LAUGH

Look at these 11 photo's with remarkable sayings. Then at the end of this

e-mail do what it says and tonight, you may get your wish.

This is for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray. Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM. This is not a joke. Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you. Do not break this chain.

Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes. Go.


Bubba

Way down in Louisiana, Bubba's wife had been pregnant for some time, and
now the time had come. So, he brought her to the doctor, and the doctor
began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Bubba and said, "Hey,
Bubba! You just had you a son! " Aint dat grand! !
Bubba got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said,

"Hold on! We ain't finished yet! " The doctor then delivered a little girl.
He said, "Hey, Bubba! You got you a daughter! ! ! ! " She a pretty lil
ting, too. . Bubba got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said,

"Hold on, we still ain't got done yet! " The doctor then delivered another
boy and said, "Bubba, you just had yourself another boy!

When Bubba and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down
with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we ran out of
Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil? "

She said, "Yeah, I do. "

Bubba said, "Man, it's a darn good ting we didn't use no WD-40.


> Alzheimer's Test-

> >

> >> Count the "F's" in the following text:

> >>

> >> FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH

> >> THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...(see below)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >>

> >> Managed it? Scroll down only after you have counted them, okay? Do you

> >> think there are three?

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> How many ? Three?

> >> Wrong, there are six!!! No joke.

> >>

> >> Read it again.

> >> The reasoning behind is further down.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >The brain cannot process "OF".

> >> >Incredible or what ? Go back and look again!!

> >> >Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is

> >> >a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.

> >> >Send this to your friends-it drives them

> >> >crazy.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >PS: I counted five.


Aging Gracefully

ARIZONA DRIVERS: An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report
that her car had been broken into. She was hysterical as she explained
her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the
steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few
minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard," he said. "She got in
the back-seat by mistake."
______________________________________________
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the
96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The
94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts
up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92
year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll
come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
______________________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy isn't it?" "No," the second
man replied, "its Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I.
Let's have a beer."
______________________________________________
SuperSex
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping
her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or
two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
______________________________________________
ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said:
"You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached
across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few
moments later, she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated,
he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to
sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the covers and got out of bed. "Where are you
going?" she asked?
"To get my teeth!"
______________________________________________
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She
holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess
what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!" An elderly gentleman in
the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says,
"Close enough."
______________________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but
I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
remember it Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at
her. For at least
three minutes, she just stared and glared at her. Finally, she said,
"How soon do you need to know?"
______________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate
77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car,
it's
hundreds of them.


New Ceo

>
> > > > > > > > A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup,
hires a
>new
> > CEO.
> > This new boss is determined to rid the company of all
slackers.
> > > On a
> > > tour of the Facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a
wall.
> > > The
> > room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he
means
> > business!
> >
> > The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do
you
> > make
> > a
> > week?"
> > A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and
replies,
> > "I
> > make
> > $300.00 a week. Why?"
> >
> > The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams,
"Here's
> > > four
> > weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
> >
> > Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks
around
> > > the
> > room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that
goof-off
> > > did
> > here?"
> > With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,
"Pizza
> > delivery
> > guy from Domino's."


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away~*~

Pick the MONTH that you were born in &put it on the SUBJECT LINE. Then FWD it to everyone you know including the person that sent it to you. They might understand you better.
_______________________________________________
JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Loves children. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Loyal. Rather reserved.Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
_______________________________________________
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive.. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Dislike unnecessary things.Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
_________________________________

MARCH:
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate..Shy and reserved.
Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.
Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody. _________________________________

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty.Good memory. Sexy. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
_________________________________

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
_________________________________

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt.Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
_________________________________
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving.
Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp.
Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homey person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

_________________________________

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive.. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others.Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends . _________________________________
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising.. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive.Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings.Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
_________________________________

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center.Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
_________________________________

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking.
Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions.
Unpredictable
_________________________________

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical


Another Dumb Forward

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America.......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America.......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the
garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America.......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.


10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Now that you've smiled at least once,


It's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...


The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store...

