It has been a crazy summer. Lots of fun and not so fun things going on.

First the not so fun things. I can not seem to get down to my ideal weight. Not that I'm fat or anyone thinks I'm fat. I just feel fat and lazy. Should I just say the heck with it I am what I am.

The fun things. Screwing around with twenty year old girls and having a three some. Yep. This girl I'm doing wants to have a three some with one of her friends. I told her lets go! My girl is also fooling around with this other chick. She likes to go down on girls all the time. I can not wait to have my way with both of them.

Some of the other things going on are mostly about work and I don't like to talk much about it but I feel like I'm in a rut and unable to get out of it. I also work with a lot young people and like what i do but I also miss being young and I really miss the lack of responsibility. What are you going to do? I wish I was peter pan and never had to grow up. That is a fairy tail and I should know better.

I spent most of the day around my home doing mundane chores. I did get a lot of painting done and the house is looking quite good.

I went to a “gentlemen’s club” this afternoon to see a friend. Has bad as I am, I’m just not comfortable in places like this. I kind of changed my tune a bit today. I saw some very hot women today. I mean smoking hot. I still would not pay fifty dollars for a lap dance. I spent about two hours talking with my friend who works the VIP room, and I could not believe the money she was collecting. No she is not a dancer she just runs the VIP room and collects the house’s share of the dance which is twenty percent. Not bad!

I don’t think we have anything in common. I know for a fact that she just wants to have sex with me. I had her pants around her ankles and she had my cock in her hand, when we were interrupted by a knock on the office door. I could not have been an more pissed and the funny thing is she was more pissed off than me.

Someday in the near future I will close the deal with her. I don’t think she’s all that but her body is smoking. She will be another notch on my belt and maybe we will both have a good time.

Copyright isilly.com 2004

It's been awhile since I have written in my blog, but I have a good reason. I've been busy banging a twenty year old girl at work. One of life's great things is twenty year old girls who love to screw thirty something men. At least from where I'm sitting its great. I'm not sure what the attraction is on her side but my guess is that she is sick of young guys who are finished in about three minutes. Not that I can go all night, but I'm good for forty five minutes of hot sweaty sex. We actually timed it. Now I'm sure you want to know whats the attraction for me. If I have to tell you that you are a middle aged woman.

©isilly.com 2004

Okay today was a typical day at home. But work was a different story all together. I walked in to everything torn apart and everyone in a pissy mood. This is what happens when we get company from corporate. What confuses me is if were supposed to be perfect why doesn’t corporate give us the help to be perfect. Instead they constantly tell us to cut hours and to do more with less. I say let them see how we operate on a shoestring budget and no help. Maybe they will change their tune.

I did very well today on my diet. Now I call it a diet for lack of a better term. I just count calories in and calories out. In other words I know that I burn about 2100 calories a day just by working and sleeping. So to loose weight I just reduce my net intake to 1500 calories. When I say my net calories I mean all calories eaten minus calories burned exercising. This is has simple has it gets and it also works very well. I like the fact that I can eat anything I want and still loose weight. Okay enough for today.

©isilly.com 2004

All kinds of issues in my life. I need to loose weight. I need to stop screwing around. I need to start being more productive. I need, I need, I need. Thats what its all about now. I'm not happy about the way my life has turned out, and I've just come to the realization that only I'm to blame for that.

I'm fat! Well thats only partly true. I could loose a few pounds but I'm not obese by any standards. Here's the problem I've known this for months and trying unsuccessfully for months to get back on track. Each week I tell myself this is the week. Like I said it's only my fault no one else is to blame. I need to stop bitching and do something about it! Will this week be the week or will I fail again? It's all up to me. Failure is not an option.

Screwing around. Here's a great subject. It's not even been a month since I stopped having an affair with another woman. And I seem to not remember how that went because I'm out there looking like a dog in heat. When will I ever learn? Again it comes down to will power. I'm no different then any other man. I just need to do the wright thing. Will I?

©isilly.com 2004

For the last several years, I have been trying to get into contact with one of my ex girlfriends. When I say trying I really mean thinking about trying to contact her. I know its lame but I am a wimp and deathly afraid of rejection. It's strange because sometimes I will be walking through a store and start to think about her and I will say to myself that I need to contact her. I will run through all the options of how I could get in touch with her. I could call her parents and get her number. No thats no good, they did not like me too much. That could have something to do with the blow job in the basement fiasco. I could look her up on the net. No that did not work out. Her phone and email were unlisted. Just so ex boyfriends who she got caught blowing in her basement could not find her. Yep thats how my mind works. Maybe we will just run into each other someday. Well that actually happened about a year a ago and I did not have the balls to ask her for her number. I had the balls to have her blow me while her parents were eating dinner upstairs. However, I don't have the balls to say “how about we get together for lunch sometime?” It is always amazing to me how outgoing a man can be to get laid. It is equally amazing to me how lazy, a man can be when the possibility of rejection is involved.

