made a list last night of expectations of the sub and Dom and a few ideas stood out at me. One of the big ones is Doms abusing power. I can't think of too many subs not afraid of that at some point when they start out in this lifestyle. So, in later entries here I'll delve into that.

So if Kiley's breaking point will be when she realizes that Cade isn't abusing power, what does she have to go by for abuse of power?

She has never been in a D/s relationship. Any contact she has had with Doms is online, hence her aversion to R/t Doms. There is a HUGE difference. Personally, I think Cade will have to let her go. He's been in this lifestyle for several years and had a sub for six before she passed away from cancer a few years before. He strongly believes that a sub should get out there a little and experience things. Personally, I feel this is where book one should end. Or at least part one. I haven't decided if this will be a full length novel or novella as of yet. I would love to see this in a 100,000 words.

So Kiley, what is your past?

Maia and sleep
Mood:  chatty
Topic: Maia
The poor dear. She's begun manipulating us about sleep. I was willing to accept it at four five or even six a.m. However, she absolutly is not coming there when she first goes to sleep. I'm sure in her mind she's thinking why not I'm allowed there if I wake up. How about if I just don't go to sleep? *S*

So last night we had the heart breaking task of trying to get her to sleep through the night in her own bed.

Poor hubby just cannot stand to see her that upset. Where as a year ago I couldn't stand to see her that upset. IMO she was just much too young to be left alone to cry it out. Now, at twenty months and kicking me in the back, I don't care. Scream and kick until you are blue in the face, you aren't coming back to my bed.

So that's what we did last night and that poor baby. Rick, finally got so upset he said he would put her to sleep and it took him a while but she finally went to sleep. And was back in our bed at four thirty this morning. But from 10 to 4 30 she was sleeping. *S* It's a start. But, I figure the only way to combat this is to teach her to put herself to sleep at night. Sad, hate watching her have to go through this but, I have to do what is best for her first.

Hopefully, this works soon.

What I've accomplished
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: Quiet house
Topic: My plans
well I have some good news. I've met and beat my goals this week. I put in about five pages on Club of Hearts last night. And I've put in eleven pages on Mistress.

I have also started work again on my cp's books. I have two that aren't finished yet. I wanted to get a chapter a day done on each, but the rewrites were holding me back. Now I have some free time. Also, the shorts are closed at the pubs so I won't be putting anymore short stories down on paper for a while. It'll give me some time to work on my books. I'm way to close to the end of Mistress to put it aside now.

That doesn't include the rewrites I did for Freya's Bower, which I am currently crossing my fingers that the Editor prefers. Since he was currently dubbed Master Milquetoast. LMAO That one still gets me. Never thought I'd ever laugh at a rewrite, but that one, I guess I'm just immature. Never heard it used before. *S*

However, it has given me some thought on my BDSM novel and I'm pulling in Brenda on just about every line to make sure that my Dominant is actually Dominant and not just sweet. However, that is for another page I'm creating here shortly. Actually two other pages.

You see, this whole BDSM novel thing I'm writing is going to be a toughy for me. And I'm opening a new blog for that purpose right there. It is going to be a place, that I am not about to place all of my dirty little secrets, however, I am going to figure out my hang ups and work through them. And possibly do some brainstorming while I'm there. In my heart I feel as though this is the most important peice of work I'll ever write. And does anyone know how to spell peice? LOL I hate that word.

Where my books are
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Nothing
Topic: Novels
alright my last entry of the day that will officially have all my boards up and working. Since this is a new blog for me, I should probably start at the beginning with all of my stories. Afterwards, I might have to branch out into several different catagories to keep up with all of them.

The Insubordinate and The Insuordinate's Husband

Finished and in editors hands... waiting on rewrites

Bound By Secrets

Finished and in editors hands... waiting to find out if they want to contract or not.

Runaway

Finished this five years ago but it sucked. I didn't like where it was written and now I'm moving it to America setting it right before the Civil war. Pretty excited, lots of research. I'll be posting my beginning on my site soon.

Mistress

This is the one I've been working on the most. It's flowing pretty well. I love these characters. And you can see on my goals board that I'm almost done. Currently I'm deciding if they are going to have sex or if she is going to leave to face her father's grave since he was a mean bastard to her all these years. If you check out my site I'll have blurbs for each of these up pretty soon. But I'll be giving up dates as I have more time.

Club of Hearts

This one is going to eventually become my baby. This is my BDSM novel that I have waiting eight long years to write and I finally found a premise that I like for it. I"ve also decided that this is probably going to be a series. The club being Club of Hearts and then each story will have different characters. I really love this club. It's set up sort of medivil style with dark wicked rooms in the back. Although there is lighting most everything is done with candles and gas powered sconces. So cool.
Once again when I have more time I"ll explain better. I'm currently on chapter two I believe I haven't had much time with everythign else that has been on my plate.
I see so many stories out there where guy meets girl, guy takes home girl and gives her a spanking. Frankly as I know this happens I want people to have a different view of bdsm. Yes, there is a power exchange, but for one it can lead in other directions than the bedroom and two most people actually like to know the other person before baring bottoms. *G*
So I'll get to that rant later.
And I'm exhausted, off to nite niteville I go.

Where am I headed now
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Quet house
Topic: My plans
With the possible publication of two short stories and one novel I'm having to fight tooth and nail with myself not to take a two week vacation. I have no money in my own account as of yet, so that would be really stupid. But you know how you get a few good deals and you just want to go chill out?

That's the worst time to try. LOL

My plan was to put in ten pages but shoot for fifteen. I had to up that to twenty since I've already passed ten and I'm about to be at fifteen.

I'm somewhere around 65,000 words for Mistress and I'd like to have another ten thousand in by the end of the week.

I have two mss that I am currently working on. And they need to be done by next wednesday, for their own sakes.

And I think that is all I have on my list that hasn't been accomplished yet. Check back in a week and see where I stand.

Intro to my daughter
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: I have a quiet house for once
Topic: Maia
I'm nineteen months old and I'm full of mischeif. That's what she'd say if she could actually do more than turn my computer off.

She's absolutly precious. Runs, jumps, hides, laughs, cries, screams and loves to be rocked to sleep.

She can't get enough choco cake and now she calls for Caliou all day. For those of you lucky enough not to know what that is, it's a t.v show about a bald curious kid. She was singing his name allllll day today. LOL

My little angel is 35 inches tall and almost thirty pounds by this point. Bit for her age I know, but I swear she's proportionate. She's just now getting to that stage where she never wants to eat. Mainly because her molers are coming in. Nasty business when those teeth start coming in.

She refuses to sleep through the night most of the time, so I'm the stay at home mom on duty 24/7. Her daddy dotes on her like any daddy dotes on his baby girl and she's fast becoming a daddy's girl to boot.

These past months that I have been able to stay home with her I've learned more about children and myself than i ever learned in my life. I'm glad God has given me the chance to do what is best for her. As I know not all households are able to have this wonderful if not somewhat frustrating time put in their hands.

I won't ramble for long. I've had a very long and exhausting day. But, I'll be by with news updates about the little one soon enough.