> 1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone
> to love. And now that you've come into my life...
> (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
>
> 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my
> life...
> (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I
> met you.
>
> 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
> (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for
> me.
>
> 4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you
> go....
> (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my
> back? You'll probably need it again.
>
> 5. Someday I hope to marry...
> (Inside card) - Someone other than you.
>
> 6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
>
> (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
>
> 7. When we were together, you said you'd die for
> me...
> (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's
> time to keep your promise.
>
> 8. We've been friends for a very long time...
> (Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
>
> 9. I'm so miserable without you...
> (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
>
>
> 10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
> (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the
> father was?
>
> 11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a
> sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
> (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of
> you often.
>
> 12. Your friends and I wanted to do something
> special for your birthday...
> (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
>
> 13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
> (Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and
> Arkansas and certain areas of the Carolinas)
>
> 14. Looking back over the years we've been
> together, I can't help but wonder...
> (Inside card) - What was I thinking?
>
> 15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
> (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.


Why We Love Children




1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.


"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently

You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it

didn't move."







2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty Can you bring drink of water?"

"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

"WHAT!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"







3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,

finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"







4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."







5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's

sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,

"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,

"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."







6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old

came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into

the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"







7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,

"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you

teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son

of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,

two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."







8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little

to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.









9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."







10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"







11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your
Twinkie."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."



Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!

Read Slowly...



Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or

Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.

If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.

You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we

don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?

*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)

*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?



*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?*

People live, but people die. I want to tell you that

you are a friend.

If you died tomorrow (God Forbid)

you would be in my heart.

Would I be in yours?

If you care about me as much as I care about you

you will send this back

You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,

I look up to you, respect you, truly cherish you , most of all I CARE about friends

Send this to all your friends, no matter how often you talk, or how close you are, and send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this e-mail and take comfort in knowing

somebody out there cares about you and .. always will..

I care about YOU !!

Send this to all the friends that you have...all the friends that you've lost...and to all the friends you've lost touch with...just to let them know that you care...send this back to the person who sent it to you if you consider them a friend



This one is for all of who:

a) have kids

b) had kids

c) was a kid

d) know a kid!

As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said,

"Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"


A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explainedthat she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any Squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected ALL the unwantedphotos of women he could find.

He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your

picture and send the rest back."


Enjoy Life

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, and hour to appreciate them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget. It is a short message to let them know that you will never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you are in a hurry and have forgotten your friends.



LIFE IS SHORT!
DANCE NAKED and WIGGLE YOUR ASS!



> Are you tired of all those sissy, mushy "friendship" poems that always
sound
> good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of
> promises that really speaks true to friendship!
>
>
>
> 1. When you are sad,.. I will get you drunk & help you plot revenge
against
> the sorry bastard who made you sad.
>
> 2. When you are blue,... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
>
> 3. When you smile,..I'll know you finally got laid.
>
>
>
> 4. When you are scared,.. I will rag you about it every chance I get.
>
> 5. When you are worried,... I will tell you horrible stories about how
much
> worse it could be & to quit whining...
>
> 6. When you are confused,... I will use little words to explain
>
> 7. When you are sick,... stay away from me until your well again. I don't
> want whatever you have.
>
> 8. When you fall,... I will point & laugh at your clumsy ass..
>
> This is my oath,.. I pledge 'til the end. Why, you may ask?
> Because your my friend!
>
> Send this to ten of your closest friends & get depressed because you can
> only think of two, and one of them is not speaking to you right now
anyways.
>
> "Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help
you
> move a xbody."
>
> Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next
to
> > this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on.

> > The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large
> > building preparing to jump. The redhead turns to the blonde and says,
> > "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he
> > won't." The redhead placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're
on!"
> > Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan
dive
> > off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset
and
> > handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said, "All is fair. Here is
> > your money." The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money, I
saw
> > this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The
blonde
> > replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside the printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.

So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate..

Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to.


Chocolate

Now, this is the kind of reasoning I can definitely appreciate!!!!!:

Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.

Bean = vegetable.

Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.

Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk,
which is dairy. So, candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

Remember - - -

"STRESSED"
spelled backward is

"DESSERTS"

Send this to four people and you will lose 2 pounds.

Send this to all the people you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds.

If you delete this message,
you will gain 10 pounds immediately.

That's why I had to pass this on - - - I didn't want to risk it.