Well a few weeks ago I paid one of the online search company's less than twenty bucks to track her down. I could not believe it, according to them she still lived at her parents address. Now I know when I spoke with her last she had moved out and was doing quite well. Maybe she lost her job and needed to move back home? Maybe she was doing exceptionally well and she bought her parents home? Maybe she will give me another blow job in the basement?

So I sat down and typed a nice appropriate letter. I addressed it to her and put my return address on it and sent if off. A week goes by and nothing. Two weeks goes by and still nothing. I start to think, ah maybe she does not want the hear from me. Maybe she is married with children and happy. She could still be traumatized about the blow job incident. Then when I least expect it she calls. I almost forgot about writing the letter and waiting for her call. I was so happy to hear from her I almost pissed my pants.

We talked for about an hour. We talked about all the little things in life that have transpired over the years and a few of the big ones too. However I start to realize that she is not the person I used to know. A lot has changed in her and I'm sure a lot has changed in me too. I seemed to me that she was very jaded. It just bums me out. I remembered this cute and sexy teenager who would do anything for a laugh. Not to mention she would do it almost anywhere. She had turned into someone who is just totally negative about everything and everyone in her life.

One of my first thoughts was did I have any part in this negativity? I sure hope not. I always treated her right and she always treated me right too. So whats with the F the world attitude? I'm not sure we will get back to the trust and respect we once had but I would like to know why she went sour. Needless to say I was very disappointed in the person I found. I do have some satisfaction that she was not the greatest thing since sliced bread, and maybe I can get on with my life now. It's just good to know that not only my life is screwed up but other people are in the same boat too.

©isilly.com 2004

Busy day off. I went to visit with an old friend. By old I mean I've known her for a long time. We had a talk and I told her everything that was going on in my life. She gave me some good advice. The important thing is that I trust her unconditionally.

While we were out I noticed a lot of very nice looking women in there early thirty's and late twenty's. Would I be looking so much if my wife paid a bit more attention to me? I really don't think so. I could be wrong and I'm always open to that possibility.

My ex girlfriend I sent the letter to on New Years Eve has not called me yet. I am pretty nervous that she may never call me. Even worse she may call me and want to get together. I wonder has she thought about me for the last twelve years? Probably not but I guess it was worth a try.

©isilly.com 2004

Not much going on today. I took a day off from training. I went to work and it felt kinda weird going to work on a Saturday. Work was good no major issues, and not much to clean up from the day crew.

While at work I spoke with a Woman I used to work with in another location. Guess what? She's getting a divorce. Ya a divorce. Now we were close when we worked together, and she always said if she was not married she would hook up with me. The way she was talking tonight I think were on. She could care less that I am married. She is not my ideal woman, and I would never leave my wife for her, but she has a dynamite body, and to listen to her she knows how to use it. I can not wait until next Saturday.

©isilly.com 2004

Hey whatever. Thats what today was all about. Not much going on and not much to write about. I worked out this morning actually I crossed trained for forty five minutes. After running for the last five days I needed a day off.

Not much to say about work either. Did my usual stuff and cleaned up after the day crew. Nothing new here either. One of the guys asked me to go out for a beer after work. But I don't drink and I don't hang out with people from work. I know this sounds snobby but actually it makes life a lot easier.

©isilly.com 2004

Today is the first of the New Year. I am starting my New Year wright. My “girlfriend” has effectively broken up with me. Now if you have been reading my blog you would know that, I'm also married.

I feel confident that she wanted to break it off several weeks ago. She just did not have the gumption to do it. What is it with women thinking they are going to put a guy over the edge because she no longer wants to be with him? I do love her but I am old enough and experienced enough to know that if someone does not want to be with you there is nothing you can do about it. If in the future this changes great. For now though I just have more free time.

Moving on. I sent a snail mail letter to an ex girlfriend the other day. She happens to be the one person that I have ever truly loved. Now I saw her about a year ago and I should have had the guts to ask her for her phone number. I am not sure what I want from her. For now I just want to catch up with her and find out whats been going on for the last ten years. God I'm nervous how is she going to react to my letter. She may even have a boy friend. We will see.

©isilly.com 2004