Good morning Rich,
Did you like the little altar I made for you last night? I got the idea from a Wiccan friend, and I know I don?t practice it but I really liked the idea of the candles and having things that belonged to you around the candle and just thinking about you and letting you know how much I love and miss you.
I talked a little bit about that with Joanne, the bereavement therapist. She thinks the idea of keeping a journal is great and I guess it?s fine to type it out on the word processor. She still thinks I need to write a big long letter to you, though, about how you dying has made me feel. I thought I did that in the journal, but maybe it?s not enough. I?ll try again.
I feel a little funny and a little guilty about emailing David, the widower in Minnesota. He?s about nine months into this. His wife?s name was Melany and the newest bit of information is that he?s coming to Mystic Seaport, CT but I?m not sure when. He wanted to know how far I was from there and it?s not that far at all, especially by ferry. He hasn?t come out and asked me to meet him or anything. He has this lady he?s interested in but so far she keeps putting him off.
So I sort of feel safe by that and also by my weight. I don?t care what people say I do think that other people judge the way a person looks and what they see when they look at me: fat lady with huge sagging breasts. Yuck.
I think we?re going away to Orlando for Christmas break. We sort of kicked the idea of going before and I know you weren?t really into it because of the cost. I don?t know that I want to hang around/mope around Long Island all week long ? so why not? The trip would cost a couple thousand dollars but what the hell? I think we need to go away?all of us.
Kristin missed you last night and so did I. She says no one calls her ?Christmas pudding? anymore, which is your nickname for her. I call her Kristi-Belle but it just isn?t the same.
I feel very lonely for you. Billy and I managed to change the lightbulbs in the kitchen but I wasn?t especially happy with that. It?s something you and I did together and I wasn?t looking forward to doing it ? but it had to get done.
The tension here at work is so thick you could cut it with a knife. And the thing is everyone wants to confide in me when they really need to be having some sort of confrontational meeting. When I started here last year there were two instructors in the graphics department, Marcia and Hope. Marcia had the expertise with the creative programs like Pagemaker and Illustrator and stuff and Hope was more into word and Excell. Well there is another clerical teacher here, too, Marlene, and she does mostly data entry, typing filing, some word and that?s about it. Then the company hired some new people. Joanna, my friend here, is a graphics teacher. Mary Helen is in clerical and there?s another lady too for clerical. Well, Hope got moved over to Marlene?s end and she is really mad. She?s telling me all kinds of things she probably ought not to be confiding and it?s bothering Joanna because she really has nothing to do with what happened, she?s just trying to do her job. So I suggested to both of them that they need to have a meeting to air everything out rather than talking behind everyone?s back. I don?t know if they?re going to do that though.
I guess you would say, you don?t have to listen to them. It?s not your problem, just do your work and don?t get involved, etc., and I?m trying. Right now I?m trying to think how I would tell everyone we?re going to Orlando for the holidays?
Love you, Rich,
Me