October 23, 2001
Hi sweetheart,

I?ve been in to several psychic rooms with no luck in trying to contact you. I?m going to give it up for now because it?s just too depressing.

We have another guest in the house. Lehani is Afrikaans, from South Africa. She is here with a group of young people from that country and they are putting on performances at the high school and junior high school. It?s my understanding that it has something to do with multicultural understanding, getting along with others, relationships and so on. I was planning on going to one of the sessions but I?m not sure which one.

I am taking this week off from work and not telling anyone (except the interpreting agency, I mean). I feel a little guilty about it ? but I need the break I think. I want my old life back?I still do and Gwen from the agency is the first one to say, ?You have to look forward, not back.? It?s another way of saying move on, I think. She?s right?I know she is.

I cried a little more for you yesterday, especially when Lehani was talking to her boyfriend. I remembered that when we were dating, we?d talk for hours on the phone. Gosh, isn?t it funny? Once we got married we didn?t do that as much although I do remember you would call me every single day at work?or I would call you. We didn?t do that as much when we moved to NY.

We really did love each other, didn?t we? I don?t know why I put a question mark there. I know we did.

On the WN board, I asked if big fat widows/widowers were able to find unconditional love again. I guess we?ll see what they say.