I know this maybe too late now but

It seems I've done it again and fucked up

There are somethings I would like to explain mainly to one person but I figure I'd get it out of the way with everyone if you know me or not but this is something I need to do and I should have done long ago but I was being stupid
I was never a people person when I moved here to North Carolina I didn't get along well with the other kids and I kept to myself I had maybe 4 close friends in school when I was younger and I had one friend who lives 3 houses down from me..well when I was in 2nd grade I left my school and ended up going to a private school so I didnt see my other friends and I became distant to the new kids becasue I was not a very open person Me and Tiffany,the girl down the road from me got close often said we were sisters,well as I was nearing my 11th birthday I was at her house and she wanted to show me this chat room online she had found. Now I had never been online before so I was like okay cool,she showed me a chat room called Dru's fun chat which later became known as SPiN chat (http://www.spinchat.com) we were on it until we left for school and then later that day I got home and had gotten on myself,well I quickly got addicted to it and the people,me and her quit hanging out becasue we would talk online which then became less and less until we just quit talking altogether sure we would say hello when we saw ewach other but that was about it. There was one person who stood out to me on the chat and that was DemonSpike aka Jake who I quickly fell for but it did not last long.That's when I shut myself off to all other guys online,and mind you this was my only life at this time was people online.I wasted a good 4/5 years or so years trying to make things better no matter how much he told me he hated me I didn't care I was not going to give up,I eventually slacked up and only called him on his birthday which still was hard for me to do.When I hit highschool I was very quiet and shut off from the real world i played my sports and that was about the only life I had,I didnt have many friends I never went to parties I hung with the goth/emo people which caused everyone to look down at me,at one point I had gotten to the point where I had cut myself,after I did it and saw the blood I just sat and thought about everything.. trying to run from the feelings I had about everything. That was stupid and really scared me but it woke me up a little to start trying to open up again but not to people around me it was mostly to the people online.So I did begin to open up online becasue I still didn't have a real life,i kept away from the people here,never went to parties or antyhing,I had also went back to the public school in high school but that was only so i could play soccer,but yeah i kept away from most of the people but the ones I was around were the goth/emo ones which kept everyone away from me becasue they thought I was weird and that didnt bother me. After I had gotten out of school and gotten my first job i had one close friend from school Michael,he never judged me and was always there and he still is i liked him for that it's then i started to give things another try like i would go talk to guys but there were never really feelings. Just after I turned 19 I think I met someone online who lived in Durham and we started to hang out he mentioned having a job in florida that paid really well and they always could use people So I was like I've always wanted to get away from here so I left no word to anyone that I was leaving except for my lil sister and I told her not to tell anyone so one morning after everyone was gone he had stayed over and we packed my car and left no note no nothing I was just gone It wasnt what I thought and he started to get very jealous becasuse I had more guy friends and it kinda annoyed me that he did that So one night he went and got drunk and got himself arrested and I was left out there alone not knowing what happened or anything so I was too scared to come home so i just stayed after a few months I kinda went back into being distant towards everyone but there was someone who I thought was cute,however we didnt talk or hang out hardly he was always too busy we'd talk a little but that was all maybe once in a while Id watch a movie with him but that was only after we started to become closer as friends. However I did have a close friend who had gotten hurt on the job really bad after he came back i spent most of my time around him,Now Im not one for doctors or medications like when I was 7 and broke my arm on the rings trying to do a handstand on them and fell i walked in the house calm holding my arm knowing that it was broken but yet i walked in and moved it and telling everyone I could move my arm and it wasnt broken,needless to say it was and i had known it but wasnt going to admit it. anyhow back to the story Rob,the friend who had been hurt well he was on viccodine and they were taking him off of it so he had his last few in with his tylonal or whatever and I had a really bad headache and my back hurt so without thinking I asked him for a tylonal and took it without thinking which is my fault i shouldnt have done that or atleast looked to see what I was taking,well about 30minutes later I was out like a like sleeping for well im not sure how long it was but when i woke up i couldnt breath and it scared me I thought i was having an allergic reaction or something so i was like well I'll go back sleep it off and if i still cant or it gets worse I'll go see a doctor. Well about 11 or so I woke up again and went to talk to this guy i thought was cute and we talked and he asked if i wanted to watch a movie so i was like sure and i had kinda started to feel a little better breathing wise so no big then i had layed down to watch the movie and wasnt really watching cause it was weird and i was feeling kinda out of it and i dont really doing anything but i know i had fell asleep there and woke up around 6am and i saw the time he was sleeping so i thought i sohuld leave and so I did without thinking anything about it.a few days later i decided to call home and explain things so my grandma got me a bus ticket home and i left to come home without thinking anything else about the whole thing. I think i had gotten home like Nov 22nd or something like that and I turned 20 that Jan 29th but I started to gain weight i didnt think anything of it other than i was getting fat from being home and lazy,my periods were spotty and short but i just thought i was stressing becasuse thats how they were when i was really stressed and my back hurt more often but i figured it was from sitting infront of the computer all the years before and still didnt think twice about anything July 4th I went to carowinds and rode like everything there like a normal day Not thinking anything then after that one night while I was in the shower i just stopped and took a look at myself and my thought was something like 'i can not be pregnant' after i said it it stayed in the back of my mind i knew i was but i didnt want to admit it to myself because I was scared so I kept telling myself there was no way and i did everything i could to ignor everything about it even though then i knew what was going on. I was scared of what people and my family would think of me if i told them which was stupid on my part. Well Sept 11th i seemed to go to the bathroom non stop and it hurt so i asked my grandma how do you know if you have a bladder infection and she said you pee alot and it hurts so i took one of her bladder pills not thinkging and we went to south boston to lowes well i had been lifting big bags of sand all that day and my back hurt after we got home i thought becasue of the lifting anyhow i went to bed early cause i just didnt feel good at all still not thinking because i had set it in my mind nothing was wrong well about 2am i threw up blood and went to wake my grandma up saying i needed to go to the hospital. So I went and well they ened up saying i was in labor and thats when it hit me and there wasnt anything i could do about it but i was still scared about what people/family would think so i said i didnt notice anything which i set my mind to ignor even though i had known... then i met Adam at first it was just another guy but as time went on we got closer and I began to let myself open up to him emotionally and I told him about what happened but I didnt tell him the excat full story which after we had gotten close I should have and I was stupid for not and now becasue of this I may have lost one of the most important things in my life he would have unstood had I just told him and I think it maybe too late now and I just wanted to say I was sorry to everyone who never knew all the details but most of all to him and I love him but knowing how he feels about things I will understand if he never wants to see/speak to me again. all in all Im just sorry everyone, Adam,Sam,Annie,B,Vanni,Khrystyna,Karissa,Thomas,Mum,Nana,Pa,Michael,Natty,and everyone I hold near and dear to me my family and friends.